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21 November 2006 @ 09:45 am
Supernatural Gen Drabbles: A Cycle Of Sorrow  
Title: A Cycle Of Sorrow
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: John, Dean, Sam (Gen)
Rating; PG
Summary: 3x100 connected “Depression” drabbles for supernatural100.

x-x-x-x-x

Sorrow
This doesn’t happen to people—there are laws of gravity, or maybe he’s gone insane.

But John saw her there, up on the ceiling. So haunted and helpless, the flames all around her… he knows what he saw, though it doesn’t make sense.

He’s got no explanations for what happened, but it wouldn’t help, wouldn’t change it.

It’s just him and the boys and no mother, no Mary. No gentleness, no sunlight-- they lost it all when Mary died.

Every morning when he remembers, the pain comes crashing down.

Then he wishes that whatever it was had taken him instead.


Numbness
Two more days in the hospital, after. For observation. Machines and doctors monitor Dean’s body, but only Sam looks out for his heart.

If I’d said yes sooner haunts him over and over, those times when there are any thoughts at all. Mostly it’s a haze of Dean and Sir and vitals checks where his Dad doesn’t come and doesn’t come...

Sam’s idea, burning the body. And it’s right, but it was too big for Dean to decide.

Flames light the sky while they wait, but this isn’t happening.

Dad can’t be dead, Dean swears. This isn’t happening at all.


Inertia
How Sam wanted it to be was this: the two of them sitting on a porch swapping stories and remembering when they were kids. Dean might have a limp—nothing worse—and Sam would kid him about being that gray-haired guy who listens to music so loud that kids are scared.

Instead, Sam sits in this rent-by-week motel. He can’t make himself get out of bed, can’t forget the way Dean’s eyes went from black to green to gone.

He has no brother—only an amulet.

So how’s he going to make it through a future that’s already too long?


------ fin ------




 
 
 
Are we back to hos over bros?lissa_bear on November 21st, 2006 05:52 pm (UTC)
Inertia breaks my heart. These are all so beautiful and sad. Lovely job.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 07:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Elissa! "Inertia" comes out of the scheme for this piece-- John missing Mary, Dean missing John, and finally Sam missing Dean. But ouch, ouch, ouch! It's the one that not having already happened, we hope to never see. :(
digitalwavedigitalwave on November 21st, 2006 06:15 pm (UTC)
Beautiful, sweetie. Their pain feels completely real. The last one especially ripped out my heart.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 07:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! Oh, the last one... I hope we never see that, truly. :(
a rearranger of the proverbial bookshelf: Sam - sadembroiderama on November 21st, 2006 06:21 pm (UTC)
These are all lovely and sad, but the last one! Oh, wow, the last one made me hurt with Sammy.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 07:49 pm (UTC)
Poor Sammy-- that's not the way anyone wants the Winchester story to end. They need to hang on long enough to retire and pester each other into ripe old age.
Riribassgrrl on November 21st, 2006 06:24 pm (UTC)
Those are beautiful! Inertia Sammy makes me weepy.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! Oh, I hate to think of Sam OR Dean having to go through that. They'd best go together or not at all-- anything else is too heartbreaking to contemplate.
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 07:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, Dawnie. *is thrilled by your words* :)
aeroport_art: ninjaaeroport_art on November 21st, 2006 07:34 pm (UTC)
"Inertia" is so sad ;_; Poor Dean, he really wasn't all there during those episodes.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 07:56 pm (UTC)
"Inertia" is so sad ;_;
I know-- it comes out of the larger scheme for this drabble set, but ouch!

And I can so see Dean during the aftermath of coming back reverting back into a place time and again where John isn't really dead. And when he does remember, life is just noise around him that means nothing compared to what he's lost. :(
bluesister on November 21st, 2006 07:45 pm (UTC)
Machines and doctors monitor Dean’s body, but only Sam looks out for his heart.
That is perfect. Right there.

can’t forget the way Dean’s eyes went from black to green to gone
Damn. So much info there. Whole drabble is painful but very well done.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 07:58 pm (UTC)
That is perfect. Right there.
Thank you! None of those other things would matter to Dean just then-- and medicine so often forgets the heart/mind connection while being obsessed over what the body alone is doing.

Damn. So much info there. Whole drabble is painful but very well done.
Thank you so much. I know that one really hurts. I hope we never, ever see anything like it on the show. :(
waiting for the eastern glow: spn sam lonely [annesaname]berne on November 21st, 2006 07:53 pm (UTC)
I love, love, love this line:

He can’t make himself get out of bed, can’t forget the way Dean’s eyes went from black to green to gone.

The rhythm and what's implied, everything. And then Sam having only Dean's amulet. Oh, Sam.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 07:59 pm (UTC)
The rhythm and what's implied, everything. And then Sam having only Dean's amulet. Oh, Sam.
Thank you so much-- there's a whole story in that line, all that went before and the effect it's having now. Poor Sam. Let it never happen that way. :(
Ice-T: an actor, also a refreshing beverage: SPN - Dean and his girlsfiddleyoumust on November 21st, 2006 08:43 pm (UTC)
Oh Karen. They have to grow old together. Why do you want to hurt me?

but only Sam looks out for his heart.

Perfect and beautiful.

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 08:03 pm (UTC)
Oh Karen. They have to grow old together. Why do you want to hurt me?
I don't want it to happen this way either! It comes out of the larger scheme of the drabble piece, and is such a vivid possibility that I hope we never, ever see. :(

Take care of each other, boys. No-one else is going to do it. :(
One Girl Revolution1grl_revolution on November 21st, 2006 09:43 pm (UTC)
Aww, those were beautiful and so sad. Especially Inertia.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 08:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. Oh, "Inertia"-- doesn't Dean know that this is part of what Sam's afraid of? Not losing himself, but losing Dean? :(
Grace: Last words: By speakfreeforgotten_pixie on November 21st, 2006 10:22 pm (UTC)
This was lovely and tragic, the last part just stabbed me in the heart (in the best way!) Sam only having the amulet elft. Oh SAMMEH. Lovely.
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - forgotten_pixie on November 22nd, 2006 12:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 08:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 08:05 pm (UTC)
Just the fact that you picked that line tells me you understood everything that piece was meant to say. *hugs*
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 08:06 pm (UTC)
Sorry! The theme-arc made me do it. Plus, who can resist a little angst even when we hope it never actually happens?
plutogirl10 on November 21st, 2006 11:31 pm (UTC)
oh. *wibble* You broke me. Intertia is just . . . no. Nuh-uh. *scampers of to watch spn and convince myself that Dean's not dead*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 08:08 pm (UTC)
Sorry to break you! The boys and their angst are just deadly.

I want Dean to snap out of his fog and start loving himself even a tiny bit these days, you know? The boy worries me. And he's worrying Sam too. :(
dc_longwing on November 22nd, 2006 12:45 am (UTC)
Ooof. Heartbreaking, all of them. Beautiful, all of them.
Man, your writing is powerful.
And it's one of the things for which I am thankful this year,
DC
DC
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 27th, 2006 08:08 pm (UTC)
Eeee! DC, you just made my entire holiday! Thank you so much. *big hugs*