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20 October 2006 @ 03:32 pm
Supernatural Slash Drabbles: Falling  
Title: Falling
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam/Dean (One-sided Wincest)
Rating: PG-13 (subject matter)
Summary: 2x100 unrelated Slash drabbles on “Fall” for supernatural100.


x-x-x-x-x

Unchosen
All the choices that are important, Dean faces head-on.

No soul-searching, no backing down— just muster up the courage and go in with both eyes open. No sense worrying about the “after” until you’ve taken care of “now”.

But this was never even visible until it already happened.

It isn’t how Sam moves, or the way his t-shirts fit. It isn’t anything so obvious or easy to deny.

It’s hard to be near Sam… but harder not to be. Sam defines the Dean that’s left.

This part, Dean can’t change. Falling for his brother was the choice Dean didn’t make.






Traces Of "When"
It might have happened at sixteen, when Dean made his first kill. The thing was evil but simply stated, killing is killing. God’s work, some say, but it might be circumventing God’s will instead.

Those times when he stopped believing…. he hoped those didn’t count. Their triumph over Evil gives him Faith. That Evil persists, and innocents die, steals his Faith again just as often.

But none of that matters, because the outcome is finally certain.

When he looked at Sam with longing and soul-deep desire, his fall from Grace was complete.

Love cannot be unlearned. Answers cannot be forgotten.


------ fin ------

 
 
 
elanurelelanurel on October 20th, 2006 10:37 pm (UTC)
Sam defines the Dean that’s left.

Absolutely lovely, lovely line...
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: SN Lovershalfshellvenus on October 20th, 2006 10:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :) At this point (S2), I just wish Dean would give in and admit it, instead of pushing Sam away. :(
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 07:06 am (UTC)
Oh Dean.
Now if only Dean would accept that. *Sigh* He's pushing away the very thing he needs this season.

He's so broken. Poor soul.
I so often think that Dean was never fated to be happy. Perhaps content-- if Sam will grant him the gift of staying-- but not ever loved the way he loves in return. :(
Destinadestina on October 20th, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC)
Oh, these are just lovely. Such love and longing, packed into such tiny packages.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 07:07 am (UTC)
Thank you so much, Destina. :)

I must have a trademark on longing by now-- two fandoms where the deepest love falls on one side more than the other.

But so much to write. And packing it tightly down... it's nice to be drabbling again. :)
bj: can't you see that we're going to hell.thepurpleswitch on October 20th, 2006 11:42 pm (UTC)
Sam defines the Dean that’s left.

Oh ow. Ow. It hurts because it's true.

Very nice. Thank you.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 07:08 am (UTC)
Oh ow. Ow. It hurts because it's true.
Oh, it does. The hunting isn't quite enough-- it's sublimation now, but it can only distract instead of making him happy.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. :)
Lexalot Luthor: Dean Pretty Too (by lexalot)lexalot on October 21st, 2006 12:39 am (UTC)
These are both awesome, Venus babe!
I love these! They're very sweet drabbles, and I love the perspective you've given Dean here--it's so simultaenously adorable and tragic.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 07:10 am (UTC)
and I love the perspective you've given Dean here--it's so simultaenously adorable and tragic.
Oh-- nice way of putting it!

The viewer is gifted with being able to see Dean better than anyone-- including Dean himself. So many contradictions, aches and unsettled moments to be found in who he is.

Nice of you to drop by! Thank you. :)
Nimenic: nimnimenic on October 21st, 2006 12:55 am (UTC)
Sam defines the Dean that’s left.

Oh, just....just PERFECT!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 07:11 am (UTC)
Thank you so much, Nimenic. :) I'm glad you liked these!
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on October 21st, 2006 01:08 am (UTC)
Owie.

It's beautiful, but it hurts.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 07:13 am (UTC)
It's beautiful, but it hurts.
It sure does. :(

Imagine if all you had left was still not enough-- wasn't nearly the way you needed it to keep your soul from dying. (*sniff* I'm depressing myself now...)
mooyoomooyoo on October 21st, 2006 01:59 am (UTC)
I like, especially the first one. You really don't get to choose who you love, and just a terrible stroke of luck that for Dean it's his brother. Have you ever done one-sided Wincest from Sam's POV?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 07:19 am (UTC)
just a terrible stroke of luck that for Dean it's his brother.
With the way they were raised, an outsider might see that it's almost inevitable-- that no-one else will ever be allowed in close enough to truly see and embrace who Dean is.

Have you ever done one-sided Wincest from Sam's POV?
You know, the closest I've come is "The Flow of Darkness," where it's Sam at the beginning before Dean is finally persuaded. And many people found that angstilicious, so it might approach this level of longing. "Lost In The Sea of Sky" is mainly one-sided because of Dean having amnesia for most of the story, and forgetting everything they had.

I find it a deeper challenge than for Dean, because so often, messed-up as he is and as poorly as he sometimes expresses it, it still seems to me as if Dean loves Sam more. Kind of like Michael and Lincoln-- I think more of the love (the longing and devotion) is believable from Michael's side than from Lincoln's.
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 07:21 am (UTC)
Love cannot be unlearned. Aching and true.
The absolutely cruelest thing about love, if you find that you don't want it (for whatever reason).

It does not care that it's inconvenient, and it does not bend to reason or propriety. It IS, and it is also stubborn. Woe betide the person who loves someone they shouldn't...
plutogirl10 on October 21st, 2006 07:42 am (UTC)
Oh, I love these! Anything with Dean-pain is like fine scotch to me : )

When he looked at Sam with longing and soul-deep desire, his fall from Grace was complete.

So layered, and textured, The Fall of Dean, summed up in one line.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC)
Anything with Dean-pain is like fine scotch to me : )
That pretty much describes my own feelings as well. Dean-pain (angst, not bodily pain) is a fine vintage that should be drunken slowly for full appreciation.

Oh, I'm glad you liked that last line. It DOES some up the moment when his fall became certainty and permanence, and not something he could question or hope to undo later.
Skywalker-Winchester: supernatural_brothers05  jsie_iconsanakin415 on October 21st, 2006 01:02 pm (UTC)
It’s hard to be near Sam… but harder not to be. Sam defines the Dean that’s left.

that line means soooooooooo much

:bows to your genius:
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 04:02 pm (UTC)
that line means soooooooooo much
I didn't say it specifically, to keep from spoiling anyone, but that to me pretty much defines Dean's state now at this point in S2.

Thank you so much for your kind words, Anakin. :)
(no subject) - anakin415 on October 22nd, 2006 12:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
Are we back to hos over bros?lissa_bear on October 21st, 2006 07:52 pm (UTC)
No soul-searching, no backing down— just muster up the courage and go in with both eyes open. No sense worrying about the “after” until you’ve taken care of “now”.


Perfectly Dean!

And Traces of "When"? Perfect ending!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 10:15 pm (UTC)
Perfectly Dean!
It really is! It's not that he's incautious, but he's a man of action rather than talking/thinking something to death.

And Traces of "When"? Perfect ending!
It's so hopeless, loving someone you shouldn't. That's when you truly realize you're powerless over the emotion of love, if no other. The heart wants what it wants. *sigh*
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 10:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, Debbie! Oh, I do so love to write about "longing." And doomed-love has an appeal all its own to me as well. ;)
bluesister on October 25th, 2006 02:05 am (UTC)
The love! Oh!

That Evil persists, and innocents die, steals his Faith again just as often.
I perk up when I read of Dean not beleiving in a Christian god since the rest of their world is so very. But I suppose it's as Babylonian with the demons and angels... Anyway, this is the best explanation I've heard for how Dean came to that edge of belief/nonbelief.

Love cannot be unlearned. Answers cannot be forgotten.
*pets fic*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 25th, 2006 05:15 am (UTC)
I perk up when I read of Dean not beleiving in a Christian god since the rest of their world is so very.
It's a little odd what they draw on, when you think of it. "Holy water" is a classic, but it's very Christian (and the Latin is very Catholic). Then there's the more ancient Sumerian and so on, that predates all of that (and in fandom, evils from other cultures, which I'd like to see on the show someday. Some fascinating opportunities there).

But for Dean, his belief/unbelief wavering could also date back to his mother dying. A demon (!) killed her, for no real reason that Dean would ever understand. He has to have asked himself as a child how God let that happen. Such a Faith-destroying event. Those who get beyond it have surrendered to "because it is written" and let go of any short-term "why?"

*pets fic*
:) Poor Dean... but you can understand the hopelessness of changing the situation now, I'm sure. Those last two lines say it all. *sigh*
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on December 3rd, 2008 01:54 am (UTC)
I don't really get how words that beautiful can hurt...
But it hurts, it does.


Oh, I know exactly what you mean-- and I know this feeling from other people's stories (whereupon comes immediately to mind).

I'm glad you liked these, and I'd actually forgotten about them. The have a nice, wistful bite to them. :)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on December 3rd, 2008 11:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)