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31 August 2006 @ 08:14 pm
Supernatural Gen Drabbles on "Pain": Agonies of the Soul  
Title: Agonies Of The Soul
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: John, Dean, Jess, Sam (Gen)
Rating: PG
Summary: 4x100 drabbles written belatedly for the supernatural100 challenge on “Pain.”

x-x-x-x-x

Post Mortem (John)
Attachment and loss. It’s the pattern of his life.

His parents are gone—far too early, but he doesn’t make the rules.

Friends from childhood don’t understand him, not since he came back changed from the war. Not all the men in his squadron made it home; those that did are often strangers to themselves, just like him.

With Mary, what he had was perfect. No telling how he got that lucky-- he never knew.

Now it’s gone, like everything else he’s lost.

His past was laid to rest with Mary. Now his future might be truly gone as well.


Crushed (Dean)
Dean lost his mother when he was only four. It’s the kind of thing that changes someone forever, and he’s long forgotten who he was before all that happened.

He’s broken legs—some of them the way other children do, some because of things other children see only in nightmares. He’s been thrown across rooms by demons and gashed by Hell Hounds. The icy fingers of a vodoun priestess once stopped his heart.

But nothing—not any part of it since his mother died—can prepare him for the sharp agony of watching Sam get on that bus to California.


Cry Of The Spirit (Jess)
Her mind is blank for the longest, strangest time. How did she get here? What happened after the door flew open?

She wants someone to tell her, to explain this impossible feeling. It’s like she’s frozen, unable to reason or move, while time stretches toward nothing from a past that whisper-slips beyond the parts she remembers.

She drifts, returning to find Sam staring at her in horror from their distant bed.

She sees it in his eyes, his torment hers. If she could, she’d tell him the only part that hurts is knowing what all of this does to him.


Clarity (Sam)
It might have begun with Jess, but he isn’t sure. He saw so many things through the years— monsters, people dying, families destroyed. They assaulted his sleeping mind with no anchor to the world he knew.

He never said anything. Given what they did, what kid wouldn’t be plagued with nightmares?

Now he wonders if any of them were real. How long did trouble call to him with no answer in return?

Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know. This is hard enough already.

The pain of the people he cannot help is worse than the torture of the visions themselves.



------- fin -------




 
 
 
I'm for wine and the embrace of questionable women: papamissyjack on September 1st, 2006 03:51 am (UTC)
Oh so much pain! Love them all but particularly like the insight into John's past, and also that terrible moment for Jess.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Johnhalfshellvenus on September 1st, 2006 04:34 am (UTC)
The Jess one was probably the most different of the bunch. I liked the idea of how bewildering that would seem to her-- not truly alive or dead at that moment (which is how she appears on the show), and not necessarily physically feeling what's happened. But emotionally, well-- that part is still real to her. It still affects her spirit, wherever it might be.

Thank you, missyjack! :)
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on September 1st, 2006 03:56 am (UTC)
God, awesome. You rip out my heart and make me like it. :D
     Mandy: Beautifula_phoenixdragon on September 1st, 2006 04:04 am (UTC)
OMG!! Your icon is teh AWESOME!! I love kittens! Funny creatures, aren't they?
*Laughs*
*Hugs*
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on September 1st, 2006 04:06 am (UTC)
Hee! Thanks! I wandered upon it during a wank or something and begged the owner for it. :D

*hugs*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 1st, 2006 04:35 am (UTC)
You rip out my heart and make me like it. :D
It's probably wrong that I know exactly what you mean by that, and am honored by it, isn't it? :)

Thank you, Athena. ♥
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on September 1st, 2006 04:41 am (UTC)
It's just a sign that you're beginning to know me way too well. :D

Welcome. ♥
     Mandya_phoenixdragon on September 1st, 2006 04:03 am (UTC)
OH!
*Sob*
I love you..
*Sniffle*
*Clings*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 1st, 2006 04:36 am (UTC)
Thank you! So glad you liked them! Now if I could only finally get caught up on the rest of those supernatural100 prompts so I'm not out-of-synch any more...
     Mandya_phoenixdragon on September 1st, 2006 04:58 am (UTC)
Catching up! *Groan* Don't even mention that to me! I'm two months behind on everything (actually a year and a half for somethings!) - and still struggling to catch up!

*Hugs*

*Waits patiently for more goodies!*
bluesister on September 1st, 2006 06:35 am (UTC)
These are tasty on their own but, having struggled with this prompt, I'm also struck by your awesome creativity. And your perfect framing of these snapshots.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 1st, 2006 06:50 am (UTC)
but, having struggled with this prompt, I'm also struck by your awesome creativity.
Thank you so much!

This one was a challenge-- not to go for the obvious blood/guts/torture-death aspect (all the things that immediately spring to mind). And I'm always please when I get a LOT of different stories and POVs out of a prompt. "Gain" is giving me fits right now (I've got a John one, and probably a Dean for that), and I have a few for "Sight" but am hoping to get a slash set as well as Gen.

You'd think Pain/Gain would be perfect for doing a related sequence, wouldn't you? But my muse is not interested in that. Instead, it's puzzling over ideas other than Fat!Dean to go with that prompt. :0
bluesister on September 1st, 2006 07:20 am (UTC)
Those fussy muses. There's no guessing what they'll go for.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 1st, 2006 04:13 pm (UTC)
:D Well for my muse, Fat!Dean apparently is its own kind of funny. *Bad muse! Bad!*
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 1st, 2006 04:16 pm (UTC)
How long did trouble call to him with no answer in return? Oh, wow.... wow.
*hugs you for getting that part entirely* If you were Sam, wouldn't you have to ask yourself that eventually? Ouch.

Jess' PoV is particularly heart-rending, but really they all are *pets all of them*
Hers is the most unusual and bewildering of the group. It's over and she doesn't know how, but she knows she's responsible somehow for the pain that Sam is feeling. :( Such a devastating, helpless feeling.

Thank you for your lovely comments, wenchpixie. :D
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on September 1st, 2006 04:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much, thomasina! Getting all those different POVs is one of my favorite aspects of these prompts. And the Jess one... it just had to be written.

So glad you liked these. Thank you again. :)
mooyoo: John - So tiredmooyoo on September 1st, 2006 06:07 pm (UTC)
Very sad. Liked Dean's piece especially - guh, Sammy's leaving is always such a painful subject. Must've broken Dean's heart. John's is also an interesting look - coming back from war was probably somewhat similar to the changes he went through after Mary died.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on September 1st, 2006 07:16 pm (UTC)
Sammy's leaving is always such a painful subject. Must've broken Dean's heart.
I really think it did. Can you imagine losing the only piece of joy left in your life? And then all that remains is your duty and skill, and the love you chase from the father who can't quite give it to you? *groans*

I hate to think of Dean living like that for a few months, let alone four years. :(

John's voice was the first that came to me, oddly enough. This has been true for a lot of recent drabbles (!), and when I get the "Gain" ones posted up... his came to me there first as well. So much pain, and so hard to see beyond it.
mooyoo: SN - Johnmooyoo on September 1st, 2006 07:58 pm (UTC)
I hate to think of Dean living like that for a few months, let alone four years. :(

It does also make me wonder what his relationship with John was like during those years. Was he angry at John? More angry at Sam? Did he and John get along, or did they argue more with Sam not around? (In my head I see Dean being hurt and angry at Sam for leaving, but also having a fair amount of resentment towards John for being so hard on Sam and pushing him away, telling him not to come back, etc, and at first taking out a bit of his sadness on John) Were they buddies, one or both of them trying to make up for the loss of Dean's only real friend, or have they always had such a rigid relationship as we've seen over the few episodes in Season 1? (and I'm dying waiting for the season premier, so much potential for good John/Dean stuff with what happened and what was said in the S1 finale).

Also, randomly and totally off topic - was wondering if you'd heard at all from almostforgiven?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on September 1st, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
It does also make me wonder what his relationship with John was like during those years.
I did write a fic about that (two, in fact). The most recent one was Down That Lonesome Road. That period in Dean's life just won't let go of me. So painful.

was wondering if you'd heard at all from almostforgiven?
I have not. Grump, grump. Take my latest poll? LJ homepage...
mooyoo: Dean/Sam - BlueBrothersmooyoo on September 1st, 2006 08:24 pm (UTC)
Did I read that one? Must go and check... Sometimes I wish they would give us more clues about some of these important periods before the show started, but at the same time they provide so many fic ideas. There are so many different ways that some of these things could be interpreted - like what John is like as a father, how Dean reacted to Sam's leaving, why the two of them didn't really speak for so long, how that last fight between Sam and John actually went, etc etc etc - and lots of great fic written about them, that it'd be almost a bit sad to get one clear-cut answer about it.

Take my latest poll? LJ homepage...

Done and done :)