?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
17 September 2006 @ 12:18 am
Supernatural Gen Drabble: Belonging  
Title: Belonging
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam (Gen)
Rating: PG
Summary: A 100-word drabble on “Smell” for supernatural100.



Belonging
Jess presses against him at night, her hair floating up toward his face, his chin. He inhales that sweet feeling of closeness, of wanting and belonging.

She loves him completely, both present and future. But if he left her, he knows she’d survive. It would hurt, and it might be heartbreaking, but she would make it and be stronger for it in the end.

It’s a relief, after what he left behind. He’s important, but isn’t everything. It lets him breathe.

There’s a freedom in knowing you can leave. The irony is that knowing that means you won’t want to.



 
 
 
bluesister on September 17th, 2006 07:50 am (UTC)
Ah, I bet. Complex, the more I think about it...
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 17th, 2006 11:16 pm (UTC)
Complex, the more I think about it...
Yes-- sometimes being needed too much is deadly in and of itself.

Or in a parallel sense, thinking that you need "alone" time (because you always have) and then one day finding someone where you no longer need that, because their presence neither demands nor intrudes.
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 17th, 2006 11:18 pm (UTC)
:D Thank you, Virginia. :)
     Mandya_phoenixdragon on September 17th, 2006 10:23 am (UTC)
Oh!!! Oh no!! *Sniffles* Poor Sam!! Poor Jess!!

*Clings to them...*

*Hugs*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 17th, 2006 11:19 pm (UTC)
And poor Dean-- because all of it being too much perhaps why it wasn't enough to make Sam stay.

I see you have my beloved Diner!Dean icon-- but with words. Mmmmm.
     Mandya_phoenixdragon on September 18th, 2006 01:54 am (UTC)
Oh no!! I thought I got that from ckll!! Thanks for correcting me -eep!! Changing credit quickly!! Unless... Do you want me to dump it? *Looks worried*

You can have iff'n' ya want...

*Hugs*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: SN Lovershalfshellvenus on September 18th, 2006 03:13 am (UTC)
Ack! Sorry to cause confusion.

No, I mean the icon is the same base/photo. Mine plain one came from someone else, but this photo is commonly used.

Sorry! I was trying to say that I really like that particular Dean photo. He looks tough and yet very lonely in that picture, and that is Dean in every possible way to me.

Don't change the credits-- it was perfect the way it was. *ulp*
     Mandya_phoenixdragon on September 18th, 2006 08:57 am (UTC)
O! Whew... *Stops panicking...*

You can still have if ya want...

*Snuggles you*
faithinfaithfaithinfaith on September 17th, 2006 12:37 pm (UTC)
Again, I'm impressed, incredible impressed. This was so Sam and so true, not ony to him, but to most people I think.... GREAT WORK!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 17th, 2006 11:21 pm (UTC)
This was so Sam and so true, not ony to him, but to most people I think.... GREAT WORK!
Thank you!

Deirdre down below is responsible for me thinking very hard about Sam and relationships, and about the possibilities of what he seeks and what he cannot tolerate. And as you say-- this is actually true of a LOT of us. It just looks different when it's somebody else (who doesn't have our same excuses). ;)
Entendre? Make mine a double.: SN Sam yeahdeirdre_c on September 17th, 2006 02:16 pm (UTC)
It’s a relief, after what he left behind. He’s important, but isn’t everything. It lets him breathe.

Oh. OH! Exactly.

*savors beautiful insight*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 17th, 2006 11:22 pm (UTC)
Oh. OH! Exactly.
*savors beautiful insight*

:) But this all comes back to you again, to the same comment conversation we had that led to "Impasse" (with Sam's post-Shadows POV).

You've really made me think about his different perspective on the whole thing. Now _that_ is one of the best reasons for commenting I can think of-- we get new ideas from other people, we rethink our ruts, we enrich the complexity with which characters are formed.

So... thank you! :)
Entendre? Make mine a double.: SN Beauty Samdeirdre_c on September 18th, 2006 11:53 am (UTC)
Oh, Venus, it's certainly one of the best reasons for commenting to a brilliant author! Because you've managed to take all my inarticulate rambling dross about 'smothered' and 'too much' and spun it into 100 words of gold.

I particularly love how you've connected the struggle Sam has against Dean's kind of love with his ease and comfort in Jess's. It just opens up a whole new way of reconciling Sam/Dean with Sam/Jess. So many people just want to ignore or diminish Sam and Jess's relationship in order to make Sam/Dean work. But if you think of Sam finding a different kind of love with Jess-- a peaceful port in the storm-- then it still works that Sam would fall back into the violent push-pull of Sam/Dean after she was gone.

I truly love talking with you about these characters!! You treat them with such respect and reverence and thoughtfulness, it just makes me happy to see what you do with them.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 19th, 2006 04:24 am (UTC)
So many people just want to ignore or diminish Sam and Jess's relationship in order to make Sam/Dean work. But if you think of Sam finding a different kind of love with Jess-- a peaceful port in the storm-- then it still works that Sam would fall back into the violent push-pull of Sam/Dean after she was gone.
Yes-- the relationship is different because Jess is different from Dean (and by extension, Sam is a different version of himself in response to that).

>i>You treat them with such respect and reverence and thoughtfulness, it just makes me happy to see what you do with them. </i>
I was in my happy place the entire day from these comments. Thank you so much, Deirdre! ♥
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 17th, 2006 11:24 pm (UTC)
Oh... this is heartbreaking...
I just can't stop thinking about Dean here, about what loving Sam too much might have cost him.

you win. everything.
*melts* Thank you, Claire. :)
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on September 17th, 2006 06:05 pm (UTC)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 17th, 2006 11:24 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :)
iamstealthyoneiamstealthyone on September 19th, 2006 12:44 am (UTC)
Good food for thought here, about what Sam can and can't handle when it comes to relationships.

It’s a relief, after what he left behind. He’s important, but isn’t everything. It lets him breathe.

Yeah, that's definitely something he and Dean need to work through. Sam doesn't want to be Dean's everything, but Dean doesn't really know how to turn that off. He'll let Sam go, but it'll hurt him much more than it should.

There’s a freedom in knowing you can leave. The irony is that knowing that means you won’t want to.

Yup. Sam needs his space. :)

Thanks for a good read!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 19th, 2006 04:22 am (UTC)
but Dean doesn't really know how to turn that off. He'll let Sam go, but it'll hurt him much more than it should.
That's the saddest part. I don't think Dean knows he's doing it-- what effect it has-- and he sees Sam's staying or leaving as the only options. He doesn't see that changing part of himself means that leaving might become far less attractive to Sam. And in losing Sam, Dean loses far too much of himself.

You can love someone too much, if it isn't mirrored back in exactly the same way. And such is the sad reality for Dean. :( Poor guy.

Thanks for your detailed comments, as always. They bring a lot to think about. :)
iamstealthyoneiamstealthyone on September 19th, 2006 04:36 am (UTC)
I don't think Dean knows he's doing it-- what effect it has-- and he sees Sam's staying or leaving as the only options.

I agree he's a black-and-white kind of guy where Sam's presence is concerned, at least most of the time. I remember he was willing to let Sam go in "Scarecrow," although when he gave Sam that big speech, he thought he might not live, and so those were extreme circumstances. But he certainly does seem to take Sam's presence or absence very personally, and he also seems to define himself quite a bit based on his family rather than his own self-worth.

Did that make sense? My brain isn't too great at the end of the day. *g*

He doesn't see that changing part of himself means that leaving might become far less attractive to Sam. And in losing Sam, Dean loses far too much of himself.

Agreed. Definitely agreed on that.

Poor, broken Dean. I should smuggle him away for a severe cuddling. *g*

Thanks for your detailed comments, as always. They bring a lot to think about. :)

You're welcome, and thank you for giving me such yummy fanfic to read. :)
poisontaster on September 19th, 2006 04:57 pm (UTC)
She loves him completely, both present and future
This strikes me as such a Sam-like thought; that he CAN and IS complete without that third element of past and rather selfishly assuming that Jessica's love CAN be complete without him giving that to her.

There’s a freedom in knowing you can leave. The irony is that knowing that means you won’t want to.
This is something I and my roommate argue about ALL THE TIME. He comes from a much more communal family than mine, though I think we're about equally close-knit. But his family really emphasizes the family collective over individual whereas mine is much more individual within a larger context of family. And so I NEED a certain amount of "me time" or alone time that he finds completely incomprehensible, but it's all about having that space to do your own thing so that you want to stay because it's a CHOICE and not...oppressive.

Ahem. Which just means you really struck a chord and excellent work. *gathers her issues up into her arms*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 20th, 2006 07:16 pm (UTC)
and rather selfishly assuming that Jessica's love CAN be complete without him giving that to her.
Yes-- that her loving who he wants to be is enough, without her loving who he actually IS. He wants to define himself as being other than what he grew up with-- as if that means nothing, in the sum of who he is now.

But his family really emphasizes the family collective over individual whereas mine is much more individual within a larger context of family. And so I NEED a certain amount of "me time" or alone time that he finds completely incomprehensible, but it's all about having that space to do your own thing so that you want to stay because it's a CHOICE and not...oppressive.
Oh, definitely been there. I've been famous with roommates (and my parents) for hiding out in my room. And sometimes, it's merely that I've had enough "input" for now, and just can't stand even a tiny bit more. Other times, it's that I don't need/want to be what other people expect of me right now.

Finding my husband, with whom I typically DON'T need "alone time", is probably the luckiest and most miraculous thing that's ever happened to me (and really more for who he is, not for just that one aspect).

By which I mean... shares your issues and has made them matching outfits. ;)
getting the chocolate in the peanut butterdotfic on September 19th, 2006 10:36 pm (UTC)
I really like this.

It’s a relief, after what he left behind. He’s important, but isn’t everything. It lets him breathe.

This both seems to point at Jess' strength, as well as reveal things about the Winchesters.

There’s a freedom in knowing you can leave. The irony is that knowing that means you won’t want to.

That's very well put, interesting insight.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 20th, 2006 07:32 pm (UTC)
This both seems to point at Jess' strength, as well as reveal things about the Winchesters.
It's as if Jess was already who she needed to be. She loved Sam, but he wasn't required for her completion.

Dean's completion comes from other people-- John (from whom he'll never get what he needs) and Sam (from whom his real happiness stems). It's entirely understandable, given how they grew up, but that's an awfully big burden for Sam to shoulder. :( So he can be happy without Dean, but the reverse unfortunately is not true... *Sigh*