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18 July 2008 @ 02:01 pm
House, M.D. Fanfiction: "Haunted House" (PG, Gen)  
Title: Haunted House
Fandom: House, M.D.
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: House and Wilson (Gen, Crack)
Rating: PG
Summary: Exactly what the title says...
Author's Notes: For thelana's birthday! Whoo! I hope you like it. :D
Written during a 60_minute_fics session on "Haunted House."


"Good god, why are all the lights on in here? I didn't know we had this many lights in the lab. Turn them off—I'll confess."

"Watch it—they might be listening." House motioned Wilson over to join him in the corner. He was armed with a sandwich and his cane.

"God, that smells foul. What is it?"

"Who cares—it has garlic." He raised his voice. "You hear that? Garlic! So don't get any ideas!"

"So, how many Vicodin have you had today?" Wilson asked conversationally.

"I'm not drugged, you idiot—I'm being followed by ghosts."

"Of course you are." Wilson surveyed the lab, but all of House's baby doctors appeared to be absent. "Where're the kids? You give the sitter the night off?"

"Who, Cuddy? For all I know she's one of them—the Administrative Undead."

"Right," Wilson sighed. "Wait—are you trying out an LSD experiment again?"

"No! You're not listening—I'm being haunted."

"By invisible, silent things, sure. Won't be the first time." Wilson checked his watch. "Well, I've got clinic duty. Have fun."

"You can't leave me here! One of them tried to trip me in my office!"

"Probably just a lump in that blood-stained chunk of carpet you had Cuddy put back. It's your own fault."

"What about the voices in the hallways?"

"Patients? Staff? This is a hospital—it's full of people. Some of them might actually want to talk to you, though god knows why they'd bother." Wilson headed for the door.

"I see dead people…"

"So stop hanging out at the morgue."

"Where's your sense of compassion?"

"I think you ran it over with your motorcycle last winter."

"Don't tell me the arm coming down out of the ceiling doesn't bother you!"

"Fine, I'll keep it to myself then."

House stopped for a moment, his eyes narrowing at Wilson. "You brought me my coffee this morning…"

"And you cost me a date with that redhead from radiology."

House's words were muffled by the closing door, but clear enough to understand: "You're not as nice as people think you are!"

"You're right," Wilson shouted back, smothering a grin.

C'est la vie, House. You never learn…

-------- fin --------

(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Yay!halfshellvenus on July 18th, 2008 09:21 pm (UTC)
I was hoping people would be able to recognize that as Wilson right off the bat. Yay!

Glad you liked it!
brigid_tanner: boys-giggle snortbrigid_tanner on July 18th, 2008 10:15 pm (UTC)
Hee! that was fun. I don't watch House a lot, but enough to know who the people are. Enjoyed it!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on July 18th, 2008 10:22 pm (UTC)
This kind of House vs. Wilson interaction is one of the things I love most about the show-- there's kind of an ongoing Prank War mentality under the surface.

Thanks for reading! Whoo-hoo! \o/
PamalaX: HOUSEpamalax on July 19th, 2008 01:01 pm (UTC)
Ohhhhhhhhh what a nice treat!
Happy Birthday to the B Day girl indeed!

Love me some House/Wilson and you got them down perfectly.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Random Fandomhalfshellvenus on July 19th, 2008 05:27 pm (UTC)
They crack me up when they're bantering together, which is one of my favorite aspects of the show. And when Wilson turns House's own evil on him, that's even better in my book. ;)

Glad you liked it! \o/
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: smilie priyankathelana on August 4th, 2008 08:34 pm (UTC)
"I see dead people…"


I can really picture House's voice saying that, similarly for the coffe/date with the redhead from radiology exchange :D

Wilson normally isn't really my favorite person on the show, but it was surprisingly satisfying to get to see him pwn House here.

Thank you sooooooo much for this fic and sorry I was so rude that it took me so long to reply. I hope you had a great trip :) I'll try to be more on livejournal in general, but things have been a bit crazy lately.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on August 17th, 2008 02:35 am (UTC)
I really like Wilson when he's handing House's own flack right back to him, or bantering with him. Those are some of the humor highlights of the show, and heaven knows House deserves to get jerked around in return. ;)

This part,
"Where's your sense of compassion?"

"I think you ran it over with your motorcycle last winter."

is a dig at where the whole Trotter arc went, and how painful that House/Wilson relationship became to watch when House was so self-centered that he practiced non-stop cruelty. Which is why I like to poke fun at it, because I'm cruel too. ;)

I hope your birthday was wonderful, apart from the getting sick afterward, and that you enjoyed your surprise out-of-town trip. :D
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on August 17th, 2008 07:08 am (UTC)
Wohooo, you are back :) How was your trip?