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01 July 2010 @ 11:11 pm
Burn Notice Gen Fiction: "Another Man's Castle" (Sam, Michael, PG)  
Title: Another Man's Castle
Fandom: Burn Notice
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam, Michael (Gen, Humor)
Rating: PG
Summary: Sam raises some obvious questions about Michael's living arrangements.
Author's Notes: Mild spoilers through early S4, which reveal nothing important except that the show's creators are ignoring a glaring background issue that desperately begs to be mocked. Written for writers_choice, this is "home".

x-x-x-x-x

"So Michael, it's been what, three years?" Sam began.

"Just about."

"Three years. And you're still living in this dump, where every spy or cop or drug lord knows how to find you."

Michael glanced through the folder on his current case. "So?"

"So… don't you think it's time you looked for a new hideout?" Sam asked.

Michael pulled out two of the photographs and laid them side-by-side. "I like it here."

"Here," Sam said. "In this fire trap, with the same crappy furniture you pulled together when you first moved in."

"It's not that bad. And it's got a steel door," Michael pointed out.

"The fridge is rusted, your bed's in the living room, and this chair is what, something from a barbershop?"

"That's your favorite chair," Michael said.

"It's practically the only chair! Though it is pretty comfortable," Sam admitted.

Michael got up and went to the fridge, pulling out a yogurt. "And where have you been living all this time since I got back? Oh, wait, I remember. With your sugar-mamas and my mother." He stopped suddenly. "Tell me you didn't—"

"Of course not. Maddy and I are just friends."

Michael's eyes narrowed. "I'll bet."

"Michael! She's your mother, for crying out loud!"

"She's not pretty enough for you? What's wrong with her?" Michael sounded angry.

Sam sighed. "Your mother is a very attractive woman. But I would never betray our friendship that way."

"Is that all?"

"The smoking drives me nuts—I just can't handle it."

Michael shrugged and nodded. "I hear you…"

"Okay, then." Sam took a long drink of beer and looked around the room. That overhead loft could fall down practically any minute.

"But you're still in no position to get all worked up about my living arrangements," Michael said unexpectedly. "Even Chuck Finley couldn't do much better."

"Hey, I'll have you know, Chuck Finley's a happening guy!" Sam said. "He'd live someplace good."

"Riiiiight," Michael said. "On his social worker's salary, or that other thing—neighborhood yard inspector?"

"Community regulations enforcement, please," Sam said. "And Chuck could have aspirations you don't know about. Chuck could be anything he wanted!" Sam spotted movement outside. "Hang on, someone's coming up the stairs."

Michael glanced out the window. "Avon lady."

"In this neighborhood? She's a spy."

Michael crossed his arms. "I'm not home."

"Your car's home."

"Maybe I went out for a run or something. How would she know?"

There was a loud banging on the door. Michael put his finger to his lips and shook his head.

After a moment, there were the scraping and clicking sounds of someone trying to pick the lock.

Sam scowled and pulled out his gun, throwing the lock and opening the door in one swift movement. He put his gun in the woman's face. "We're busy. Go away."

The woman raised her arms and stepped back, her face the picture of innocence.

"Leave a card," Michael called out from inside the room.

The woman turned and stepped neatly down the stairs, whipping through the outside gate and off around the corner.

Sam shut the door and locked it again. "This is what I'm talking about!"

Michael seemed unperturbed. "Keeps me on my toes." He put his yogurt container in the sink.

Sam shook his head. He'd had conversations with brick walls in the past, mostly as a joke. They usually went better than this. "Fi has a nice place," he commented.

"Fi doesn’t have people looking for her all the time, ready to trash her possessions on sight."

Sam rolled his eyes. "That was kind of my point. Shouldn't you at least be moving around on a regular basis, instead of staying parked in one place like a sitting duck?"

"Maybe. But even if I do put in the effort, somebody'll eventually torch wherever I'm living. Might as well be this place." Michael paused. "What's that look for?"

"Nothing," Sam said.

"Then why are you upset?"

Sam waved his beer vaguely. "Things didn't work out so well with Ms. Reynolds, and I need somewhere to stay for awhile. So until you mentioned the firebombing, I was kind of wondering…"

Michael looked as if he was ready to set Sam on fire.

"You've got to be kidding."


-------- fin --------

 
 
 
jenthegypsyjenthegypsy on July 2nd, 2010 12:26 pm (UTC)
:D That was fun!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Random Fandomhalfshellvenus on July 2nd, 2010 05:45 pm (UTC)
Yay! Glad you liked it!
lizbet0lizbet0 on July 2nd, 2010 01:18 pm (UTC)
{giggling} Very nicely done! I really like your Sam voice - I could hear him in my head!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Random Fandomhalfshellvenus on July 2nd, 2010 05:46 pm (UTC)
Sam is honestly my favorite character, partly because he's the funniest one, but also because of how he uses his laid-back charm to mask his utterly impressive competence. ;)
Self-Proclaimed Queen of Pants: Burn Noticeiheartpants956 on July 2nd, 2010 01:41 pm (UTC)
He he! That was v. well written and stayed in character v. well! I always wondered about that also.

The other thing that gets me is that there is no way Michael could have his car registered. He is supposed to be completely off the grid, officially. He doesn't even have a license. How is he getting his car registered with this state? We will have to suspend disbelief, I suppose.

Anyways, it is still a great show! Thanks for sharing.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on July 2nd, 2010 09:06 pm (UTC)
I always wondered about that also.
I could understand him being there in S1 (though I sort of thought he'd fix up the place a little better). But all the way to the beginning of S4? Everybody knows where he lives now, which is just not smart. And Michael definitely IS smart. What, they don't want to reshoot the external location footage for his "house"? How lazy is that?

The other thing that gets me is that there is no way Michael could have his car registered. He is supposed to be completely off the grid, officially.
I'd be willing to bet it's not register under Michael Westen. It'd be fun to know who supposedly does own that car! Unless it's Chuck Finley again. ;)
(no subject) - iheartpants956 on July 3rd, 2010 03:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on July 3rd, 2010 03:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
petunia846: BN-Don't Mess w/Sampetunia846 on July 2nd, 2010 01:48 pm (UTC)
That was adorable! That's always bothered me...how easy it is to track Michael down. He's got this one place he lives and then they eat ALL THE TIME at Carlitos. Fi would be an easy target too.

Your take on that issue was super fun. Good banter.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Sam&Michaelhalfshellvenus on July 2nd, 2010 09:19 pm (UTC)
For such excellent spies with so much experience, they're just not careful enough about their everyday habits! Which makes no sense, and I wish the producers were less lazy with the sets.

But oh, does it deserve the mocking. Four seasons in, and Michael's still living in something that looks like a boxcar from the outside and a half-rotted warehouse from the inside. :0
(no subject) - petunia846 on July 3rd, 2010 12:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on July 3rd, 2010 03:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
cindy: fangirltsuki_no_bara on July 2nd, 2010 03:56 pm (UTC)
hee! i love this. i can hear them both in my head. and you included the yogurt! (seriously, i'm starting to think it's physically impossible for anyone to be in michael's house and NOT be eating a yogurt.)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Sam&Michaelhalfshellvenus on July 3rd, 2010 03:59 am (UTC)
I think I'm seeing even more yogurt as the seasons go by-- it's like they're taunting us with it!

I was hoping you'd find this one, and I got my pertinent piece of info thanks to the other lovely lady I sent that email to. :)
(no subject) - tsuki_no_bara on July 3rd, 2010 05:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
a girl who knew how to be happy even when sadsgmajorshipper on July 2nd, 2010 08:38 pm (UTC)
Saaaaaaaaaammmm oh how we love you :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Sam&Michaelhalfshellvenus on July 3rd, 2010 03:59 am (UTC)
Haha! You know I do! It was really nice to hear someone refer to him as "cute" in late S3, too, because he is.
(no subject) - sgmajorshipper on July 3rd, 2010 06:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on July 4th, 2010 03:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
mystizanmystizan on July 3rd, 2010 12:25 am (UTC)
This is perfection. ur right...it does deserve to be mocked. I've been appalled how easy it is to find Mike. Good thing he's badass enuf to handle whoever comes knocking...
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Flamingohalfshellvenus on July 4th, 2010 03:26 am (UTC)
I just couldn't believe the S4 opening that showed him still living at the same place. What, he didn't learn anything while he was a spy? He learned everything but that? :0

Thanks for reading!
(no subject) - mystizan on July 4th, 2010 04:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
Shadow Flying In Daylightsistahraven on July 3rd, 2010 01:42 am (UTC)
Well done. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Sam&Michaelhalfshellvenus on July 4th, 2010 03:27 am (UTC)
Thank you very much! :)
brigid_tanner: boys-snickerbrigid_tanner on July 4th, 2010 06:08 am (UTC)
Good voices for both of them! Could hear them as I read.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Sam&Michaelhalfshellvenus on July 4th, 2010 06:55 am (UTC)
Thank you! I enjoy the banter on this show a lot, and this particular setup practically wrote itself. Because Sam seriously has a point. ;)
mfsaw2003mfsaw2003 on July 4th, 2010 07:45 pm (UTC)
As far as Michael remaining in the same place for four seasons, it could be argued that he remains in that particular spot for tactical reasons. As far as I can tell there's only one point of entrance which he seems to control and keep watch over. If someone did show up to kill Michael, they could only gain access through the front gate and door. I also think in the first season they said this place was cheap and since Michael doesn't exactly have a steady income it makes since that it's a bit of a hole.

When it comes to Carlito's I assume this is a place they've scoped out and feel is relatively safe. From a recent episode, it appears that Sam might also be friends with Carlito himself.

And finally the deal about the car being registered appears to be a bit of sloppiness on the show's part unless we're to assume that since Michael is no longer off the grid (I mean the police know who he is and were even investigating him) and working for the people who burned him, he has regained part of his identity. Although it doesn't make sense for the car to be registered when it's often the vehicle of choice when shootouts and explosions are happening. Wouldn't a police investigation turn up an eye witness that could identity Michael's totally conspicuous Charger?(Between this show and Dexter, I really am beginning to believe that Miami P.D. is incompetent.)

Now I think if we're really going to question anyone's living arrangements it should be Madeline's. I mean this is a place that has been under siege and she doesn't have any of the training that Michael, Sam or Fi have and yet Michael let's her essentially act as a sitting duck. But I think this would be a much heavier show if we had to worry about the main characters being blown to bits every time they left their homes or poisoned at lunch so I choose to suspend a little bit of reality and enjoy all the explosions and voice overs.

Sorry about the dissertation.

mfsaw2003mfsaw2003 on July 4th, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC)
Sorry, I forgot to say that I really enjoyed reading this and I think Sam's voice is perfect here.
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on July 6th, 2010 06:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on July 6th, 2010 06:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
In here, everything is beautiful...rise_your_dead on July 5th, 2010 06:05 am (UTC)
You still write the best Mike/Sam friendfic on the interwebs <3. Recing, also Recing on AO3.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Sam&Michaelhalfshellvenus on July 6th, 2010 06:37 am (UTC)
Awww! What a wonderful things to say!

I'm just glad people enjoy reading these vignettes that aren't casefic or some kind of romance. The conversations between these two crack me up on the show, and eventually they get right into my head. :)
(no subject) - rise_your_dead on July 8th, 2010 03:19 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on July 9th, 2010 12:21 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - rise_your_dead on July 11th, 2010 08:42 am (UTC) (Expand)
sassy, classy, and a bit smart-assy: love show hardbadboy_fangirl on July 12th, 2010 10:02 pm (UTC)
This addresses two major problems with the show: Michael's place of residence, and the fact that Sam doesn't have one at all! Why doesn't that guy have his own place? It's so weird!

Their voices were spot on and hilarious, as usual. I think as long as there was beer for Sam and yogurt for Michael, the world could never really end. *g*

Edited at 2010-07-12 10:02 pm (UTC)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Burn Notice Sam&Michaelhalfshellvenus on July 13th, 2010 12:01 am (UTC)
and the fact that Sam doesn't have one at all! Why doesn't that guy have his own place? It's so weird!

It's true! We've seen Fi's place by now, and I think we saw a random fly-by on Sam's place in S2 or S3, but it was a temporary place if anything. Had to be pre-Maddy-phase. He's not "established" anywhere, which is probably safer for a spy but... not very grown-up, somehow.

Glad you enjoyed this, and thanks so much for the detail help on Ms. Reynolds' name. :D