The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors (halfshellvenus) wrote,
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors

LJ Idol Season 11: "Howdy!"

idol season 11 | week 7 | 1100 words


Hi, I'm Kashka the cat, and I am super-cute. Look at my flippy ears and my silly little nose-dot! Is that thing adorable, or what?

I'm 3 ½ or 4 ½ years old now—nobody knows for sure. I was adopted from the animal shelter five months ago, and brought home to live with HalfshellVenus and her husband. My pre-shelter past is a mystery and I have the energy of a young teenager, so while I'm definitely not a kitten, I don't really act like an adult.

Did you know that all you need for a "cat stampede" is the sound of the thundering hooves paws of a single cat rocketing around the house like a maniac? No really, it's true. I do it every day!

I like my new home. It's warm and comfortable, and there are lots of toys for me to play with. There's no real pressure, either, because I really only have two jobs:
1) Be loving and cuddly and sit on laps
2) Police the property, and keep the squirrels and rodents away.

So far, I'm totally killing it on the first job, because I love people! Any people!

Alllll the people.

Halloween was great—every time the doorbell rang, I ran to the front door to see who was there! I love visitors. Visitors are my future friends! I like following the cleaning lady around when she's here, too. She's my buddy, even when she's pushing that noisy machine around the room.

I wasn't allowed to go outside for a long time after I moved here. I'd clearly been an indoor/outdoor cat at my old house (wherever that was), but my reintroduction to the outdoors was slow. The first few times I went out, I was on a leash. What a pain. Then I got to have a little supervised free time in the back yard for a couple of weeks, which was nice but much too short.

Finally, I was allowed to stay outside for hours one day while my people worked around the yard. It was amazing! I wandered around smelling everything and looking at all the plants. I chased bugs and played with leaves. Then I climbed a tree and got up on the roof, where I could see everything! I spent hours up there, and actually… could not figure out how to get down again. I had to be rescued. But I'm sure I'm not the first cat to make that mistake—or to get stuck in a tree over at a neighbor's house. Everyone does that, right? Of course they do!

Now, I've heard my people making these noises about the outdoors from time-to-time, things that sound like "rats and squirrels" and "crawl-space" and "attic" and "five-thousand dollars," or something like that. LOL, whut? Hey, whatevs, people!

As far as I'm concerned, the outdoors is for making new friends. I like to walk along the back-fence kitty highway to other people's yards, and see who's around. Sometimes, I'll go around to the front and look up and down the street. If I don't see anyone, I might wait outside a garage door or sit on a front porch to see if anyone comes out.

I have collar tags with my name and family phone number on them, so people can call HalfshellVenus or her husband to come and get me if I'm lost. Or if they think I'm lost, anyway, which is ridiculous. The first time, it was a nice lady about six houses away who was working in her garage. I hung out with her for a while, and then I followed her into her house, because why wouldn't I?

The second time was a man two houses away, who petted me and then carried me back to my front door and rang the bell (because my address is on the tag, too). I liked him so much, I went back to see him a few more times, and it was his tree I got stuck in. My family had to bring over a really tall ladder to get me down. HalfshellHusband was so embarrassed, he baked chocolate banana-bread the next day and took it over as an apology.

Just this last Friday, I explored the street around the other corner of the block. I met a nice man over there who called my family, and HalfshellHusband had to wake up HalfshellVenus so he could ask where the street was, because he's not very good with geography. I don't know whether I am or not.

I've gotten to know several of the neighbors, and now my family has, too. I get called back inside regularly to make sure I haven't wandered too far, but finding new people is one of my favorite things in the whole world. If I'm feeling really determined, I'll start looking right away. I am the Ambassador of Me!

I mean yes, I have a family who loves me and feeds me, and who would pet the socks off of me if I let them. I also have a huge yard to play in, with all kinds of interesting plants and places to hide, and I've even noticed a couple of other animals there, too. But why would I stay in my own yard and laze in the sun or keep intruders away? Who does that?

Boring cats who don't want to meet the entire planet, that's who. And I can't be responsible for the dumb choices of other cats!

I can't even remember the last time I was up on the roof. Once I learned how to get on and off by myself, I sort of lost interest. It's a madhouse up there now, with all sorts of critters racing around, but… meh. Why should I care? It has nothing to do with me.

I found a new neighbor yesterday, who became the fifth person to call my family to make sure I wasn't lost. Everything was great—I was sitting on my new friend's lap, enjoying myself and getting all sorts of pets. But then HalfshellVenus showed up to take me home, and I started growling. Not again!

Now I'm hearing new noises around the house, things like "busted" and "failure" and "indoor-only cat." I have no idea what they mean.

Meanwhile, it's a beautiful, sunny day outside. I'm looking out the window, watching the leaves shimmer and tumble as they fall from the trees. I can even see a fluffy little animal in one of those trees, chittering away and flicking its tail at me.

Ooh! I'll bet it wants to be my friend!

^.^(  )~~~

No voting link this week-- it's a contestant-only round.

Tags: my_cats, my_fic, original_non_fiction, real lj idol
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