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03 June 2013 @ 10:25 am
LJ Idol Exhibit B: "Freak Du Chic"  
Freak Du Chic
LJ Idol Exhibit B | Week three | 700 words
I wake up strange (an intersection with porn_this_way, whose hilarious take on this is here ).

x-x-x-x-x

It is after eleven when I tear off my sleep mask to begin the day, because Antoine Solange does not do ordinary and he does not do mornings, either.

The birds are singing in the trees outside my fabulous apartment. Dreadful creatures, quite possibly diseased and most certainly vain. Still, they've inspired some of my most frightening creations—headdresses modeled after deranged ravens, and shaggy, moth-eaten skirts with all the charm of a molting emu.

I prepare an espresso in the kitchen and ready myself for another day of drafting new ideas. There are only two months before Paris, and my portfolio is hardly half-filled. What new so-called brilliance can I inflict upon the fashion world this year?

With the wedding season coming up, ladies of the British elite will be clamoring again for large hats. Surely there must be something…

I take stock of the leftover dishes in the kitchen, the clutter near the sofa.

Perhaps a brim shaped like a limp pizza, with… a stack of book-sized rectangles rising from the crown? Make it black, with a tidy white ribbon circling the bottom of the stack. Oh, yes! And another… bowleresque but feminine, with a unique flair—like those twigs in the dining room flower arrangement. Perfection! In aubergine, perhaps, or claret.

I do feel something lacking, though. One could go bigger. A chapeau sized to rival a sofa cushion, but more elegantly shaped. A swoop and a curve, with a contrasting bow… no, no, too restrained. Ah—a gigantic white potato chip mounted on a cluster of flowers, in fuschia or coral! Très enorme!

I make a few rough sketches for later, but there is still the question of this year's runway. Henri will of course produce the usual anorexic assortment of stunning girls to parade my creations. The models' coat-hanger builds display my work to its best advantage, and no matter how ridiculous the look might be, those girls will wear it with conviction. The clothing lines we actually sell won't be quite as startling, and certainly won't fit the actual populace terribly well, but regular women are shaped so unpredictably. I can't be bound by their bourgeois limitations.

I wander around the apartment looking for ideas. A true artiste must draw on everything around him. Rewatching old movies one weekend, I got the most brilliant footwear idea from The Wizard of Oz. Not the ruby slippers, of course—done to death! No, I envisioned an entire shift over to the witchy chic of an exaggerated pointy-toed pump. The style was perfect! Aggressive and new, such a departure that women the world over would have to replace all the shoes they already owned so as not to appear hopelessly dated. It was a marvelous fashion coup—every shoe store, every street corner was filled with them, the whole movement guaranteed to become utterly passé in just two years. Of course, by then I'd brought platform heels back into vogue, a style so incompatible with the previous that women were forced to buy new shoes all over again.

Out the window, an urban hausfrau and a little boy with a ray gun march down the street. That was where I got my start, you know: one moment I was watching a rerun of the Jetsons, and the next I'd launched an entire fashion line based on retro-futurism. Genius, if I do say so myself.

But what to do for this year? It isn't enough to shock the masses, though it is considered something of a requirement. One must also think of the coming year's financial payoff, and of course there's the sheer thrill of massive ego fulfillment at being one of the season's hottest designers.

Oh, I simply must start a new trend this spring—it's been ages since all the housewives and schoolgirls made themselves dizzy rushing out to buy knockoffs of one of my creations. What shall it be? Something different, something atrocious…

The revival of the faux-fur pimp coat? No, too one-note. I need an idea I can extend to all manner of clothing, even trousers, purses and footwear. Ooh, I've got it!

How about an epic explosion of massive quantities of super-long fringe?



If you liked this story, you can vote for it along with many other fine entries here. This being an intersection week, the success of our partner's piece also counts in the voting.

 
 
 
The New Bubble Girlbanyangirl1832 on June 3rd, 2013 11:33 pm (UTC)
This was so fun! I really liked all the fashion ideas. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 3rd, 2013 11:47 pm (UTC)
Thank you! You'll love porn_this_way's story, too, then. It plays to all of her strengths, whether it's reworked graphics or rantastic non-fiction. :D
Desireex_disturbed_x on June 4th, 2013 02:04 am (UTC)
"The revival of the faux-fur pimp coat?"

That was my favorite line. :P It had me giggling.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 4th, 2013 06:30 am (UTC)
Haha! Glad you liked that!

I swear, that fad could show up any day now. There's no way to stop it!
cindytsuki_no_bara on June 4th, 2013 03:25 am (UTC)
this is so ridiculous and fun! hats shaped like potato chips! wicked witch of the west shoes! fringe! hee.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 4th, 2013 06:31 am (UTC)
Some of these things have already happened, or something really similar.

It's as if the designers are deliberately thwarting the public. Hey, there's no proof otherwise!
Your Facekandigurl on June 4th, 2013 04:19 am (UTC)
Oh, fashion...what the hell is up with you? Sometimes I genuinely feel like this is what fashion designers do all day.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 4th, 2013 06:33 am (UTC)
The results sure make it seem like this is more truth than fiction! Evil is afoot, I say, and it's wearing witchy-toed shoes. :O
whipchickwhipchick on June 4th, 2013 12:45 pm (UTC)
I had Andre Leon Talley in my head the whole time! This was delightful :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 4th, 2013 05:48 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed it!

I am so anti-fashion it isn't funny, though that was probably obvious under the satire here. ;)

I had to do actual research for this story, or maybe it's just my obsession over detail. Somehow, there is almost always research involved unless I'm writing non-fiction!
(no subject) - whipchick on June 5th, 2013 01:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
Myrnamyrna_bird on June 4th, 2013 10:35 pm (UTC)
Great imagination in this faux and fashion fun entry. I was picturing your ideas appearing on Project Runway! :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 4th, 2013 10:50 pm (UTC)
Some of them are horrifyingly easy to visualize, aren't they? And there's a certain awful truth to how likely these might be!
MamaCheshirecheshire23 on June 5th, 2013 03:58 am (UTC)
*giggles*

Simply must start a new trend - that really does seem like how it works. :P
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 5th, 2013 04:03 am (UTC)
That's how you force the old trends out! Which, of course, leads to more $$ for the designer. :D
alien_writings: Go out in style!alien_writings on June 5th, 2013 12:16 pm (UTC)
Oh dear, this sounds all too plausible!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 5th, 2013 04:37 pm (UTC)
It's the evil that makes it funny, isn't it?

There's no way to prove that this is NOT exactly what these guys are up to! :O
Jemima Paulerjem0000000 on June 5th, 2013 06:26 pm (UTC)
Lol! I love this. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 5th, 2013 07:48 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

It's funny, when I suggested this idea to PTW, the whole point of this character was the deliberate weirdness, and how far he goes out of his way to foist that off onto the fashion world at large. ;)
(no subject) - jem0000000 on June 6th, 2013 07:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
lawchickylawchicky on June 5th, 2013 10:34 pm (UTC)
Very cute piece!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 5th, 2013 11:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you-- I'm glad you liked it!
similiesslipsimiliesslip on June 6th, 2013 12:09 am (UTC)
I do wonder sometimes if the people who create fashions want to laugh at the fact that people wear it :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 6th, 2013 12:28 am (UTC)
So often, fashion is created by men for women to wear. So, they'll never have to wear it personally!

And if your goal is to sell, sell, sell, then forcing new trends is really the way to go.
Vice Captain of the Universe: greetestsweeny_todd on June 6th, 2013 02:41 am (UTC)
*grins* it makes me think of the designer out of Zoolander!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 6th, 2013 02:48 am (UTC)
I haven't seen that movie, but I would hope he's as deliberately absurd as this!
(no subject) - sweeny_todd on June 6th, 2013 02:49 am (UTC) (Expand)
tatdatcmtatdatcm on June 6th, 2013 04:41 am (UTC)
Once again, I loved the humor you had throughout the piece. It was a great companion piece to your partner's.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 6th, 2013 05:15 am (UTC)
Thank you! This was a fun one to write, especially as an outsider to the whole fashion process. I have a crueller eye than most for it, I think. :D
Laura, aka "Ro Arwen": Accessorizeroina_arwen on June 6th, 2013 05:04 am (UTC)
This was very fun to read! I think my favorite line was this one: moth-eaten skirts with all the charm of a molting emu.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 6th, 2013 05:18 am (UTC)
Hah! I'm glad someone noticed that line-- I had such a clear image of how someone might translate a messy-looking bird into a fashion statement. Especially of the "never to actually be sold" variety that are seemingly brought out only for runway shock value. :O
(no subject) - roina_arwen on June 6th, 2013 05:25 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on June 6th, 2013 05:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - witches on June 7th, 2013 01:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
Kellykajel on June 6th, 2013 01:40 pm (UTC)
Are you sure this isn't non fiction? I am pretty sure this is exactly how it happens! ;) Love it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on June 6th, 2013 05:37 pm (UTC)
Hahaha! It feels entirely possible to me! Especially given the results we've all seen. o_O