The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors (halfshellvenus) wrote,
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors

For Deirdre's Birthday: If Fangirls Ran Supernatural

A belated birthday gift for the wonderful deirdre_c, who makes me laugh on a variety of topics. But mainly her "Top Ten" posts. So in her honor (I said HONor right? Not HORror?)...

If Fangirls Ran Supernatural
10) Sam would get a light trim to neaten the edges of his emo-do. Nothing major, just… tidier.
9) The Pen would make a comeback, alternating weeks with ice cream cones.
8) Tighter clothes. No more layers of vague!
7) More uniforms. We don’t care what kind.
6) More leaning on the Impala. By all three characters.
5) Towels would be featured in every episode.
4) Broken air-conditioning would haunt every motel, and the boys would be forced to sit around in their underwear.
3) Dean would have sex with a new, disposable woman every two weeks. All scenes would feature closeups of his lips, his eyes, his chest/shoulders and butt. No part of the woman would be visible except her hair.
2) Sam would hug Dean and tell him he’s sorry. For whatever. All the whatever. Really.
1) John would announce that he’s rethinking this whole “sir” concept, that it seems a little overbearing. From now on, the boys will call him “Daddy.”
0) Jensen, Jared and Kripke would then privately rejoice over the huge reduction in retakes now that all the “Daddy” flubs can be left in.

If Fanboys (not the fun kind like Drew) Ran Supernatural
10) Slime would be featured in at least half of the episodes. In different colors and viscosity.
9) More prankage!
8) More explosions and fire!
7) Characters with names like Old Guy and Dead Guy would show up.
6) Two words: Zombies and Werewolves.
5) No pens for Dean, because that creates squirming for reasons that will not be named.
4) A chesty blond-babe sidekick would join the brothers, but stay in the car putting on lipstick over and over again during hunts.
3) Above sidekick would turn Dean down for sex regularly, saying she prefers someone “Less Polished.” She would follow it up by looking right past Sam to the camera and licking her lips s-l-o-o-o-o-w-l-y.
2) Weekly drawing for Drive The Impala day.
1) Weekly guest-star drawing for the Villain part!

If Wincest-Fangirls Ran Supernatural
10) Every four episodes would feature a motel room that only has one bed. Accidental morning cuddling would result at least half the time.
9) Dean would give Sam longing looks every week.
8) Sam would return them.
7) Post-rescue reunions would feature explicit hugging and hair-petting. Also cheek-to-cheek murmuring.
6) John would reunite with the boys periodically, but rarely stay overnight.
5) If John did stick around, Sam and Dean would of course be forced to share the only other bed.
4) Sam would tell Dean that Normal is overrated, and that it’s just the two of them from now on.
3) One of the brothers would need to give the other major CPR a minimum of two times per season.
2) The CPR would take a r-e-a-l-l-y long time to work, and there would be many closeups. To increase the drama, of course.
1) Outtakes of major kissage following That Scene at the end of “Salvation” would be on the Season 1 DVD. From several different angles. In closeup.

Tags: birthday, humor, sn_gen, sn_slash, spn_s1_fic
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