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22 August 2006 @ 09:48 am
24 Fanfiction: Chicks Rule, Boys Drool  
Title: Chicks Rule, Boys Drool
Fandom: 24
Author: HalfshellVenus
Character: Chloe
Rating: PG
Summary: Jack is not the only one who has these incredibly long and difficult days….
Author’s Notes: This ficlet is for missyjack, who requested a funny 24-fic from my last Drabble Meme. Hope you like it, Sweets!

x-x-x-x-x

So last night was good— I think it was last night—until he got all intense this morning, all serious and clingy. I hate starting over every time one of these guys gets too hooked on it, like it’s something special and deep.

I pushed him off until later, and then he turned out to be a traitor or something. Whatever. I was kind of busy after that.

Edgar tried to screw me over this morning and then got all sorry. And then he was trapped, and we both knew that was it, and then I was sorry. I didn’t like him the way he liked me, but he was sorta nice anyway, and it still hurt.

Paranoia-Chick was a blip on the radar, and thank god I didn’t touch her. Would’ve loved to wring the Weasel’s neck, though—rotten little snitch. I’m sure he was up to something.

The Bar Freak was the ultimate. Fat-assed sales-droid who can’t take a hint, just kept coming at me again and again like a wind-up lounge-lizard.

I got him but good— got him close enough to Taser him. Stupid, stubborn jerk—I had to keep at it ‘til the phone call was finally done. Zap! Zap! Take that, you MacIntosh-loving moron!

Four virtual desks and multiple systems, and I win again, even on borrowed computer crap.

Not bad for a neurotic gear-headed bitch.

If half this stuff weren’t illegal, my resume would kick massive butt.


------- fin --------




 
 
 
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on August 22nd, 2006 07:38 pm (UTC)
*laughs and laughs and laughs*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on August 22nd, 2006 08:39 pm (UTC)
Hee! You should show this to Trystan. Chloe is the most bizarre character-- whiny and half-waiting to bite someone, and yet a technical wiz on top of all that. I was truly shocked to find out that she has actual sexual relationships outside of work. I'd expect most guys to fall over themselves running awaaaaaaay. ;)
I'm for wine and the embrace of questionable women: chloemissyjack on August 23rd, 2006 12:39 am (UTC)
ZOMG! How did you know I was Chloe's biatch? This is so brilliant! A recap of Day5 from Chloe's POV. Can we have all of Season 6 like this? Damn she had a mega-day. I still think the shock of the whole season for me was finding out chloes had been married - i mean that's some flashback I'd kill to see.

Best fic present ever. *hugs and passionfruit sponge cake for you*

This not only goes in my mems, it gets the ultimate acolade - printed out and stuck on my fridge.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on August 23rd, 2006 01:18 am (UTC)
ZOMG! How did you know I was Chloe's biatch?
! I did not know! But when you're looking for humor, Chloe snark (and what a freaky day that was for her) just seemed called for.

A recap of Day5 from Chloe's POV. Can we have all of Season 6 like this? Damn she had a mega-day.
She really seemed to me to be the secondary CTU character-- at least the most consistently interesting one-- this last season. And WHAT a day-- a "date" (who knew?), helicopter, Edgar (sniff), freakyPhobicChick, BarDroid, insulting CTU-head, and saving the day! Whoo!

I still think the shock of the whole season for me was finding out chloes had been married - i mean that's some flashback I'd kill to see.
That was a huge shock to me too. I was still reeling from, "Wait, Chloe actually dates?" And the guy was suave and sweet, and clearly still really liked her (plus a rather flirty man as well). Wow.

This not only goes in my mems, it gets the ultimate acolade - printed out and stuck on my fridge.
Whoo-ha! An excellent reward! And thank you for the challenge. I had fun with it, clearly. :D
Trystan: hee.trystan830 on August 23rd, 2006 02:47 am (UTC)
hehehe.... awesome!!

Zap! Zap! Take that, you MacIntosh-using moron!
hey! i happen to still like Macs!!!

(ok, my laptop is a Dell, and i haven't used a Mac in like five years.....)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on August 23rd, 2006 04:48 am (UTC)
hey! i happen to still like Macs!!!
But no respectable computer geek like Chloe would (I should know-- I are one). Unix/Linus rules (yes, we think Microsoft sux too. We call it "Bugware").

Chloe used to just bug me, but this season she won me over. :D
Trystan: John & Aeryntrystan830 on August 23rd, 2006 05:04 am (UTC)
Bugware.. LOL.

i do use Firefox, cause, well, i hate IE.

Chloe is one of those charaters that sneaks up on you and find yourself liking! :D
tyrical: Action_smiletyrical on August 27th, 2006 09:44 pm (UTC)
Yeah! You got Chloe's voice down pat although I think you got her a bit more confident than she really is!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on August 28th, 2006 06:12 am (UTC)
although I think you got her a bit more confident than she really is!
I think she's confident of her work abilities, absolutely. The rest of it, well... let's just say that people are a supreme annoyance to her, clearly. And she mostly just wants them pushed out of the way when she'd done with them.. :0

This was the season where I finally decided I liked her, instead of wanting to kick her under the table. ;)
MF Luder: GG OTPmf_luder_xf on August 29th, 2006 06:02 am (UTC)
Whatever. I was kind of busy after that.

LOL!!! This was fabulous. So funny. And the taser. *giggles*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on August 29th, 2006 06:16 pm (UTC)
Hi, MF! *waves*

Whatever. I was kind of busy after that.
Why did nobody else notice that one? She slept with the guy, they go into the office and he's dragged away in trouble in no time, and she kind of, "Huh. Oh well, back to work."

The taser scene changed my opinion of Chloe all by itself. It was so damn funny. :D This might be the new approved method of dealing with people who bother you and Just.Won't.Listen:
"Zap! Did THAT get through?"

;)
MF Luder: Shai tiemf_luder_xf on August 30th, 2006 04:47 am (UTC)
*waves back*

Why did nobody else notice that one? She slept with the guy, they go into the office and he's dragged away in trouble in no time, and she kind of, "Huh. Oh well, back to work."

I know!! I knew right off the bat he'd be bad, but it was like total...I don't know the technical literary term *bangs head* but he was completely unecessary to anything, pretty much. He did his one bit and poof! No more Spencer.

LOL Yes, that taser scene was perfect. I was rolling. ANd with the constant look on her face. That actress is quite funny. Ever catch her on the few Gilmore Girls eps she's been on?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on August 30th, 2006 05:29 am (UTC)
That actress is quite funny. Ever catch her on the few Gilmore Girls eps she's been on?
:0 I have not. (The Gilmore Girls give me stress).

But I love her as a dry comic foil. In previous seasons she was kind of whiny. Here (season 5), it was more snark than whine, and what a huge difference that makes.

I am such a sucker for snark. The fact that "Supernatural" and "House" are among my favorite shows speaks to that weakness. :D
MF Luder: GG OTPmf_luder_xf on August 30th, 2006 05:54 am (UTC)
Snark and sarcasm, yes. Why I am so in love with X-Files. Well, that and the whole alien/government conspiracy thing. ;-)

(The Gilmore Girls give me stress).

Heh. You know, I was never interested, but decided I needed to see old Jared work since I knew old Jensen work, and got hooked. I mean, total soap opera-ey, but it's so amusing because I think they spied on my mom and I. O___o.
evilmissbecky: Chloe Tazer Time!evilmissbecky on September 30th, 2006 02:16 pm (UTC)
Heee! I love it! Too bad she didn't get to wring Miles's neck. That guy totally deserved it, that slimy bastard.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on September 30th, 2006 07:02 pm (UTC)
Too bad she didn't get to wring Miles's neck. That guy totally deserved it, that slimy bastard.
I think the audience would have felt as vindicated as Chloe, if she had. ;)

That icon is perfection for this story. That was probably my favorite scene in this entire last season. :D
evilmissbecky: Chloe Tazer Time!evilmissbecky on September 30th, 2006 07:04 pm (UTC)
I would have loved to see that. Slime so needed to die!

Feel free to gank the icon. I got it from candle_icons.
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: pic#41983890thelana on February 24th, 2007 08:10 am (UTC)
Hah, since I just finished watching it, perfect summary of s5 :D

I LOVED paranoia chick. She was hilarious (though thankfully short-lived as far as the show is concerned).

you MacIntosh-using moron!

LOL, perfect :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on February 24th, 2007 07:28 pm (UTC)
:D I thought you'd like that. It's S5 from Chloe's POV, and what an incredibly snarky and short-tempered view it is.

I LOVED paranoia chick. She was hilarious
What was funny was that she started out as seeming reasonable, and then as the "day" went on you could see that she manufactured issues out of thin air-- constantly!

And the Taser scene... one of the best parts of S5, in my book. "Now that you mention it... uh... heh... I could use a little help." *Zap!*
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: 1ww william wallacethelana on February 24th, 2007 08:15 pm (UTC)
And Chloe's uh-oh 0__o reaction to her craziness made it even better.

BTW, any chance you could email me your home address? I'm normally not the kind to send postcards and stuff (note my total absence in the whole Christmas card sending things), at least in part because I'm deeply lazy. But I have been saving up some real life stuff I want to send you one (unless you mind, then of course not).
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on February 25th, 2007 07:19 am (UTC)
And Chloe's uh-oh 0__o reaction to her craziness made it even better.
Oh, completely-- because for Chloe to realize someone is weird, they have to really be pushing it. :0

I'm emailing you my home address, assuming your email hasn't changed in the last month or so. ♥
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: Blade Kristathelana on February 25th, 2007 07:37 am (UTC)
Yepp, address is still the same :)

BTW, if there is anything you might want (Northshore burnt to DVD? John Doe eps on DVD? something Austrian?) just say the word :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on February 25th, 2007 07:43 am (UTC)
I would love both of those (!), but most especially "Northshore" because I think it would be harder to come by. I've got some great screencaps from it saved up, thanks to you. :D
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: 1ww lasso draw inthelana on February 25th, 2007 07:59 am (UTC)
I'll see what I can do :)

The problem with downloaded files is that sometimes they are slightly damaged in a way so that oddly you can watch them without a problem but somehow they balk at being copied :D

I assume you only want the Dom episodes of Northshore? (though personally I think it's hard to appreciate just how awful the main couple is and just how much they deserve to be broken up without the preceding episodes; but I don't want to torture you) Do you have the Dom episode of House? I could pack that on as well.