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28 January 2012 @ 02:38 pm
Real LJ Idol: "The K-Tel Wordmaster"  
The K-Tel Wordmaster
real lj idol | week 12 | 229 words
Some Assembly Required



Have you dreamed of becoming an author? Of writing your own bestselling novels, or creating compelling classified ads?

Well, now there's a product for you: the K-Tel Wordmaster! This amazing word kit is all you need to start writing your own masterpiece, and it can be yours for the low, low price of only $19.99.


Image: Excited elderly man reading "My Masterpiece, by Wilfred Wordsmith"


The K-Tel Wordmaster offers thousands and thousands of words: verbs, nouns, adjectives, adverbs, prepositions, conjunctions, participles, and more!

Create your own sentences, paragraphs, and storylines. The sky's the limit!

And, for a limited time only, we'll send you a bonus Pocket Thesaurus, a $2.99 value. Now how much would you pay?


Image: Tiny "Pocket Thesaurus" on a person's hand.



Tired of all those ordinary words?


Image: Crumpled balls of paper and frustrated woman sitting in front of paper with the words "cat the sat fat mat" on it.


The K-Tel Wordmaster provides you with an enormous selection to choose from, including four-syllable vocabulary expanders, rare modifiers, valuable verbs, and exciting intensifiers!

Still not satisfied? All orders also feature an extra two-hundred power words: obliterate, trepidation, prowess, mitigate, exonerate, scrutinize, and more!

Operators are standing by. Call within the next twenty minutes, and we'll conjugate* ten of the most-frequently-used verbs for free: be, go, can, do, will, run, drive, lie, lay, and may.
*Offer prohibited in some areas, including Arkansas and Tennessee.

What are you waiting for? Order your Wordmaster today!



**The K-Tel Wordmaster is not sold in any stores. K-Tel is not responsible for grammar, syntax, or the marketability of any results. Some assembly required.




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Danmuchtooarrogant on January 28th, 2012 10:42 pm (UTC)
This was hilarious, and takes what I'm certain will end up being a very unique approach to the prompt. Well done!

Dan
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 28th, 2012 10:47 pm (UTC)
So glad you enjoyed it! Hope the visual descriptions helped (and boy, did all that photoshopping take time).

I didn't expect to be creating any crack for Lj Idol, but sometimes you have to go where the prompt takes you. Whoo-hoo! \o/
(no subject) - muchtooarrogant on January 29th, 2012 01:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 29th, 2012 04:18 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - muchtooarrogant on January 29th, 2012 04:22 pm (UTC) (Expand)
colleenishcolleenish on January 28th, 2012 11:38 pm (UTC)
participles, and more!

::spews coke at monitor:: Should've heeded your warning. ;)

Hee! I loved this!

Awww, man, is K-Tel still around?

Edited at 2012-01-28 11:40 pm (UTC)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 29th, 2012 02:12 am (UTC)
Haha! Always trust the beverage warning!

I don't think K-Tel is still around, but they left quite a legacy, didn't they? A really recognizable one, at that. :D
similiesslipsimiliesslip on January 29th, 2012 02:44 am (UTC)
LOL. Sounds like a dictionary:)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 29th, 2012 04:15 am (UTC)
:D That's the "Only on TV!" way-- overselling the heck out of something that already has a perfectly reasonable solution. :D

If only those pesky, "ordinary" words were what kept most people from being bestselling authors. ;)
the key of the day and the lock of the nightlocknkey on January 29th, 2012 03:26 am (UTC)
Loved this - very clever. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on January 29th, 2012 04:15 am (UTC)
Thank you, bb!
cindy: spn - geek love (by thereisnosp00n)tsuki_no_bara on January 29th, 2012 05:56 am (UTC)
this is fabulous! so late-night-mail-order-ad! "Offer prohibited in some areas, including Arkansas and Tennessee" cracked me right up, too.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 29th, 2012 07:25 am (UTC)
Thank you-- glad you saw this one!

It seems like offers are always prohibited somewhere, at least these days anyway (I love the rapid-speed muttering of disclaimers at the ends of commercials).

And conjugating in general seems like the kind of thing that might be banned in some areas, whether you mean the traditional form of the word or its other uses. ;)
basricbasric on January 29th, 2012 12:17 pm (UTC)
Very original and unusual. I liked it. I could probably use it. Do you suppose they have a medical term version? (= (=
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 29th, 2012 08:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

Ooh, a medical version:

The K-Tel Medical Terminology Wizard

Hundreds of popular medical terms and conditions**, including: obstruction, laceration, esophageal, sarcoidosis, amputation, debridement, necrosis, ulceration, embolization, and more!

** Offer void where prohibited. K-Tel is not reponsible for the application of medical diagnoses to actual patients.
(no subject) - basric on January 29th, 2012 11:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
pheintpheint on January 29th, 2012 06:37 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this :) (Some assembly required, heh!)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on January 29th, 2012 08:10 pm (UTC)
As in, ALL assembly required. At least, if you want the collection of words to mean anything. And isn't that always the way?

Thanks for reading!
Shadow Wolf Byrd: LOLshadowwolf13 on January 29th, 2012 08:37 pm (UTC)
Love it!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 29th, 2012 10:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
jacq22: lmaojacq22 on January 30th, 2012 05:45 am (UTC)
Funny, and so true of the commercials, and like you I am amazed by the hurried disclaimers spoken in speed talk at the end.

I just want to know why they don't offer a set of steak knives!! used to be normal here with all the k-tel offers.

Loved this hilarious take. brilliant humour/humor.....?

Edited at 2012-01-30 05:46 am (UTC)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 30th, 2012 05:35 pm (UTC)
I think the steak knives crept in later, though I'd thought about including an oven mitt for no particular reason and used that wording for the thesaurus. When I looked at some of the older ads online, the things that were thrown in initially had SOME relation to the actual product. Apparently, that drifted a bit later... :D

I'm glad you enjoyed this one, and that it brought back old and weird memories. K-Tel-- overmarketing everything ever made!tm
createdestinycreatedestiny on January 30th, 2012 05:46 am (UTC)
Hilarious!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 30th, 2012 05:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
Domcomedychick on January 30th, 2012 11:33 am (UTC)
LOL
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 30th, 2012 05:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
when all you know seems so far away: kridiculouspoppetawoppet on January 30th, 2012 05:19 pm (UTC)
teeheee

love it!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 30th, 2012 05:41 pm (UTC)
Now with convenient carrying case!

Thanks-- glad you enjoyed it! :)

nodressrehersalnodressrehersal on January 31st, 2012 01:17 am (UTC)
What a fun post - it's got everything - excitement, value, visuals, and ALL FOR ONLY $19.99! Nice job.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 31st, 2012 03:43 am (UTC)
Hee- thank you! Funny, this took every bit as long to create as a post with more words, but it was worth it to get the phrasing and cheesy visuals just right.

Glad you enjoyed it! :)
medleymistymedleymisty on January 31st, 2012 05:45 am (UTC)
I've had this open for a while and I've been meaning to comment on it.

I LOVE IT! It's awesomely funny, and the photoshopping is genius.

And I know how it can take just as long or longer to do stuff like this, with the time it takes to work on the pics. :)

I actually haven't heard of K-Tel, but I have seen enough late night infomercials in my time to get it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 31st, 2012 06:29 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it!

I kind of went the indirect route with this one, but it seemed like such a wonderfully ironic idea, considering. And yes-- photoshopping is incredibly slow, particularly if you're like me and have no real skills at it.

You can find some of those K-Tel commercials at YouTube. I revisited a few of them for inspiration, and good god... the clothing and hairstyles from that era were just frightening. I saw many of the commercials in "real time" back when they first aired, but when you're surrounded by those fashions you don't really notice how awful they are. o_O
Jemima Paulerjem0000000 on January 31st, 2012 08:05 am (UTC)
Lol! I like it. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on January 31st, 2012 06:04 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thank you! :D
(no subject) - jem0000000 on January 31st, 2012 06:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)