Supernatural Drabble: "A Journey Along An Invisible Leash" (Sam&Dean, Gen or Slash)

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15 September 2009 @ 11:52 pm

Title: A Journey Along An Invisible Leash
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam and Dean (Drabble, Gen or Slash)
Rating: PG
Summary: When we are lost, some say we wander in circles…
Author's Notes: Happy birthday to

maerhys, who wanted a drabble on the prompt, "ran so far that I ran right into you." I don't know why this wanted to be second person, because I rarely write that, but it definitely did.
Also for

spn_drabble, this is "Searching."

x-x-x-x-x

It's lonely, being the Winchester who doesn't fit. It's a restless place, so bad you abandon your sole comfort to go looking for something more than a void defined by the only person who can fill it.

It's hard on the outside too, without Dean's voice—his smile—to guide you. You find the answers in Jess instead, until it's over, buried… dead.

What soothes you then is everything you ran from, the love too dangerous to need.

Dean welcomes you back, arms open—always. You don't deserve it, but you take it.

There was never a chance you wouldn't.

-------- fin --------

Tags: birthday, drabbles, my_fic, sn_gen, sn_slash, spn_s1_fic

23 comments | Say what you feel

23 comments —

( 23 comments — Say what you feel )

maerhys on September 16th, 2009 12:26 pm (UTC)

Dean welcomes you back, arms open—always. You don't deserve it, but you take it.

There was never a chance you wouldn't.

*sniff* This is wonderful!!!! I love it, lovely. Thank you so much. All of this awesome fic, I think I want two birthdays a year. ;)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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halfshellvenus on September 16th, 2009 07:09 pm (UTC)

Yay, I'm so glad you liked it! It's definitely where your prompt led me, the notion of trying to escape something that you wanted and needed and coming back around to it again in the end.

In a Sam&Dean context, that idea is never very far away.

Many happy returns! I hope it made the birthday better. :)

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nyoka on September 16th, 2009 01:01 pm (UTC)

This is lovely!

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halfshellvenus on September 16th, 2009 07:10 pm (UTC)

Thank you! I can understand why Sam needed to leave (and what it cost both him and Dean), and yet I'm glad he found his way back again. ♥

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tsuki_no_bara on September 16th, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)

aw, sammy. i love how his life is defined by dean's absence as much as by dean's presence.

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halfshellvenus on September 16th, 2009 07:12 pm (UTC)

That's a wonderful way of putting it- especially when Dean was really the only "sun" in the dark world Sam grew up in. We'll always need the sun, even if we have to remake it all over again, and we'll always be drawn to it in the end.

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deadbeat_nymph on September 16th, 2009 04:26 pm (UTC)

Oh my god. I was not expecting this. I don't know if I'm extra emotional about these boys, or what it is exactly, but this drabble hit me in the gut. It left a lump in my throat. And normally I'm not that fond of second person narration, either, but this works perfectly. Guh.

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halfshellvenus on September 16th, 2009 07:16 pm (UTC)

That whole scenario of Sam leaving is just such painful ground for me, even though I completely understand (and believe) that it was necessary. He had to be himself, and in many ways John's ultimatum was already a line in the sand long before Sam went away to college.

But god, what devastation for him and Dean both that leaving created. Sam returning, and Dean being so happy to have him back (and so forgiving) is really the crux of when this show hooked me emotionally. I'll never get tired of it, of writing it, of living it.

I'm glad it moved you so-- I think you can see why this setting matters so much to me.

And I really don't care much for second-person at all, which is why I'm always surprised on those rare occasions where a story or drabble wants to be that. Why is it so? I don't know, but I have to work with the voice that's speaking to me.

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celtic_forest on September 16th, 2009 04:51 pm (UTC)

I agree with tsuki_no_bara : Sam is defined by the presence or absence of Dean. You really captured that.

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halfshellvenus on September 16th, 2009 07:18 pm (UTC)

I love how she put that, because it was less his "family" that had such a hold on him than Dean himself. When that's the only happiness you know, how do you make yourself forge onward trying to find something new-- even when what you're really looking for is yourself? Yet Sam did it. But it wasn't without its price, and those ties can never really be severed.

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tyrical on September 16th, 2009 05:59 pm (UTC)

Sad and true.
There is nothing like family.
Nothing like it all.

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halfshellvenus on September 16th, 2009 07:19 pm (UTC)

For good or bad, it's the history of yourself, and in Sam's case Dean was for so long the definition of his only true happiness. Once everything else is gone... thank goodness that still remains.

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yaoifangirl16 on September 17th, 2009 01:28 am (UTC)

Beautiful!! I love your little stories!! :D Great ending!

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halfshellvenus on September 17th, 2009 05:13 pm (UTC)

Thank you! There's such poignancy for me in that timeframe where Sam left (left!) and learned to be on his own, only to have it all fall apart. The pain that caused both of them must have been huge, and while we know Dean desperately wanted Sam back... I think Sam must have been truly greatful that Dean was still there when he needed him most.

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yaoifangirl16 on September 18th, 2009 04:56 pm (UTC)

I think Sam NEEDED Dean to be there for him still. Can you imagine the pure ANGUISH Sam would've gone through if Dean hadn't been welcoming to him for him leaving to college?

And can you imagine what Dean went through wondering how Sam was, if he was okay, had anything happened to him, etc. I'm kind of surprised Dean doesn't have that many scars concerning those years. He must've been distracted a lot thinking of his brother.

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halfshellvenus on September 18th, 2009 09:43 pm (UTC)

And can you imagine what Dean went through wondering how Sam was, if he was okay, had anything happened to him, etc. I'm kind of surprised Dean doesn't have that many scars concerning those years. He must've been distracted a lot thinking of his brother.
I've written that period from Dean's side several times (the most notable of those stories is here), and compounding the ache of losing Sam and dealing with that grief.. can you imagine coping with John, who banished Sam and was so sure he was "right" in doing that? Augh!

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yaoifangirl16 on September 24th, 2009 09:28 am (UTC)

Yeah, John would've been UNBEARABLE to be around. Always talking about Sam and his decision to try and live a normal life....I bet Dean and John had more than a couple of fights about that issue. Sam is Dean's #1 priority and he doesn't like it when people say bad things about him--father included.

My dad can get like that with me on certain issues, and he IS unbearable. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but really...enough is enough. Let it go.

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keerawa on September 17th, 2009 06:12 am (UTC)

Interesting, Sam's absolute need to define himself in relation to one other person, orbiting around that one fixed point in a dark and empty universe.

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halfshellvenus on September 17th, 2009 05:20 pm (UTC)

I think the first time is obvious-- the darkness was created by the choices John made, all the things he exposed the boys too and the lifestyle that was so focused on the hunt rather than on having a childhood.

The second time was the strangeness of a world without Dean, and you can sure understand Sam wanting to find that brightness again.

In the end, it all comes back to a pattern of survival that he learned and was never able to fully walk away from.

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brigid_tanner on September 18th, 2009 02:21 am (UTC)

Oh, this makes me ache so much reading it after the second episode.

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halfshellvenus on September 18th, 2009 09:39 pm (UTC)

*sniffle* I know what you mean, and moreover... it's one of the reasons that the 5x02 ending doesn't make sense to me, in terms of Sam's character.

I get that it's a dramatic "device" for the story Kripke wants to tell, but it doesn't feel true to Sam. :(

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