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24 March 2006 @ 02:12 pm
Supernatural Fanfiction: "Turning Point" Drabbles  
Title: The End Is the Beginning Is The End
Author: HalfshellVenus
Category: Sam & Dean (Gen, Drabbles)
Rating: PG
Summary: 4x100 drabbles on various turning points in the lives of the Winchesters.
Author’s Notes: Written for the supernatural100 Drabbles “Turning Points” challenge.


x-x-x-x-x

Vengeance (John’s POV: Pilot)

Mary isn’t there, and the baby’s still crying. Leaning over, he sees drops on Sammy’s forehead.

Blood. How? Another drop, and he looks up.

No. No! This can’t be happening. These things don’t happen to ordinary people-- only in movies

It’s a dream-- has to be. But don’t let Dean see.

He grabs Sammy, runs out to shove him in Dean’s arms and send them outside.

Then he goes back in.

She’s still there. Destroyed.

His heart is heavy, and his shoulders feel the weight of a twenty-pound kit being humped through the jungle.

Time to become a soldier again.


Nightmares Become Flesh (Sam’s POV: Pilot)

Black road white dress. Blue-shimmer-skin in darkness.

Kissing, pressing panic. Vanish. Appear. Car house crash.


Drip.

Dean. Waiting ghost children. Destruction revenge sorrow. Home.

Drip.

Sticky. Wet-sticky. Battered, tired, STOP sticky-drip.

Drip.

Tired. Tired. Just—What? Jess! No! No no no no—Jess gash flames. Flames! Who—Dean. Run!

He is hustled out of the house for the second time in his life, and it’s gone. Every hope/denial/fantasy is dead.

But it was over, more than twenty years ago.

Despite everything he’s seen and battled, the truth is worse.

Forgetting doesn’t end it.

Dad was right.


The Warrior Path (Dean’s POV: Faith)

So much evil. So much pain. So many times they lost a few more victims to the battle.

He’s not sure why he dragged himself from that hospital bed, except that while dying was acceptable, dying alone was not.

When Roy chose him, he marked himself as a charlatan.

But then he healed him. The impossible had happened. And when Dean talked to him, it was clear that Roy—with his all-seeing heart—was the real deal.

Roy chose him because God chose him, because he still has work to do.

It does matter. And he embraces that burden again.


Escaping Orbit (Dean’s POV: Shadows)

He spent his life protecting Sam. First, from the knowledge of Evil; later, with the skill of fighting it.

Sam wavered at the edges of their mission, but surely time would help him see this life chose them.

He waited through the fighting, the rebellion and running off. He waited for Sam to return to them. He forced it when Sam didn’t.

Sam is here by hook and crook, but reluctance colors every conversation. Dean can see him searching for the exit.

He didn’t know that when Sam went to college… that would be the end of his family forever.


-------- fin ---------




 
 
 
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on March 24th, 2006 10:37 pm (UTC)
So, so beautiful.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 10:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you, acostilow. :)

Funny, you are almost always the first to tag my drabbles with comments-- even those I post up in the wee hours of my morning (even later for you, I think!).

So many possibilities for this topic...
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on March 24th, 2006 10:59 pm (UTC)
I'm a night owl. A creature of the dark. A....oh, what? I'm just weird? Yeah, that too.

There really are. And you explore them so well. And you know, I'm not fishing for compliments (honest), but people are like "you write them so well", and then I read your stuff, and it's like, "Yeah, but she(?) gets them, and she can do whatever the hell she wants to with words, and it's amazing."

And I'll stop squeeing now. :) Have I friended you? Can I?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 11:04 pm (UTC)
"Yeah, but she(?) gets them, and she can do whatever the hell she wants to with words, and it's amazing."
Thank you so much! And you haven't heard from me lately on your fics due to the being behind (god, is it eternal now?) on my SN reading. I can't keep up on any of it, so by and large I have just avoided the WIPs until they're done because I can't keep the story threads in my head as time passes. So... looking forward to when your chapter fic is done, since that will motivate me to wade in! I know I've read a couple of the shorter ones, including the one involving 'not being the right blond.' (jess vs. dean)

And I'll stop squeeing now. :)
Does anyone hate squeeing that has substance? I sure don't!

Have I friended you? Can I?
Please, be my guest! Welcome to my twisty world of dark and poetic phrasings. ;)
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on March 24th, 2006 11:10 pm (UTC)
Actually........the WIP is done! Complete! The bad Mofo has been bitch-slapped into submission! Heh. Seriously, though, I finished it a couple of weeks ago.

And I posted a ficlet today! It's a follow-up to a fic from trys_writer, and stuff. So I can't wait to hear what you think!

Hee. Okay. *squees incoherently*

Yay friends! *dances off to friend*
the only blowup doll bobblehead on the internetimpertinence on March 24th, 2006 10:47 pm (UTC)
And once again, you've managed to stun me. All of these are beautiful.

Do you mind if I friend you? I've read enough of your stuff to know I'd rather not miss it. ;)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 10:57 pm (UTC)
All of these are beautiful.
Thank you so much. :) All of them rather sad, too, unfortunately. Even though the direction taken in the first three is the right one, it's still a path not taken by choice.

Do you mind if I friend you? I've read enough of your stuff to know I'd rather not miss it. ;)
Please-- I'd be honored. Hope you can tolerate my boatloads of "Prison Break" fic posts as well. It's my other fandom. :D But you will never miss the SPN stuff, that's for sure. :D
the only blowup doll bobblehead on the internetimpertinence on March 24th, 2006 11:59 pm (UTC)
Hehe--a few of the Buffy people on my f-list got into Prison Break awhile ago, so I'm used to the fangirling. ;)

And yeah, they're all quite sad. I think Supernatural is one of those shows that's just sort of destined to spawn a lot of angsty sadness.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on March 25th, 2006 05:44 pm (UTC)
Mmmmm Buffy. I remember it well. ;)

I think Supernatural is one of those shows that's just sort of destined to spawn a lot of angsty sadness.
By definition, certainly.

Their reasons for what they're doing are so awful. No-one should be edged into such work by the tragedies they've experienced.

And then there's the other factor: they DO a lot of good. But at the same time, they don't see a lot of good. Instead, they witness evil, darkness and destruction on an almost daily basis. Like being a cop, except worse.
the only blowup doll bobblehead on the internetimpertinence on March 25th, 2006 06:09 pm (UTC)
Precisely.

The differences between the two of them--how they define right and wrong--intrigue me. Sam's the one who doesn't care about the abstract "doing good" as much as Dean does, but at the same time he objects much more than Dean does to the scams they run and the people they lie to. Sam tends to see the minute details, Dean looks at the bigger picture--but on some level, I think they're both profoundly unhappy with what they do.
Are we back to hos over bros?: smoothtalkerlissa_bear on March 24th, 2006 11:36 pm (UTC)
Lovely. I think that Vengeance is my favorite.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 11:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)

That last line in "Vengeance" is rather haunting, isn't it? I don't imagine that being a soldier was something he wanted to return to-- or ever thought he'd have a need for. :(
Pheebs1pheebs1 on March 25th, 2006 04:08 pm (UTC)
Really liked all of these. I especially liked:

"When Ray chose him, he marked himself as a charlatan." - poor Dean, absolutely gets to how Dean feels.

"Dean can see him searching for the exit.

He didn’t know that when Sam went to college… that would be the end of his family forever" - sniff. You said a lot in these few words. Really well done, really enjoyed.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on March 25th, 2006 05:35 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Pheebs!

"When Ray chose him, he marked himself as a charlatan." - poor Dean, absolutely gets to how Dean feels.
It's sad-- to Dean, that's absolute proof the man's a fake, because no-one with any real abilities would waste his time on Dean. :( I don't think that episode showed us clearly enough what that should mean to Dean once he realizes that Ray's choosing of who to heal IS guided by the larger power.

The thing Dean believes in least, of all his skeptical baggage, is his own self-worth. :(

sniff. You said a lot in these few words.
This last turning point was the most different, because it was in the past and he didn't know at the time that the thing he wanted most in life wasn't ever going to be again. Now, looking back... he can see that it was the beginning of the end of his own real happiness. :( *Sigh*

So very glad you enjoyed this, and thank you for your lovely comments.
Pheebs1pheebs1 on March 25th, 2006 05:41 pm (UTC)
what that should mean to Dean once he realizes that Ray's choosing of who to heal IS guided by the larger power You are absolutely right the show did not look into that enough. Although Dean is so cynical he may still not believe it (my cynical mind, when Dean spoke out and was chosen, thought, making sarky comments is probably the best way to get chosen. Although of course, I shushed myself because I do believe Dean's purpose is greater and that he should have been chosen. Dean could believe anything like that and still not believe his own worth even when it's presented to him).

Nor have we since seen much of Dean's guilt that he's living someone else's life. Of course Dean in general has a lot of guilt and self worth issues so I guess it might get lost in the middle there.

I really enjoyed, and my pleasure for the comments.
kira!kiraboshi on March 25th, 2006 06:44 pm (UTC)
Wow. That last one really got me. Really.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on March 25th, 2006 07:48 pm (UTC)
Wow. That last one really got me. Really.

Shadows was so heartbreaking. To have Dean finally say what he's feeling (which he never does), and then to hear that it just doesn't matter-- and that he'll never have what he wants most-- was just so sad. And Sam didn't even try to make it better for him. :(
Amymellaithwen on March 26th, 2006 11:38 pm (UTC)
Aww man that last line was so sad :( Poor Dean and his want for family! and I really liked the ending to the John POV, with the pack on his back; cleverly written :) great stuff!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on March 27th, 2006 12:59 am (UTC)
Aww man that last line was so sad :( Poor Dean and his want for family!
It's such a simple thing, and it's the only thing for him. How much sadder is it that he can't have it?

really liked the ending to the John POV, with the pack on his back; cleverly written :)
I tried to capture some of the weariness and resignation there, of returning to a life he thought he was done with-- but has no choice to ignore now.

Glad you liked these. Thanks!
tyrical: AP_aJolietyrical on April 14th, 2006 01:42 am (UTC)
John

I could just imagine that that would be John's thoughts as he watched his wife die.

Sam

I could see Sam realizing in the moment that he lost Jess that he could run but what ever he was searching for he woud never hold on to it.

Dean

When I read his POV I thought he's found his path and his way of life but at that time he had his family at his back. To realize that letting Sam go meant the end of his family. I wonder if he had to do it again would he ask Sam to stay?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on April 16th, 2006 05:43 am (UTC)
I could see Sam realizing in the moment that he lost Jess that he could run but what ever he was searching for he woud never hold on to it.
I wonder if he really does know it yet, or maybe if he does-- to the extent that killing the demon will end his running.

I think we could sum it up like this: "Normal" is the thing Sam will destroy just by being there, even though he doesn't mean to.

To realize that letting Sam go meant the end of his family. I wonder if he had to do it again would he ask Sam to stay?
The saddest thing is... I think we've already seen the answer to that, in "Scarecrow" and again in "Shadows." Though it breaks his heart to do it, and he can't keep the tears back, Dean does everything he can to convince Sam that he should leave even though it's the last thing Dean wants. His selflessness regarding Sam's needs (not casual wants) is so painful-- it's a fundamental part of Dean that he sacrifices himself that way, to his own emotional destruction. And he would not have it any other way. :(