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12 June 2006 @ 11:17 am
Prison Break Slash Fiction: Unfulfilled Dreams  
Title: Unfulfilled Dreams
Author: HalfshellVenus
Pairing: Michael/OMC, thoughts of Lincoln (Slash)
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers and/or Warnings: Hints of brothercest.
Summary: There is nothing that truly approximates the person we really want…
Author's Notes: Written for fanfic100, where I have the slash pairing of Lincoln and Michael. This is for prompt #49, “Club.” This is also the revised version of this story written for 60_minute_fics, for the prompt "Leather Pants." Visual prompt, anyone?


x-x-x-x-x

On Thursday nights, no-one expects things to get serious. No-one’s really looking for anything permanent or real.

When Michael weakens… he holds out until Thursday before he gives in to that longing that never dies.

He stops by his apartment for a bite to eat and a quick shower. Then he stands in front of the closet, running over his options and kidding himself about whether this is even a choice anymore.

In the back, where a curious glance won’t find them, hang a leather jacket and a pair of matching pants.

It’s totally not him, this whole rough-trade image. That’s part of the attraction—he knows it now. The straight-arrow person who goes to his office job during the week, who is responsible and courteous and intensely serious above all else—that man does not go out to bars and pick up other men. That man tells himself that there’s another future for him, one with a wife and children and a vacation home.

This other man is someone Michael doesn’t even know.

This man has deep-seated desires for things he will never have. For someone he is not allowed to want, and for a life that is never going to happen. Michael doesn’t really know how to let go of this man, how to keep him from coming back and ripping through all the tidy threads of his button-down life with his intense and unspeakable need to keep returning to the same hopeless, endlessly wrong fantasy.

When Michael’s all dressed up-- when he becomes this other man for awhile-- it’s so much easier to pretend that he’s not really that person… not both of those people all at once. He’s a wet-dream personified, nothing like the real Michael at all. There is no way Michael can reconcile these two halves, so it’s better to keep them compartmentalized as far away from each other as possible.

Leather pants, white tank-shirt, studded belt and ass-kicker boots. He adds dark glasses—ridiculously unnecessary at night, but it’s part of the look—and slips on the jacket last. The mirror tells him he is clearly not-Michael now, and that his chances for scoring look damn good.

Two El stops away, on the other side of town, lies The Backdoor. It’s far away from where Michael lives or works, and it lowers the risk of running into anyone he really knows. It’s smoky inside, the band cranked up loud already with a mix of old and new metal. The beat comes in shock-waves through the floor, through Michael’s feet, and he is moving to it as soon as he steps through the door.

It’s hot inside the club, but he ignores that for now, moving with confidence over to the bar. He orders scotch neat, one glass down and a second one to sip as he watches the crowd and scopes out his possibilities.

There. Leaning against a column, the man is tall and muscled, his hair dark against fair skin. He’s wearing tight blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a leather jacket of his own. Even from here, Michael is ready to just take that package for a ride.

Those eyes scan the room as the music goes on, and Michael takes off his jacket to draw them over with that movement. The eyes meet his—brown, Michael thinks, not blue, but it’s never quite perfect. Michael lets his mouth form a lazy smile, lets it grow as it reels the man in. In seconds, they are side-by-side, each sizing the other up.

“I’m Gary,” the other man says (though Michael doubts it, because no-one ever uses real names at first). “David,” Michael answers, and they shake like this is business. And perhaps it is.

They make small-talk, sports to start with, music next. Michael watches the way that heavy-lidded gaze travels to his chest, his mouth, his crotch and back up to his eyes again. He is hard already listening to that voice, and thank god it’s deep and rumbling the way it should be. A higher pitch would have killed the illusion completely.

A hand moves to his arm, stroking lightly as they move closer together. They meet in a kiss, halfway through a sentence about nothing, and the ache for More travels down a path from Michael’s tongue right to his groin. Blurred, heated kissing follows and Michael is straining against the front of those pants. Tight, so damned tight and smooth, with the crotch reverse-lined with more of that buttery leather. The pants jack him slightly every time he moves. Ohhhhhh his thoughts tantalize through the sensations. It’s going to be good this time.

And his mouth murmurs, “Outside?”

They slip out the back door, into the alley where the air is cool and clear again. In a spot unbroken by moonlight, they push back against the wall and resume their exploration. Michael licks and bites that neck with enough restraint not to bruise or draw blood. He’s trapped there, brick on one side and slow, rolling thrusts up against him on the other.

God it’s good, so good just from this alone. He could get off like this, and would be happy except for the cleaning up. But it wouldn’t be enough in the long run—it wouldn’t hit all of his needs quite hard enough. And he’d be back here before the week was up, which is not how this works. He is not going to let this become a way of life. He’s set up rules for himself just to keep that from happening.

Michael’s hands flow roughly across the man’s muscled chest, the feeling of its size making him just that much harder. He reaches for the zipper, their mouths tasting each other once more. Michael teases with his tongue, pushing in and out quickly before lightly nipping those almost full-enough lips. Then he urges their positions reversed, and slides to his knees where the real beginning beckons.

He tears the condom wrapper open with his teeth, sliding the latex sheath over the impressive length of his partner. His mouth follows it right on down, taking in that fullness with a barely muffled groan. His thumbs run up inside the man’s thighs as he moves his head slowly, sucking firmly and pulling off slightly to stress that plump and yielding tip. Down again, harder, until he hears strained breathing and the hands on his shoulders are tight.

Michael pulls off again, stands up and unzips his own pants in one quick motion. He shoves them down, bracing himself up against the wall and leaning back slightly as slick fingers and then welcome heat slide on home.

Rocking, thrusting, they move together in an agony of sensation. The hand around Michael’s ribs holds him still while the hand on his cock pulls and jerks. Everything folds and scatters and stretches and lets go. Harder—faster—and then suddenly it hits, and Michael’s head leans back into that broad shoulder behind him and he is coming all over the wall.

Harsh cries fill his head—maybe his own, maybe his partner’s—and Michael rolls through that glorious disorientation that calls him back to this again and again.

Afterward, they lean together. Michael’s hand covers the one across his groin, and he sways in time to the music still blaring through that closed door. The mouth on his neck, lapping slowly up under his ear, makes him shudder and gasp as that sense-memory replays itself.

When they face each other their eyes are black as the night itself, their lips swollen with the aftereffects of the encounter.

“Do you do this more than once?” The question climbs up out of the night.

“No,” Michael says. That’s the way it has to be.

“Me either,” the man answers. And there might be regret, if either of them were real right now. If any of this had ever happened.

The man smiles slowly, his eyes memorizing Michael’s face. Then he turns and steps into the moonlight, walking down the alley to the street beyond.

Michael leans against the wall and watches him go. It’s always over too soon, this bittersweet taste of his unfulfilled dreams. But this is what he’s allowed. Because the other goes by a name too forbidden to say.

It was so close with this guy tonight. Maybe the closest it’s ever been. But it doesn’t matter.

For all the similarities, and the incredible rush of sliding inside that fantasy… that man still wasn’t Lincoln.

And without that, he will never be the one that Michael wants.


-------- fin --------



 
 
 
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on June 12th, 2006 07:11 pm (UTC)
Is it bad that I kind of want the meaner version of that? Where Michael has really, really crappy sex, because during sex it turns out that the guy is very obviously un-Lincoln like and Michael is unnerved and pissed? Almost in a humor/crackfic kind of way?

Ah well, I have random love for this: Afterward, they lean together. Michael’s hand covers the one across his groin, and he sways in time to the music still blaring through that closed door. Don't know why, it just works for me.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 12th, 2006 07:23 pm (UTC)
Is it bad that I kind of want the meaner version of that? Where Michael has really, really crappy sex, because during sex it turns out that the guy is very obviously un-Lincoln like and Michael is unnerved and pissed?
Yes... yes it is. I tell you, I just can't please you any more. It's not porny enough, or angsty enough, or (!) mean enough. Actually, when you trade all this off with the other reader comments here and there of "why are you writing so much SN? And where's the Lincoln/Michael slash?" it's enough to make me *headdesk* :0

Ahem. On topic. This is kind of a milestone in my fanfic100 challenge because it's the first Lincoln/Michael that... really isn't. It's still slash, but... not the L/M kind.

And at least that "Club" prompt is buried. Yay! Hated it!
(no subject) - thelana on June 12th, 2006 08:01 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on June 12th, 2006 08:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on June 12th, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on June 12th, 2006 08:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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Re: Um, yeah... - thelana on June 12th, 2006 09:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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Re: Um, yeah... - thelana on June 12th, 2006 09:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Um, yeah... - halfshellvenus on June 12th, 2006 09:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
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Re: Um, yeah... - halfshellvenus on June 13th, 2006 04:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
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Re: Um, yeah... - halfshellvenus on June 13th, 2006 04:29 am (UTC) (Expand)
Re: Um, yeah... - halfshellvenus on June 12th, 2006 09:50 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
Re: Um, yeah... - halfshellvenus on June 13th, 2006 12:37 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on June 12th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on June 12th, 2006 09:53 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 12th, 2006 09:53 pm (UTC)
I *always* picture him sublimating the desire. I guess it is weird. He's a man and sooner or later he's going to have to act on his needs.
I normally picture him that way too. But this is a different take on the character-- different possibilities. Just wait-- there's an assyLincoln take waiting to be written someday too. You can read them, and then discard them from your personal "Universe" of what works for you. :)

You might want to re-read this, now that it's the RIGHT version. It was still the 60-min-fics version before. *headdesk*

poisontaster on June 12th, 2006 09:33 pm (UTC)
Oh. Oh, I really really like this; the raw nakedness of the need and longing. It's unafraid and really primal and thus lies really close to the heart. Beautiful and heartbreaking, m'dear.

And there might be regret, if either of them were real and if any of this had ever happened.
I just ADORE this line. Especially about neither of them being real. It summons up the whole issue of wish-fullfillment and fantasy without being obvious or crass, and yet says everything.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 12th, 2006 09:58 pm (UTC)
Beautiful and heartbreaking, m'dear.
Thank you, Erin. :) Sadly, the version you read is still the original 60_minute_fics one. I had a Semagic one where my post of the "new" version didn't take (too many trips back and forth between different accounts to get the ship_manifesto edited and loaded).

I just ADORE this line. Especially about neither of them being real. It summons up the whole issue of wish-fullfillment and fantasy without being obvious or crass, and yet says everything.
It's completely a life I've never led, and hope never to have to, but... I understand the longings and denial and the hopelessness of it all, especially for Michael. The enormous desire NOT to be who you are, not to feel those things you wish you could slice away out of yourself. And still... to have no choice. (might as well be Dean we're talking about, when it come to that).
dragon9maiden on June 13th, 2006 01:11 am (UTC)
Wow, this is a gem as well!
One night stand fic is always hard to write, but you took an unconventional angle. Most people I have read so far like to write from Michael's internal perspective (how he felt physically and emotionally). You did something different with this one. Like most ONS in real life, your fic is smokey and mysterious. You focused on the actions / non-verbal exchange between Michael and his casual lover. This gave the readers a voyeuristic perspective of the encounter, kind of like watching two people's silhouette behind a screen. I find this quite appropriate for ONS fic. Since two people barely have anything in common, the silence and anonymity of the relationship should be very prominent.
Even though I do agree that the real life Michael couldn't possibly dream of finding his Lincoln through random sex in a bar, I can picture Michael participating in this role play. Like the leather jacket and pants he put on and took off, each of us probably has an entirely different persona that we assume only once in a while. Does it matter that he couldn't find his Lincoln? No, I don't think so. I think he knows that his Lincoln would probably prefer the real Michael anyways.
Thanks for the wonderful treat.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 13th, 2006 06:24 pm (UTC)
Most people I have read so far like to write from Michael's internal perspective (how he felt physically and emotionally)
Yes-- I usually write the stories that way myself.

You focused on the actions / non-verbal exchange between Michael and his casual lover. This gave the readers a voyeuristic perspective of the encounter, kind of like watching two people's silhouette behind a screen. I find this quite appropriate for ONS fic. Since two people barely have anything in common, the silence and anonymity of the relationship should be very prominent.
What an interesting observation. I know what you mean, though-- there is a slightly unreal feeling to the whole idea of this encounter. Its underpinnings are taboo, its need is denied until that no longer works, and there is an effort here NOT to be Michael, because Michael should not (and cannot afford to) want this. Michael has already somewhat distanced himself (emotionally) from this experience, because he doesn't have any way to deal with all of its implications and the fact that it recurs despite his desire to move beyond this need.

This is a different universe of Lincoln/Michael here, where Lincoln is unaware of Michael wanting him (and Michael doesn't want to want him). What a different and more desperate scenario that becomes than most of the other interactions between them that I write.

So very pleased that you liked this, dragonmaiden. Thank you. :)
alejandrasophia on June 13th, 2006 07:15 am (UTC)
I just melt and live for Michael/Lincoln love. Although it wasn't Lincoln, Michael's longing for him is so painful and still so beautiful.

I loved it.

*i seriously need a Michael/Lincoln icon* lol
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 13th, 2006 06:19 pm (UTC)
Although it wasn't Lincoln, Michael's longing for him is so painful and still so beautiful.
Thank you-- I'm glad that part came through so clearly, even with the sublimation and the denial running rhough it.

*i seriously need a Michael/Lincoln icon* lol
*G* They would be much easier to come by if they would be, for instance, in the same room at the same time and at all close together! This show challenges not only the slashing of an obviously slashy relationship, but even the iconification of its two main stars. How bizarre is THAT? :D
(no subject) - alejandrasophia on June 13th, 2006 11:32 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on June 15th, 2006 12:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - alejandrasophia on June 15th, 2006 12:44 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on June 19th, 2006 09:28 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on June 20th, 2006 05:35 am (UTC) (Expand)
denaligirl1 on June 14th, 2006 06:27 am (UTC)
ooh, i really like this. i'm not ususally crazy about omc's as i ship pretty true to my otp's, but this one worked really well as a story-telling device. i also liked that this was angsty and one-sided (with lincoln not even aware of michael's feelings) - it's nice to mix things up now and then! *reminds self to make time to read halfshell's spn slash*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 15th, 2006 12:22 am (UTC)
i'm not ususally crazy about omc's as i ship pretty true to my otp's,
Me too, so this is unusual for ME as well.

i also liked that this was angsty and one-sided (with lincoln not even aware of michael's feelings) - it's nice to mix things up now and then!
It seemed that at least ONE of the stories for my L/M slash challenge should cover this possibility. The boys are lucky to have as much mutuality as they do, in so many of the other stories. ;)

reminds self to make time to read halfshell's spn slash*
*dies* Plz! Hope you enjoy it as well (another OTP worth finding). :)
(Anonymous) on June 17th, 2006 02:23 am (UTC)
Awww. I loved this, keep up the good work!
dirtandweeds on June 17th, 2006 02:24 am (UTC)
eek that was me.
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on June 19th, 2006 05:17 am (UTC) (Expand)
Maz (or foxxy!)tuesdaeschild on June 21st, 2006 04:48 pm (UTC)
Question: How can a Michael/Lincoln fic be incredibly hot with Lincoln not even in it?

Answer: When you have halfshellvenus writing it!!

I just loved the fact that by putting on that outfit Michael became...unMichaeled! Like it wasn't just leather pants and jacket he was putting on but another, totally alien, skin (hope that isn't too squicky an image!), if you see what I mean.

Also, this Michael has his life so organised, so comparmentalised that even an act like going to a bar and picking up a guy for gay sex is thought out so carefully and not in any way spontaneous.

The longing and the lingering regret that 'Gary' was close to being Lincoln but not Lincoln was almost tangible!

A triumph in Michael/non-Lincoln slash, sweetheart! You are just about the best in the business!! AWESOME!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: MichaelInBarshalfshellvenus on June 21st, 2006 09:46 pm (UTC)
I just loved the fact that by putting on that outfit Michael became...unMichaeled! Like it wasn't just leather pants and jacket he was putting on but another, totally alien, skin (hope that isn't too squicky an image!), if you see what I mean.
No, I do know what you mean. It's a costume, really, and he takes on the part of who he's playing. And it's so much more comfortable that it isn't him when he's doing that. It really helps with the denial.

Also, this Michael has his life so organised, so comparmentalised that even an act like going to a bar and picking up a guy for gay sex is thought out so carefully and not in any way spontaneous.
That totally seems like Michael to me. And the fact that he doesn't really want to be doing this, but it keeps happening, seems like a situation where Michael would immediately start making up rules for himself so that it doesn't get even worse. :0 Always trying to control the uncontrollable...

Glad you liked this fic-- it kind of IS Lincoln underneath it all, at least for awhile. And the rest is all relentless porn. ;)
(no subject) - tuesdaeschild on June 24th, 2006 09:43 am (UTC) (Expand)
mercurybard on June 22nd, 2006 08:15 pm (UTC)
"There is no way Michael can reconcile these two halves, so it’s better to keep them compartmentalized as far away from each other as possible"..."it wouldn’t hit all of his needs quite hard enough. And he’d be back here before the week was up, which is not how this works."

He was so not kidding about the compartmentalization. But it does sound like something he would do--completely split himself into "this is me and this is not-me". It's sort of what he does in prison.

I know it's a good NC-17 slash fic when I job everytime a truck rumbles down the street, just in case it's my brother (b/c he would want to know why I'm giggling/blushing so bad). Lovely job.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 23rd, 2006 06:35 am (UTC)
But it does sound like something he would do--completely split himself into "this is me and this is not-me".
I think he does it for a lot of things that conflict-- decisions he'd rather not make are neatly separated from his moral list of "usual", that kind of thing. It's also a *cough* denial mechanism-- how we tell ourselves that we are NOT on the road to "The End Justifies The Means" (as Michael does in prison), or we are NOT entering into a bar-cruising lifestyle (as with this story).

I know it's a good NC-17 slash fic when I job everytime a truck rumbles down the street, just in case it's my brother (b/c he would want to know why I'm giggling/blushing so bad).
Oh, do I ever know that feeling. The sound of the backdoor opening (the kids are hoooome) or feet thudding down the stairs... ;)

Glad you liked it! It's my only Michael/not!Lincoln for this fandom (other than that Crossover I wrote with Supernatural, where I was begged-- begged-- to write Michael/Dean against the power of my OTP-squared. (!)
(no subject) - mercurybard on June 23rd, 2006 01:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on June 25th, 2006 05:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
Issy: sunkissed44winterqueen on June 24th, 2006 09:17 pm (UTC)
I love Michael here torturing himself with approximations of what he can't have.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 25th, 2006 05:17 am (UTC)
I love Michael here torturing himself with approximations of what he can't have.
That's a wonderful way to describe this too. It seems like such a Michael thing to do-- even to calculate how much closer he's getting without actually crossing the line into what he absolutely cannot have.

Examine, analyze, dissect... and deny all at once.
etherealflaimetherealflaim on February 7th, 2008 06:07 am (UTC)
The thing that strikes me the most about this (other than how awesome it is, and how different) is how very true it is to Michael's character, while still being so different from how he usually is written. Michael would much rather take the pain on himself, to compromise his own dignity, stability, mental well-being and reputation when the alternatives are hurting the one person he loves above all others: rejection by Lincoln would utterly crush him. If Lincoln were to get angry and hateful, Michael would feel like shit and his heart would be broken instead of aching. If Lincoln were to either take it mildly or even play along for awhile, it would break Michael's heart even more when Lincoln inevitably starts to second-guess everything he does around Michael for fear of making it worse for his brother.

It's such a no-win situation, it reminds me of real life.
~EF