?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
08 November 2010 @ 09:36 am
White Collar Fiction: "Mayhem Is Absolutely A Plan" (Neal, Mozzie, PG)  
Title: Mayhem Is Absolutely A Plan
Fandom: White Collar
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Neal, Mozzie, Peter (Gen, Humor)
Rating: PG
Summary: The dynamic duo is at it again...
Author's Notes: For usanetwork_las, this is "Boys Will Be Boys."
Also for writers_choice ("Job").

x-x-x-x-x

After a year of working for the bureau, Neal was finally used to having weekends off. He enjoyed them. In the morning, if the weather was nice, he'd take his Italian coffee outside and read the newspaper all the way through. If it was cold or rainy he'd do the same thing in bed, pillows packed a foot deep behind him.

So when he heard a knock on the door one Saturday at nine a.m., he assumed it was June with an invitation or a request for a favor. He was wrong.

It was Mozzie.

"What is that on your face?" Neal asked.

"A mustache." Mozzie pushed through the doorway and went over to the mirror to inspect himself. "For my disguise."

Neal shut the door. "Not that old man Furtzel thing again."

"Yes Furtzel, of course Furtzel. For the job today." Mozzie pressed the mustache tighter against his skin.

Neal gathered up his breakfast dishes and put them next to the sink. "What job?"

"The Suit wants us to get a document from the city library. Didn't he call you?"

"Wait, he called you? How did he get your number? I thought you didn't trust him."

"I don't. Not completely." Mozzie bounced on his toes and peered around the room vaguely. "The Suit and I have areas of overlapping interest, that's all…"

"Hmmm," Neal said. "So who are you supposed to be today, my father?"

"Uncle."

Neal sighed. "Guess I'll get dressed..."

It turned out that the library didn't hand over documents to just anyone, not even people pretending to be one of the city's former councilmen.

Mozzie and Neal conferred at the first-floor drinking fountain. "The Suit said this might happen..."

"And?"

"The document's locked in the basement. Plan B."

That was how Neal wound up keeping lookout while Mozzie worked lock picks on the downstairs door.

"Faster," Neal hissed.

"This is faster!" Mozzie said.

When Mozzie got the door open, they whipped inside and locked it again

"God, this thing could be anywhere."

"But it's probably filed under 'B,' so let's start there."

Neal took one cabinet and Mozzie took the other. After what seemed an eternity, Mozzie said "Found it!" just as an alarm sounded.

"Great," Neal said, "We'll be locked in."

"Not if we use the fire doors."

Mozzie pulled out a lighter and got up on a table, holding the flame under the fire-detector. The sprinklers went on and another alarm sounded.

"Good enough."

Neal and Mozzie raced up the back stairs and out through the fire exit, slowing to a walk as they stepped through the doorway out onto the street. They strolled away as nonchalantly as two wet people on a sunny day could. Neal casually took off his jacket and Mozzie pulled off his mustache and removed his hat.

"That could've gone better," Neal muttered.

"You think?" Mozzie said sharply.

The continued to the corner and went in opposite directions, with the document firmly stowed in Neal's jacket pocket.

It wasn't even an hour later when Neal answered another knock on the door of the loft.

"Peter."

"I heard there was a robbery at the library this morning. And a fire."

"Really?" Neal said, stepping aside to let him in.

Peter looked at him suspiciously. "Your hair's wet."

"I just got out of the shower," Neal said.

"Right… Please tell me the two of you didn't—"

"Hold on. Mozzie said you didn't want to know anything," Neal reminded him.

"I don't!" Peter said. "But if you've violated your parole…"

Neal thought for a moment. "Not by much..."

"Fine," Peter grumbled. "So does that mean you have it?"

"Do you want me to have it?"

"Oh for God's sake, Neal, just hand it over!"

Peter stomped all the way down the stairs and out through the front door after that.

Neal listened just a little longer, to be safe, then went to the bedroom armoire and opened the door.

"Invite him to stay for coffee, why don't you?" Mozzie said. He stepped out into the room. "So, are we in trouble?"

"Not permanently," Neal said.

"Great!" Mozzie crowed. "And with that, we end another successful venture. Got any cookies?"

"I have crackers."

Mozzie frowned, and then shrugged.

"Oh, well. Close enough…"


-------- fin --------

 
 
 
elrhiarhodanelrhiarhodan on November 8th, 2010 06:42 pm (UTC)
This is just delightful and just what I needed on a cold and windy day.

Can I say I really would love to be one of Neal's pillows.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 8th, 2010 07:17 pm (UTC)
So glad you liked it! I get such a kick out of Mozzie and Neal together, and given the prompt it was either going to be Michael & Sam (Burn Notice) or these two.

These two won easily- that prompt is pretty much the definition of their entire past, not to mention the present. Who could resist?

I can't imagine anyone not wanting to spend lots and lots of quality time in Neal's bed, for whatever reason!
The Gauche in the Machine: WC Mozzie swapping glasseschina_shop on November 8th, 2010 06:55 pm (UTC)
"Fine," Peter grumbled. "So does that mean you have it?"

"Do you want me to have it?"


Hee! *hearts*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 8th, 2010 07:19 pm (UTC)
Mozzie icon!

I can't blame Neal, given how that whole conversation started. "Does admitting I have it constitute a crime that you'll make me sorry for, or do you at this moment not care about that issue? Much?" ;)
The Gauche in the Machine: WC - Neal/Mozchina_shop on November 8th, 2010 07:21 pm (UTC)
Hee! Exactly. Especially since I was only half-convinced by Mozzie's claim that Peter had started the whole thing. *g*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 8th, 2010 08:09 pm (UTC)
:D I can't see Mozzie lying to Neal, and he'd do it so badly. Half of his lying is of the form of throwing something ridiculous out there while his whole demeanor says "If you choose to believe that, I can't stop you..."

Even his attempt to avoid saying that his and Peter's common concern is Neal is so utterly transparent... :)
kriadydragon: Beastkriadydragon on November 8th, 2010 09:29 pm (UTC)
Hee! Boys :D That was a fun read.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 9th, 2010 12:41 am (UTC)
Glad it gave you a giggle! It was fun to write, too. :D
mergatrude on November 8th, 2010 11:25 pm (UTC)
HEE! That was delightful! I love those boys and their shenanigans so much. Thank you.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 9th, 2010 12:42 am (UTC)
And "shenanigans" is exactly the right word for what they get up to. I get such a kick out of them and their craziness, especially when it works. :)
damietta on November 9th, 2010 12:53 am (UTC)
From the moment Moz walks in with the mustache to walking wet down a street on a sunny day toPeter's showing back up to get the "goods" (they robbed a LIBRARY!?! LOL!)to Moz in the armoire this was just so fun. Thank you for sharing.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 9th, 2010 02:43 am (UTC)
So glad you liked it! It seemed SO Mozzie and Neal, and that prompt was the two of them in spades. :)
misura: White Collar - Neal Caffreymisura on November 9th, 2010 09:39 am (UTC)
*snort-giggle-grin-dismay* Crackers are absolutely not an acceptable substitute for cookies, I'd have to say - for all that those lines left me grinning, as did the ones before.

Loved this.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 9th, 2010 05:39 pm (UTC)
Crackers are absolutely not an acceptable substitute for cookies, I'd have to say

Oh, I totally agree! Though when you're at someone else's house, you have to take what you can get. :(

Glad you liked this. I just love these two together, in a different way from how I love Neal and Peter together. With Mozzie, there's no need to pretend that they aren't actually robbing-the-library doing what they're doing. ;)
Katarenkataren on November 9th, 2010 01:29 pm (UTC)
It's like I'm watching an episode. I always loved watching Neal & Mozzie shenaniganning. It's like the Keystone Cops, only with less slapstick, but all cheeky. ♥
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 9th, 2010 05:40 pm (UTC)
Yay! I love the two of them running their schemes together, and they know each other so well that it's useless to pretend that the current This was not supposed to go this way! snafu isn't as completely annoying as it actualy is.

Thanks for reading and commenting!
Brilliance of the Moon: neil caffreylongbca on November 9th, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC)
Hehe! Great!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 9th, 2010 08:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
shelley6441shelley6441 on November 12th, 2010 09:09 pm (UTC)

LOL! Mozzie is so funny, and I love how much he sekritly likes working for The Suit. And the banter between Peter and Neal is priceless.

Thank you!

*I really need a wc icon*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on November 12th, 2010 09:27 pm (UTC)
and I love how much he sekritly likes working for The Suit.

I think he really does. It's never boring! And it gives Neal a perfect excuse to... do those things he promised the government he won't do anymore. Except when the government asks him too.

I'm glad you liked Peter's appearance there to. It's brief, but I wanted it to sound like a typical Peter & Neal exchange, right down to all the "You'd better not have... you PROMISED me that... oh all right." *looks the other way*

I held out on a WC icon for awhile, then unexpectedly wrote a fic, and a few fics later decided I needed a better icon. There are a lot of great ones of Neal in the suit with the turquoise tie and the turqoise eyes. Try the whitecollarfic comm, and see if you can borrow & credit one someone's already using. :)
cindy: wc - burke. peter burke. (by bitterbird)tsuki_no_bara on December 14th, 2010 06:30 am (UTC)
your mozzievoice is so, so good. and i love that he and neal get up to shenanigans even on neal's day off.

(this is kind of a late comment.... but hey, i have a white collar icon now!)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: White Collar- Neal & Peterhalfshellvenus on December 14th, 2010 07:16 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you found this one, especially because it's so Mozzie-centric. It was posted while you were in the middle of the NanoBigBang, so I'm surprised you even remembered that it existed!

I get such a kick out of Mozzie, and of his friendship with Neal. They're so unlike, but so accustomed to working together that it all gels in the end. Not without some pain along the way, but still. ;)

I like your icon! I also like the really pretty black/white/blue one with Neal, but since many of my White Collar stories are Neal angst, it tends to give the wrong impression!
cindy: wc - burke. peter burke. (by bitterbird)tsuki_no_bara on December 14th, 2010 09:06 pm (UTC)
i don't know how i missed it the first time around! and i found it last night because i fell way behind in tracking people's words for findyourwords, and was catching up with all the status posts.