The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors (halfshellvenus) wrote,
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors

Supernatural Crack Fiction: "Angels And Anklosauruses" (Castiel, Balthazar, PG)

Title: Angels And Anklosauruses
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Castiel, Balthazar (Gen, Crack)
Rating: PG
Summary: The Lord moves in mysterious ways, some more than others…
Author's Notes: A Fall Fandom Free-For-All offering for lexhibition, who wanted Supernatural with angels and dinosaurs.


Balthazar peered down at the earthly tableau. "What are those, exactly?"

"They are God's latest creation," Castiel said. "I believe they are called dinosaurs."

"Really," Balthazar sniffed. "They look ridiculous. 'Ooh, watch me smash down this tree with my what's-it!'"

"Tail," Castiel said. "And we must be respectful. They are the workings of Our Father."

"Oh, how you do go on, Castiel. I wouldn't quite rate them that highly. They look rather half-baked, to me. Hang on—"


Castiel watched, mortified, as one of the dinosaurs danced an awkward jig across a once-lovely swath of greenery. Then it rampaged through a river and mowed down half a primordial forest and a herd of smaller, scaly-skinned beasts.

There was a flash of light, and Balthazar returned. "Well," he said breathlessly. "I'd say that proved my point..."

"What was it like in there?"

"Dim," Balthazar said. "Dim and uncoordinated and incoherent. Apart from the rage."


"Yes. There was this overwhelming urge to destroy everything."

"Hmm. You must have felt right at home, then."

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Balthazar demanded.

Castiel remained silent.

"Anyway," Balthazar went on, adopting a casual tone, "these creatures seem like some sort of practice run. At least, I hope so."

"That is blasphemous."

"Honestly, Castiel, when have you ever not considered something to be blasphemous? All I'm saying is, He can do better."

"Do not question His ways, Balthazar. Besides, I find a certain magnificence in these creatures…"

"Magnifi—are you even looking? Do you see all of those teeth? Those spikes? The pathetically unbalanced top and bottom halves of that creature I inhabited just now? And those other ones, the food-beasts, they tasted foul."

Castiel suddenly felt the uncomfortable need to be somewhere Balthazar was not. Perhaps it was time to align himself with some of the other angels.

"He'll get bored with them, you wait," Balthazar added.

Castiel arrived at a decision. "Forgive me, Balthazar, but I'm afraid I must leave now, to meet with Raphael."

"Though before he does," Balthazar continued, "I think I'll just give a few of the others a try!"

He vanished again, and one of the larger beasts below began stomping craters into the landscape and a few of the smaller and less-fortunate other creatures.

Oh, for the love of—


--------- fin ---------

Tags: crack, fall fandom free-for-all, my_fic, sn_gen, spn_pre_series
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