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02 October 2008 @ 12:15 am
Supernatural Gen Fiction: "Life Moves Faithlessly Forward" (PG, Drabbles)  
Title: Life Moves Faithlessly Forward
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Bobby, Sam, Dean (Gen, Drama, Drabbles)
Rating: PG
Summary: (4x01) Burying Dean was the end and the beginning…
Author's Notes: Spoilers for the S4 premiere. These three drabbles were written for the supernatural100 "Truth" challenge.

x-x-x-x-x

Bobby
The look on Sam's face when he came out of that house… Bobby couldn't forget it, any more than seeing Dean dead and bloody on that floor.

He'd helped Sam move Dean to the Impala, but Sam had drawn the line after that. He never told Bobby anything more—hardly spoke to him on the phone, even—and Bobby thought Sam probably blamed him.

He blamed himself. He knew he'd failed them both.

The boys were like family by then, and losing them… Nothing to do but drink until something was different.

The bottle, at least, would never judge him.



Sam
Burying Dean was the end and the beginning. Sam had lived it once before.

The ache of the aftermath swallowed days before yielding to a duller pain. The unfairness of the Trickster-engineered death was gone, but guilt waited in its place. All for Sam—everything, always, this.

Guilt forced him to survive.

The whisper of power that had held off Lilith spoke of secrets to be learned. Sam sought and used them, driving the shadows away. In the gray world left to him, he owed his explanations to no-one.

That promise to Dean finally became as empty as Sam's heart.



Dean
The world was too bright—desert-white and piercing, it burned behind Dean's eyes.

The blasted earth, the fallen trees and abandoned streets, spoke of a holocaust or a lie. In a tailor-made Hell, Dean would always be alone. This dust-ridden tumbleweed town revealed nothing.

The assault of noise and shattering glass added to the mystery, more details lost on Dean's blurry consciousness.

Only after hot-wiring a car and finding traffic on the road—living towns and cities stretching clear to Bobby's house—could Dean admit it:

He was back—alive again. No idea how, but he was a walking miracle.



--------- fin --------

 
 
 
layne: spn looklayne67 on October 2nd, 2008 10:36 am (UTC)
Guilt forced him to survive

And guilt also forced him to go down the road that Dean had expressedly forbidden him to take. I wish Sam would tell Dean everything ...
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Hughalfshellvenus on October 2nd, 2008 05:02 pm (UTC)
I wish Sam would tell Dean everything ...
Me too-- I hope we'll see that soon, now that they've adjusted to Dean being alive.

I mean, what can Dean do other than be mad at Sam about it?
layne: jensenlayne67 on October 3rd, 2008 01:45 am (UTC)
Esp when Dean, in Sam's place, would probably have done the same thing himself.
eponin10 on October 2nd, 2008 11:35 am (UTC)
These are just perfect.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 2nd, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you! It took me awhile to feel like writing about S4, but that may have been because there was too much to say (for the various characters) rather than too little.
brigid_tanner: is Supernatural on yet?brigid_tanner on October 2nd, 2008 12:00 pm (UTC)
Beautiful. I like the desolation and pain in all of them.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 2nd, 2008 05:04 pm (UTC)
I'd thought to post them in a different order originally, but they make sense chronologically and end on a hint of hope because Dean's alive again after all.
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 2nd, 2008 05:05 pm (UTC)
I'm almost sorry we didn't get a glimpse of those four months for at least part of the S4 premiere, but on the other hand... we got the hints of them, and how they went for Bobby and Sam. *sniffle*
iamstealthyoneiamstealthyone on October 2nd, 2008 12:51 pm (UTC)
Good look at all three men. I like each section, and Sam’s most of all, the way you captured his state of mind after Dean died

Favorite lines:

All for Sam—everything, always, this.

Nicely, achingly phrased.

Guilt forced him to survive.

Ow. And yes. And ow.

Oh, Sam.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Samhalfshellvenus on October 2nd, 2008 05:11 pm (UTC)
I thought Sam's was the strongest of the three, and would have ended with it except that Dean's really is the last to occur in time-order.

Nicely, achingly phrased.
I'm glad you liked that line-- it's almost a tumbling of subconscious thoughts, all of them as overwhelming as the guilt itself. I'd hoped that worked as well as a complete, clear sentence would.

It's almost worse that in the Trickster episode, we actually saw so much of what losing Dean was like for Sam. SO hard to watch. :(
iamstealthyoneiamstealthyone on October 2nd, 2008 07:04 pm (UTC)
I thought Sam's was the strongest of the three, and would have ended with it except that Dean's really is the last to occur in time-order.

I think it works fine just as you have it. :)

I'd hoped that worked as well as a complete, clear sentence would.

It definitely did. *nods*
shaitanah: naruto_tearsshaitanah on October 2nd, 2008 03:58 pm (UTC)
*sobs* So sad and so perfect! Bobby breaks my heart, Sam... is just Sam (sorry, I can't bring myself to feel anything for him))) and Dean... I wanna hug him! Beautiful ficlet! <3
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 2nd, 2008 11:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

I actually found Sam kind of flat toward Dean in the S4 premiere, and he seemed to have bounced back far too easily from Dean being gone. This was an attempt in part to explain that-- the feeling of having given up so completely that even the reality of Dean barely gives him hope, and that because it was the second time around for Sam he was already somewhat still deadened inside from before.
cindy: spn - ouija handstsuki_no_bara on October 2nd, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC)
>>In a tailor-made Hell, Dean would always be alone<<

y'know, that was one of the reasons i thought the gas station was still hell. no people. i thought he was still in hell until he hotwired the car, actually.

these are so bleak, but believably so. well, dean's is a little less, because he's alive.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 2nd, 2008 11:54 pm (UTC)
y'know, that was one of the reasons i thought the gas station was still hell. no people. i thought he was still in hell until he hotwired the car, actually.
I couldn't be sure either, at the beginning. Everything leading up to hotwiring the car could so easily have been a personalized version of Hell- and I liked the ambiguity of that feeling, actually.

well, dean's is a little less, because he's alive.
The one ray of hope in all of this is knowing that in the end, he made it out, and that's huge.

tabaqui: deanroadbywell_playedtabaqui on October 2nd, 2008 05:01 pm (UTC)
Ooh, boys.
*holds them*

I particularly like the last one, Dean thinking that the world is gone, this is hell...
*sniffle*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 2nd, 2008 11:56 pm (UTC)
Dean thinking that the world is gone, this is hell...
I loved that about the actual episode, that at the beginning that could so easily have been a form of Hell. And how would Dean know? In many ways, it was well-suited to being Hell for Dean. Him driving around for years looking for anyone else (and Sam in particular)... that IS Dean's Hell.

tabaqui: deanblueskybyzonikitatabaqui on October 2nd, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC)
*shudders*

Yeah. Gah. I was totally on the edge of my seat, not knowing if he was really *out* or not.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 3rd, 2008 12:02 am (UTC)
Yes! And in its own way, it was kind of marvelous-- because having that BE Hell was all kinds of perfect, if in fact Dean wasn't out yet.
ErinRua: Listeningerinrua on October 2nd, 2008 05:22 pm (UTC)
Oh, honey. This just ... wow. Each one a punch in the gut. Each one a stark illustration of the lonely separation each of them has to face. Your fic-fu is set on "awesome", dude! Beautiful stuff. :-)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 2nd, 2008 11:58 pm (UTC)
Especially wonderful to hear when I haven't drabbled in a while, and I haven't tackled any part of S4 before.

Oh, what bleakness those four months must have been. It makes me ache for Bobby and Sam, and for Dean as well (his suffering is secret from us, for now, but it had to have happened).

Thank you for your kinds words, as always, Erin. :)
The Huntress: DeanPretty-Shadowhuntress69 on October 2nd, 2008 09:45 pm (UTC)
You make me want to laugh and cry at the same time with this. I humbly thank you.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Hughalfshellvenus on October 3rd, 2008 12:00 am (UTC)
:D I'm trying to figure out where the laughing comes in, unless it's the hysterical laughing of hopelessness. God, what those four months must have been like. And poor Bobby-- in the end Dean's dying happened anyway, and Bobby wound up losing Sam in the bargain too. But he couldn't push Sam too hard because he probably felt he deserved it. He never knew Sam had secrets to keep from him too.

The Huntress: DeanPretty-Shadowhuntress69 on October 3rd, 2008 12:46 am (UTC)
Sorry, I didn't mean ROFL, but the happy kind of laugh cause Dean is back. I am weird, I know.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Diner Deanhalfshellvenus on October 3rd, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
A moment of joy, because finally something turned out right. And in the end, it was the most important one of all.

I must say, Dean's comeback scenario would give even a normal person a healthy dose of skepticism at the beginning, but for him it was almost guaranteed to make him doubt at the beginning. ;)
labseraphlabseraph on October 3rd, 2008 08:31 am (UTC)
Oh, Bobby ... you know that love comes with a price, even when it isn't your flesh and blood ...

Oh, Sam ... treading the slippery slope of the path of good intentions ...

Oh, Dean ... life and all the joy and pain that comes with it ... don't squander it, love ...

And Venus ... of the gifted mind and nimble words ... pure love.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on October 4th, 2008 06:18 am (UTC)
Oh, Sam ... treading the slippery slope of the path of good intentions ...
Oh yes-- wherever it started, it's so easy for it to drift away unnoticed until all of the reasons and caveats finally fall away in the face of what it has now become. Someday soon, Sam will have arrived there without even knowing it.

Oh, Dean ... life and all the joy and pain that comes with it ... don't squander it, love ...
And believe that you're worth it, even if only as the man who loved his brother that much.

I'm so glad you enjoyed these, and thanks so much for your lovely comments. :)