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02 August 2006 @ 08:46 pm
Supernatural Gen "Shadows" Fanfiction: The Overshadowed Truth  
Title: The Overshadowed Truth
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Dean, Sam, John (Gen)
Rating: PG
Spoilers and/or Warnings: “Pilot,” “Shadows”
Summary: Three post-“Shadows” POVs.
Author’s Notes: Written for super_summer. The first draft of this was for 60_minute_fics, where for a “new style” I decided to try out First Person POV. The Sam POV was reworked in this version, but Dean and John remain unchanged.

x-x-x-x-x

Disjointed (Dean)
This is where we came in again. Back in San Jose, the whole setup of Why the Hell are you here? and My life was just fine until you showed up. The part where I’m not allowed to say I missed him— let alone how much it hurt that he left in the first place.

I shouldn’t have said it this time, should have never told the truth. Because now he knows that I care too much… and now I know that he doesn’t.

We’re back to broken sentences and being out-of-tune with each other, and every day I’ll wonder when he’s going to leave again. It’ll be nothing but bitching and awkward jokes, just like we started out when he came back.

I want to run myself sometimes, not from the job or from Dad like Sam did. I just want to stop being stuck, stop waiting to matter more or to care a hell of a lot less. I want to stop living a life where Sam has his world and Dad has his, and I’m always fading out of view in both of them.


Unguarded (Sam)
This is not who I wanted to be.

I spent my whole life looking for innocence, for a world where darkness only lives in nightmares. And I had it for awhile— four years where term papers were the enemy, where everything was homework and studying and Jess. I had a future, built on inspiration instead of revenge. It’s still there waiting, for when this is over. Because I promised myself I wouldn’t be this – I wouldn’t fixate on finding evil that might exist.

Today, that promise slipped away. I met up with an ordinary girl again, and I couldn’t just be happy for the coincidence. I had to track her down and spy on her, keep at it until her secrets came to light.

It was the right thing to do, she proved that soon enough.

But I wanted to be the guy who believes in serendipity instead of searching for the hidden, darker meaning.

It didn’t help that my training took over. And it didn’t help that in the end, I was right…


Ambush (John)
I should have known better, I should have known. It was a trick, the whole thing, and I led the three of us right into it.

Dean knew, bless him. His instincts are stronger than mine sometimes, and I let wanting that payoff shut down my better judgment.

It almost had us, the son-of-a-bitch, almost left Mary with no-one fighting for the truth she deserves.

I won’t make that mistake again, though it means leaving the boys behind. Can’t believe I have to let them go already, when I don’t know how long it’s going to be. Having Sammy again and giving him up in hardly more than a day isn’t enough for either one of us, that’s for sure. We’ve got fences to mend, things to put straight between us. And god help me if some damn thing takes me before that happens.

But Dean’ll take care of him, like he always has. Just let them keep each other safe, and let them come back to me whole.


-------- fin --------




 
 
 
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on August 3rd, 2006 03:51 am (UTC)
They're very pretty. I would say more but I'm very tired. But they're very pretty and I like them alot and they hurt, too.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 3rd, 2006 04:07 am (UTC)
But they're very pretty and I like them alot and they hurt, too.
That sounds like the entire balance of this episode, so *dances* Perhaps it worked out after all!

This Sam one is definitely better than the first version. Not too bad at this point, I think.
(no subject) - acostilow on August 3rd, 2006 04:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
Kronette: Dean eyeskronette on August 3rd, 2006 03:57 am (UTC)
Okay, even *more* hurt, because all three of them are thinking completely different things about the same situation, and they can't just talk and say what they mean (or in Dean's case, say too much). Wail and angst and yah!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 3rd, 2006 04:10 am (UTC)
because all three of them are thinking completely different things about the same situation,
Oh, and it's so nice you picked up on that. It's a metaphor for their disalignment, really-- three totally different things going on, three kinds of fear and hurt, and all of them are secret and none of them the same.

(or in Dean's case, say too much).
That's the single most painful scene for me in this episode-- when Dean finally bares his heart, and Sam steps on past like he doesn't even see it. Ouch!
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: big smile happy sarathelana on August 3rd, 2006 03:59 am (UTC)
Eeee, you did first person! Congrats!

Awww, I really liked the Sam one for some reason. Feel quite bad for him in that situation.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 3rd, 2006 04:12 am (UTC)
Eeee, you did first person! Congrats!
There's a first and last time for everything! :D

Awww, I really liked the Sam one for some reason. Feel quite bad for him in that situation.
Oh, I'm glad. I haven't seen anything address that viewpoint-- the situation where Sam suddenly becomes the hunter of uncertain prey (when Dean's telling him to stop assuming the worst), and in the end he is right... and he's not the Sam he left home to become anymore. Everything he ran from has a hold on him at last. :(

It's unmarked in fanfiction and wank, as far as I know, but that was a big turning point for Sam.
(no subject) - thelana on August 3rd, 2006 04:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on August 3rd, 2006 05:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
Sorry I had to redo that comment - thelana on August 3rd, 2006 07:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Sorry I had to redo that comment - halfshellvenus on August 3rd, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Sorry I had to redo that comment - thelana on August 3rd, 2006 06:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Sorry I had to redo that comment - halfshellvenus on August 7th, 2006 06:06 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Sorry I had to redo that comment - thelana on August 7th, 2006 06:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
Randomness - thelana on August 4th, 2006 11:23 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Randomness - halfshellvenus on August 7th, 2006 06:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Randomness - thelana on August 7th, 2006 06:12 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on August 3rd, 2006 04:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on August 3rd, 2006 05:55 am (UTC) (Expand)
PamalaX: applausepamalax on August 3rd, 2006 04:42 pm (UTC)
Sorry to be poking my nose in on your fic comments but I had to get your were I could find you...

Basically I was just dropping by to offer my personal congratulations
( there had to be some perk for me in organizing this thing, right. ) on taking top honors in multiple categories in the PB fic awards.

Congrats lady!!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Gen PB brothershalfshellvenus on August 3rd, 2006 06:25 pm (UTC)
on taking top honors in multiple categories in the PB fic awards.
Seriously?

Wheeeee! *chair-dance, chair-dance, hope nobody notices here at the office*

Thank you so much! :D *big ecstatic grin*
Calendar Girl: spn brothersciela_night on August 3rd, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
Oh, nice drabbles! So many lines in this rang true to the characters for me. I think I like the Dean one best, although I adore this line of Sam's: This is not who I wanted to be.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 4th, 2006 05:31 am (UTC)
I think I like the Dean one best,
That one resonates the most with me too (because of that heartbreaking scene in "Shadows" in the motel room).

although I adore this line of Sam's: This is not who I wanted to be.
This whole Sam ficlet is sad in that in addition to giving up Jess and his future life, he also gave up his dream of being different from his family-- without ever meaning to. After trying so hard to leave it all behind, he finds that it's inside him already, that innocent is something it's far to late to be.
Pix: Red coat walkingpixel_0 on August 4th, 2006 02:55 am (UTC)
It's so different to read this in first person. It just made it sound so much different than what you usually write, which isn't bad, but just, well, different. It really gets in their heads, though, which I like.

I haven't watched this episode since it aired, so the brain is scrambling to remember everything. But, I liked John's the best. For some reason, he doesn't seem nearly as emotional as the other two. Dean is sad/upset, Sam is angry, and John just seems to look at things and go, "Well, this is what it is." Maybe that's just my interpretation; I could be totally wrong.

My favorite line? Definitely the following: Just let them keep each other safe, and let them come back to me whole. *sigh* So heartbreaking and true.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 4th, 2006 05:36 am (UTC)
but just, well, different. It really gets in their heads, though, which I like.
It really affects the whole prose style, doesn't it? You can't get too far-fetched or poetic in first-person, or it just sounds horribly false. I hadn't thought about it that way. I was mostly happy to get three POVs out in first person, since I haven't written in that style before and I honestly kind of fear it.

and John just seems to look at things and go, "Well, this is what it is."
He's had half a lifetime to give things up, and to know when to cut his losses and what to save worrying about for later. I hope his love and pragmatism both come through here. Pragmatism is part of what makes him a good soldier and hunter. Also, though... to me John's POV just sounds the most clearly like any of the characters, so maybe it "sells" itself better.

*sigh* So heartbreaking and true.
And I sure hope they do. Especially after that season finale.

Thank you for your lovely comments, pixel. :)
(no subject) - pixel_0 on August 4th, 2006 08:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on August 5th, 2006 05:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
bluesister on August 4th, 2006 03:13 am (UTC)
Because now he knows that I care too much… and now I know that he doesn’t.

I just watched Shadows so perfect timing. And, yeah, ow. It played like something from the fandom.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on August 4th, 2006 05:37 am (UTC)
And, yeah, ow. It played like something from the fandom.
That is such a heart-ripping scene. For Dean to lay it out there, to admit it (knowing that it makes him look weak), and then to get that almost non-reaction from Sam is like having Sam stomp all over his heart like he doesn't notice that it's there. It hurts every time, over and over. :(
cindy: spn - dad and boys (by kiraboshi)tsuki_no_bara on August 4th, 2006 04:44 pm (UTC)
the last one makes me cry. oh, john. i think in his heart, sam and dean's safety is the most important thing in his world. let them keep each other safe, and let them come back to me whole - exactly. he loves them, end of story.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Johnhalfshellvenus on August 5th, 2006 05:26 am (UTC)
let them keep each other safe, and let them come back to me whole
And I certainly hope that they do, and that in the end they all survived the finale of "Devil's Trap."

What a horrible thing to spend your life chasing something out of revenge, only to have it take more from you in the end than it already has. And I hope that doesn't happen to any of the three of them. Let them survive it, and come home to each other in the end.
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 5th, 2006 05:28 am (UTC)
you've got their voices so down and it hurts... lovely.
Oh, yay! It's hard to tell when you're trying out something new like this style.

But the episode... three fics (and a fourth started that didn't finish in time, plus a picSpam idea too) from it... there are so many things left to say at the end of it all, so many open corners of pain that need tucking in and closing off.

Thank you so much, Claire. :)
a fiction worthy wind: SPN - Longingquietdiscerning on August 5th, 2006 03:14 am (UTC)
these are so good. but they hurt SO much, especially deans.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on August 5th, 2006 05:30 am (UTC)
Thank you very much.

This whole episode just resonates unfinished pain for all three characters, but I think of the three of them Dean definitely hurts the most at the end. Because of the three, what he wants most is just within his grasp, but thwarted by the fact that it depends on the will of two other people who do not share his needs or wants. *Sigh*
tyrical: Emoticons_losttyrical on August 27th, 2006 09:18 pm (UTC)
Three men lost in such different pain.
Two out of the three looking inward to heal it.
One screaming out for the others.

Each counting on each other to be exactly who they are to get through an impossible situation. Sucks all around.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on August 28th, 2006 05:47 am (UTC)
Two out of the three looking inward to heal it.
One screaming out for the others.

That's it exactly. The other two are the source of Dean's pain, but they're too caught up in their own things to notice.

Each counting on each other to be exactly who they are to get through an impossible situation.
And what if they don't? Or what if (as canon shows us again and again), YOUR idea of who they are isn't quite right, and they surprise you at the wrong time (bring the real gun, fall for the trap, what-have-you) because in fact, they were the unknown 'other' this whole time.
(no subject) - tyrical on August 28th, 2006 04:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)