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25 February 2010 @ 10:56 pm
Where the hell is the figure-skating already? It's after 10:30pm!

TV show dialogue, just to perplex you:
"Granny": You're not Doug!
Not!Doug: And you're not my Mama. But we're having fun with pancakes, aren't we?

I'm trying to focus on some a late birthday drabble for a special someone, where part of the problem is that 1) I only write this pairing as Gen, and 2) I wrote my seminal Gen piece for these two already. And interestingly enough, I received an anonymous review on that same story at fanfiction.net today. *ponders potential mysticality*

I haven't written as much these last few weeks as I'd have liked. During my last visit to the psychiatrist, he asked me to seriously increase my nighttime dose of Klonopin for 7-10 days to see if it would break the cycle of repetitive anxiety dreams I've been having for the past year. I won't bore you with the details, but there are 4 flavors of these dreams running in constant rotation, and I am sick of them. Apparently I'd misunderstood our last discussion about the prescription (7 months ago), because I thought a low dose was supposed to help suppress the dreams. No-- the doctor was hoping to blot them out entirely for long enough to "break the circuit."

Well, the upshot is that the 10 days passed and I've been tapering off ever since. I was at 2 pills for his experiment, and I go down by quarters. I'm at 1 1/4 now, but was at 1/2 for most of June onward, so there's a ways still to go.

I have noticed, though, that even though I don't necessarily feel more tired during the day with this heavier dose... it seems to make writing fic a little harder. The ideas are harder to form and push to completion, other than some of those drabbles (shorter story arc). So I hope that over the next 4-6 weeks, my writing productivity will increase as the dose continues to get smaller.

And? Still having those dreams. Perhaps not as often, but they haven't disappeared.

ETA:Yu-Na Kim just skated the HECK out of the Gershwin Piano Concerto. Incredible use of the music, and the execution was fantastic! \o/

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Gretagretazreta on February 26th, 2010 08:02 am (UTC)
Maybe with the health things with your family coming better, some of the anxiety may shift a little? Although I've found that when you kind of get in the habit of anxious thoughts, even when the cause goes away, they can kind of keep going. I'll be thinking of you through this, it's hard times, and you've been so incredibly strong.

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Heart - greenhalfshellvenus on February 26th, 2010 08:19 am (UTC)
Most of the anxiety shows up in the dreams (and in late-night sugar binges), and I'm hoping it will fade as the cause gets farther in the past. I agree with you that it can become a habit that lingers on afterwards-- that anxiety-dream rut was part of what the psychiatrist was hoping to break, now that HSH's prognosis is good and it's just a matter of weathering the radiation treatment (which is making him almost as sick as the chemo).

I appreciate the good thoughts, as always. Now that I've tried the "experiment" (for as long as I could stand it, which wasn't long), I'm hoping to back that dose down to where it was (always takes longer than increasing it).

It's funny, the doctor kept saying, "But I could prescribe a stronger pill! This one is very weak, and you'll have to take more of them." It took me two tries to make him understand that I'm more focused on the ease of decreasing the dose, which means pill-splitting, and the weaker the better in that case.

I once asked another doctor not to prescribe the hexagonal pill he'd used before for the same reason-- it's hard to split a hexagon into quarters. Round, flat, chalky pills-- that's what I'm looking for. ;)
blackcat333_99blackcat333_99 on February 26th, 2010 08:14 am (UTC)
Yeah, the habit of putting the skating last of the evening has been ticking me off so bad, because of course I'm a sucker and stay up watching it. Which leaves me exhausted and still having to go to work ... umm. Well, I guess today, considering the hour.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Half Evilhalfshellvenus on February 26th, 2010 08:21 am (UTC)
I'm wishing I'd taken a coworker's advice and DVRd it. Lauren was hoping to watch it Tuesday (there was one teaser of the Korean skater, and then nothing until 10:30), and tonight she gave up at 9:15.

Sure enough, at 10:40pm, bingo!

And now it's after midnight, and I should be in bed already. :(