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12 December 2008 @ 10:53 am
Supernatural Gen Fiction: "This Wasn't Even Fun The First Time Around" (PG)  
Title: This Wasn't Even Fun The First Time Around
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam, Dean and Castiel (Gen, Humor bordering on Crack)
Rating: PG
Summary: Five unwelcome times Castiel interrupted Dean. Of the many we all know exist. ;)
Author's Note: After writing the Next Time, Knock drabble, I went off on a comment tangent with someone at fanfiction.net, which led to this follow-on story.

x-x-x-x-x

"Dean Winchester."

"Aaah!" Dean jolted in surprise, nearly slipping in the process. "Get out of here—you don't just barge in on someone while they're in the bathroom."

"But you are showering."

"Still private!" Dean ducked under the showerhead to rinse the shampoo out of his hair, trying to hurry things along before Castiel got any more impatient. Or before his creepy-ass human-hating buddy showed up. Uriel was probably itching to smite Dean out of irritation and sheer boredom.

"We need to save the world," Castiel continued.

"Go ahead and start without me—I have to get dressed. I do all my world-saving with my clothes on."

"As you wish."

"Hand me that towel. And for God's sake, turn around."

"I do not see—" Castiel began.

"Just do it."

~*~

"Who is this young woman, Dean?"

The redhead gasped and reached for the sheets, but she didn't scream.

"Kind of busy right now, Castiel," Dean warned.

"What's this, the jealous boyfriend?" the woman snapped. "You guys are all the same—you'll say anything to get a girl in bed." She pulled the sheets with her as she gathered up her clothes and headed to the bathroom. "Well count me out. I'm not taking part in your petty arguments or sick fantasies."

The door slammed behind her.

Dean ground his teeth in vexation. "This had better be good…"

~*~

The bed creaked, and Sam turned to look over his shoulder. He elbowed Dean. "It's for you."

"Muh?"

"Hello, Dean."

"Castiel," Dean groaned. "You're sitting on my foot."

"I am sorry." The angel moved over slightly but continued to stare at him, waiting.

Bad enough that Castiel just showed up day and night, but Dean was not doing this conversation lying down. He sat up, glowering. "What is it now?"

Castiel paused. "Why do you do this, with your brother?"

"What, sleep? Regular humans—you know, the kind who drive their bodies themselves—need lots of sleep. Hours of it, every single day. Preferably uninterrupted."

"I meant sleeping in one bed. Usually you are in different beds."

Dean snorted. "Take a look around. This is the best we could do tonight, and it isn't all that great."

"Yes," Castiel agreed. "The walls are ugly."

"You should see them in daylight."

"Trying to sleep here…" Sam grumbled from the other side of the bed.

"Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to ask annoying questions about motel rooms and sleeping arrangements," Dean whispered loudly.

"Of course not. This is urgent business."

"Right," Dean sighed, "it always is. What poor defenseless little town is bothering you now?"

~*~

"That does not look healthy."

Dean choked on his hot dog, almost inhaling the relish. For a moment he wondered if Castiel knew the Heimlich maneuver, but a touch on his forehead cleared the obstruction from his throat. "Why," he finally gasped, "do you do that? And aren't you kind of forgetting to be subtle about the comings and goings?"

Castiel looked around him. "They do not notice. They are absorbed in their own lives."

"Uh-huh." Dean decided he was done eating, at least while he had company. He swallowed the last of his Coke. "So…" he prodded.

"We have work to do," Castiel said earnestly.

"What else is new? And don't you have anyone else in your arsenal besides me?"

~*~

Dean was putting on his shirt when the motel room windows exploded.

Sam dropped his book. "What—"

Dean just rolled his eyes. "I thought you had that whole arrival thing licked by now," he called out, not even looking behind him.

"I am still adjusting to using a human body."

"Yeah?" Dean said. "You do that to my car and you're dead meat. Just so we're clear."

"But this is important. The future depends on it."

"The whole future?" Dean said dryly, leaning down to pull on his boots.

"The future of this battle, and all that it represents."

"Uh huh. Not like that time you dragged me off into the past to keep something from happening that I couldn't do the slightest thing about, right?"

"Dean," Sam hissed. He knew Dean didn't like surprises—unless they involved liquor or naked women—but still, Messenger of the Lord and Wrath of God. Sam really didn't want Dean getting sent back to Hell just because he couldn't keep his big mouth shut.

"I've got this, Sammy." Dean waved him off.

"No you don't!" Sam got to his feet and stood up straight. "We would be honored to help you. What do you need?"

Castiel gazed at Sam beatifically, stepping over the broken glass and into the light. "There is a child in Arizona drawing pictures of the End of Days. We must stop her."

Sam blinked.

Dean raised a pointed eyebrow. "Would this be, I don't know, a bunch of red and black scribbles that only someone like you would even recognize as looking like anything?" he asked.

"Perhaps," Castiel admitted.

"Oh," Sam said. Then he edged closer to Dean, and whispered, "How did you know?"

"Not my first trip to Angel Island, if you catch my drift."

Sam frowned. "So now what?" he muttered.

Dean turned to face the angel and raised his voice. "I'm afraid Sam and I need to eat and then go to bed. To renew our energy for another day. So we'll have to pass on this one."

"You are not coming?" Castiel looked perturbed. He took a deep breath. "Very well. But there is much important work to be done. I shall return to summon you again."

"Of course you will."

Dean found himself talking to empty air—the angel was already gone. "Whatever," he muttered, looking at the mess that remained behind. "Why should tomorrow be any different?"


-------- fin ---------

 
 
 
celia_goesfactoids on December 12th, 2008 06:59 pm (UTC)
castiel has played the impending doom card wayy too many times.

and yay!snarky dean
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 07:21 pm (UTC)
castiel has played the impending doom card wayy too many times.
I'll say! And it's exactly that kind of 'crying wolf' that brings out Dean's increasing urge not to take anything he says seriously.

Plus, that problem with a matter of perspective:

"There is an evil being at work. We must smite the whole town."

"Wait, what?!?"

:D
mimblexwimblemimblexwimble on December 12th, 2008 07:08 pm (UTC)
This was excellent! My favorite has to be the one where he catches Sam and Dean in the same bed.

"Why do you do this, with your brother?"

Oh, he's so stunned. *g*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 07:23 pm (UTC)
I love both the Wincest and the Gen, so that one was irresistible. That and the fact that every question Castiel asks could be taken really narrowly or broadly, depending. I mean, who knows what he's taken the time to notice about humans and their habits? Does he do any personal maintenance on the body he's borrowing? Is it necessary?

Though you'd think at least the clothes would need to be washed, and given that they've got bullet holes in them already, why not replace them?
maychorian: angel hairmaychorian on December 12th, 2008 07:26 pm (UTC)
Hee! These were all very enjoyable. Loved Dean's increasing nonchalance about the whole "end of the world" thing.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 08:10 pm (UTC)
I don't see how he can help himself, when much of what Castiel shows up for isn't "dire" by any stretch of the imagination!

Or, perhaps Castiel is simply following orders, he lacks the ability or desire to apply a sense of perspective. :0
happy is as happy does: i heart dean - Supernaturalhappywriter06 on December 12th, 2008 07:32 pm (UTC)
BWAH!!! You'd think knowing a real live angel would be a good thing.

"Hand me that towel. And for God's sake, turn around."

"I do not see—" Castiel began.

*wearing slash colored glasses*

Dean really needs to sit down and explain the whole an occurrence v. the apocalypse. You'd think it might have some idea. lol
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 08:12 pm (UTC)
Haha-- slash-colored glasses! I can't decide whether Dean would want to hide, would want to flaunt it (just to see if Castiel would even blush), or would first thing "flaunt" and then think "shrinkage" and not do it. ;)

The angel's inability to decide the relative importance of various events will never stop being funny to me. Especially in a crack setting. ;)
kunju: thanks but he's super-holy alreadyinnie_darling on December 12th, 2008 07:33 pm (UTC)
I do all my world-saving with my clothes on. Hee, Dean!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 08:12 pm (UTC)
I so love the Dean-snark, and I think Castiel actually brings out the worst in him. :0

:D
Pheebs1pheebs1 on December 12th, 2008 07:46 pm (UTC)
LOL! This is lots of fun! ;) "I shall return to summon you again" Heee I am sure you will Cas!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC)
Heee I am sure you will Cas!
It's never a bad time to drop in when you're an angel-- 'timing' is a concept for mortals alone!

"You are mutilating your body."

"I'm cutting my toenails! Now get out of here!"
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 08:26 pm (UTC)
I expect Dean to tell Castiel one of these days, Don't call me, I'll call you fella!
I can guarantee he's at least thinking it in his head virtually every time Castiel shows up! \o/

Thank you so much for the e-card! I sent you some penguins for the holidays. I can never resist those little penguins. :)
dr. henry killingerliberateourtime on December 12th, 2008 07:55 pm (UTC)
"Yes," Castiel agreed. "The walls are ugly."

BRB laughing until I cry!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 08:27 pm (UTC)
I couldn't resist that-- SO many motels, and the decor has been so outstandingly hideous in virtually every single one of them.

Even Castiel would notice. :D
grand_sophygrand_sophy on December 12th, 2008 08:00 pm (UTC)
Castiel is the ultimate civil servant. Or Canadian.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 08:28 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha! Oh, poor Canadians. Just because they take abuse well, and remain polite to the core. It's one of the things we most like about them.

AND they have more sense in the "showing up uninvited" category than certain human-wearing creatures. :D
shaitanah: castielshaitanah on December 12th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
Hahahah, I love Cas more and more! XDDDD Awesome story! <3
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 08:29 pm (UTC)
Who knew he would prove to be such comic gold? Other than eighth_horizon, of course, because she went for that angle right away. \o/
innocentculprit: dean-sam-headsinnocentculprit on December 12th, 2008 08:40 pm (UTC)
"But this is important. The future depends on it."

"The whole future?" Dean said dryly, leaning down to pull on his boots.


Gawd love both of them ... and ahahaha Sammy "we would be honored to help you" .. bless his goddamn cotton socks.

I suppose it's hard to have a sense of humour when you're an angel of the lord, wearing that coat and there's 66 freakin seals. Heh.

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 11:27 pm (UTC)
Poor Sam, he so wants to do the right thing there (he can't help himself) and save Dean's sorry butt, and then he finds out that... wait, THAT's your emergency?

I suppose it's hard to have a sense of humour when you're an angel of the lord, wearing that coat and there's 66 freakin seals.
Or, apparently, any form of actual perspective! :D
cutedevil666cutedevil666 on December 12th, 2008 09:06 pm (UTC)
bahahaha this was adorable, I love Castiel :P
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 11:27 pm (UTC)
So innocent, so earnest, and so very far off the mark sometimes. :0
anniehow: flirtanniehow on December 12th, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
I was giggling throughout until the last one that had me doubling over with laughter!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 11:41 pm (UTC)
Yay! That was my goal for today, to make people laugh-- and the harder the better. :D
The Huntresshuntress69 on December 12th, 2008 11:07 pm (UTC)
Perfect, as per usual you wrote something I so needed to read, this time because I just made a 6 hour round trip to pick up my son at school for winter break. I salute you once again!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 12th, 2008 11:44 pm (UTC)
Gosh, I hoped this helped take the sting out of that trip! And left you feeling a little more light-hearted after such a major and obnoxious endeavor. :0

Cookies all around!
(no subject) - huntress69 on December 12th, 2008 11:55 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on December 13th, 2008 02:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
brigid_tanner: Dean-Castiel hotter?brigid_tanner on December 13th, 2008 12:03 am (UTC)
LOL!! Love snarky Dean! And Sam will catch on soon ;)

"What else is new? And don't you have anyone else in your arsenal besides me?"
You would think the angels would have someone else to call on besides Dean. Castiel needs to be made to watch all 7 seasons of Buffy so he can start to understand how humans react to repeated end of the world/apocalypse threats.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on December 13th, 2008 01:53 am (UTC)
Castiel needs to be made to watch all 7 seasons of Buffy so he can start to understand how humans react to repeated end of the world/apocalypse threats.
Hahahaha! Yes-- the "crying wolf" effect. And then there was the dreaded, dangerous demon discussed at length in one of Giles' books with the unnoticed phrase, "Shown actual size." :D

Your icon is hilarious, and yet so cruel!