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06 May 2016 @ 03:15 pm
LJ Idol Friends & Rivals: "Important Announcements"  
Important Announcements
idol friends and rivals | week 21 | 780 words
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Multiworld Media presents "Don't Touch That Button!"

Are you trapped on a long journey between colonies, wondering just whose idea the whole thing was? Or maybe you've just woken from cryosleep, and your unsettled state has you feeling like you need to take some kind sort of decisive action. We've all been there!

But the Galactic Inter-Agency Council wants you to know that pushing random buttons is not the answer. You don't know what those buttons do, and you don't know where they've been. So hands off and go about your business, or you'll be sorry.

This message is brought to you by Parseconol: Cut the distance before it cuts you!

~~ MM ~~

Multiworld Media presents "Space Worms: Are They Safe?"

Whether they're lurking on the nearest planet or eating their way through the hull of your starship, space worms are everywhere. Should you be concerned?

These tiny creatures can be extremely destructive. While there are no known incidents of them attacking other living species, scientist nevertheless warn about touching them without barrier protection, such as tendril sleeves or gloves. Watch what you eat and where you breathe—those worms are sneaky.

Multiworld Media: We're here to help!

~~ MM ~~

Multiworld Media presents "Slavers: Friend or Foe?"

If you've ever wondered whether those Inter-Galactic Slavers are there to help you, the answer is "No." They'll have you chained in a hold and on your way to a life of wretched servitude before you know it. So, the next time you're in a bar drinking your favorite Aldebaran ale and devious-looking creature asks you if you'd like a tour of its ship, just say, "No thanks!"

This message is brought to you by The Deneb V Mafia: We know where you live.

~~ MM ~~

Multiworld Media presents "Interdimensional Commerce"

Whether you're shopping for a new planet-hopper, selling off your bio-dome, or just looking for a good price on a vacation, the Council for Stable Currency reminds you to verify the beta-signature on all financial transactions.

Buying and selling across different dimensions is strictly prohibited, and if anyone tells you otherwise, they're probably not from your timeline or vector.

This message is brought to you by Evil Overlords, Incorporated: You won't like us when we're angry.

~~ MM ~~

Multiworld Media presents "Register Your Offspring"

If you've spawned, calved, or otherwise given birth in the last orbit cycle, don't forget to notify the authorities on your space vessel, planet, asteroid, or moon. Failure to register may result in fines and the possibility of starvation.

Remember, if your children don't exist, no one has to feed then. So, sign them up before it's too late!

This message is courtesy of A-One Antimatter: We'll get you there.

~~ MM ~~

Multiworld Media presents "Is Your Planet Doomed?"

Nothing lasts forever, and that includes your planet. Have you been wondering whether yours is about to collapse or explode or simply become inhabitable overnight? Of course—who hasn't?

The Altairian Actuarial Cooperative is there to answer all those questions you were afraid to ask. Contact their offices to find out whether you can plant that garden you've been dreaming about, or whether it's time to pack your ready-rocket and bolt before your planet bites the big one.

Multiworld Media: We know what's on your mind.

~~ MM ~~

Multiworld Media presents "Is Your Robot Trying To Kill You?

Are you afraid to fall asleep in your own home? Do you suspect the family servo-drone is just waiting for the opportunity to pull your plug? The Intelligent Apparatus Association offers this reassuring message: you are not alone.

Thousands of traditional life forms have weighed these same issues, and very few of them were murdered by their own automatons. So don't worry, you're probably safe! But just in case, remember that an angry robot can be lethal.

This message is provided by Rigellian Mining Industries: Building a toxic today for a more powerful tomorrow!

~~ MM ~~

Multiworld Media presents "Death: You're Doing It Wrong"

Are you old or decrepit—or possibly both? If so, then this message may be too late for you. But if not, the Omega Organization encourages you to plan your non-existence early.

Why wait until you're too far gone to take action, and are consuming precious resources your grandchildren may someday need to survive? Why take the chance on your body failing apart while you're still using it? The Omega Organization is ready to assist you in making your choice. Ask for a free brochure on "Engineering Your Exit."

This message is brought to you by Blubber Gleam: When your own natural secretions just aren't enough.

Multiworld Media: We're the voice inside your head!



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Murielle: Scrunchedmurielle on May 9th, 2016 10:53 pm (UTC)
Highly entertaining!

Favorite line: "Remember, if your children don't exist, no one has to feed then."

LOL...sort of. ;-)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 9th, 2016 11:26 pm (UTC)
That's kind of the way most evil humor seems to go, isn't it?

LOL... no wait, should I laugh at that? It's kind of disturbing. Actually, that makes it funnier. Geez, what is WRONG with me?
Murielle: Scrunchedmurielle on May 9th, 2016 11:56 pm (UTC)
Yes! Exactly that! 😊