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27 February 2006 @ 02:14 pm
Prison Break FanFiction: When Godzilla Attacks  
Title: When Godzilla Attacks
Author: HalfshellVenus
Category: CrackFic/Humor
Rating: PG
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like.
Author’s Notes: This came out of the Title challenge for “Stories I Never Wrote You.” fiddleyoumust is responsible for this piece of CrackFic, and a later poll as to which stories I should actually try to write came up with this one as a winner. I hope you break something reading it, and I apologize in advance. :0

x-x-x-x-x

They’re trapped. T-Bag’s getting edgy, and Michael’s close to imploding. They are blocked from freedom by the very metal Michael had counted on being gone—his beautifully corroded pipe now replaced by some overly-efficient janitor.

Lincoln is on the other side of that pipe, and they can’t get up there to reach him. Escape begins at the Infirmary window, beyond the barricade of this industrial-grade metal, and Michael wants to cry. All this planning, every piece in place, and now this?

The lights dim again as The Chair is re-tested. It’s haunting and cruel that the amount of power required to jolt the life from his only brother is enough to drain the workings of an entire prison. Michael thinks he hears a distant rumbling as the lights go on full strength, but it must be the churnings of his desperate, scattered mind…

On South Halsted Street, the creature’s head turns. With one foot in the river and one planted through the Dan Ryan Expressway it pauses as a tasty crackling draws its attention. Something powerful is down to the South, and it lures the giant lizard like the scent of fresh-baked cookies calls to children. Rrruuurhm, it thinks, and it marches toward that siren song of delicious, trembling current.

Within half an hour, it has stomped across Romeoville and Lockport, and then its foot is through the front entrance of Fox River Prison. Bellick is moving through the hallway as guards and personnel start scrambling toward the exits. He spits on the floor. This is what comes of all that wussy-pussy soul-searching, he thinks. A firm hand would snap this place under control and put an end to this ‘find your feelings’ crap.

Warden Pope marches past as Bellick shakes his head, unnoticed. Pope is single-minded in his duty, and though this isn’t the fun part of his job, the man in charge has to show his leadership.

He steps out thorough the opening of the front entry door. “Mr. Lizard,” he begins firmly, “I am Henry Pope, Warden of Fox River Prison. I would like to have a word with you.”

“Rrawrrr!” comes the response, with a flood of angry teeth pointing his way. Pope makes an executive decision.

“Run for it!” he bellows, and herds the stampede of inmates and workers around the massive leg and toward the large city-block-sized hole in the prison gate.

From the Infirmary window, Lincoln can see the creature eating the East guard tower. “Fictitious my ass!” he yells, breaking open the window and climbing out toward freedom.

A careless gargantuan kick swipes off the corner of the break room, revealing C.O. Hendricks and Pope’s secretary playing Ride the Stallion on a stray chair. From across the compound, Patterson’s face transforms into rage.

That two-timing sweet-talking bitch! He strides manfully toward the source of his damaged honor. “Lincoln!” a voice calls out, as Scofield clips him on the shoulder in his race to catch up with his brother. Scofield’s perky ass is bouncing rapidly toward the exit, but Patterson’s on a break right now. He’s got a score to settle, and that gaping hole in the fence is more than any one man can contain.

Halfway across The Yard, the sun vanishes from the sky. Patterson turns to see a foot descending near him, Bellick jammed on its bottom like a wad of half-dried gum. He dodges out of the way and the foot leaves a crater in the ground next to him. The monster is attacking the main building now, and suddenly that distraction seems important. To hell with his silk shirt back in the locker room—Patterson runs out into the streets like a sprinter after the Gold medal.

A titanic green knee shoves the top story off A-Wing, and the dust clears to reveal a wiry little morsel on the ground below.

“Well now, look at you,” the voice calls out. “Aren’t you just something?”

The creature halts. Something kicks in its reptilian brain, and it lowers its head for a better look at the source of this interesting sound.

T-Bag is eye to eye with a pupil the size of double-decker bus, and he steps forward with a smile on his face.

“I am thoroughly impressed, I must admit,” he says, his voice nearly drowned out by the random screams of the B-Wing inmates in lockdown and the groans of the nearby dying.

“Rrrr?”

This is something new. The creature has felt tiny bullet pricks and eaten train cars and airplanes, but… it’s never been admired before.

“What say we hang out together for awhile, do this world some damage?”

The sounds mean nothing in particular, but the tone is something the lizard likes. It reaches out a delicate claw, lifting the little man onto its neck where he clings to a ridge.

“Giddy-up!” T-Bag calls out. “You and me are goin’ places!”

The smallest pat tips the edge of a scale, and the creature turns toward the land across the lake. Smokestacks are in the distance, and it’s in the mood for something crunchy and hot.

They lumber off toward Detroit, with Fox River forgotten behind them. A tail like a tornado sweeps across the landscape, leaving buildings-turned-pebbles and tumbling automobiles drifting in its wake.


------------- Grrrrrgh -----------




Art work by clex_monkie89




Tags: ,
 
 
 
Ice-T: an actor, also a refreshing beverage: jail crawfishfiddleyoumust on February 27th, 2006 10:39 pm (UTC)
*cracks the fuck up*

Love Bellick being squished!

T-Bag and Godzilla 4 Eva!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC)
Love Bellick being squished!

Seriously, you know it had to happen :D

T-Bag and Godzilla 4 Eva!

Yes-- who knew that would be the perfect ending? :0

Now-- see what you did? I just hope you're proud of yourself, young lady... :P
(no subject) - fiddleyoumust on February 27th, 2006 10:51 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on March 1st, 2006 04:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fiddleyoumust on March 1st, 2006 04:08 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - (Anonymous) on March 1st, 2006 04:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fiddleyoumust on March 1st, 2006 04:30 am (UTC) (Expand)
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: cheerful T-Bagthelana on February 27th, 2006 10:47 pm (UTC)
OMG, *dies laughing*

T-Bag/Giant Lizard OTP! I *demand* somebody to make icons of it at once.

Love the "Pope makes an executive decision" part.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 10:55 pm (UTC)
T-Bag/Giant Lizard OTP! I *demand* somebody to make icons of it at once.
That one's got either clex_monkie89 or certainthings written all over it!

Love the "Pope makes an executive decision" part.
Because Bellick just doesn't understand him. Not doing it the "Bellick" way doesn't make him dumb...

God. I can't believe I wrote this. Well, at least it's done! *perky smile*
(no subject) - clex_monkie89 on February 27th, 2006 11:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on February 27th, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - clex_monkie89 on February 27th, 2006 11:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fiddleyoumust on March 1st, 2006 04:10 am (UTC) (Expand)
Are we back to hos over bros?lissa_bear on February 27th, 2006 10:50 pm (UTC)
hahahaha! You get to wear the crack-fic hat now!!!

“Fictitious my ass!”

That cracked me the fuck up! Also, does Lincoln even know what fictitious means?
Ice-T: an actor, also a refreshing beveragefiddleyoumust on February 27th, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC)
It's funny you say that... I was writing dialog for a fic yesterday, and I used a big word for Lincoln, then was all... yeah Lincoln doesn't know what that word means... must change it. ;D
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 11:00 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - fiddleyoumust on February 27th, 2006 11:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 10:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
almostforgiven on February 27th, 2006 10:53 pm (UTC)
OH MY GOD!!!

I think I might be beyond words because that is so brilliantly, bizzarely, perfectly hilarious! I'm half in shock that you wrote it. And well!
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: cheerful T-Bagthelana on February 27th, 2006 10:54 pm (UTC)
And it basically is T-Bag fic!
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 11:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
alazysod on February 27th, 2006 11:08 pm (UTC)
oh my fucking God, you have killed me dead.

*giggles*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 11:14 pm (UTC)
oh my fucking God, you have killed me dead.
Heh!

I was about to post it at pbreak_drabbles, but it's over the 500-word limit. Oh, well. :D

Welcome back from vacaaaaaaaaation!
Fish: Sucrerhymeswithghoti on February 27th, 2006 11:09 pm (UTC)
Bwhahahaha. Love all the minor character asides and the basic awesomeness of it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 11:16 pm (UTC)
Bwhahahaha. Love all the minor character asides and the basic awesomeness of it.
Yeah, Sucre and Westmoreland didn't get any dialogue, although I covered them recently in a slash fic (as side characters).

I think, really, that Patterson and Michael got the most airtime here. Aside from the Great Green Lizard himself. :D

Go Zilla go!
(no subject) - thelana on February 27th, 2006 11:17 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 11:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
BEWARE OF JENMAR.: PB - Hee! - C-Noteclex_monkie89 on February 27th, 2006 11:14 pm (UTC)
I'm making the T-Bag/Godzilla OTP icon as soon as I get home. So much love for this story, so much. And I loved Bellick's squishyness and Pope and Louis and everything.

As for the "fictitious" bit? I now have images of Linc and Michael argueing about whether or not certain things are real and Michael telling him "They are fictitious characters Lincoln. That means they aren't real." And then Lincoln smacking him. :P
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 11:20 pm (UTC)
And I loved Bellick's squishyness
Heh. He is asking for it virtually alll the time. Hey, did you read the ficlet updates on my big post? The one I wrote for mooyoo for Angry Killer Cats turned out veeery nice. Heh again.

and Michael telling him "They are fictitious characters Lincoln. That means they aren't real." And then Lincoln smacking him. :P
That's why the "Fictitious my ass!" line was so perfect. It has the ring of a very old argument.

I thought that Supernatural thing I wrote yesterday was the most bizarre ever (the Jello dream), but this one is right up there :0
(no subject) - clex_monkie89 on February 27th, 2006 11:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
bookstorejunkiebookstorejunkie on February 27th, 2006 11:25 pm (UTC)
A titanic green knee shoves the top story off A-Wing, and the dust clears to reveal a wiry little morsel on the ground below.

OMG, that was hysterical!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 11:28 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed it!

I haven't written it before, but there's definitely a reason I like reading CrackFic.

It puts the "Buh?" in bizarre. :D
jeyhawkjeyhawk on February 28th, 2006 12:03 am (UTC)
Heeee! Squished!Bellick and Perky Bouncing Michael!ass. :0) Me likes and I can totally see Godzilla and T-bag going places.

Rowwwwrrrrr.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2006 03:05 am (UTC)
I think squishedBellick is probably my favorite part :0 Next to Lincoln's only line....

Glad you enjoyed it! The Jaws of Death will spare you now.... ;)
PamalaX: the boyspamalax on February 28th, 2006 03:42 am (UTC)
So so happy!!! Do you feel the love. And you even sent them to me in Detroit!!

Gotta have this one for the webpage... Please please please!!
This goes past asking to archive, this time I'm all out begging.

FANTASTIC!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2006 04:05 am (UTC)
So so happy!!! Do you feel the love?
Yes, I do-- who would have thought CrackFic would be so popular?

And you even sent them to me in Detroit!!
Not sure that's a good thing! Godzilla is kind of careless with those feet and that tail. Big. Stupid. Rrrr?

Gotta have this one for the webpage... Please please please!!
This goes past asking to archive, this time I'm all out begging.

Well then yes, yes you may. :D

Wish you'd point people back here to comment though-- we can never get enough comments! Never! Nor gratuitous T-Bag/Godzilla icons!

Thanks for your fabulous words, Pamala. Godzilla chomps a span bridge in your honor!


(no subject) - pamalax on March 1st, 2006 01:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
mooyoo: PB - Breakout gangmooyoo on February 28th, 2006 05:28 am (UTC)
Bah! Now this here is a T-Bag pairing I can get on board with. Too funny, love squished Bellick and running for his life Patterson.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2006 05:35 am (UTC)
Now this here is a T-Bag pairing I can get on board with.
Yes, this is one that doesn't squick me-- for a change :0

Everyone seems to agree that Bellick's true destiny should be to fall under Godzilla's feet. Especially after killing Marilyn the cat :-(

and running for his life Patterson.
Go Patterson! There's Becky and there's betrayal, and-- wait a minute. Giant Lizard! Runnnnnnnn!
blue_pattonblue_patton on February 28th, 2006 01:48 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, this was hilarious!!! Thanks for posting this--it has made my week! :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2006 05:05 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness, this was hilarious!!!!
Yay! My work here is done!

Thanks for posting this--it has made my week! :)
Comments like this one make my week :D

Thank you!
miss_mazzie on February 28th, 2006 02:41 pm (UTC)
Frell! That is *the* most unusal fic I've ever read. There were so many brilliant parts - too many to list. Will go back and reread. Totally clapping for you, Venus.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2006 05:07 pm (UTC)
Frell! That is *the* most unusal fic I've ever read.
CrackFic is... well... it's something, isn't it? Kind of like letting your subconscious run loose with a plot into all sorts of improbably directions. :0

Totally clapping for you, Venus.
Thank you very much, miss_mazzie!

Never thought I'd get a full-length humor anything out of Prison Break. Especially with where the plot has left off :0
Zsuzsuness on February 28th, 2006 06:08 pm (UTC)
bwahahaha.. omg.. that really hurt.. :)))))))))) It's insane and lovable. :))))))))) *dies laughing*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2006 06:38 pm (UTC)
bwahahaha.. omg.. that really hurt.. :))))))))))
It hurt having people nag me to write it! But.... I guess it was all for the best (I hope thelana didn't hear me say that).

*dies laughing*
Join The Rubble!

And somehow, T-Bag's powers of persuasion help to him survive yet again... first Abruzzi and now Godzilla. The man just has a certain way about him :D

On other SN news, you'll want to catch up on my M/L slash stuff. There is closure now on the post-escape Paradise Arc-o-Angst!

Did you see the OTP icon clex made? Heh!
(no subject) - zsuness on February 28th, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 28th, 2006 07:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - zsuness on February 28th, 2006 07:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)
PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT ROBOT SODOMY: sweetnova_bright on March 7th, 2006 10:04 am (UTC)
Icon = teh awesome.

Man, this is so cracktacular. PB has never struck me as a crack fandom (one of my other fandoms is Stargate Atlantis, a fandom fueled, it appears, wholly on pure, unadulterated crack, so I have comparison) so the appearence of this was like surprise! T-bag and Godzilla give out free crack!

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 7th, 2006 05:36 pm (UTC)
Icon = teh awesome.
Clex had that up within the same day the story was posted!

Man, this is so cracktacular. PB has never struck me as a crack fandom
God, it really, really isn't. But I can't resist a challenge, and getting that Title just kicked something off (plus all the requests to expand it into a full CrackFic). We've had some PB humor before (mainly lissa_bear's, and I love it), but this might be the first PB CrackFic. Oy. Who knew I'd be the one to write it?

the appearence of this was like surprise! T-bag and Godzilla give out free crack!
It's tied with an SN fic I wrote involving a dream-as-Jello with being the most bizarre thing I've ever written.

Yet... T-Bag/Big-Destructive-Lizard are just kindred spirits somehow. They are both agents of chaos, to quote the great icon that amaresu uses. :D