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25 October 2013 @ 12:50 pm
My insecurities, let me show you them...  
My younger sister completely blew off my birthday, and I finally got an email response to my expression of hurt feelings, which was basically about how she doesn't consider birthdays a big deal and how I was wrong to not know this about her and that she was thinking of me on that day (and yet did not email or call, since she doesn't do cards). That really almost makes the hurt feelings worse.

Add onto that the number of Wincon people I've friended recently who have not friended me back (people I spoke to and enjoyed), and I feel kind of randomly boring and unlovable. Birthdays tend to bring this out in me anyway, but with the 50th, I think it's worse.

On to less self-pitying things: I wrote a short draft of a story for writerverse last night, which I probably will not force down into a drabble but may expand a little (to somewhere far less than 200 words, let's not get crazy). That'll buy me another two weeks of leeway. I will also seriously try to get a White Collar story done for run_the_con before this round ends (since I utterly failed at the 24-hour challenges. Stupid work!)

Note to self: pay no attention to the shiny world-ending prompt over at comment_fic today.

In final randomness, I spotted this over at Amazon.com, which we'll be getting for our daughter. Even if she hates it, and nobody else in the house has a phone it will fit on, just LOOK at it. It's 3 dollars! How can we not buy it? Miiiinions! \o/

All right, back to work. Note the new icon!

(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Birthdayhalfshellvenus on October 25th, 2013 08:48 pm (UTC)
Aw, I'm sorry you're more familiar with this than I am! Your mother is just so useless, and I hope you build more and more "chosen" family over time that helps fill in those spaces.

It's funny, my sister's reponse (which I half-expected, isn't that sad?) brought out this sense of, "Gee, I didn't realize my birthday was somehow ALL ABOUT YOU." It's like my Dad all over again, where you should just know what he's feeling and he shouldn't have to be bothered to tell you.

Happy pre-birthday to you, just in case I do my usual lame disappearing act over the weekend. You've been through so much and come so far, and I think all of us see it and know it. I hope you do, too.

Thanks for the sweet thoughts. ♥
Clair de Lune: divers - hugclair_de_lune on October 25th, 2013 09:00 pm (UTC)
I'd suggest making a huuuge deal of her birthday and being all "but you should know it's important to me", but it would probably be too much work for an incertain result, not to mention a bit too passive-aggressive *hugs*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 25th, 2013 10:09 pm (UTC)
Birthdays are important enough to me that I calendar them and send cards/emails/call, in part because they are important to most people!

But really, even growing up with disinterested parents (which feels exactly like lack of caring) doesn't make this any easier. THEY don't forget birthdays, for crying out loud.
elrhiarhodan: Tim and Matty Hug - Paleyelrhiarhodan on October 25th, 2013 09:58 pm (UTC)
Happy birthday hugs, much belated.

I know that family can be shit, and not sending a single line email acknowledging your day - especially such a milestone - is a really crappy thing to do.

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 25th, 2013 10:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

That's the thing I don't get-- why is it SO HARD to just send a 10-second email? And it's such a jerk thing not to do, in the larger context of most of the rest of the Western world.

I think it's kind of crappy, and to try to guilt me for being hurt over it feels even crappier. Sheesh.
Desireex_disturbed_x on October 25th, 2013 10:34 pm (UTC)
I tend to feel that way when you feel like you enjoyed time with someone and then they don't friend you back or something along those lines.

Sorry about your sister! My father is the same way. He didn't even call me. I had to call him.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 25th, 2013 10:48 pm (UTC)
Yes-- it's kind of weird, as in, "Oh. Did you NOT enjoy talking with me, while I was enjoying talking with you?"

The whole birthday thing... it's more commonly men who say things like, 'Well, that isn't important to ME, so I don't care whether it's important to other people.' Mostly not women.

I kind of wonder if my sister pulls that crap with her friends, or if she realizes that would be interpreted badly. My motto is not to treat your family worse than your friends. :O
Lose 10 Pounds of Ugly Fat...  Cut Off Your Head.n3m3sis42 on October 26th, 2013 01:16 am (UTC)
That's a pretty weak apology.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 26th, 2013 01:32 am (UTC)
What's worse is that she wasn't trying to apologize. She was saying that I should just "know that about her" (I see her twice a year at best, so I have no way of knowing whether she blows off her friends' birthdays. She didn't used to be this way). It's my fault for feeling hurt at being completely ignored, even though really-- quick email! It's not hard!
Entendre? Make mine a double.: SN I support Deandeirdre_c on October 26th, 2013 01:23 am (UTC)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 26th, 2013 01:33 am (UTC)
Thank you, D. Now you know why I envy the relationship of the two stellar sisters at Wincon-- the love there is obvious, and does not have to be decoded from "things you should just know". Eep.
similiesslipsimiliesslip on October 26th, 2013 01:46 am (UTC)
I'm sorry :( My birthdays always go rather crappy and I cry and I tell myself not to get upset, so I understand how you probably feel sensitive.

:::lotssss of hugs::::::

Try to remember, some people never get on FB. It's possible they have no idea that you friended them. They need to friend you back..seriously, they are missing out. I know I don't comment like I should but I always learn a lot from your LJ posts, including new perspectives. Thank you for sharing yourself with LJ.

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 26th, 2013 02:07 am (UTC)
These are LJ people, so generally they'll get notifications of new friends (unless they've turned that off). I spend almost no time on Facebook-- it just frustrates me, really.

Thanks for the sweet thoughts. My birthday often makes me morose, and this milestone was harder than most... which made being ignored all the worse.

There are lots of things that aren't necessarily important to me that I will do on behalf of other people. I think most of us do, really, so her argument did not carry the weight she probably felt it should.

*hugs* Thanks for listening. :)
cindy: lost - hurley (by teh_indy)tsuki_no_bara on October 26th, 2013 04:40 am (UTC)


your sister sounds incredibly self-absorbed and a bit passive-aggressive. fuck that. i don't know what she might think is important that you could ignore, but i think you'd be justified in doing so. i don't know what's up with the wincon folks, tho. but you're not boring or unlovable!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 26th, 2013 04:49 am (UTC)
You looked! Isn't it awesome? There are little Batman covers and such, but I'm such a sucker for minions.

It does take a special kind of chutzpah to hurt someone, and then make it all their fault, doesn't it? She could be more self-absorbed (my Dad!), but she does tend to do pretty much what suits her and only occasionally sacrifices for others (by that I mean, honors duty rather than personal whim). She has yet to visit _us_ after 25 years here (my brother is about an hour away from me), though the freeway goes both ways. :(

Would the Minion fit over your phone? Or is it the wrong kind?

(no subject) - tsuki_no_bara on October 26th, 2013 08:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on October 27th, 2013 06:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
digitalwavedigitalwave on October 26th, 2013 05:48 am (UTC)
I almost wish I had an iphone just for that cover, sweetie.

I missed your birthday, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I've been so hit and miss around here lately with everything going on. Even though it's belated I sure do hope that your day was amazing. You so deserve it. Don't let your sis get you down. Tis sad but she sure seems to be more than a tad self absorbed.

*hugs you hard*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 26th, 2013 06:26 am (UTC)
I love those little minions. I don't even know why, I just do.

Don't worry about missing my birthday-- I know how hard and overwhelming things have been lately, and just hope you're done with the hospital for awhile. But I do appreciate the good wishes!

(no subject) - digitalwave on October 26th, 2013 03:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
ecosopherecosopher on October 26th, 2013 07:57 am (UTC)
I have been really rubbish at commenting lately, sorry, and I really did mean to send you a message for your birthday! Happy Birthday, and I'm sorry your sister doesn't seem to think it's important to care about what YOU think. Because that's what matters, right? Humph.

That phone cover is awesome. We're getting bits and pieces for Christmas, too :D Just ordered this from ozgameshop for S (who will be nearly seven by then):


I cannot wait to play with it :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 26th, 2013 07:03 pm (UTC)
You've been a little preoccupied, with the move and 4 small children, so I'm not surprised you don't get around to doing every ultimate thing!

I love the look of that creation! Really, I'd put it in the den afterwards so it's always around to watch. So cool!
jeyhawkjeyhawk on October 26th, 2013 08:44 am (UTC)
Sometimes I just want to sit people down and say: "No, that doesn't add up. You're being a dick. End of story." It's totally okay to not "do" birthdays. You don't have to send a card or buy a present or anything like that but a phone call doesn't cost you anything. I mean, my mother's husband doesn't do birthdays or holidays. He hasn't since he was a kid. But he still calls or texts on my (and other people's) birthday because not celebrating doesn't mean not acknowledging. (Apparently I have feelings about this, who knew?)

I think you're a very lovable person. *HUGS*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 26th, 2013 07:05 pm (UTC)
That's the part I don't get. My sister stopped doing cards over 5 years ago, and I'm used to that. But TOTALLY NOT ACKNOWLEDGING someone else's birthday, even with an email (which is the easiest thing ever, especially for a woman who is wedded to her smartphone)? Unbelievable.

It's okay to not celebrate your own birthday, but there are certain things that virtually all people expect and which therefore matter to them, and their birthdays are generally at the top of the list.

I understand your feelings entirely. :D

Thanks for weighing in!
Maz (or foxxy!): MS Hugstuesdaeschild on October 26th, 2013 09:32 am (UTC)
Oh dear. Sending an email wouldn't have taken too much time and effort, would it? Just so you knew she was thinking of you. I'd have found that pretty darn hurtful too. *hugs you*

You're not randomly boring or unlovable to me; or your other friends here either, I suspect, so be of good cheer! :)

And that is one awesome phone cover which screams BUY ME just for the adorable cuteness of it!! :D

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 26th, 2013 07:07 pm (UTC)
That's my thought-- an email! If you're traveling and so busy, why not an email? The "I thought about you and commented about it to my husband" just... what, I was supposed to be on the same wavelength in the ether and somehow just know that? That's silly.

I am so thrilled that other people understand the inexplicable appeal of the minions! Really, I'm sorry I just have an ordinary cellphone when I look at that!

jya_bd_cp_ttgb: Halloweenjya_bd_cp_ttgb on October 26th, 2013 02:29 pm (UTC)
Birthday crap from a parent, yup, know that well. It's gotten to the point where I simply dish it right back *shrugs*

Anyhow, I'm only on LJ about once a week if I'm lucky, it might be that anyone who went to Wincon is just trying to catch up on everything they missed. If you haven't heard by, say, Yule, when people have five minutes to maybe sit down and breathe a bit, I'd
say sod it for a game of soldiers.

Happy belated.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Halloweenhalfshellvenus on October 26th, 2013 07:08 pm (UTC)
Sod it for a game of soldiers! I've never heard that expression, but it's very vivid. :D

Are you spending your online time at other sites, or are you just too buried to really do much other than school/work/real-life?
(no subject) - jya_bd_cp_ttgb on October 26th, 2013 07:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
angels3angels3 on October 27th, 2013 02:49 am (UTC)
*smushes you*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 27th, 2013 03:18 am (UTC)
Thank you. ♥
Princess Robot Bubblegum!astrothsknot on October 27th, 2013 10:54 am (UTC)
you were fifty? awesome. happy birthday!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 27th, 2013 04:41 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Yes, fifty. It's kind of horrifying, but better than the alternative. :)