?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
18 October 2006 @ 01:19 pm
Prison Break Fanfiction: Fallen  
Title: Fallen
Author: HalfshellVenus
Character/Pairing: Lincoln/Sara, Michael (Het, Dark, Drug mentions)
Rating: R/NC-17
Summary: It had started with a look...
Author’s Notes: This was for Round Two of the Prison Break Fic Exchange, or becisvolatile (who wanted “Devastated!Michael, a fight between the brothers and the line "Jesus, Sara, you didn't have to hit him so hard!"). It was a tough challenge, because the prompts to me required that Lincoln get involved with Sara at some point following prison, and it's hard for me to imagine Lincoln doing such a jackass thing to Michael. It made this story a little dark, and the NC-17 and drugs are part of the background Lincoln and Sara share and try unsuccessfully to escape.
But... Het! Seriously het! And all the other things I really never write.
Also for prisonbreak100, for prompt #69, "Thunder."

x-x-x-x-x

It had started with a look.

No—it had started with a touch, back in Fox River.

Or… it had started before that. Before they met, before she even knew what to call her weakness for the seductive ways of dangerous men.

It was a mistake waiting to happen.

And it wasn’t even the one she was trying to keep from making.

***


His love is rarely quiet. It is strong, intense, out-of-bounds the same way he is.

His hands on her are rough, even when he tries to be gentle. She hates that she loves it, that it brings up the fire in her so easily, so quickly. She courts danger in his touch, knowing that he could hurt her if he wanted to. He has bruised her accidentally. She likes knowing that more than she wants to admit.

It makes her feel alive, the way she tempts Fate just by being with him. Because part of that danger she can’t stop seeking is always there, inside herself.

He is the echo, not the source. The mirror, not the cause.

***


They met up three weeks ago, after the pardon and the fallout.

She was buying coffee between Saturday errands, and he was there in the crowd of people leaving the El station.

“Lincoln?” she’d called. He’d been surprised to see her. His face passed through puzzlement to regret to simply enjoying the sight of her, there in the open sunshine.

He’d moved hesitantly, but she was faster, leaving her drink behind and rushing to him. She’d been through all the horrible steps with him, had waited to check off his final moments. But they had been spared that dreaded outcome. He was here. Justice had won. And thank god she had not been complicit in his murder after all.

She’d grasped his arms—their strength, their vitality thrumming under her fingers. His chest rose and fell, the heat reaching her through their clothes. She could smell the warmth and spice of him, see the depths in those soulful eyes. Her arms were around him before she realized it, before it could embarrass her.

Nose pressed to his neck—to the scent and pulse that she suddenly wanted to claim—she felt a primal jolt slice straight through her. She brought her hand to his face, pulling him down, and she kissed him without hesitation. Oh god. The sheer size of him was overpowering. Intoxicating. Irresistible. Oh no. His lips were soft and strong. Skilled. Hungry. Taking her over as her logic went silent under his assault.

She was already lost, from the moment she’d touched him.

Responsibilities, destinations were forgotten. She pulled his arm, dragging him into a bank.

They’d fucked in the Ladies’ Room while he pushed her against the door hard enough to mark her. Hard enough to keep anyone else from coming in.

Hard enough… that she would never get the feel of him out of her, that she would chase that rush and thrill and essence of him to her own destruction, if that was what it took.

***


She couldn’t pretend to regret it afterwards.

He knew. He could see it in her eyes, had felt it in her response.

Whatever it made her, or him, they were drawn together by the same basic set of needs.

They had gone back to his place that afternoon, barely made it through the door before they were on each other all over again. She rode him, scratched him, bit him, and the sight of him taking it—loving it—set her off into a climax of throaty yells that would have shamed a five-dollar whore.

She’d stayed the night, losing the next day to an endless chain of coupling that had left her raw and desperate and hooked.

They said little—avoided excuses or apologies. Words were useless, unnecessary. They might just be lies, if it came to that. There was nothing sensible or explainable in what they wanted from each other. It just was.

She’d gone back during the week twice, distracted and breathless on the long trip in from the Prison. She raced up the stairs, pounding the door with adolescent urgency. And Lincoln had opened it, yanking her inside without so much as a “Hello.”

It was after nine before they settled down enough to eat, and it was all she could do not to abandon all dignity and just forget to go home.

It was a mark of reason, that she had the sense to keep up pretenses. That she took the extra steps to avoid returning to work in the same clothes as the previous day. She kept her eyes on the fact that she was not that far gone. She was not so drawn-in that she’d forgotten to maintain her own image.

Then, two weeks ago, they’d taken their first hit together. She had been there the whole weekend, and he’d brought out a stash of pot on Sunday morning. It was heaven, slipping into that nothing with him, drifting for hours. It had been so long since she hadn’t had to feel, to even care.

They’d lit up four more times since then. Each time, it was easier to take that step.

And the sex… fucking while fucked-up was a whole other world. It was a dream state, an altered universe. There was so much more. Touch, smells, colors—it all stretched on so long, so incoherently. Even when the sex wasn’t that good, it was different.

And God, how she’d always craved different.

She didn’t care why she wanted it now, or what anyone else would think.

She had run from herself for too long as it was.

***


It might be Sunday again. It doesn’t matter. She is blissed-out, floating, coming back to a sunlit world. Day, night… they cross and fold and drift apart. She is here now, living in the whenever. “Urgent” is as foreign as innocence or propriety.

There’s a knock on the door, and she hears it through the haze in her head.

It could be that Lincoln has forgotten his keys, or has his hands full. She climbs up off the sofa and makes her way over, tousle-haired and wearing one of Lincoln’s T-shirts.

She opens the door, long legs and lazy smile just ready for—

“Michael?”

“Sara.” She sees his shock, before his eyes narrow at the sight of her. “Well. I won’t ask what you’re doing here, since it’s perfectly obvious.”

A flash of anger clears the fog out of her head like that. Who is he to even--

“Don’t you pull that moralizing crap on me. It’s not like I owe you anything,” she says flatly. Michael opens his mouth to speak, but she keeps on going. “You played me. You lied to me, used me. Did you think we could just move past that like it never even happened?”

“I—I’m sorry about that,” Michael admits softly. “I did a lot of things I’m not proud of, things I can’t take back. But I was desperate.” His eyes lift to meet her. “It was Lincoln’s life.

“I know that,” Sara says. And she does. But it just doesn’t matter.

“If I could do it all over again—“

“You’d do the exact same thing,” she finishes. “So let’s not pretend that it would be any different or better.”

“I thought we had something once…”

“Before you killed it with manipulation and deceit? Don’t flatter yourself—it was doomed before it started.”

“But… I really like you.” Michael seems startled by her anger, by her lack of caring.

If she did care, she might give him a sliver of hope. But she knows better now. “You’re not my type, Michael. I resisted falling for you because you were a con, but ultimately, I was kidding myself.” She crosses her arms coolly. “If you were a con, you’d have had a better chance.”

It might be his bewilderment, or just the after-effects of the pot. Something makes her twist the knife a little harder.

“Underneath all your schemes and lies and tattoos, you were never a criminal at all. You’re an engineer. And there’s hardly anything more boring than a strait-laced intellectual with a Savior complex. Your normalcy… is the least attractive thing about you, to me.”

She can see the words hitting home, that he knows exactly what she’s saying.

“So you picked Lincoln because he’s wild and he gets in trouble? You get off on that?” he says.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” she says, “but your brother is exactly my type. And I definitely seem to be his.”

She has never seen Michael look so angry.

“You’re a match made in heaven!” His sarcasm is cutting. “Sweeping each other into the sewer with your never-ending race to the bottom!” His face is red, and he is yelling enough to shake the door frame. “Well, pick someone else to drag down with you. I did not risk my life so that you could slut Lincoln back into doing drugs and sleeping on the streets!”

Sara barely notices the sound of footsteps in her hurry to haul off and punch Michael with everything she learned in self-defense class.

“Fuck!” Michael chokes out.

Lincoln is standing behind him, stunned. "Jesus, Sara, you didn't have to hit him so hard!"

“Does it really matter? If you cared about him, we wouldn’t be doing what we’ve been doing.” She rubs her fist with the other hand. “For the last three weeks!” she spits at Michael.

Lincoln peers into Michael’s face anxiously, reaching for his shoulder. Michael jerks away, betrayal in his eyes for both of them.

“I’m sorry,” Lincoln says quietly. “I’d hoped you wouldn’t find out.”

Michael has no patience for this. “That still doesn’t change the fact that you did it!”

“I know, I know. But… I never wanted to hurt you Michael,” Lincoln says earnestly.

“Oh, please!” Sara cannot contain herself any longer. “If he matters so much to you, why didn’t you step back from the beginning and see if things would work out for Michael and me?”

“Because a drug-addict who can’t wait to jump into bed with an ex-con like me isn’t good enough for Michael!”

She can barely see through the red glare filling her mind. “You hypocritical son-of-a-bitch!” The crack of her hand across Lincoln’s face is like a whip.

“You are not that noble,” she seethes. “So let’s not pretend that’s why you made that choice.”

“Maybe not, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”

“That’s not even the worst part,” Michael bursts out. “She’s clearly high, and I’m guessing she didn’t get there alone. How can you go right back into that? You know where it got you the last time!”

The fact that Michael is right makes Lincoln madder. “I will never—never—be who you want me to be. I can’t live up to your expectations!”

“You could try.” Michael’s words are clipped. Sara can see his eyes as she gathers up her things. Those eyes are blue, blazing, eviscerating. “And don’t put this off on me. I’m not asking you to run a corporation. I’m asking you to work harder at surviving more than just a few days at a time.”

“How I run my life is not your responsibility or your business!” Lincoln storms.

“If you’re asking me to stop caring, I already tried it. It didn’t work!” Michael’s glare speaks of sacrifices, lost innocence. Of pain.

Lincoln’s sigh fills the air as Sara ducks into the bedroom to throw on her clothes. Disjointed words filter through the door.

“... did you think you were doing!”

“…live for me…”

“I can’t do this—“

“Michael, wait!”

When she rounds the corner, Lincoln is gone, his footsteps thudding down the stairs.

She stands there for a moment, forgotten. Whatever it was, it’s over. A fling. Sublimation. Some kind of revenge-fuck.

It doesn’t even matter. It’s over, and she has a life to get back to.

She marches out the door, taking the stairs with short, angry steps.

She walks right past them on the sidewalk as she goes, the drama continuing without her.

It was never about her, and it isn’t even the first time.

But she’ll be damned if she lets this happen again.



------- fin -------



 
 
 
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on October 18th, 2006 09:03 pm (UTC)
Um. Wow. I've got no words. Insert compliment of choice.

Maybe I should start watching this show.

*thinks*

Naaaaaaaaaaaaah.

:D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on October 18th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)
:D

You see that icon up above? That would make anyone do foolish things. Mmmmmmm....
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on October 19th, 2006 04:13 am (UTC)
I was so engrossed that I began leaning closer and closer to my laptop until my nose was nearly touching the screen!
This is the absolute definition of being drawn into a story, I'm convinced of it!

Don't mean to sound corny, but you're an inspiration. Wouldn't even have my LJ now if it wasn't for fan fic writers like you.
:D That's not corny-- it's uplifting. Readers are why most of us bother to write fanfiction at all.

Thanks so much for your comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed this one so much!
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on October 19th, 2006 04:16 am (UTC)
Dark and needy and painful and just so raw.
That pretty much sums up the tone of it, doesn't it?

And it's such a quick descent, from barely beginning to in-over-your-head. So fast that you don't think about how you really got there, or where it's going ...

So glad you liked this one, Claire. It's my only serious "het" one, and one of my few dark pieces as well!
Pheebs1: Black Coat Dean Promopheebs1 on October 18th, 2006 10:29 pm (UTC)
So...I've not read prison break before. Lincoln/Sara are HOT!!

They’d fucked in the Ladies’ Room while he pushed her against the door hard enough to mark her. Hard enough to keep anyone else from coming in.

Hard enough… that she would never get the feel of him out of her, that she would chase that rush and thrill and essence of him to her own destruction, if that was what it took.
GUH!!!!!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on October 19th, 2006 04:18 am (UTC)
So...I've not read prison break before.
I was surprised to find that you watch the show, just because it's my other fandom (for the longest time, my _main_ one as well).

Lincoln/Sara are HOT!!
They really are! The person who requested this story even set up an LJ comm for them, lincoln_sara. I put it all down to the power of Lincoln-- slashed or otherwise, he's what's for dinner in my world. ;)

GUH!!!!!
That says it all! Thank you, Pheebs!
(no subject) - pheebs1 on October 19th, 2006 06:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
sassy, classy, and a bit smart-assy: Chapel from kloterabadboy_fangirl on October 18th, 2006 10:47 pm (UTC)
I love your writing. I always wish you wrote more het stuff, so I'll just do the *happy dance* and read this more than once. (Actually, I've already read it twice).
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on October 19th, 2006 04:28 am (UTC)
I love your writing.
Thank you so much-- that is music to my ears.

I always wish you wrote more het stuff, so I'll just do the *happy dance* and read this more than once. (Actually, I've already read it twice).
Twice! Yay! I don't really write het at all, so this is a big step outside my usual box.

And I see we share an appreciation of the Lincoln finer things in life-- your username says it all. :)
(no subject) - badboy_fangirl on October 19th, 2006 03:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on October 20th, 2006 05:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - badboy_fangirl on October 20th, 2006 03:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on October 20th, 2006 04:24 pm (UTC) (Expand)
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on October 18th, 2006 10:57 pm (UTC)
Bwahahhahahahahhaha :D *pets you poor thing* :D

*nods*

I remember reading it and thinking that it felt like something that was written by somebody who wasn't terribly convinced of the idea :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB  Brothers-- moody eyeshalfshellvenus on October 19th, 2006 04:32 am (UTC)
I remember reading it and thinking that it felt like something that was written by somebody who wasn't terribly convinced of the idea :D
:0 Good thing you didn't say so at the time! I remember you quite liking it way back when. But now, after 4 months, only snark is left? *runs away flailing*

Actually, the part that made this hard was the Michael showing up and a fight ensuing. That seemed to require that Lincoln be doing something assy, and that Sara be mad at Michael as well. That was tough.

But the Lincoln/Sara kind of writes itself. Oh, who am I kidding-- Lincoln/anybody basically writes itself for me. ;)
(no subject) - thelana on October 19th, 2006 06:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on October 19th, 2006 07:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB Final Hughalfshellvenus on October 19th, 2006 04:33 am (UTC)
*thud*

Someone else wanted one too, after it was first posted!

Which I guess is a great compliment, although on the other hand this was hard enough to write the first time! ;)
Becbecisvolatile on October 18th, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC)
OMG it was YOU!!!!

That is just beyond awesome, this was sooo.... yeah. *giddy*

And so, I officially thank you. Like a crazy bitch.

*tackle snug*

And het? I'm so impressed I could... do something.

“Sweeping each other into the sewer with your never-ending race to the bottom!”

Made me smile and the end just... yeah, Michael and Linc got on with it, but not at the expense of Sara, who wasn't really reduced by the ending... which you could easily have done. So I really appreciate it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on October 20th, 2006 05:32 am (UTC)
OMG it was YOU!!!!
Yes!!! And I can finally say so, after sitting on this thing since mid-April (that's when I finished it). It's been killing me, I tell you.

That is just beyond awesome, this was sooo.... yeah. *giddy*
I am so, so glad you liked it. And I see that you chose it for your lincoln_sara comm listing. :D And you definitely challenged me to write outside my own box with that prompt. It was good for me, definitely.

And het? I'm so impressed I could... do something.
My seriously one-and-only het. There's a sweet/angsty little Maricruz piece with some het, but really-- this is the only seriously het one.

but not at the expense of Sara, who wasn't really reduced by the ending... which you could easily have done.
I like who Sara was "meant" to be at the show's onset-- which isn't necessarily who they made her. I like to think that, despite her faults and lapses, that core of strength and resilience is always there, ready for her to draw on.

It was my pleasure, when all was said and done. And I'm beyond thrilled by how much you liked it. ♥
I'm for wine and the embrace of questionable women: lincmissyjack on October 19th, 2006 04:25 am (UTC)
This is an incredible piece of writing. I have read it a few times now, coz I love the structure - how in a short space all the characters go somewhere. And you have such insight into each of them that this scenario feels so right. God you even have me thinking its possible Linc and Sara met pre-series, given the circles they moved in.

And this is so Michael:
“But… I really like you.” Michael seems startled by her anger, by her lack of caring.

And Sara's summation of Michael :
a strait-laced intellectual with a Savior complex.
You are so right - she wants to want someone like Michael, but I can see the pull a badass like Linc would have for her.

these damn boys tho *shakes head* they make the Winchesters look positively functional!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on October 20th, 2006 05:36 am (UTC)
I have read it a few times now, coz I love the structure
Wow-- I LOVE hearing this. It was definitely different than I usually write, though I don't know why I haven't done this before-- tell the story backwards, and then return to the present at the end. It really worked for this one, I think.

And you have such insight into each of them that this scenario feels so right.
I enjoy writing all three of them (heck-- I like both my Sara and Lincoln, individually, more than the show seems to), and molding them into this scenario was a challenge mainly because of the assy!Lincoln factor. For Sara... I can see her being angry enough at Michael that she just doesn't care, doesn't even really think about that. And with her past and Lincoln's sex-appeal, there are parts of their involvement that just seem inevitable, when they both go wrong.

she wants to want someone like Michael, but I can see the pull a badass like Linc would have for her.
That's it in a nutshell-- WANTS to want Michael, but deep down that's not what she stays with. Her bad-boy attractions never quite go away (she said as much on the show).

Loved hearing your thoughts about all this, and your words were heady praise indeed. Thank you so much! :)
alienmom: dom-blue shirtalienmom on October 20th, 2006 06:50 pm (UTC)
damn, woman! that's a lota anger going on!! and issues, let's not forget the deep seated issues! hehe!!

loved it! i read it at such a frantic pace, i don't think i even blinked!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on October 20th, 2006 08:23 pm (UTC)
damn, woman! that's a lota anger going on!! and issues, let's not forget the deep seated issues! hehe!!
Oh, you're not kidding. That was all in the prompt-- the trick was to make it worth, and make it be something intriguing enough that the payoff when Michael shows up would be like the slap in the face that Sara gave Lincoln. :0

I loved it! i read it at such a frantic pace, i don't think i even blinked!
:D I can't tell you how much I love that kind of feedback-- like the story is taking hold of you until you're done.

Thank you so much, alienmom, and I like the gorgeous Dominic icon you graced me with. :)
uponplains on October 20th, 2006 07:47 pm (UTC)
I don't usually read Lincoln/Sara because I feel like it has a tendency to all be the same, but this was really good. It was SO dark and amazing and I was really impressed. And poor Michael. Great job!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on October 20th, 2006 08:25 pm (UTC)
It was SO dark and amazing and I was really impressed.
Dark is something I hardly ever write, but it really seems to work for people when I do-- so I must poke myself to try it more often.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting! This story is pretty much everything I almost/never write, all rolled into one. But worth it for me, and I hope for the reader too. :)
Maz (or foxxy!)tuesdaeschild on October 21st, 2006 07:03 pm (UTC)
Gosh! Stunning! How angry can a fiction be? I really was bowled over by that so much so that I find it hard to be coherent right now! And if anyone could have seen me doing goldfish impressions...

Just...WOW!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on October 21st, 2006 07:20 pm (UTC)
really was bowled over by that so much so that I find it hard to be coherent right now! And if anyone could have seen me doing goldfish impressions...
Hee!

There's some of Sara's anger at herself, at Michael (held over from before, and who can really blame her?), and at Lincoln when she sees everything they've done in a completely different light. Michael's angry at both of them, and Lincoln is hiding his own anger at Michael. It's an explosive triangle, that's for sure.

I'm so glad you liked it though-- I don't write Het, I don't usually write dark, and yet I think the events in the story (and this self-destructive side of Sara) are really compelling.

Thank you. :D
(no subject) - tuesdaeschild on October 21st, 2006 08:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
poisontaster on November 1st, 2006 08:18 am (UTC)
Wow. Powerful. And the really tough and beautiful thing about it is that if Michael, Lincoln and Sara were 'in the real world', I find this to be a VERY plausible future for them all.

He is the echo, not the source. The mirror, not the cause.
Addictive personalities WILL seek another type of addiction when deprived of their first. It's one reason so many former addicts cop truly terrifying caffeine or cigarette habits, among other things. I don't find it at all out of character (once the romanticizing camera of televison and/or fiction is removed) to think of Sara finding a good source of addiction in Lincoln or someone like him. And Lincoln has a lifetime of bad behavior--INGRAINED behavior--behind him too. Those are hard ruts to break out of.

Really compelling. Starkly vivid.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on November 1st, 2006 05:59 pm (UTC)
I find this to be a VERY plausible future for them all.
Isn't that sad? While writing it, I lost some love for Lincoln for awhile (he had to wilfully ignore Michael's potential feelings to keep this up, which is unlike how I do or want to see him) and for Sara for a long while (in her case, because canon has made her very much like this, and I can't really deny that she's a lot darker than I'd like).

to think of Sara finding a good source of addiction in Lincoln or someone like him. And Lincoln has a lifetime of bad behavior--INGRAINED behavior--behind him too. Those are hard ruts to break out of.
That's the thing-- in an awful sense, they are perfect for each other in a co-dependent dance of mutually assured detruction. :(

This brings out both their bad sides-- the ones they try so unsuccessfully to dodge.

Still a good story, though, especially if 'dark' doesn't bother the reader. And... my only major 'het' writing of any kind whatsoever. :0

Thanks for reading!
(no subject) - poisontaster on November 1st, 2006 06:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Stranger?taxidryer on December 18th, 2006 01:20 pm (UTC)
Ah, thank God, I found it! I've been looking for this fic for a long time but couldn't remember who wrote it.

I just adore it. It's dark, sensitive and it makes so much sense. Everybody is so perfectly dysfunctional. It's delicious.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on January 6th, 2007 09:57 am (UTC)
I've been looking for this fic for a long time but couldn't remember who wrote it.
You definitely wouldn't expect me, would you? :)

I just adore it. It's dark, sensitive and it makes so much sense. Everybody is so perfectly dysfunctional. It's delicious.
Oh, that thrills me beyond measure. This is in so many ways the kind of story that I don't write (truly dark is hard for me, and the Lincoln here is inadvertantly cruel to Michael, which hurts me). And because it's het, which I also don't write, it scares off a lot of my regular readers. ;)

But the Sara part of this... this is not how I wanted to see her, but canon really shifted under me and this view of her I think is as true as any, and still very human underneath it all.

Thanks so much for your wonderful comments. :D