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18 August 2009 @ 05:47 pm
Updates on the weekend...  
I flailed around getting ready for Lauren's slumber-party birthday bash last week, and trying to find some of her more elusive birthday gifts. Follow-up shopping both Saturday and Sunday to get the shoe items she needed to be present for, but it's all finished now.

Her actual party was Friday night (6 girls - more chaos than I'm generally up for), and the girls had a great time. It was kind of a blur for me - one of the guest's mothers mentioned a recent death in a neighborhood family, which turned out to be one of our past babysitters. The young woman in question was a smart, sweet, lovely girl, only 20 years old and in the process of switching from the U of O to a local college (probably because of struggles with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). She loved her family, loved kids, and was the kind of woman you hope your own daughter will grow up to be. She is the oldest of four girls, and her family has to be devastated. I spent Friday night sneaking off to cry, most of Friday night awake, much of the rest of the weekend thinking about her. Such awful news, and to lose a wonderful person like that in a single-car accident is so frustrating and sad.

We haven't told the kids yet. HSH is going to have to break the news, because I won't be able to get the words out. Any suggestions as to how/when?

In other news, I still haven't been able to sell the Silver Ticket for the SPN Con, which is maddening, and Christopher's birthday (and party) is THIS coming weekend. Give me strength...

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Mara: Candlemara_snh on August 19th, 2009 01:22 am (UTC)
Your news is so sad. Such a horrible thing. I don't know how old your children are, but it seems always best to tell kids the truth in cases like this, before they hear it more crudely from their peers or someone else who doesn't care as much about them as you do. Be sure to explain how sad you are about what happened and that you'll listen to anything they want to say, whenever they feel like it. If they're old enough to understand what death actually is, you'll have to deal with the whys and now-whats and will-we-be-nexts. If they don't really get the finality of what's happened, it'd best not to get too specific about it; they'll ask when they're ready. But don't put it off too long.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on August 19th, 2009 01:26 am (UTC)
It's just heartbreaking. She was a wonderful girl, and had so much going for her, and 20 is much too soon. This must be so very hard for her family.

Our kids are 10 and 12, and we'll have to tell them this week. There's a chance that the youngest girl might be at Junior High with Lauren next week, and I want to make sure Lauren knows before she inadvertantly says something.

So sad. :(

Thanks for your thoughts- I appreciate your input.
Mara: Candlemara_snh on August 19th, 2009 01:50 am (UTC)
Some people in the neighborhood might not feel entitled to express their own grief, while dealing with that of the young woman's immediate family. That can be awfully hard on them. I hope there will be a service of some kind, or just a neighborhood gathering of some kind, that can be of some comfort to you. I'm so awfully sorry for your loss. She must have been an extraordinary person.
B: Headache - SGAstrifechaos on August 19th, 2009 01:28 am (UTC)
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss! *hugs* That's never easy news to get or to deliver.

Six girls does sounds like a lot to take in at once! And wow, there's another birthday party coming up right around the bend? That's nuts. You sure are being kept on your toes, huh? *grins* Good luck with finding someone for the Silver Ticket! ^__^
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on August 19th, 2009 01:35 am (UTC)
She was such a kind and loving person, and it seems so unfair that she's gone. :(

The birthday party thing is worse than usual-- normally they're farther apart because we're on vacation for one or both of the kids' actual birthdays (and do one early and one late). But this time we're home, and the kids' birthdays are actually exactly a week apart. Though at least they're not on the same day. :0
Entendre? Make mine a double.: SN Sam melancholydeirdre_c on August 19th, 2009 01:32 am (UTC)
What horrible news. :(

But I can't help but wonder... did you make (are you making) cake??
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on August 19th, 2009 01:38 am (UTC)
It is horrible-- just so sad. Her poor family.

I think this year's cakes will prove unimpressive! Lauren couldn't come up with a theme, and wanted a decoration free-for-all as part of her birthday bash, so I let her guests festoon their pieces with colorful candy.

Christopher is too old (10) for the kinds of things that lend themselves to good themes. We did Star Wars last year (and a friend just had a Star Wars party), and we don't have anything to work with for Lord Of The Rings. So he's thinking "soccer cake," which is automatically boring... Still a lot of work, but boring all the same.

Something like your pinball cake starts to look appealing-- no theme, just a fun cake!
Entendre? Make mine a double.: SN Dean mmm theredeirdre_c on August 19th, 2009 01:43 am (UTC)
Thing #2 was over at a friends house and they were watching "Ace of Cakes" and now he's all into the idea of themed cakes. Just wait until our kitchen is up and running... I'm sure we'll be churning some out!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on August 19th, 2009 04:25 am (UTC)
Lauren has seen both that and some other "Competitive Caking" thing (on cable at her aunt's), and the combination of art and dessert really speaks to her. ;)
CaffieneKitty: roadcaffienekitty on August 19th, 2009 02:32 am (UTC)
*hug*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on August 19th, 2009 04:26 am (UTC)
Thank you. :)
cindy: chocolate mousetsuki_no_bara on August 19th, 2009 02:50 am (UTC)
oh, that poor girl. i'm so sorry. :(

good luck with christopher's party! last weekend and this weekend is a lot of kids. yikes. O.O
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on August 19th, 2009 04:29 am (UTC)
She was well-known and loved, having babysat for many of the families in the neighborhood and done other volunteer work. I first met her when she was a referee at one of Lauren's soccer games and the opposing team's coach was really coming down on the referees-- lending moral support, because in our area the refs are usually teenagers, i.e., still children themselves. And you don't talk to children the way that man was talking to them. We were lucky to have her as a babysitter- she really loved kids, her sisters included, and it showed.
brigid_tanner: Dean-hand on facebrigid_tanner on August 19th, 2009 03:54 am (UTC)
So sorry about the young woman from the neighborhood. I have no advice on how to tell the kids, except I think they'd be better hearing it from you and your husband.

Looks like you're just going to have to come to Vancouver!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on August 19th, 2009 04:31 am (UTC)
My husband told them, which was good, because I can't talk about it out loud at all, even with him. It's just too sad.

As for Vancouver, my husband is still rooting for me to go anyway. The flight schedule is just so maddening (and expensive) from Sacramento, and it's one more thing to plan in a month of camping/birthday/birthday/wedding-or-convention. The wedding would actually be less stressful, even though I'd rather go to the Con. *sigh*
Maz (or foxxy!): Michael alonetuesdaeschild on August 19th, 2009 09:42 am (UTC)
A terrible tragedy at such a young age. :(
*hugs*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on August 21st, 2009 06:08 am (UTC)
Thank you, Marilyn. Oh, it's just so sad, and must be so hard for her family. Neither of the kids was as heartbroken as I was, but maybe that's because they're not also parents and they don't feel the extra resonance of pain that losing a child calls forth.
Maz (or foxxy!): St Michaeltuesdaeschild on August 24th, 2009 08:43 am (UTC)
Parents, in the normal scheme of things, don't outlive their children, do they? The saddest loss is that of a child.