*sobs* For some reason this made me so sad. But in a gentle, light way. God, almost every time you write Dean, I just want to hug him because he's suffered enough))))

This IS sad, at least to me. You get a hint of someone who pushed down his dissent again and again, trying to please a parent who ultimately could not be entirely pleased.

He drove down so much of himself for his father, and still (or in part because of it) was taken for granted. :(

This made me very sad.
Me too. *hugs* It's a glimpse of someone who tried so hard to be the perfect son until very little of himself was left, and still we know (from S1 canon) that it was never enough. :(

And I love the way Sam questions Dean in his head, but not out loud.
That seems fitting to me, because questioning Dean's choices when it came to their Dad ultimately becomes questioning John, and that really pisses Dean off. Dean wouldn't understand it as sympathy, he'd probably see it as a challenge, which is not where Sam would want that to go. *sigh*

*sniffles* want to pet Dean. Beautiful. Love the last line.

Probably didn't see that ending coming, did you? That seems very much like the Winchesters to me-- even ordinary moments have these hidden landmines, and you never know when one of them will show up.

Then Sam realized that Dean's opinions on music were probably the least of the disagreements Dean had worked to keep hidden from their father all those years.

*nods* Dean was "Yes, sir" on so many things that it's intriguing to consider just how many times he wanted to go against John.

Nicely done. And nifty use of the prompt. :)

Dean was "Yes, sir" on so many things that it's intriguing to consider just how many times he wanted to go against John.
There have to be too many times when he really should have said something and didn't, because he was SO focused on pleasing his father.

And when you think of those desperate phone messages in "Home," where John doesn't answer in spite of the clear anguish in Dean's voice... Grrrr.

And when you think of those desperate phone messages in "Home," where John doesn't answer in spite of the clear anguish in Dean's voice... Grrrr.

Yeah, that phone call made me go "Oh, Dean" in a major way. And it's sad that John didn't respond to him there. *hugs poor Dean*

aw, dean. :( i do love me some insightful!sammy, tho.

i do love me some insightful!sammy, tho.
He has to have seen Dean saying "Yes, sir" to things he didn't agree with, but something he realized that Dean didn't was that it was no use trying to be the perfect son.

I think that in part, Dean's failure (because of who their father was) showed Sam his own freedom.

Oh, darlin'... Again, you've said so much about the boys in so few words. I love the idea that Dean did disagree with his father, that his obedience, though constant, was not blind. And that Sam never realised it, that he's just beginning to see that Dean lived in a state of silent compromise and negotiation his whole life... It's something I've thought about, but not something we see often in fic, is it? Oh, boys... *smishes them and you*

I love the idea that Dean did disagree with his father, that his obedience, though constant, was not blind.
That almost hurts more-- that Dean subjugated his own opinions and instincts again and again for the sake of his father. And we know he did. :(

that he's just beginning to see that Dean lived in a state of silent compromise and negotiation his whole life...
We saw some of this in canon, too-- the episode in late S1 where John shows up for the second time and starts to lay into Dean with some bitchiness about how he's treating the car... Sam looks furious at the way Dean's being treated, knowing how hard Dean's always tried to please their Dad.

I've always thought that Sam's anger at John had many parts: the constantly being shuffled from place-to-place on their father's whims, the expectations of John's that he could never meet (because he wasn't that person), always being a third wheel in the family, simply not wanting to be who John thought he should be, and finally... that for all of Dean's obedience, their father still withheld too much love and approval. Look what that did to Dean. It's a different kind of harm than Sam got, but it's still harm. :(

Edited at 2008-07-05 06:56 am (UTC)

That breaks my heart :/

And you know, Dean probably never went through that teenage rebellion thing, and I find that so sad ...

Not that I approve of children rebelling against their parents, but with Dean, I'm kind of imagining him trying so very hard to please John.

It really pleases me that people are seeing what's in the undertone of this drabble-- it IS very sad at its core, and it's about more than a single moment. This was the pattern of Dean's life with John.

Not that I approve of children rebelling against their parents, but with Dean, I'm kind of imagining him trying so very hard to please John.
Exactly. My husband, who never went through a rebellions stage either, always says that a little rebellion is necessary in order for teens to find a separate identity and independence from their parents.

And in Dean's case, he really was "the good son" around his father- I don't think John ever had a really clear idea of who Dean was apart from that. And had John not run out on him in Season One... things might have stayed that way exactly.

You know, I honestly think I could angst about this topic all day. :0 ;)

Aw, man. This is painfully good. I love that Sam realised something about Dean that his teenaged self simply couldn't see. And I feel bad that Dean has to find such subtle ways to show any rebellion against Dad.

When I think of Dean in his teen years, I tend to imagine that he was very much the prototype for what we see now: totally bad-ass, totally James Dean, totally collar flipped up in back and a devil-may-care attitude ... for the rest of the world. Outsiders just saw the titanium grin and leather jacket. But for John? Still Dad's good little soldier. And that makes me sad.

*sighh* Beautifully done, gentle in tone but none the less achy, and I can feel Sam's sadness, too.

*smishes Dean. smishes Sam. smishes clever, thinky author* :-)

Edited at 2008-07-06 04:41 pm (UTC)

I love that Sam realised something about Dean that his teenaged self simply couldn't see.
Me too-- I hope to see this kind of thing all the time, partly since S1 Sam sometimes drove me nuts. Definitely the baby of the family, though John and Dean helped to make him be the very same things that frustrated them both.

for the rest of the world. Outsiders just saw the titanium grin and leather jacket. But for John? Still Dad's good little soldier.
Exactly. Dean is SUCH a Daddy's Boy, and he pushed so much of his personality down to be what his father wanted and expected. Part of that is the oldest-child curse, and part just might be having lost one parent already (and remembering what it WAS to lose someone, because he was old enough to remember).

and I can feel Sam's sadness, too.
I like the idea that, for all Sam's problems with their Dad, he can see finally that life wasn't always a bed of roses for Dean either.

Thanks so much for your lovely comments. :)

Oh, ouch. Sometimes I wonder just how much of himself that Dean shrugged off to be his father's son and how a different life might have changed him.

Wonderful, as always.

Sometimes I wonder just how much of himself that Dean shrugged off to be his father's son and how a different life might have changed him.
I do too-- had his father been different, had his mother not died, or simply had he not had John's Supernatural mission dictating so much of what the family did (including the secrecy of it all, because it would just lead other people to conclude that the Winchesters were nuts). It's the stuff AUs are born of, I'm sure. :)

Thanks for reading! Love the new tag-line, too (Cass E. Pants, I think it was). :D

Dean's swallowed so much. I wonder if he even knows how to want for himself?

Dean's swallowed so much. I wonder if he even knows how to want for himself?

I think he only ever wants the most trivial, passing things-- food, sex, the health of his car-- and virtually everything is living in the now.

The only larger want we know of, that of having his family be together forever... he knows he can't even begin to hope for. :(

Ah, the drabble. It's an under-appreciated art-form. It takes real skill to pack an entire story with that much plot and inisightful character analysis into just 100 words.

:D What a wonderful thing to say. Thank you very much! :D

a relationship that has been revealed to us to be built on sand
Love this phrasing...

it just wounds me like nearly nothing else about Dean.
Me too-- it says that for him, there IS no "Dean." There is John's son, Sammy's brother, a kickass hunter and a ladies man. But in his mind, there is no part that is uniquely him because there doesn't deserve to be. Dean doesn't think he matters outside of those aspects. And most of them ARE important and valuable things, but he has no sense of being inherently worthwhile on his own. That IS sad. :(

This is going straight to my own personal canon of the Show.

Oh, Dean.
He's such a curious creation that saying he's 'broken' doesn't do him justice. It's more like he's been eroded, slowly, over time by the demands of the people and the world around him...and still, he's managed to keep something of himself intact. Be more than just a good soldier.

This does make me wonder about the Winchesters' tastes. More specifically what movies and music, books John liked.

Thank you.
*thinky*