The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors (halfshellvenus) wrote,
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors

The Real LJ Idol: "Magnetic South"

Magnetic South
real lj idol | week nine| 440 words
Prompt: counter-intuitive


I always want the unloved thing.

I don't mean that in a Charlie Brown Christmas way, although that has also been true (and I see it happening all over again with my children and their choices).

I mean that I always love the unpopular thing. I am the barometer of cultural death, gravitating toward that which is fated to disappear.

Television comedies are my specialty. It wasn't always so—I followed M*A*S*H, Mary Tyler Moore, and WKRP to success, although I was only twelve or thirteen at the time. Refining such an obstinate sense of inversion doesn't happen overnight!

In the last few decades, I've loved only two comedies that succeeded: Frasier and The Simpsons. I'm still not sure how the first survived (was it simply Niles' slapstick?). Of the many beloved shows that have died, I mourn Max Headroom, Arrested Development, Dead Like Me, Pushing Daisies, and Reaper. I like 30 Rock, but I love Community, and it, too, seems to be circling the drain.

Meanwhile, Two And a Half Men plays on and on…

I don't care for fashion or pop music, but my 'gift' keeps on giving: the things I like don't last, and the things I hate develop a shelf-life of their own. How else to explain mall hair and sagging pants and Madonna, or the resurgence of '70s fabric prints?

In car stereos, the hardest thing to find is systems with punchable buttons instead of touchscreen displays. You'd think the focus would be on creating products you can use without ever taking your eyes off the road, but electronics companies focus on ever-fancier displays instead.

My sense for what other people don't want is absolutely uncanny!

Today I went shopping for iPod earbuds, a seemingly simple task. I discovered that almost no one makes the kind that hook over your ears anymore. Earbuds so big they fall out of your ears were everywhere, along with color selections to match buds to pods, seemingly for an audience of none.

But wait, that's me!

I'm the one perpetually looking for the things no one sells, and loving the TV shows that swan-dive into dry seas during Nielsen rating periods.

I am the True South of the world in which cultural popularity pulls to the magnetic North.

I am the Anti-Trend, the Queen of Unloved Screenwriting, the Amazing De-Gadgetator.

I've also just realized that if I played the stock market, this dubious talent could make me rich

Please excuse me. I need to scour the Web for the most recent incarnation of whatever's passing as a cultural abstraction of The Pet Rock.

See you in Monaco next year!

Tags: my_fic, original_non_fiction, real lj idol
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