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20 February 2010 @ 11:18 pm
SPN Drabble: "Then The Words Bleed Through" (Dean, Sam, PG)  
Title: Then The Words Bleed Through
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam, Dean (Drabble)
Rating: PG
Summary (S1, post-"Shadow"): Sam was not getting pulled into this life again.
Author's Notes: A late happy Birthday to rejeneration! Your prompts brought forth this drabble, which I'd intended to be Slash but I think is open-to-interpretation at best. Hope you like it anyway, and let me know if you want me to try again.
Also for supernatural100, this is "Epiphany."

x-x-x-x-x

Sam rejected this life once already. He was not doing it again—this was temporary, no matter what Dean hoped or how their father schemed. The roaming made him restless, and the darkness drained his soul. It was why he left before.

Driving out of Chicago, streetlights showed the hints of blood and tears across Dean's face.

Dean made himself leave Dad after waiting months to find him, and he'd urged Sam toward freedom back in Indiana with the same choked-off voice that never hid how much those words hurt.

Sam's thoughts of leaving faded.

Maybe someday.

Maybe.

Not today.


-------- fin --------

 
 
 
Celtic_Forestceltic_forest on February 21st, 2010 07:22 am (UTC)
<3
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 21st, 2010 08:35 am (UTC)
"Scarecrow" and "Shadows"-- two of my favorite S1 angst episodes, for how Sam stomps on Dean's heart and doesn't even realize he's doing it.
Celtic_Forestceltic_forest on February 21st, 2010 09:58 pm (UTC)
And you show it finally sinking in his thick skull, a little bit; it's like the rest of their relationship starts right here.
Hallie Jade: brothersangelshandprint on January 9th, 2011 04:40 pm (UTC)
Oh, I totally know what you mean. That's what I was feeling throughout S1. THis was really inspiring. Found it in spn_brotherlove. Think I got a lot to catch up in there :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on January 19th, 2011 09:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

I miss those early days, when life was simpler and yet the ache was no less.

Dean lived with the threat of Sam leaving again, and Sam... could never get rid of the feeling that this was NOT the life he wanted now or ever. The push-pull of those two conflicting outlooks and needs had a delicious angst that was all I ever really needed from this show. :)
gunznammo2gunznammo2 on February 21st, 2010 03:51 pm (UTC)
Owie. Dean hurts, is hurting and the wounds are Sam-sized. You brought that all back. Lovely and painful. Oh, boys...
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Hughalfshellvenus on February 21st, 2010 08:26 pm (UTC)
Those days long ago, when all the pain and hope and torment came from the family dynamic itself... *sigh* How I miss them! Such a wonderfully rich canvas to work with.
ErinRua: Carry youerinrua on February 21st, 2010 07:02 pm (UTC)
Utterly heartbreaking. It's so strange and sad and bittersweet to look that far back in time. Chronologically it's not that much, but for the boys, it's a lifetime agon ....

Thanks for your beautiful words! :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 21st, 2010 08:27 pm (UTC)
Chronologically it's not that much, but for the boys, it's a lifetime agon ....

And part of what aches about it is that THAT amount of ache and tragedy was hard enough, before all of the Big Picture stuff got dumped on top of it.

They were already struggling to find a way to deal with the conflicting pulls of love and loyalty and self-identify. To break them even more seems so harsh!
The Huntresshuntress69 on February 21st, 2010 07:59 pm (UTC)
I see slash everywhere no matter what LOL. I really liked your words, and judging by Sam's final thoughts, I think that deep inside himself he knows he is never leaving. Good job as always.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 21st, 2010 09:52 pm (UTC)
I could view this as slash, definitely, but ideally it would be more obvious when that's what's requested. :(

Given the heartbreaking conversation Sam and Dean had in the motel room in this episode, I like to think that by the end of the episode Sam might have decided instead that he wouldn't be so eager to run back to the "safer" world and its false promises.
tifachingtifaching on February 21st, 2010 10:05 pm (UTC)
Sam certainly seems to have decided NOW that safe and normal isn't in the cards for him. Wish he'd seen it a little earlier, so he hadn't shredded his brother quite so much. Awesome drabble.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 21st, 2010 10:15 pm (UTC)
That motel room scene, with Sam baldly claiming that he DIDN'T want to be a whole family again-- as if Dean was crazy for wanting that himself-- ouch! One of the most painful moments of S1 for me, because Dean finally says everything he's thinking in the most heart-on-his-sleeve way (which he never does) and Sam just brushes it off like it's nothing.

For him to see what all of that love costs Dean, and to unbend a little... that's a huge step for them both.
Jean: SPN: Sam & Dean: Hugcontrary_lady on February 21st, 2010 10:40 pm (UTC)
Aw, That was so sweet. ♥
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 21st, 2010 11:40 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I always hoped that after that episode, Sam understood how much it killed Dean to have the family split apart.
brigid_tannerbrigid_tanner on February 22nd, 2010 12:40 am (UTC)
Ouch. I miss the days when Sam thinking of leaving was their biggest problem.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Hughalfshellvenus on February 22nd, 2010 03:42 am (UTC)
*cries* Me too.

Because that was big enough for me-- Sam's wanting to leave (where the viewer understood why, and was always torn between Dean's pain and Sam's needing to be himself), and the issues Sam had with John (issues with a basis, complicated by the mixture of love and bad choices that mean the answers are never easy)... that backdrop contained enough angst to drive those characters forever, for me.

And these days, it's not only the unrelenting angst, but it's that I feel like the boys and their individual story has been lost to the greater mytharc Kripke so desperately wants to tell. Wish I wanted to see it. :(
hurricanes & heartachesrejeneration on February 28th, 2010 06:31 am (UTC)
UGH! I'm so sorry I missed this sweetheart. ♥ So, so sorry! And of course I like this! -grin- Epiphany fits so well with the prompts. It's not Sam knowing, not exactly, but he's on the cusp of believing that he'll never leave Dean again. It's coming... not quite there, but close.
hurricanes & heartachesrejeneration on February 28th, 2010 06:32 am (UTC)
P.S. Thank you so much for writing for me! I love your work. I would be completely selfish and say that yes, yes I'd love for you to write more and I'd love to give you more prompts, but... I really shouldn't be so greedy. =D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Hughalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2010 08:53 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you liked this, even though it veered toward Gen instead of Slash (I both hate and love how stories take their own direction sometimes).

There IS another I just posted, which is Slash. It's Dean's POV on a different setting for "I'll never leave you."

I am a sucker for that kind of devotion!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam/Dean kisshalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2010 08:49 am (UTC)
Epiphany fits so well with the prompts.
It really seemed to-- it's like a glimmer of realization for Sam, and the fact that he can't leave Dean right now (not with what he's seen and what Dean feels) means that awareness has broken in. He'll never be able to fully escape it again, and that is all the luckier where Dean's concerned!

You're prompts worked so well with this episode, which is still one of my favorites because of all the raw emotion.
May Robinson: Boys Abandoned Shadowmay7fic on March 30th, 2010 03:49 am (UTC)
What a powerful, emotional little piece. Beautiful!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam/Dean kisshalfshellvenus on March 30th, 2010 04:52 am (UTC)
Thank you! That episode had such resonance, and it laid both Sam and Dean so bare. In many ways, it seems like a microcosm of all the important parts of the show itself.