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23 March 2006 @ 12:03 pm
Prison Break FanFiction: Into That Good Night  
Author: HalfshellVenus
Category: Lincoln’s POV (Genfic, angsty)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Lincoln’s POV. The hidden moments during the relentless march to the end.
Warnings: Spoilers for Episode #10 (114), “The Rat”
Author’s Notes: Written for prisonbreak100, where I have the Gen pairing of Lincoln and Michael. This is for prompt #48 “Punishment.” Also written for the pbreak_drabbles challenge on “Missing Scenes. The title comes from Dylan Thomas.

x-x-x-x-x

He is sitting here next to the doctor, his fingers clenched in hers.

He knows that it’s a small thing and that he shouldn’t need this comfort, but somehow… it helps. It anchors him when his body wants to fly around the room, to escape this thing that’s coming for him. He hates the fact that he has to just sit here and take it.

He was not made to do that, to let his fate walk up and destroy him when his body has the strength to run.

It is a continuous effort of will now, to keep the beast in him from running wild.

~*~

The razor on his head is slick and cool, carefully removing the last traces of his identity to make him just that easier to kill.

Stolte is quiet beside him, and Lincoln can’t help but notice that he is tender and gentle as he shaves him. Each slow, methodical sweep is its own apology.

He wishes he could say that he is grateful.

~*~

They shuffle down the corridor in a pack, like they need six people to keep him under control. At any other time, he might be flattered. Right now, he is alone in a crowd.

~*~

They’re taking him to Michael, to this ritual of visitation that marks his last hours as a human being.

How will he stay strong for Michael, when he’s struggling under the weight of all this himself?

He wishes it was now—the whole thing just over. Because these hours/moments/minutes are too long to be survived.

~*~

They begin with awkward snippets of conversation that start and sputter out. Then he decides on cards, and as he grabs the deck they shoot out of his hand and splatter all over the floor in an explosion of lost possibilities. Michael rescues them wordlessly, then comes up behind him and lays those hands on his shoulders. He leans back, tense and broken all at once, and Michael’s slow, rolling massage helps quiet the discomfort of his soul.

~*~

The phone presses hard into his chest, as LJ’s words spin through his head. Probably he should have said something in return. He didn’t.

He is tired. He has been tired nearly every day of his life except when he was hopped-up, sexed-up or angry.

He has nothing left to give.

~*~

He barely glances at those shattered faces as he leaves Veronica and Michael to rescue themselves. He turns toward that final doorway.

He can see it, waiting for him. Dark, evil… unavoidable. It will snuff him out like a candle, and never, ever care.

This is the ending that has haunted him for the last three years.

He almost welcomes it as his feet carry him forward.


-------- fin --------


 
 
firelakie: T Bagfirelakie on March 23rd, 2006 08:27 pm (UTC)
This kinda makes me sad, thinking about Lincoln in this manner. You really captured what might've gone through his head on his last day.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln by always2nlhalfshellvenus on March 23rd, 2006 08:37 pm (UTC)
You really captured what might've gone through his head on his last day.

I sure hope so.

He was very numb throughout this episode, and in trying to determine why, I think it's a combination of resignation, weariness and barely contained panic all warring within him.

We wish he'd been more open and reassuring with everyone as they tried to say goodbye... but at the same time, maybe we can understand why he wasn't.
(no subject) - certainthings on March 23rd, 2006 10:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 01:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on March 23rd, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC)
I adored it. Especially the remarks about the shaving scene.

Then again, I more or less ordered this ;D

Randomly?

This is the ending that has haunted him for the last six years.

Why six years?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln by always2nlhalfshellvenus on March 23rd, 2006 09:32 pm (UTC)
I adored it. Especially the remarks about the shaving scene.
Then again, I more or less ordered this ;D

You did. And I was so sure I wasn't going to write it! Until it married the drabble challenge, and oila!

This is the ending that has haunted him for the last six years.
Why six years?

Isn't that the timeline for how long he has been sentenced to death? Or is it just three years? I'm not always sure that 'sentenced to death' means that you spend the entire time on Death Row. I think his Death Row time has been three years. Six years on this murder conviction, overall.

I can fix it if the facts are wrong.
(no subject) - thelana on March 23rd, 2006 09:34 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on March 23rd, 2006 09:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on March 23rd, 2006 09:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Kimberley: PB: by everlynlampshade_days on March 23rd, 2006 09:03 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is so very dark. I love it, but it makes me sad. The thing I'm wondering about is how Lincoln will react when (if?) the execution doesn't happen. By the end of Monday's episode he seemed so resigned, (and you would have to be I'd imagine, so as not to drive yourself crazy). So to ready yourself as best you can for that ending and then have it not come, and have that little glimmer of hope make its appearance once again - to say that would be tough would be a massive understatement.

Anyway, a brilliant job as usual. The title is quite fitting too.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln by always2nlhalfshellvenus on March 23rd, 2006 09:36 pm (UTC)
Oh, this is so very dark. I love it, but it makes me sad. The thing I'm wondering about is how Lincoln will react when (if?) the execution doesn't happen.
Well, it has so better NOT happen in my book. But I ended the fic where, as far as he knows... this is it. And he has certainly already given up hope. I think if true hope is offered him again, he's going to want to smash something before he embraces that idea. :0

The title is quite fitting too.
I certainly couldn't use the "Do Not Go Gentle" opening of that poem, because... that's exactly what he's doing. He has given up (not that I blame him).

If you read my previous fic, it will put you in a much happier mood, I promise ;)
michelle: Lincoln 1certainthings on March 23rd, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC)
Four stars. Two thumbs up.

Right now, he is alone in a crowd

I like that.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln by always2nlhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 12:47 am (UTC)
Thank you, Smidgy!

Perfect icon for this story. His head is so freshly-shaven it glows in the gloom.
Are we back to hos over bros?: Linclissa_bear on March 23rd, 2006 11:25 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow! There are some truly beautiful lines here! I can't quote my favorites because I can't choose, there are just so many.

Perfect!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln by always2nlhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 12:49 am (UTC)
Thank you, Elissa!

And... yet another nice Lincoln icon :D
wentworth801 on March 24th, 2006 03:44 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed this! I found myself thinking about what Lincoln could possibly be thinking about during this whole episode.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln by always2nlhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 05:46 am (UTC)
There were a lot of gaps there, weren't there? And his behavior was so numb that it makes you wonder even more what he's thinking.

Glad you liked this one :)
mooyoo: Linc - SadPhonemooyoo on March 24th, 2006 07:15 am (UTC)
Excellent and sad. Nice insight into Linc's thoughts, very dark and sad.

He is tired. He has been tired nearly every day of his life except when he was hopped-up, sexed-up or angry.

This especially was very... guh. So heavy. *wanders off in search of fluff*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Pensive Lincolnhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 05:30 pm (UTC)
This especially was very... guh. So heavy.

I know, it is. But although we've mainly only seen him since he's been in prison, he is so worn down. And it could be just emotionally-- what with an execution date hanging over his head. But I can see him feeling overburdened with responsibilities, too many people who need him, and not ever feeling quite up to the task. Makes me tired just describing it! And that would be a typical reason to push someone into drugs as well.

Glad you liked this, all the same. I guess somebody had to write it (although I didn't think it would be me. Maybe I needed a few days and some fluff to work through it).
winnaroo on March 24th, 2006 09:48 pm (UTC)
Wow. That was so good. Smidgy and mooyoo have already pointed out a couple of my favorite lines, but there are so many other parts that impressed me as well.

I had to pause and appreciate this line when I read it:
He was not made to do that, to let his fate walk up and destroy him when his body has the strength to run. Because it is so heartwrenching, the whole idea that he is this physically strong man, but he's completely helpless and it goes against his entire nature.

And then when it was immediately followed by this line: It is a continuous effort of will now, to keep the beast in him from running wild. It was just driven home even more forcefully how hard he is working to keep himself under control.

Those two lines made it easy for me to believe he could welcome the end in the last line.

Beautiful work.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Pensive Lincolnhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 10:30 pm (UTC)
Because it is so heartwrenching, the whole idea that he is this physically strong man, but he's completely helpless and it goes against his entire nature.

I'm glad you noticed this-- and the other line as well-- that speak of the frustration of having to LET this horrible, unjust thing happen to him because he has no other choice. If he were the kind of man who had actually done that, he might want to take someone with him. But because he isn't... he strains to keep that anger from uncoiling so dangerously.

The endless struggle of fighting himself and waiting... I can see him wanting it to finally just be over :(

That said... glad you appreciated this in all the right ways. :)
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Pensive Lincolnhalfshellvenus on March 24th, 2006 10:35 pm (UTC)
and what I saw in the S2 opening ep if Linc is executed (unlikely) Michael's demise won't be that far behind.
That's my take on the two of them. Others disagree because 1)suicide-- eep! or 2)LJ? But I just don't see Michael wanting to survive the loss of his brother. What he was willing to risk says so much about the place Lincoln holds in his life and in his own identity.

These are literally missing scenes from "The Rat," so these take off from the tail end of moments where the camera leaves us. "They're taking him to Michael" is the march toward the Visitation area for Lincoln's final chance to spend time with his brother.

"The Rat" was... very painful to watch. :(
miss_mazzie on March 25th, 2006 05:13 pm (UTC)
The razor on his head is slick and cool, carefully removing the last traces of his identity to make him just that easier to kill. == Oh, dear God. Speechless.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Pensive Lincolnhalfshellvenus on March 25th, 2006 05:41 pm (UTC)
Oh, dear God. Speechless.

I think that's part of how it would feel to him-- it's expediency, and it's also destroying part of who he is (and will be for only just a few more hours). :(

This was a dark one, I know... Thanks for braving through it with me.
PamalaX: mikehuglincpamalax on March 25th, 2006 07:50 pm (UTC)
GREAT WORK!! So simple but beautiful and heartbreaking. If I didn't love the character already I would after this.

I know its like apples and oranges because they are all different but I'd call this some of the best stuff I've ever read because it had this unique power to quietly drawn out intense emotion in the reader.

I'm so impressed and this is so very good that it feel kinda wrong,
shallow, and out of place to ask if I can put it on my page.
BUT I AM asking because I think every PB fan should read and will enjoy it.
BRAVO!!!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Pensive Lincolnhalfshellvenus on March 25th, 2006 08:02 pm (UTC)
So simple but beautiful and heartbreaking.
This one isn't my usual style, although Chapter 7 (?) of the slash "The Arrangement" series is kind of like this. That one is the episode involving the transfer, some of it inner voice for Michael during the episode and some of it missing scenes (i.e., shorter snippets strung together).

But here, there were so many missing scenes in this crucial day that I decided to cover several of them.

If I didn't love the character already I would after this.
That is wonderful-- it means I've brought understanding to him. :)

Yes, you may put it on your page-- please. I would be honored. :)

And if you need an antidote to this one (and that whole episode), I offer kidFluff. That should lighten your heart...

Oh-- think you missed some of the other Gen pieces too. Check my homepage, under the General Fiction "Michael" section (you may have missed up to 3 recent fics).
Marilyn: Brothersmandarin226 on March 28th, 2006 11:15 am (UTC)
You must have found the perfect place inside yourself to come up with this! It's extrememly sad and feels kind of 'right'in the way you convey Lincoln's thoughts and feelings.

Excellent!

*hugs*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln (pensive)halfshellvenus on March 28th, 2006 04:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much :)

Many of my best stories are the more serious Lincoln POV ones. I'm not much like him, but I try to understand him (and help the reader do the same).

What an awful, awful thing for anyone to go through-- especially someone who didn't commit the actual crime. :(
(no subject) - mandarin226 on March 31st, 2006 09:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on April 2nd, 2006 09:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mandarin226 on April 3rd, 2006 05:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
tyrical: PB_L_sorrowtyrical on April 14th, 2006 02:51 am (UTC)
The long slow approch of death, I would welcome it also.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln (pensive)halfshellvenus on April 16th, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC)
The long slow approch of death, I would welcome it also.
He has had no control over it since he was convicted, and the fact that he didn't do it isn't changing his Fate.

Once he sees its inevitability (in the next few hours)... the waiting is the worst thing of all. :(
Da'mien: Johnnydecayd_matter on June 8th, 2006 06:48 pm (UTC)
The phone presses hard into his chest, as LJ’s words spin through his head. Probably he should have said something in return. He didn’t.

;0; i didn't like this -- the fact that he couldn't say anything but it's understandable considering the circumstances whic makes it ;0;

Wow. Another great fic!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln (pensive)halfshellvenus on June 8th, 2006 08:17 pm (UTC)
i didn't like this -- the fact that he couldn't say anything
I didn't either. For his son, I think he should have made the effort. That was part of why I wrote this-- to bring out his side of all these moments, to "fix" that behavior by showing it for what it was, and how little he could stir himself to give anything.

Glad you liked this story, though it's awfully sad. But then, the show made me do it. :(
(no subject) - decayd_matter on June 8th, 2006 09:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on June 9th, 2006 01:42 am (UTC) (Expand)