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07 May 2012 @ 12:16 pm
The Real LJ Idol: "Science And Technology Elimination Department"  
Science And Technology Elimination Department
real lj idol | week 26 | 908 words
Sated.

x-x-x-x

Me and Jimmy found something yesterday...Collapse )



If you enjoyed this story, you can vote for it along with many other fine entries here.


 
 
 
Kristenpixiebelle on May 9th, 2012 04:25 am (UTC)
You have some wonderful ideas. I loved that last bit about them being kids but one day having to just like what they are stuck with. So bleak, so sad. But I can't say that it's entirely unrealistic with the way government is and all that.

Very nicely done!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 9th, 2012 06:37 am (UTC)
I loved that last bit about them being kids but one day having to just like what they are stuck with. So bleak, so sad.
I really think it's harder to accept a situation like that when you have an inkling that "more" is possible-- especially if 'more' existed not that long ago!

This is such a repressive world these boys live in, but if you have a government willing to imprison or kill people with scientific or technological experience, there isn't much that government wouldn't do to get what they want. :(
jacq22jacq22 on May 9th, 2012 11:22 am (UTC)
Horrible thought that this could transpire. As you say China is already on that road. Wonderful use of the prompt, and a cry for freedom! love it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 9th, 2012 05:23 pm (UTC)
As you say China is already on that road.
Yes-- they allow technology, but really restrict the flow of information (and they have whole packaged lies about Tiananmen Square that their public gets redirected to).

The Cultural Revolution was one aspect of this (the "remove all the intellectuals" movement, and the U.S. has such an anti-intellectual bias regarding politicians that it scares me). Russia demonized artists for years (writers, composers, etc). But we also see these same tendencies creeping up from the religious cultures that avoid technology. So, we've sure seen the potential. :0

So glad you enjoyed the story, though the premise itself is frightening!
lriG rorriM: creationlrig_rorrim on May 9th, 2012 06:33 pm (UTC)
This was really, really awesome and definitely one of my favorites this week. I love your take on the prompt, and the voice of the narrator here. You've created a compelling and chilling world. Great work! :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 9th, 2012 07:28 pm (UTC)
Yay! Thank you!

The narrator was fun to work with, since I don't write this age group very often, but he was also perfect in that he's too young to remember the Before and also young enough that he doesn't really understand the present all that well, either-- especially the parts that don't make much sense anyway, since government double-speak is involved. ;)

So glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting!
whipchickwhipchick on May 10th, 2012 12:03 am (UTC)
I love that this is bleak, but not hopeless - it's such a hard line to walk with dystopia, and I really get the sense that we haven't seen the last of Charlie and Jimmy in this world. Great voice (like you do :) ) and I love how clear the history is without it feeling like exposition. This feels like a first chapter of a middle-grade book, and I can imagine both younger kids and older kids getting into it.

Great last line, too!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 10th, 2012 10:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!

Charlie is about middle-grade-aged, so you picked that up easily enough. I see you're steering me toward writing books again, which is encouraging. :) I think of myself as more of a micro-ficcer, and at least in fanfic, a 'long' story from me would be 5-7K maximum. :0

But up until Idol, I never really did original fiction writing. So I need to remind myself that it's a different territory!
copyright1983copyright1983 on May 10th, 2012 01:09 am (UTC)
Okay, THAT is a use of the prompt I wouldn't have come up with. Well done!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 10th, 2012 10:17 pm (UTC)
Haha! It's not about food or sex, or the inverse of either.

It's... sideways, that's what it is.

Funny how the obvious meaning of the prompt didn't inspire me at all, but this acronym of it? Oh, yes! So much wrongness, I can hardly get it all on virtual paper! \o/
m strobelmstrobel on May 10th, 2012 11:57 am (UTC)
Oh gosh, why is this not a book? Such a fascinating world you have here, I want to read more about it!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 10th, 2012 10:20 pm (UTC)
Oh, what a lovely thing to say! You and whipchick are giving me ideas!
lawchickylawchicky on May 10th, 2012 03:53 pm (UTC)
This was really clever, both the way you used the prompt and the story itself.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 11th, 2012 12:15 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! I enjoyed writing this one, after figuring out this approach to the prompt. Prior to that, it was all dread. ;)
java_fiendjava_fiend on May 10th, 2012 11:40 pm (UTC)
This is absolutely something I can see a government doing. Knowledge is power and those at the top of the food chain don't like sharing... think that power should be reserved for them and them alone.

A bleak world you're creating but one that has a sense of the realistic to it. Very well done.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 15th, 2012 06:39 pm (UTC)
think that power should be reserved for them and them alone.
It's frightening how pervasive that feeling of privilege is, no matter the governmental system in place.

Glad you enjoyed this-- it was fun to write, and a great antitode to the prompt!
jeyhawkjeyhawk on July 15th, 2013 07:40 am (UTC)
Had to go back and read this too. :D

In my mind Jimmy grows up to join the underground resistence and then drags Charlie into it kicking and screaming because, well, someone has to keep an eye on him.