The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors (halfshellvenus) wrote,
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors
halfshellvenus

LJ Idol Season Nine: "Escalations"

Escalations
lj idol season nine | week 2 | 370 words
The Missing Stair

x-x-x-x-x


Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for purchasing the JourneyGlide 3000 escalator!

We are confident you will enjoy this product, and that your customers will appreciate our smooth, stately ride.

JourneyGlide—easing the way to a better tomorrow.

On The Move Enterprises, Inc.





On The Move Enterprises, Inc.
950 W. Morris St.
Indianopolis, IN, 46221

Dear Mr. Meyerling,

We have received your inquiry about the JourneyGlide 3000.

Complaints about this model are extremely rare. Our shipping process ensures that all parts are included in the original delivery.

Any missing pieces have most likely been overlooked in one of the boxes we sent you. Please examine all packaging carefully.

Sincerely yours,

Doug Dilinghman
Customer Service
On The Move Enterprises, Inc.





On The Move Enterprises, Inc.
950 W. Morris St.
Indianopolis, IN, 46221

Dear RALPH MYERLING,

We are sorry you are experiencing challenges with the JOURNEYGLIDE 3000.

All products are shipped to purchasers in their entirety, and any impression otherwise is likely the result of confusion. However, our Customer Service department has kindly offered some recommendations that may help you:

First, any escalator gaps can be treated as a fun challenge for travelers! "Hop the crack" and "Goblin got your toes" are among the most popular games. Canes and umbrellas can also be repurposed for pole vaulting. Your JOURNEYGLIDE 3000 can provide endless entertainment for your airport, department store, or shopping mall.

In addition, careless travelers have a tendency to cause trouble. Our product can allow you to identify and eliminate them early on.

On The Move: together, we're going places!

On The Move Enterprises, Inc.





The Federal Trade Commission
Bureau of Consumer Protections
600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20580

Dear Mr. Meyerling,

We have received your complaint regarding On The Move Enterprises, Inc., as well as the photographs you provided of the defective product. Thank you for taking the time to notify us of this issue.

Unfortunately, On The Move Enterprises, Inc., has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, and is not in a position to refund your money.

We are sorry we cannot help you at this time. Please contact us again if we can be of any further assistance.

Sincerely yours,
Wade R. Burrows
Bureau of Consumer Protection
Federal Trade Commission


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Tags: my_fic, original_fiction, real lj idol
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