The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors (halfshellvenus) wrote,
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors

LJ Idol Season Ten: "Safety Starts Here!"

Safety Starts Here!
idol season ten | week 28 | 853 words
Going Forward


To: All Allied Atlantic Employees
From: Stuart Franklin, Asst. Manager
Date: May 8, 2017
Re: Workplace Hygiene

Folks, we've had some reports of people leaving food out overnight in the break room. We don't want to assume the night shift is at fault, but let's just remember the company policy:

All leftover food items are to be put in the refrigerator or in the trash.

While we welcome visitors at Allied Atlantic, we do not extend that courtesy to insects. You know which ones we mean.

So keep it clean, and if you see something sitting out, throw it out.

Thanks, everyone,

To: All Allied Atlantic Employees
From: Stuart Franklin, Asst. Manager
Date: May 22, 2017
Re: Fire Safety

It has come to our attention that there have been problems in the break room again. Namely, people are forgetting to unplug the coffee pots at the end of the day (or the end of the shift, for those working nights).

When coffee pots are left on too long, the liquid cooks off and the pot becomes a fire hazard. This morning, smoke was coming out of one of the coffee machines when the early shift came in. That was a close call for all of us!

So remember, unplug and be safe. And do not, under any circumstances, put anything metal in the microwave.


To: All Allied Atlantic Shipping Employees
From: Stuart Franklin, Asst. Manager
Date: June 8, 2017
Re: Hallway Safety

Note to all employees: boxes, packing materials, and plastic tie-wraps must not be left in aisles and hallways where people need to walk. They create a tripping hazard.

This requirement is clearly stated in the Employee Regulations Handbook. If you need help understanding these rules, I would be happy to assist you.


To: Allied Atlantic Shipping Employees
From: Asst. Manager Stuart Franklin
Date: June 28, 2017
Re: Hazardous Behavior

Warning: roughhousing on the loading dock is strictly forbidden!

Two employees were caught engaging in a shoving match yesterday afternoon, in Loading Area B. Such behavior is dangerous, and clearly constitutes an OSHA violation.

It will not be tolerated.

Said employees have been terminated, per company policy. Any future incidents may incur fines as well as loss of employment.

Stuart Franklin

To: Allied Atlantic Shipping Employees
From: Asst. Manager Stuart Franklin
Date: July 5, 2017
Re: Cease And Desist

From the Employee Regulations Handbook, Section I.4., "Violation of company policy is grounds for immediate termination of employment."

Six employees were fired over the weekend for hazardous and egregious misuse of company equipment. There is no question that "forklift racing" constitutes dangerous and unprofessional behavior, particularly during loading and unloading operations.

If such behavior continues, Allied Atlantic Shipping may be forced to suspend operation until sufficient replacement employees can be hired.

Employment is a privilege, with no guarantees. Those who wish to remain employed must abide by company guidelines and common sense, or face the consequences.

Stuart Franklin

To: Allied Atlantic Shipping Employees
From: Manager Michael Cranston
Date: July 11, 2017
Re: Final Warning

The management of Allied Atlantic Shipping endeavors to support its employees, but cannot and will not do so in the case of willful disobedience.

This is in reference to the personnel caught playing "keepaway" with the crane payload yesterday at the company's shipping dock.

Said employees were dismissed, and incident reports were written up against all bystanders, particularly those participating in the wagering pool. The crane driver and two dockloaders were dismissed, including the employee whose leg was broken when the payload fell on him.

Loading operations are suspended until such time as new workers with the appropriate qualifications can be found.

Should the downtime continue to impact business for too long a period, Allied Atlantic Shipping may be forced to reduce its workforce. This is your final warning.

Michael Cranston

To: Allied Atlantic Shipping Employees
From: CEO Roger Harry
Date: August 10, 2017
Re: The Future of Allied Atlantic

Well, you did it. I can't believe it, but you people managed to sink the shipping company my grandfather built in 1947.

Seventy years of operation and a legacy of company pride, and you killed it all in just six weeks with your stupid shenanigans. I thought those drug tests would have weeded out any potential problem employees, but apparently they don't make a drug test or a Darwin test for morons with a death wish!

For those of you who mentioned the Employee Regulations Handbook, the company policy requires safe and professional behavior. That covers everything, whether every possible example of idiot behavior is listed or not. We aren't going to spell out things like, "Do not play Jenga with the contents of the distribution trucks," for crying out loud.

What were you people thinking?

Allied Atlantic's bright future is gone. Between the OSHA fines and the dock sitting idle for three weeks, we're too far in the red to make it out. The company has filed for bankruptcy, and you are all fired as of now.

Clear out your desks and lockers, and get out of my sight.



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Tags: my_fic, original_fiction, real lj idol
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