Characters: Sam and Dean (Gen, Mixed)
Summary: Never enough and never lasting…
Author’s Notes: 4x100 Drabbles on “Touch or Feeling” for supernatural100. The title is from a film by Wim Wenders.
Stealing In (Sam)
The warmth of his mother’s hand is long forgotten.
There is only the random comfort of relatives, of Dad and Dean.
Sam is as starved for touch as he is for understanding. Never quite who he was expected to be, and not accepted for who he was, he needed more than the love of a soldier… more than the promise of vengeance.
When it comes, it is so wrong he cannot name it. It’s inside himself, in his thoughts whether he sleeps or wakes.
There should be no touching without fingers. And none at all, when he never gave consent.
Already Gone (Dean, Het)
No two are the same, though he rarely remembers their names. Their hair, their smiles… their swells and curves, their willowy grace. Their eyes have watched him—sparkling or sly, wistful or still. In all the ranges of colors, it’s the expressions that are never alike.
This one waits for him, for the dance to begin again. His fingers stroke along welcoming flesh, coaxing the walls on down until it’s the two of them together
Sometime’s it’s so real… and then he’s even lonelier by morning.
It’s a moment. A possibility.
But it’s never anything he’ll be able to keep.
*~*~* The following two drabbles can be read as Gen or Wincest, depending on your mood *~*~*
Decoding The Distance
This complicated dance with Dean is measured in the distance that lies between them.
When Dean’s far enough away to raise his voice, to get up and fetch things that are sitting next to Sam... that’s as bad as it gets before they just stop speaking.
When Dean is near, an arm’s reach away, they’re running even but they’re not quite close.
When Dean’s heat is pressing against his side… it’s because Sam’s falling and Dean will always be there to catch him.
The day Dean lets Sam cozy up close is the day Sam will know he’s been forgiven.
Dean’s hand on his shoulder in the dark is a blessing Sam’s not supposed to acknowledge.
It’s a poultice, not a promise. Is Dean embarrassed by Sam’s weakness, or afraid that it’s his own?
Sam didn’t ask to always take without ever giving back. Dean’s got him trapped here, bound by a convention that screams ingratitude while silently begging for the chance to make Dean whole.
Sam’s allowed to need Dean’s comfort, but not to want it. Pretending it didn’t happen is tomorrow’s inevitable lie.
It helps. And it matters. So why won’t Dean ever let Sam love him back?
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