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05 November 2006 @ 10:43 pm
Supernatural Slash Drabbles: Parallel Deceptions  
Title: Parallel Deceptions
Author: HalfshellVenus
Category: Sam/Dean (Wincest)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Two one-sided Wincest drabbles on “Denial.” Longing and denial are a formula for angst.
Author’s Notes: Written for the lovely wenchpixie’s birthday. Hope she likes them. Also for supernatural100's "Denial" challenge.


x-x-x-x-x

Restless
These are the things Dean doesn’t notice about Sam.

When Sam’s tired, or worried about him, his voice gets deep. The vibrations invade Dean’s chest and spread on downward to embarrassing effect.

Sam’s freakin’ tall. The way he looms over Dean now makes him go all soft inside, and then he’s angry at himself for it later.

Sam’s not the lanky kid he was before college. Dean looks away when Sam changes clothes or finishes his shower.

And now that Sam’s back… Dean’s both restless and content.

But nothing’s different, Dean tells himself nightly.

If only he really believed it



Playing By The Rules
The sadness in Dean’s eyes cuts Sam’s heart, though Dean tries to hide it. Some childhood failure, or the way Dad left them. The aftermath never ends.

Dean can’t heal himself. He shoves things down and turns his back; he doesn’t let them rest.

Sam works the effects of his nightmares for Dean, because Dean comforts him and Sam can lean in close. He gives by taking, though he always wants more.

He longs to hold Dean tight, to love him whole… to kiss the loneliness gone.

He’d give Dean everything, now and always.

But he’s never allowed to try.


------- fin -------

 
 
 
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 6th, 2006 09:53 pm (UTC)
I LOVE them :)

Yay! I was so hoping! *huggles you*

and make them hug each other
Yes-- just shut their mouths for a second and hold each other tight. They mess up so often with words-- so why not bypass them?

love that Sam plays up his nightmares to get Dean to hold him; it's such a painful, lovely thing.
It hurts that Dean will give but not take-- how do you love INTO someone who keeps you on the other side of that barrier? Manipulating them into giving, and by taking give back, is what you're left with. How, horribly unfair and sad.

Angsty bits aside, so glad you liked these! And many, many happy returns to you! * ~cupcakes and confetti~ *
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on November 7th, 2006 08:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 6th, 2006 09:54 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! *beams*
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on November 6th, 2006 02:08 pm (UTC)
's beautiful and hurty. Best combo.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 6th, 2006 09:54 pm (UTC)
I thought beautiful and porny was your favorite? ;)

But I'm glad you like these. :D
(no subject) - acostilow on November 6th, 2006 10:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Entendre? Make mine a double.: SN Sam melancholydeirdre_c on November 6th, 2006 04:15 pm (UTC)
They're both terrific, hon. I love the idea of Sam pretending the pain of the visions is worse than it is to get Dean close. Manipulative little sunofabitch. :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 6th, 2006 09:55 pm (UTC)
Manipulative little sunofabitch.
And god, can you blame him? *thwaps Dean for making it so ridiculously impossible* :)
mercurybard on November 6th, 2006 04:18 pm (UTC)
These are the things Dean doesn’t notice about Sam.
Uh-huh. Riiight, Dean.

You captured Dean's voice spot-on. I can hear him when reading this.

Sam playing up the side effects of his visions so Dean can get some cuddles? Like the selfish / selfless thing going on.

Dean can’t heal himself
He just wanders around, bleeding emotionally.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: SN Lovershalfshellvenus on November 6th, 2006 09:58 pm (UTC)
I can hear him when reading this.
Poor guy. He was so flustered in The Towel Scene in "Hell House," and I don't think it's entirely because he was sneaking itching powder into Sam's clothes. :0

Like the selfish / selfless thing going on.
I don't envy Sam his position there. Dean often accuses Sam of being selfish (and maybe he sometimes is), but Dean also doesn't give Sam much of a chance to be anything else.

He just wanders around, bleeding emotionally.
And the same wounds keep hurting, though time goes on. :(
deannaz on November 6th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC)
He gives by taking, though he always wants more.

Great line--perfect description of their relationship. They're so wonderfully dysfunctional. :)

Thanks for sharing!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 6th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
They're so wonderfully dysfunctional. :)
They are-- and they make each other all the same things that later drive them nuts.

So frustrating, but so damned captivating to us all. :)

Thanks, Crissy!
bluesister on November 6th, 2006 09:23 pm (UTC)
Denial just demands unrequited love in this. Yum!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 6th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
Denial just demands unrequited love in this. Yum!
Oh so true-- you deny what you want, and you almost guaranteed that you'll never get it then.

Thank you, bluesister. :)
teand: SPN Heroteand on November 6th, 2006 09:34 pm (UTC)
Oh, Dean...

to love him whole…

Lovely bit of writing!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: SN Lovershalfshellvenus on November 6th, 2006 10:01 pm (UTC)
to love him whole…
It's the only thing that will make Dean whole-- if only he didn't push Sam away so hard. :(

Thanks so much for reading! :)
is there protein powder in this margarita?audrarose on November 6th, 2006 10:05 pm (UTC)
enjoyed these -- mini-shots of angst! yummy. thanks! :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 7th, 2006 07:11 am (UTC)
Thank you, audrarose. Angst and longing-- mmmmmm. Love them! :)
I'm for wine and the embrace of questionable women: heartsmissyjack on November 6th, 2006 10:10 pm (UTC)
*clutches heart*

painfully moving.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 7th, 2006 07:11 am (UTC)
Thank you, missyjack!

Oh, your icon is captivating. And perfect for the second drabble!
(no subject) - missyjack on November 7th, 2006 07:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
plutogirl10 on November 7th, 2006 09:18 am (UTC)
Okay, the first one is just hot, erotic like a slow burn. yummy.

And the second?

He gives by taking

The truth rings loud in just that one phrase. Beautiful : )
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 7th, 2006 07:49 pm (UTC)
Ooh, you found hotness in there. Excellent. :)

He gives by taking
The truth rings loud in just that one phrase. Beautiful : )

Oh, the truth in that phrase just hurts me. For all that Dean does for Sam, he denies him the chance to give back, and that is so unfair. He aches and breaks in front of Sam, and will not let Sam help. Has he no idea how cruel that is to both of them?
Pixpixel_0 on November 7th, 2006 05:42 pm (UTC)
Aw, I love them both, but I'm particularly fond of the first one. It's very Dean--trying to convince himself of something that isn't necessarily true--and it's also just true for any relationship when someone leaves you and then returns. Wonderful job. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 7th, 2006 08:10 pm (UTC)
Poor Dean seems to survive through his denial. Without it, I think a lot of his life is too empty and sad to survive. :(

Thanks so much for reading, Pixel. Are you doing NaNoWriMo? Or just overwhelmed with school right now?
(no subject) - pixel_0 on November 8th, 2006 02:27 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 7th, 2006 08:11 pm (UTC)
:) Thank you, Dawnie. I have a thing for mmmmoodiness, especially with these two. :)
belleimani on November 9th, 2006 01:36 am (UTC)
So heartbreaking as usual.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on November 9th, 2006 05:50 pm (UTC)
*Sigh* They do it to themselves, they really do...

Thank you. :)
(no subject) - belleimani on November 11th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC) (Expand)