?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
26 February 2006 @ 12:40 pm
Prison Break FanFiction: Falling Away  
Author: HalfshellVenus
Category: Michael’s POV (Genfic)
Rating: PG
Summary: Michael tries to remember his mother even as the memories slowly slip away.
Author’s Notes: Written for the prisonbreak100 challenge, where I have the Gen pairing of Lincoln and Michael. This is for prompt #85, “She.”

x-x-x-x-x

She had brown hair, curled and soft. Michael remembers it as being the color of rich coffee. At least, he hopes that the memory is real. It might be something he learned from the pictures that he saved.

When he’d done something funny, and he cannot imagine now what that might have been, she would laugh like the world could never disappoint her. She had a lilting, light-hearted way of laughing just then, and Michael wishes he could hear it again. He remembers the quality of it more than the actual sound.

When he was young, he would ask his ritual questions when he missed her too much. When he was older, it would be when he felt too many parts of her falling away. “Tell me about Mom,” he’d say, and Lincoln would almost always oblige him. Sometimes Michael would settle in on his lap, back before he got too big. Later, Lincoln’s voice would rumble behind his ear in the dark, telling him everything that was important. What clothes she wore. How her hands were shaped. Whether she had pets when she was a little girl. What foods she liked best of all.

There was one question he had asked only once: “Do you think Mom misses us right now as much as we miss her?” He could feel his brother’s body stiffen behind him, before a careful reply was given. He never knew what was wrong about that, whether it was him forgetting that Lincoln wasn’t supposed to miss her so much—or remembering that he did.

In his loneliest moments he found comfort in his brother’s strong arms or over-muscled lap. Sometimes Michael felt guilty when that helped. He knew losing your mother was a wound that should never heal, and that no-one should ever fill the ache she left behind. He missed his mother’s softness and tender touch, and he knew he’d never have that again. But his brother’s fierce love helped him to survive, and he can’t deny that when it cost Lincoln so much. There was no-one to give Lincoln the care he gave to Michael. If Lincoln had been the younger brother, their lives would have followed a different path.

Now that Lincoln is in prison, Michael sees him every week. They talk about all sorts of things, some important and some not. No matter how badly he wants to, Michael never asks for stories about Mom. It is his turn now to give support, not to take it, and he knows Lincoln needs it as much as he once did himself. They discuss Lincoln’s cellmate, the food, LJ’s achievements, Michael’s new job. The world moves on without Lincoln, and that life is a tale from someone else’s book. Sometimes Michael sees forgiveness in Lincoln’s eyes, as if success is a betrayal all its own.

He thinks that his mother’s eyes, if he could see her right now, would look very much the same. He has studied them in so many photographs, trying his utmost to remember who she was.

The only thing he’s sure of makes the pain even harder to bear.

Her eyes, so like Lincoln’s, would forgive him for starting to forget.

--------------- FIN -------------
 
 
 
wentworth801 on February 26th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)
There was one question he had asked only once: “Do you think Mom misses us right now as much as we miss her?” He could feel his brother’s body stiffen behind him, before a careful reply was given. He never knew what was wrong about that, whether it was him forgetting that Lincoln wasn’t supposed to miss her so much—or remembering that he did.
That's so sad.

If Lincoln had been the younger brother, their lives would have followed a different path.
Hmm...possible idea for an AU fanfic?

Now that Lincoln is in prison, Michael sees him every week.
I tend to forget that Lincoln has been in prison for a while.

Her eyes, so like Lincoln’s, would forgive him for starting to forget.
Great last line. This whole fic was great. I liked how Lincoln and Michael switched roles.



The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 26th, 2006 09:28 pm (UTC)
I tend to forget that Lincoln has been in prison for a while.
I think it's approximately 6 years on this murder stint, which is a long, dispiriting time...

Great last line. This whole fic was great. I liked how Lincoln and Michael switched roles.
Thank you so much :)

I think Michael is exactly the kind of younger brother who would understand that, at some point, each of us has to be the grown-up in turn. He'd see that need, and rise to it-- he's not self-centered enough (thank goodness) to expect to be babied forever.

Thanks for your comments. It's nice to be hearing from you so regularly on my Gen pieces. Glad you enjoyed this one too. :)
Are we back to hos over bros?lissa_bear on February 26th, 2006 09:35 pm (UTC)
Her eyes, so like Lincoln’s, would forgive him for starting to forget.


Why do you do these things to me? Break my heart in such a beautiful way?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 26th, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC)
Why do you do these things to me? Break my heart in such a beautiful way?

:) You know I try...

I want you to feel what Michael feels, to become him as you read the story.

I want you to miss his mother like he does...
Are we back to hos over bros?lissa_bear on February 26th, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
Well, for me, you've absolutely hit the mark!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 26th, 2006 10:01 pm (UTC)
:) My work here is done, then. I love your sentimental, feeling side, Elissa. It is so much like my own.

Read the Supernatural one I just posted? I think it will knock your socks off :0
Are we back to hos over bros?lissa_bear on February 26th, 2006 10:03 pm (UTC)
Haven't read it yet! *runs to check it out*
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on February 26th, 2006 09:47 pm (UTC)
Ah, so much sadness on so many levels. And so beautiful :(

The world moves on without Lincoln, and that life is a tale from someone else’s book.

*wibbles*

He thinks that his mother’s eyes, if he could see her right now, would look very much the same. He has studied them in so many photographs, trying his utmost to remember who she was.

That is so true. How often we remember events just because there are photographs of it. And you sometimes wonder if these are really real memories, or if you only remember them because of the photographs or if you really remember what was *real* or if you just remember what the photograph tells you.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 26th, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
How often we remember events just because there are photographs of it. And you sometimes wonder if these are really real memories, or if you only remember them because of the photographs or if you really remember what was *real* or if you just remember what the photograph tells you.

And when the person in the photograph is gone, this creates such guilt because you feel you should remember on your own and it's devastating to wonder if you don't.

I'm glad you like this one. I hoped to catch some of that desire to cling to every memory of her even as he loses precious little bits. Those details that a child thinks are important-- childlike things that are so different from what adults focus on. Those little things are what catch us by surprise. Not always what someone thought about important issues, but the tilt of their smile in a certain light...
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: happy sarathelana on February 26th, 2006 10:06 pm (UTC)
Randomly, there is one thing I would like to mention.

Muscular lap?

(not that I'm complaining or anything...)

Just saw that tofu posted another WIP, seems to be the church porn that you wont like. Looks seriously unfinished though (with like author notes and such).
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 26th, 2006 10:33 pm (UTC)
Randomly, there is one thing I would like to mention.
Muscular lap?

I went back and forth on the wording. Originally, I had "unsoft", but soft is repeated later in that paragraph.

It's hard to find a euphemism for a man's lap not being comfy-soft which doesn't lead to a double-entendre of... you know. That was the best I could come up with. "Sinewed lap" seemed too out-there to even consider. I don't want to draw that much attention to it.

Mainly, it's for contrast. It's a comforting lap, but still... not the same. Never the same as his mother's. :(
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: happy sarathelana on February 26th, 2006 10:37 pm (UTC)
;D

dawnstarrisingdawnstarrising on February 26th, 2006 11:47 pm (UTC)
You know you are hell on my tissue box!
But his brother’s fierce love helped him to survive, and he can’t deny that when it cost Lincoln so much. There was no-one to give Lincoln the care he gave to Michael.

Beautiful and heart breaking as always.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 01:39 am (UTC)
Re: You know you are hell on my tissue box!
There was no-one to give Lincoln the care he gave to Michael.
Lincoln saved Michael when he couldn't save himself. It's the one thing in his whole life he did most right.

I'm very glad you liked this one. :)

There's so much that is destroyed and lastingly tragic when a child loses a parent. I wanted to bring that out, painful as it is...
BEWARE OF JENMAR.: PB - Chara Scan - Michaelclex_monkie89 on February 27th, 2006 01:41 am (UTC)
I love this a lot. Especially... everything really.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 01:48 am (UTC)
Thank you, Clex :)

Doing my best to make Mama Scofield so worth missing...
BEWARE OF JENMAR.clex_monkie89 on February 27th, 2006 01:54 am (UTC)
You know what there needs to be? A Mama Scofield Fic-A-Thon. Because she was obviously a worthy person and there's not enough fic about her out therte.
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: bunnies yay!thelana on February 27th, 2006 07:35 am (UTC)
You know, it would help if we, you know, knew her name. Or like anything about her before we do one of those :D
BEWARE OF JENMAR.clex_monkie89 on February 27th, 2006 07:38 am (UTC)
Bah, details! That's what fanon is for.
jeyhawkjeyhawk on February 27th, 2006 12:46 pm (UTC)
Beautiful story, even though it's very sad. Losing someone is never easy and when you realize that you're starting to forget someone that you loved so much, it's awful. I love that Michael is the one trying to be strong for Lincoln now.

In his loneliest moments he found comfort in his brother’s strong arms or too-muscular lap. Sometimes Michael felt guilty when that helped. He knew losing your mother was a wound that should never heal, and that no-one should ever fill the ache she left behind.

My favorite part, because it rings so true.

Thanks for sharing.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2006 07:42 pm (UTC)
and when you realize that you're starting to forget someone that you loved so much, it's awful.
If we could choose the memories we keep, it would be so much better. But we may find the sound of someone's voice slipping away while we can still remember specific names of Crayola crayons, or comic movies starring Kevin Bacon. What kind of database scheme is that? :(

Glad you enjoyed this, even though its topic is so sad. But then, honoring the things that make us sad is the justice that someone like Michael and Lincoln's mother deserves.
mooyoo: PB - Breakout gangmooyoo on February 28th, 2006 05:04 am (UTC)
Very nice, liked it a lot (as usual). And you won't be at all surprised to hear this, but I had a similar idea a while ago about how Michael & Linc remember their mother and Michael worrying about the memories of her starting to fade - sadly inspriation for that one ran away from me, but this pretty much articulates what I had thought of for it, especially:
He has studied them in so many photographs, trying his utmost to remember who she was.

That idea that even if you have tons of photographs of someone, it becomes harder and harder to remember what they really looked like in motion and in life, and what they were actually like.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2006 05:32 am (UTC)
And you won't be at all surprised to hear this,
You're right, not surprised :) Thank goodness we're using the same brain separately in halves most of the time :0

That idea that even if you have tons of photographs of someone, it becomes harder and harder to remember what they really looked like in motion and in life, and what they were actually like.
Yes, and that creeping self doubt: do you actually remember these details about that person, or do you only remember the photograph, or what other people have told you?
Ice-T: an actor, also a refreshing beverage: jail crawfishfiddleyoumust on March 2nd, 2006 06:18 am (UTC)
This is really beautiful. I love your Michael/Lincoln. For some reason they always come out angsty and bitter for me. You capture the love so well. Really well done. Must go cry now.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 2nd, 2006 06:46 am (UTC)
For some reason they always come out angsty and bitter for me.
Wow. Well, that would be interesting to read just for the different flavor.

You capture the love so well. Really well done. Must go cry now.
Thank you, jewels. This one was a little different, trying to get the 3-way love in there for both of them missing their mother and what losing her cost them.

I'm glad you liked it so much. *Passes Kleenex and posts SN drabbles for you*
tyrical: PB_brotherstyrical on March 9th, 2006 05:52 pm (UTC)
There is a wistfulness and a longing that I see in this. I really like how subtle it is. There are so many layers of subject matter in this.

Michael feeling a little lost.
Michael feeling the weight of responsibility, to be strong for his brother.
A slight feeling of guilt; his attachment to Lincoln and the loss of memories about his mother.
An acknowledgment of what is cost Lincoln to become brother, father, protector.
Michael seeing and knowing that although Lincoln is proud of Micheal he's envious too!

Lovely stuff, all complicated goodness. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 9th, 2006 09:07 pm (UTC)
There is a wistfulness and a longing that I see in this. I really like how subtle it is. There are so many layers of subject matter in this.
It's all wrapped up in the idea of loss, I think. Loss of his mother, of what her presence brought to him and Lincoln. Loss of his memories of her, and how unfair it is to lose something so precious. Loss of his brother, and of Lincoln's own control over his life.

An acknowledgment of what is cost Lincoln to become brother, father, protector.
Michael seeing and knowing that although Lincoln is proud of Micheal he's envious too!

It's hard when one child succeeds and the other "fails"-- especially when the failure in part is due to assuring the other person's success and given them that key thing there is no-one to give you. It's unfair, how things went for Lincoln after their mother died, but he did what he could to make it easier on Michael. And it worked.

Lovely stuff, all complicated goodness. :)
Very much like family and life altogether-- it's so rarely just one simple thing.

Thank you for your lovely comments, tyrical. Getting caught up today?