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14 February 2006 @ 10:33 pm
Prison Break FanFiction: Imperfect Choices  
Author: HalfshellVenus
Category: Maricruz’ POV (Het, Genfic)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Both men want her, but only one can win. This may be the hardest choice she’ll ever make.

Author’s Notes: Written for the pbreak_drabbles challenge, “Write Something Different.” I’ve covered so many characters that for me, what’s left is Het or CrackFic. I went with Het here.

x-x-x-x-x

Hector’s pushing her to choose him, but Fernando fills her dreams.

The way he looks at her, like she is precious and perfect, is nothing like the something Hector wants.

She feels lifted up by his love for her, captured in that gaze that has never strayed to anyone else. If only it were that simple—if she alone held all the riches he needed. But easy answers proved more tempting than women or drugs. It has been along time since Fernando went away. It seems forever before he’ll come back.

Hector has a job and a car, and no need to get in trouble. He wants her and can provide for her, and he turns her thoughts to tangles with his reasons and promises and Whys.

Hector has the words, but Fernando knows her feelings.

His fingers on her face are like feathers, sweeping softly across her skin in adoration. His mouth on hers is joyful, loving, and it has been like this since the first time they kissed.

His lips at the curve of her waist worship softly, and he strokes her skin as if God made her in the image of an angel. And when he is joined with her, flush against her and moving in that rolling rhythm that makes her go lush and liquid inside, his eyes are glistening behind the reflection of her face. “Fiero,” she calls, and the name is both him and his softly savage passion that fills her.

Hector offers security, but Fernando loved her first.

These choices are too hard, and the world is not supposed to be this way. There should be only black and white, bad and good. Except Fernando is a little of both, and Hector not much of either.

She needs to make a decision, for the future of their baby, and the unfairness is that she has to choose at all.

Without this baby, she could have waited as long as Fernando needed her to.


----- fin -----


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she said mysteriouslyresounding_echo on February 15th, 2006 07:19 am (UTC)
diggin' the new layout :)
This was a nice little thing. I don't much have any feeling for Maricruz on the show, but your take made me sympathetic.

he turns her thoughts to tangles with his reasons and promises and Whys.

This is my favorite line, particularly the emphasis on "whys." Sad and true.

Oh, and lovely ending. It was unexpected (at least for me) and made sense.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
Re: diggin' the new layout :)
The new layout is pretty, isn't it? I tried and rejected one for about 1 day, because the cut-and-paste with the mouse doesn't work. (Filed a bug).

This was a nice little thing. I don't much have any feeling for Maricruz on the show, but your take made me sympathetic.
I understand her feeling of being trapped now, because of the baby. But mainly, I like Sucre's feelings for her. They're so passionate and genuine.

This is my favorite line, particularly the emphasis on "whys." Sad and true.
It's one of my favorites too, because of the poetry and the relentless feeling of Hector flailing her with his logic over and over again.

Glad you liked it! My very first hetFic. First Maricruz too, but the hetFic was more different than she was. :)
she said mysteriously: brotherly bondageresounding_echo on February 15th, 2006 07:20 am (UTC)
Forgot to add: you should *totally* tackle crack!fic...
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 05:28 pm (UTC)
Forgot to add: you should *totally* tackle crack!fic...
Heh! That would be so hard for me in the PB universe...

However, I AM writing a CrossoverFic for this challenge too. Heck, for me (since I usually really dislike AU and Crossovers), that IS a form of CrackFic. Will post today or tomorrow :)
mooyoomooyoo on February 15th, 2006 07:46 am (UTC)
Mm, very nice. Maricruz seems like a hard character to write, but you've made her very understandable. I'm a little too tired at the moment to leave more thorough feedback, but I liked it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 05:38 pm (UTC)
Mm, very nice. Maricruz seems like a hard character to write, but you've made her very understandable.

Part of the real challenge, for me, is not to make her come off as too smart (same for Sucre).

My big vocabulary and complex sentences really have to be curbed for this kind of POV. It's OK for Michael-- and even for Pope. But I need something with simpler words but all the same deep feelings. (The feelings aren't simple-- just how they are thought out).

Glad you liked it, even if you're half-asleep :)
faithinfaithfaithinfaith on February 15th, 2006 08:16 am (UTC)
And then we where back to briliance.... So short and still it said everything. The way you let her describe the differensis between Fernando and Hector is very touching and this

Hector offer security, but Fernando loved her first.

These choices are too hard, and the world is not supposed to be this way. There should be only black and white, bad and good. Except Fernando is a little of both, and Hector not much of either.

She needs to make a decision, for the future of their baby, and the unfairness is that she has to choose at all.

Without this baby, she could have waited as long as Fernando needed her to.

This is IMO a perfect description of how shitty life is and that nothing is simple -- least of all love -- and that for a mother the child always comes first....
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 05:54 pm (UTC)
This is IMO a perfect description of how shitty life is and that nothing is simple -- least of all love -- and that for a mother the child always comes first....
I really feel for her choice, because she knows who she loves-- and she absolutely knows he loves her-- but being alone with a baby for a year (at best) waiting for him to get out of prison is not a choice every woman is prepared to make.

And unfortunately, she also has no guarantee that this trip to prison will be his last :(
Ferryn - you know, that weird chick: sucremissingyouferrynheit on February 15th, 2006 08:23 am (UTC)
Awww, so sad, but beatifully written.

I don't have too many feelings on Maricruz either, but this really brings to light Sucre's problem too. Poor guy.

That last line makes so much sense, but it's such a sad thing to think about. It's Sucre's baby, but because of it, she feels like she can't be with him anymore because she needs support. What a predicament.

Very nice drabble. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 05:58 pm (UTC)
Awww, so sad, but beatifully written.
Thank you :)

I don't have too many feelings on Maricruz either, but this really brings to light Sucre's problem too. Poor guy.
The one thing I wanted to really bring out here is his love for her. It's very obvious in the show, and I wanted to bring out the pain of making this choice that knowing this causes her.

That last line makes so much sense, but it's such a sad thing to think about. It's Sucre's baby, but because of it, she feels like she can't be with him anymore because she needs support. What a predicament.
It really is awful. And it's not a choice that should be taken lightly. It becomes even harder because it is his baby too, and because he wants it and her and she loves him as well.

The Good, The Bad and The Lana: michael/sucre amigosthelana on February 15th, 2006 09:52 am (UTC)
*shamelessly tries to take credit for all the Maricruz&Sucre fic being written lately*

Loved it. Love that even while writing such a minor character, and not necessarily one of your faves, you still can infuse it with such poetry.

[It] is nothing like the something Hector wants.

Awww, poor Maricruz.


his eyes are glistening behind the reflection of her face. “Fiero,” she calls, and the name is both him and his softly savage passion that fills her.

Love!

Hector offer security, but Fernando loved her first.

(1) Perfect way of describing it.
(2) May I detect a missing "s"? Or maybe "Hector's offer is security, but Fernando loved her first."?

Except Fernando is a little of both, and Hector not much of either.

Love, Love, LOVE this way of putting it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 06:17 pm (UTC)
Ha! Can't give you credit for this one. When I chose "Het," the only main ones that came to mind were Veronica or Maricruz. I just don't buy into Sara/Michael, and I also don't really want to create an OC for her. I kind of like trying to live in canon. (except for the twisting into slashiness, of course).

Loved it. Love that even while writing such a minor character, and not necessarily one of your faves, you still can infuse it with such poetry.
Thank you! Some of this came out really beautifully, and I'm not sure why it has to be this one. Kind of like "Love is a Lecture"-- the quality of that story is way out of proportion to how much I actually like LJ (not that much).

It] is nothing like the something Hector wants.
Awww, poor Maricruz.

I wanted to show a little bit of mistrust in what she thinks Hector's after.

his eyes are glistening behind the reflection of her face. “Fiero,” she calls, and the name is both him and his softly savage passion that fills her.
Glad you liked this too. It's so clear that he loves her, and I wanted to show that she knows it without doubts.

Or maybe "Hector's offer is security, but Fernando loved her first."?
No, you found ths missing "s". I fixed it after someone else quoted that line, and I thought-- No, I didn't have that typo, did I? (sadly, yes I did).

Except Fernando is a little of both, and Hector not much of either.
Love, Love, LOVE this way of putting it.


Thank you!

For some reason, I thought you might particularly enjoy this one-- even though it is pretty far (in style and substance) from what I usually write.

Hey, I got some refrain in here. That is something other people use really well, but I find a real challenge.

This one was different for me in a lOT of ways :) Guess those drabbles challenges are working!



(no subject) - thelana on February 15th, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 07:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on February 15th, 2006 07:36 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 11:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on February 15th, 2006 11:27 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on February 15th, 2006 10:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 11:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on February 15th, 2006 11:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Are we back to hos over bros?lissa_bear on February 15th, 2006 02:19 pm (UTC)
Oh, wow! I love this! My favorite line, he turns her thoughts to tangles with his reasons and promises and Whys.

Beautiful and heartbreaking.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 06:20 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

I think that's my favorite line too. It's clear from the show that he's pressuring her, and that just makes her decision harder.

Yet, no-one comments on the het. Hmmm.
(no subject) - lissa_bear on February 15th, 2006 06:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 07:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - lissa_bear on February 15th, 2006 07:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
PamalaX: the boyspamalax on February 15th, 2006 09:36 pm (UTC)
Very nice work. I still don't feel sorry for her yet but you painted a lovely rock and hard place picture that makes her a lil easier to understand.

Of course I keep thinking I wish I could tell her that you have to go with love over security. Eventually we all want strange the men in our lives ( stares at 14 year husband ) and because we do love them we stop
ourselves.

Without love she'll ending up throttling Hector and one day be one living behind bars herself.
Nice work!!


The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 15th, 2006 11:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks!

Of course I keep thinking I wish I could tell her that you have to go with love over security.
I think it would be an easier choice if she could be sure Sucre would STAY out of prison once he gets out. But because she can't be sure, I can't fault the temptation to go with the sure (and boring) thing.

At the same time, I wonder if it has occurred to her that lusting after your cousin's "woman" and trying to take her for yourself is inherently sleazy, and that this points to something dark inside Hector that she should avoid.

dirtandweeds on February 16th, 2006 01:38 am (UTC)
Oooooh, I liked it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 16th, 2006 06:33 am (UTC)
Thank you!

It's different for me, that's for sure :)
DHDneverendingview on February 18th, 2006 07:19 pm (UTC)
My inner Sucre is crying for his Maricruz.

*melts* That was so...*melts* guh
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 18th, 2006 08:01 pm (UTC)
My inner Sucre is crying for his Maricruz.
It's so very clear he adores her. I feel for them both, caught in this situation of her needing to choose.

*melts* That was so...*melts* guh
So glad you liked it! So, does that mean that the hetSex worked (beyond just the aspect of it being loving?). No-one else who's commented really likes Sucre or Maricruz that much as a pairing, so they don't seem to have much opinion on that part :D
(no subject) - neverendingview on February 18th, 2006 09:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 19th, 2006 12:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - neverendingview on February 19th, 2006 12:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 19th, 2006 12:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - neverendingview on February 19th, 2006 01:36 am (UTC) (Expand)
michelle: Sucrecertainthings on February 18th, 2006 09:59 pm (UTC)
Gosh. I'm not really a fan of Maricruz but I enjoyed the sweetness and the angst of this.

There should be only black and white, bad and good. Except Fernando is a little of both, and Hector not much of either.

I like that bit there.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 19th, 2006 12:16 am (UTC)
Gosh. I'm not really a fan of Maricruz but I enjoyed the sweetness and the angst of this.
Same here-- although I am a fan of Sucre, and he just adores her. I wanted the reader to feel his love, and that she loves him in return. Making her choice all the harder.

I like that bit there.
All choices are SO much easier when they're black and white, but it's so rarely true. Still no obvious choice for her there either.

Glad you liked it. I'm always aiming to write a good story, whether I happen to love the character or not. I still want the reader to feel that they understand that character. :)
tyrical: AP_aJolietyrical on April 14th, 2006 03:51 am (UTC)
I have words for this woman. None of them kind.

Yet I do understand that there is the rest of her life to consider and love is just not enough.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB Casthalfshellvenus on April 17th, 2006 04:19 am (UTC)
Yet I do understand that there is the rest of her life to consider and love is just not enough.
It's really the difference between it being just her life... and the baby's life.

But she seems nearly blind to Hector's being a snake, which Sucre's faults are more bumbling than deliberate. He could change them, and belly up to being a better man.

Hector never can, if only she knew it. It isn't in his nature to do anything but manipulate and use and covet.