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28 November 2011 @ 09:19 am
Burn Notice Fiction: "Casual Catastrophes" (Michael, Sam, PG)  
Title: Casual Catastrophes
Fandom: Burn Notice
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam, Michael (Gen, Humor)
Rating: PG
Summary: For a couple of guys who pull off major operations, a little downtime ought to be a piece of cake. Right?
Author's Notes: A late Fall Fandom Free-For-All offering for rise_your_dead.
Also for 5_prompts (Table 31, "Accidents Happen") and writers_choice ("Plan").

x-x-x-x-x

"You know, Mikey," Sam said as he entered Michael's loft, "we should really do something sometime."

Michael glanced up from working on a homemade signal scrambler. "Something involving actual verbs?"

"Well yeah, sure." Sam checked the fridge for a beer. "You know—sailing, spearfishing, that kind of thing."

"You mean, an adventure."

"No!" Sam said. He settled for an apple, one of the lonely few in Michael's fridge. "Just the opposite. I think we should hang out and do something completely different from spy missions or talking about spy missions."

"Oh. Like regular people."

"Exactly like that," Sam agreed, punctuating the air with his apple. "It'd be awesome."

"Well okay, then. Let's do it."

~*~

Sam tended to think big (because he knew a guy—didn't he always?), while Michael usually started out small. So, the compromise between a 50-foot catamaran and a modest-sized sailboat wound up being a 30-foot yacht.

It was still barely fast enough for them to break away from the shark that took an interest in Michael's attempts at scuba-diving.

"Unbelievable," Sam said, as he steered the boat toward shore. "We ought to report that guy."

Michael shrugged. "It's his ocean."

"It's bad for tourism! And there's nothing I hate more than an arrogant fish…"

The next choice was more low-key. They went bass-fishing on a small lake two hours outside of town. Everything was great for the first half-hour, until they were joined by an alligator with boundary issues.

"Oh, for crying out loud," Michael said.

"At least it isn't sharks. Whack him with that oar, would you? I'll get us out of here…"

They tried hiking a week later, a nice spot in the Big Cypress National Preserve, but that didn't pan out either.

"Drug runners, Sam? Really?" Michael hissed.

"Hey, it's not like I invited them. And if we don't stop them, who will?"

It didn't take long for the two of them to subdue the local arm of a Colombian cartel, but giving statements and handling paperwork could've eaten several lifetimes. Michael called Fi for a lift, and left Sam and his more respectable public reputation to straighten out the mess.

Sam came by later that evening, looking dejected.

"I can't believe how all this has turned out," he said. "It's like I'm cursed."

Michael handed him a beer, and Sam drank half of it in a few gulps. "I'm really sorry, Mikey." he continued. "I honestly thought this would be easier.

"Well, you know," Michael said. "It was a nice idea."

"Sure was…" Sam sighed and shook his head. "Guess we'll have to focus on being business partners for awhile instead, just to cut down on the excitement." He scratched a mosquito bite, probably a remnant of Gatorgate. "You win some, you lose some…"

Michael nodded sympathetically.

"So," Sam finally asked, "got big plans for the weekend?"

"I was thinking about working on the car this Saturday," Michael said. "Maybe tightening the transmission, and boosting the engine a little..."

A hopeful looked bloomed on Sam's face. "Oh," he said. "Hey, you think you could use some company?"

Michael grinned and reached over to clink his beer bottle with Sam's.

"Yeah," he said."I think that'd actually be really great."


-------- fin --------

 
 
 
cindytsuki_no_bara on November 28th, 2011 07:32 pm (UTC)
this is really, really cute. i mean, an alligator with boundary issues! heeee. (gatorgate!) and the arrogant fish! poor sam - cursed with an overabundance of adventure.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Flamingohalfshellvenus on November 28th, 2011 09:01 pm (UTC)
When I got to writing this, I realized that the wildlife alone around Florida is more dangerous than a lot of other places.

And the irony of two great planners repeatedly running up against random disaster was too funny to resist. It's so unfair! But I'd also swear that's about Sam's luck, sometimes.

Thanks for reading!
Lisa: castle: shinymeridian_rose on November 28th, 2011 09:00 pm (UTC)
"You know, Mikey," Sam said as he entered Michael's loft, "we should really do something sometime."

Michael glanced up from working on a homemade signal scrambler. "Something involving actual verbs?"

"Well yeah, sure." Sam checked the fridge for a beer. "You know—sailing, spearfishing, that kind of thing."
Absolutely perfect dialogue :D A very amusing fic :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Flamingohalfshellvenus on November 28th, 2011 09:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

I do love how Sam sometimes tends toward the vague, though that's also one of the hallmarks of old friends and family-- a tendency to bypass actual nouns and verbs in far too much communication.

Twinspeak-- it's not just for twins!

Thansk for reading. :D
Rhi: Sam Axegryphonrhi on November 28th, 2011 09:26 pm (UTC)
::grinning:: Poor Sam! Yes, stick to repairing cars with Michael -- that has a chance.

Thanks, this was fun!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Flamingohalfshellvenus on November 28th, 2011 09:40 pm (UTC)
I feel for them both!

You know, this is kind of the off-the-job equivalent of having a janitor randomly wander into your carefully set-up scam. D'OH!

So glad you enjoyed it. Thank you!
Rhi: can you swim?gryphonrhi on November 28th, 2011 09:55 pm (UTC)
::grinning:: It reminded me of various SG-1 members trying to take vacations, honestly. A lot of fun -- thanks!
Icepixie: [Burn Notice] Fiona detonator happyicepixie on November 29th, 2011 01:14 am (UTC)
Adorable! Of course gators and sharks and drug runners would ruin their attempts to have some time off.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Flamingohalfshellvenus on November 29th, 2011 04:08 am (UTC)
Nothing's ever as easy as it seems, is it? Not even for world-class spies. ;)
JagfanLJ: Gigglejagfanlj on November 30th, 2011 09:48 am (UTC)
lol - this needs to be an episode! Those poor guys never catch a break, do they?

btw, If they work under the car, I hope they triple-check the jack!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on November 30th, 2011 06:41 pm (UTC)
You kind of get an impression of their luck around whichever episode it is that first features "Michael's not-dead-partner Larry". :D

I agree with you about the jack. Better safe than sorry!

And poisonous spiders. Don't forget to check for those!
JagfanLJ: Gigglejagfanlj on November 30th, 2011 11:41 pm (UTC)
And snakes! And possums! And skunks, OH MY!

re sneaky spiders:
My neighbor had 3 black widows set up housekeeping in the wheel-well of her car. She didn't find out until she went to get the tires rotated. The poor mechanic nearly had a heart attack.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Flamingohalfshellvenus on December 1st, 2011 06:28 pm (UTC)
Oh, I pity that poor guy.

We have black widows in the part of California where I live, and it's still an adjustment after growing up in the rainy parts of Oregon (no black widows there!)

I had one build a web between my bicycle pedal and the wall (a bike that had only been in that spot for two days), and another built a web on a bike repair mounting stand right next to the electric garage door and where the sun hit it every time the door went up. So much for "quiet, dark places"! They're a menace.
Silver M: rodneyservesdinnermaldeluxx on December 1st, 2011 11:02 am (UTC)
Talk about bad luck *lol* But it's funny XD
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Flamingohalfshellvenus on December 1st, 2011 06:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

They deserve better, but that's not always how their lives tend to go. :)
In here, everything is beautiful...: (bn) sam is an exposition specialistrise_your_dead on December 2nd, 2011 12:07 am (UTC)
*DIES* this is SO CUTE.

I love Sam threatening to report the guy. And Michael nearly being eaten by sharks. And their natural inability to actually relax while on vacation. Always shoot for simple, boys <3.

I LOVE THIS. thank you so much for writing for me!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Flamingohalfshellvenus on December 10th, 2011 07:29 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked it!

I enjoy any time these two guys spend together, whether scheming, talking and kidding around, or recovering from the latest plan that has gone awry. Or sometimes, even the NON-plans that go awry.

I'm sorry it took so terribly long to finish. It started easily enough, and then refused to budge for about a month. But I so badly wanted to write something for you, and I hope this helped bring you some belated Fall Fandom joy. :D
In here, everything is beautiful...rise_your_dead on December 14th, 2011 12:26 pm (UTC)
I adore it! The Sam/Mike bromance is so awesome, and there's so little friendfic about them.

Absolutely no need to apologize!! We all have lives, and it was more than worth the weight.
The Sarcastic Typo: burn notice: ot3 foreversarcasticsra on June 26th, 2012 07:57 pm (UTC)
Just a super belated comment to say that this is awesome and hilarious. "And there's nothing I hate more than an arrogant fish..." might just be the best line ever, hee. (I now have the best image of a shark purposely being a dick to Michael.) Great job!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Flamingohalfshellvenus on June 26th, 2012 08:10 pm (UTC)
So glad you liked it!

I feel for poor Sam here and all of his small plans gone awry, and for Michael who still always winds up in the middle of these things despite his incredible patience.

But in the end, there's automotive repairs and beer. And for these two, not a bad way to spend time together. :)