?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
20 April 2010 @ 11:35 pm
SPN Drabble: "All Without Words" (Sam, Dean, Gen or Slash)  
Title: All Without Words
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam, Dean (Gen or Slash, Drabble)
Rating: PG
Summary (early S1): Dean can't stop checking to make sure Sam is there.
Author's Notes: A very late birthday present for pixel_0, angstier than I'd intended (so I can try again, if you'd like)!
Also, for supernatural100, this is "Secrets."

x-x-x-x-x

Months later, Dean can't stop checking, touching, listening to make sure Sam is there.

Stanford's still a fresh wound. Dean spent four years telling himself he was fine (had to be, it wasn't a choice), but it never took. The façade fell apart as soon as Sam came back, Dean's every atom primed to cling and keep history from repeating itself.

He falls asleep to Sam's breathing every night, wakes up in Sam's bed and creeps back to his own before Sam finds out.

He's kept that desperation a secret for so long.

Every day, it just keeps getting harder.


-------- fin --------

 
 
 
Trini: wincest finally everything is righttrinipedia on April 21st, 2010 10:42 am (UTC)
I DEMAND A WINCEST SEQUEL TO THIS WHERE SAM DISCOVERS.

love, love, LOVE your drabbles *_*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on April 21st, 2010 07:46 pm (UTC)
Hee!

Glad you enjoy these so. I'll have to see if anything comes of this idea. :)
devon99 on April 21st, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC)
Oh Dean, you secret snuggler you:) As always my dear, beautifully written.

Are you going to enter the spn_drabble contest? The prompt is Dean's amulet. I'd like to read what you would come up with my dear.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on April 21st, 2010 07:49 pm (UTC)
What's worse is that I think the snuggling is something he doesn't even intend to do, and wakes up to find himself being all embarrassingly needy.

I'm going to try for the contest! I just found out about it last night, while I was trying to catch up on 10 days worth of my f-list. :0
cindy: spn - dean looks away (by oxoniensis)tsuki_no_bara on April 21st, 2010 06:35 pm (UTC)
aw, dean. don't worry, he doesn't leave you again.

(and i really like that this can be read as gen just as easily as it can be wincest.)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on April 21st, 2010 07:55 pm (UTC)
don't worry, he doesn't leave you again.
No way for Dean to know that, unfortunately (and Sam threatens to again and again, just in S1 alone!)

(and i really like that this can be read as gen just as easily as it can be wincest.)
This aspect of Dean is so innately part of him at this point, that this works for either setting.

What the Crossroads Demon said ("Desperate, sloppy, needy Dean") was incredibly cruel, but also so very true. *sniffle*
मारिलु: Dean & Sam - Face The Daycrimson_antics on April 21st, 2010 11:12 pm (UTC)
Beautiful, I especially love this: Dean's every atom primed to cling and keep history from repeating itself.

&hearts
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Deanhalfshellvenus on April 21st, 2010 11:33 pm (UTC)
I felt so bad for him in S1, so desperately happy to have Sam back (and so afraid it wouldn't last).
gidgetgal9gidgetgal9 on April 21st, 2010 11:14 pm (UTC)
Awww, a big brother's love. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on April 21st, 2010 11:49 pm (UTC)
And how sad that Sam and John's situation was so impossible that Sam had to leave Dean as well as John. *sniffle*

I often think Dean never really understood that, or why it was always going to BE that impossible.
auroramama on April 22nd, 2010 12:53 am (UTC)
All Without Words
Dean would put up with just about anything to be loved. Sam's inability to tolerate John, the hunting life, losing the comfort of studying and excelling... none of this can have seemed quite real to Dean.

If Sam and John had had long enough, they might have been able to get along. But what were the odds of that?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on April 22nd, 2010 07:01 am (UTC)
Re: All Without Words
Dean would put up with just about anything to be loved.
Exactly- after losing his mother (his whole world, considering what happened next), he would have done anything not to be abandoned again.

By giving Sam the kind of love he needed himself, he made Sam strong enough to be independent in the way he couldn't. Oh, the irony of how that would come back to burn him.
peytonviciousbluesky on April 21st, 2010 11:20 pm (UTC)
Perfect drabble! Just perfect! Secret snuggling makes me happy ;)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on April 22nd, 2010 07:02 am (UTC)
:) Me too-- especially when Dean is so sure he's not going to do that, and wakes up to find that his own subconscious has betrayed him.
gunznammo2gunznammo2 on April 22nd, 2010 12:13 am (UTC)
I think Sam DOES know. I believe he needs the closeness as much as his big brother. This was beautiful, hon. Thank you.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on April 22nd, 2010 05:57 pm (UTC)
I always hope he does, because the thought of all that love and loyalty being more one-sided just about kills me.
Pix: [SPN] You got my back kid?pixel_0 on April 22nd, 2010 12:14 am (UTC)
Aw! (And no worries about the angst!) This is sweet and angsty, all wrapped up into one. I love the way it ends, almost on a hopeful note that something is going to come to fruition.

Thank you, sweetie! :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Birthdayhalfshellvenus on April 22nd, 2010 06:00 pm (UTC)
Yay, I'm so glad you liked it!

I'd intended it to be much slashier as well as less angsty, but Dean's desperate love steered it into a different direction.

But there is hope, because one of the things we know about Dean is how much he tries to let Sam think he's less emotionally invested than he actually is. If Sam were to find that out, that might change everything for the better. :) Which is where Dean's kind of an idiot sometimes, but given his past and the abandonment and the conditional love... we can understand how he got there.

Many happy 3-weeks-late returns! \o/
auroramama on April 22nd, 2010 12:47 am (UTC)
Awww! Dean, sweetie, it's okay. Um. Kind of?
Very effective. The line about him waking up in Sam's bed made me tear right up.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on April 22nd, 2010 06:02 pm (UTC)
The line about him waking up in Sam's bed made me tear right up.
To love someone so much and be so afraid for them to find out that your tough facade isn't so tough... what a heartbreaking place to be. *sniffle*
brigid_tanner: dean-sleeping beautybrigid_tanner on April 22nd, 2010 01:06 am (UTC)
Oh, Dean. every atom primed to cling and keep history from repeating itself. lovely.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on April 22nd, 2010 06:05 pm (UTC)
And we know how hard he tries to hide it, but he wears it on his sleeve. Season One, how you break me!
smash86: JaredFacesmash86 on April 22nd, 2010 02:07 am (UTC)
*nods*...yeah I luv this side of Dean...he wants/needs Sammy so much...awesome imagery of Dean and the way his love and fear are revealed "All without words"...because to do more would mean giving his secret away!

A piece of me would also like to think that Sam sleeps so well because Dean is by his side...

*hugz*...lovely drabble!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on April 22nd, 2010 07:26 pm (UTC)
The title seemed really apt, because this drabble is all about feelings that burst out of Dean and control him whether he likes or not, and he doesn't say a word. It all happens anyway.

A piece of me would also like to think that Sam sleeps so well because Dean is by his side...
I know-- as if they're back in some childhood moment where things felt safe(r) than they ever will again.
labseraphlabseraph on April 22nd, 2010 07:35 am (UTC)
*clutch heart*

Especially in the face of what the boys are going through in season 5 ...
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on April 22nd, 2010 07:27 pm (UTC)
Those early days, when Dean's greatest fear was losing Sam again, seem so simple compared to now.

And yet, in an overarching sense, that's still Dean's fear even now. The threat just exists in a different form. *cries*
jjinmo_356jjinmo_356 on April 22nd, 2010 08:17 pm (UTC)
Yes, I would like to see this continue, with Sam finding out. And love that Dean would get embassessed that he was in Sams bed. You have to have this continue your last sentence provokes it.