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19 September 2015 @ 05:38 pm
Original Fiction: "The Road"  
Title: The Road
Fandom: Original Fiction
Rating: PG
Summary: I think this is where I got on…
Author's Notes: For the writerverse prompt of "Exit."


I think this is where I got on, just after that dark, twisted tree. Funny that I can't seem to get out the same way now—you'd think that would work, but it's like walking on a treadmill. Going faster or slower makes no difference, I still don't get anywhere.

I don't even know how I got here in the first place.

I've wandered down the road, looking for other ways out. There are barren hills and fallow fields, but no paths off to the side. The only noises I hear are the crunch of my feet and the tightness of my breathing. There are no birds or animals, and no breeze, just the faint odor of smoke.

Why can't I leave?

The road just moves with me if I try to walk away from it, and even the slightest glimpse of a break in the terrain becomes nothing more than a mirage. I've been out here for a long time, maybe days, maybe more. I'm pretty sure I haven't always been here, though it's getting harder and harder to remember.

My feet keep moving, sleepwalking their way onward. As I crest a hill, I see ruined vegetation crowding the edges of the road, almost too close to pass. Something about it is unsettling.

I tiptoe along, as nearly invisible as I can make myself be. One tree seems to reach for me, its blackened limbs like grasping fingers. I hold my breath and slip past, leaning away until I'm safely beyond it. It seems familiar, that tree, and the trick of movement feels like something I've done before, but when?

I think this is where I got on…


cindy: misc fictsuki_no_bara on September 20th, 2015 04:22 am (UTC)
a ghost story and a nightmare! maybe the ghost's nightmare.... it's creepy and i like it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on September 21st, 2015 05:29 am (UTC)
Thank you! Creepy is such fun to write. :)
Lisameridian_rose on September 20th, 2015 06:51 am (UTC)
Wonderfully unsettling world you've drawn in such a few words :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on September 21st, 2015 05:46 am (UTC)
It's interesting that the idea that struck me most was not exactly "exit", but a situation where there IS no exit and where no one would ever want to be. :O

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
riverotter1951: Lotusriverotter1951 on September 20th, 2015 02:19 pm (UTC)
A marvelous story with a hint of terror and confusion.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on September 21st, 2015 05:49 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! That's exactly the mood I was aiming for. :)
swirlsofblueswirlsofblue on September 20th, 2015 03:52 pm (UTC)
The eerie-ness is done so well here, and I love the way you portray the narrator's confusion an struggle, that and their distress is palpable.

I love that it remains a mystery. Is the character dead? Is it something else?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on September 21st, 2015 06:01 am (UTC)
I think of this poor character as having died without realizing it. They are now stuck looping through some destitute afterlife, filled with uncertainty as to where they are, how they got there, why they can't leave, and no clear sense of just how long they've been there.

It's amazing how awful something so simple sounds, isn't it?
Laura: Halloween gifcookielaura on September 21st, 2015 04:18 am (UTC)
Ooh, very creepy! I like the circular nature of it, so unsettling.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Halloweenhalfshellvenus on September 21st, 2015 06:01 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'd hoped the reader would feel as unsettled as this poor character, so that's very nice to hear. :)