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29 May 2006 @ 11:07 pm
Supernatural Gen Drabbles on "Expectations": When All That's Left Is Denial  
Title: When All That’s Left Is Denial
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam, Dean, John (Gen)
Rating: PG
Summary: 3x100 drabbles on “Expectations” for supernatural100.

x-x-x-x-x

Dean
In the beginning, it was ice cream and hugs and his mother’s lap at storytime. The needs of young children are few, and their wants are echoed across the world.

Afterward, it was simply being together. Where—whose house, what state, what reason—could change, but together was the part that mattered. So simple a thing—the only thing he would have asked for. When it shattered, Dean’s soul went into hiding.

Now the focus changes. Good music. Available food. A warm body to take the edge off once in awhile. This is all Dean dares to hope for anymore.


Sam
When I’m grown up, I can do what I want.

This was Sammy’s catchphrase from the start. Every friend left behind, every piece of childhood denied, fueled resentment that defined him over time. Denying oneself breaks the person or the threads binding him to others. Sam’s resistance to John’s choices built promises for his future to keep.

The reality was sharper than the dream, and it flew so quickly—four years gone overnight.

After Jess, Sam’s vision became revenge. He slides through others’ lives, never drawing them into his danger.

I’m grown up. I will kill it before I die.


John
It will be different once I’ve avenged her.

There is no if or then—there is only when.

This thought wavers and returns, always there in the back of his mind. More than twenty years of trying, his sons grown now and bound up in this dance of defeat. But he can’t see that—doesn’t believe it. It’s not futility. It is a mission, an obsession, a probability all in one.

If he follows the clues, amasses the weapons, he will find the source and he will triumph.

And then it will all be different.

The “how” is always unexplained.


-------- fin --------

 
 
 
Bernieluv_adam on May 30th, 2006 06:21 am (UTC)
i loved it - Dean's POV was my fav though coz what girl can stand up to an angst ridden dean - i certainly can't

well done *pats on back*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on May 30th, 2006 06:32 am (UTC)
Dean's POV was my fav though coz what girl can stand up to an angst ridden dean - i certainly can't
Me either. His hopes now are based on love that still exists-- not avenging those who have already died (at the expense of everything and everyone else). It's hard not to sympathize with him the most.

Glad you liked these-- thanks for the comments. :)
Ice-T: an actor, also a refreshing beverage: SPN gay subtextfiddleyoumust on May 30th, 2006 07:52 am (UTC)
Oh, this is wonderful. You've captured each of them so perfectly.

I'm especially fond of John's POV because just YES. That's exactly what he's thinking. That somehow once he avenges her everything will be okay. Like maybe he'll be able to do over the last 20 years and make everything right with that one act.

I love your gen pieces like whoa.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on May 30th, 2006 03:31 pm (UTC)
That somehow once he avenges her everything will be okay. Like maybe he'll be able to do over the last 20 years and make everything right with that one act.
And the side-effects are simply... less real, along the way.

I love your gen pieces like whoa.
There's been more Wincest lately (although more PG-13ish, so "mild"), which means I've missed you! :)
Ice-T: an actor, also a refreshing beveragefiddleyoumust on May 30th, 2006 03:53 pm (UTC)
Yeah, there either needs to be more Michael/Lincoln slash, or more Dean/Sam gen pieces. I don't know why I can't get behind the Wincest. *shrugs* But you are fabulous regardless.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on May 30th, 2006 04:31 pm (UTC)
I don't know why I can't get behind the Wincest. *shrugs*
:D It's usually the reverse. "Lincoln/Michael-- OMG, what are you thinking? But Wincest? Oh yes-- practically canon, or at least I wish it were." ;)

Did you read We Were Soldiers Once? That was Gen, and it's wordalicious. (Yes, I can so make up my own words...)
Amy: Nathanwhisp on May 30th, 2006 07:58 am (UTC)
*wibbles* Loved Dean's drabble. It's so sad that he just keeps taking what's thrown at him and accepting it so passively.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on May 30th, 2006 03:33 pm (UTC)
It's so sad that he just keeps taking what's thrown at him and accepting it so passively.
What he really _wants_ at this point (the foundation of everything for him) is just such a simple thing, and yet John and Sam seem destined to deny it to him.

These surface expectations he has now-- where he enjoys what he can because he can't have what he wants-- are depressing, because they are the little that helps him survive. :(

Thanks for your comment. :D
skylee: SPN-Family-roastedchestnutskylee on May 30th, 2006 11:31 am (UTC)
Loved all of them, but especially the John POV. So sad, and so true.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on May 30th, 2006 03:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you-- glad you liked them! The John one contains both what is and what he actually sees, and the difference between them is striking.
Csenya: jensen gorgeousgreencrimsonsenya on May 30th, 2006 03:47 pm (UTC)
You've summarized each Winchester perfectly. It is quite ironic how Dean, who is certain he will spend the rest of his life hunting, is the only one who's able to actually experience life outside the hunting. They're such a fucked up family and that is why we love them so. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on May 30th, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC)
It is quite ironic how Dean, who is certain he will spend the rest of his life hunting, is the only one who's able to actually experience life outside the hunting.
Sam did for awhile, but now he knows what price that had for other people. I think Dean has consistently dabbled in "fun" (he compartmentalizes rather well, and sometimes I think it scares him). Sam seems to be all "either/or", and he never gives time to the "or" part.

As we've seen, with the single-minded intensity of researching in bars and such while Dean's goofing off... he really IS his father's son, and he never knew it.

They are so self-torturing, and so compelling all at once. :)
Skywalker-Winchester: winchesters jainadurronanakin415 on May 30th, 2006 03:51 pm (UTC)
loved them all each to true to form.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on May 30th, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you! All so different, and none of them satisfied with what IS or what the future is likely to be.
Pixpixel_0 on May 30th, 2006 04:59 pm (UTC)
So, every time I read your drabbles, I'm starting to become convinced that you are the drabble queen around here. I like them all, but Sam's is particularly my favorite. I like how he sees himself doing whatever he wants, away from his family, but in the end, it comes back to his family's "mission." Lovely job, as always.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on May 30th, 2006 05:13 pm (UTC)
I'm starting to become convinced that you are the drabble queen around here.
I definitely write the most of anyone. It's the supernatural100 challenges-- I can't seem to resist them.

I like how he sees himself doing whatever he wants, away from his family, but in the end, it comes back to his family's "mission."
I couldn't resist the irony in that one (though I feel bad for him). He's so sure he'll make his own choices, but doesn't realize that his choices will alter to match what he wanted to escape.

It's somewhat like children who say "I will never be like that" or "I will never say that to my children." Once they become parents, at least some of those "nevers" are going to wind up repeating themselves. :0

Thank you so much for your comments, pixel. I so enjoy them. :)
iamstealthyoneiamstealthyone on May 31st, 2006 03:28 am (UTC)
Lovely, lovely job on this piece. Much angsty goodness. I'm particularly fond of Dean's section, as he's my fave, but I really felt for all three Winchesters.

Favorite line:

Now the focus changes. Good music. Available food. A warm body to take the edge off once in awhile. This is all Dean dares to hope for anymore.

Oh, Dean ... *sniffle* *cuddles Dean*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on May 31st, 2006 04:15 am (UTC)
I'm particularly fond of Dean's section, as he's my fave, but I really felt for all three Winchesters.
That was definitely the point of this piece; all had expectations and hopes at one time, but they have been honed down to so very little over the years.

I feel the most for Dean, because his pain is due to the other people who don't love him enough rather than imperfect choices (though Sam's being an unending target is awful, and not of his own choosing) or an obsession that has colored more lives than his own (John).

What a family. So impossible not to get caught up in them all...
iamstealthyoneiamstealthyone on May 31st, 2006 04:18 am (UTC)
I feel the most for Dean, because his pain is due to the other people who don't love him enough rather than imperfect choices (though Sam's being an unending target is awful, and not of his own choosing) or an obsession that has colored more lives than his own (John).

Well said. And makes me hurt for Dean all over. *sigh*
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on June 3rd, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
They were lovely - Dean's is especially heartrending
Thank you, pixie! Dean's is probably my favorite of the three as well.