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30 September 2005 @ 09:30 am
Prison Break Fanfiction: What Michael Wanted  
Title: What Michael Wanted
Author: HalfshellVenus
Category: Lincoln/Michael pre-slash
Rating: PG-13 (for subject matter)
Warnings: Michael has deeper feelings for Lincoln than he should. DO NOT READ IF THIS OFFENDS YOU.
Summary: There were always other possibilities, but never any so compelling.

x-x-x-x

It wasn’t Sucre Michael wanted.

The guy was nice enough, especially for a con, but he wasn’t Michael’s type. He was like a puppy, and though puppies were fun, they were just too bouncy, too needy and insistent. Michael liked Sucre, but all that constant energy wore him down. And it wasn’t like guys had ever done much for him anyway.

It hadn’t been the girls he’d dated in college or for the few years afterward. Several had been sweet and pretty, but he wasn’t looking for a long-term thing then. They always wanted too much from him: too many of his feelings, too much of his time.

And after Lincoln went to jail, it hadn’t been the occasional woman he fell into temptation with, either. He didn’t even try to date anymore at this point, knowing that he could never bring anyone home to his “psycho nest.” Yeah, he knew what it looked like—a whole wall covered with newspaper clippings and blueprints and diagrams. No sense in kidding himself that it would not seem totally nuts to someone else.

No, what he really wanted was something impossible and remote. He wanted Lincoln.

He knew that it was unfathomable, to want your brother in such a complete and intimate way. Probably sick, to be honest.

But Lincoln defined him. All completion of who he was lay in Lincoln’s eyes, his acknowledgement of Michael, his nearness. All of which had been so painfully absent for so very long, even before the incidents that led to Lincoln’s drug use and eventual murder conviction. Michael had been chronically soul-starved since his early teens, needing more of Lincoln, more of his attention, needing to know that Lincoln would not leave him as his father and mother had. Why that had turned into a deeper and more torturous love, he could not say, but Michael would have done anything to bind Lincoln to him forever, making sure neither of them ever needed anyone else.

He knew how painful it was to love Lincoln this way, and how useless to hope for anything in return. There was no happiness to be found on this path.

Yet he could not help it. The heart does not bend to logic or reason, no matter how compelling.

Lincoln held the key to Michael’s fulfillment, and that door would only ever open for him.

Keeping Lincoln safe and alive, and hoping for the eventual chance to be with him again… for Michael, it was a form of his own self-preservation.


-------- fin --------



 
 
 
Auroraduttyduttylove on September 30th, 2005 04:54 pm (UTC)
Holy shit man. So much feeling and description, I love it. Just... wow.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on September 30th, 2005 07:08 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much. I like to write for feeling, because I think that tells the story better.
I hope this satisfies the folks who asked for some backstory to "Rescue and Reward" and "The Arrangement."
There's a reason Michael will move in on an opportunity with Lincoln...
forwardish: PB Linc&Mike textlessforwardish on September 30th, 2005 10:40 pm (UTC)
LOVE!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on September 30th, 2005 11:38 pm (UTC)
Your userpic looks like Lincoln declaring his undying love for Michael. Are these Dominic and Wentworth? From a talkshow or something? Hotness...
forwardish: PB Linc&Mike textlessforwardish on October 1st, 2005 02:54 am (UTC)
yup, it's Dominic and Wentworth, but I'm not sure where it's from. And that is EXACTLY why I love it so much!
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: lookthelana on October 1st, 2005 11:35 am (UTC)
But Lincoln defined him.

*heart stops* Story is pretty much perfect from this point on :)


Keeping Lincoln safe and alive, and hoping for the eventual chance to be with him again… for Michael, it was a form of his own self-preservation.


Ah, perfect.

Plus, hah, I always assumed that his Lincoln/Prison Break obsession would have seriously harmed his chances of dating successfully :D

Now I have "Hum Aapke Hain Kaun" (= Who am I to you?) stuck in my head.

It's just that Michael is such an organised and controlled individual. I almost expect him to have a check list and plaaaaaan for everything.

But of course the eternal mystery (on the show itself as well) is what exactly Michael intends to do once they are out? Hide out with Lincoln and let Veronica do the work? Leave the country? Go on the hunt for evidence himself? Wonder if they will ever come to that part. Or if new stuff will just keep piling up, so we'll never know what Michael's original intention was anyway.

Err, back on track: Really enjoyed this one.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on October 1st, 2005 02:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the wonderful comments.

It's an Alternate Universe story, but it would certainly explain Michael's unwavering devotion and willingness to ignore the dangers to himself.

The long-term planning alone would hurt his dating chances, but that wall... yikes. Can you imagine walking in on THAT!
tyrical: PB_Alazysod_touchtyrical on January 2nd, 2006 05:05 pm (UTC)
I usually forget that love can become such a powerful tool for obsession.

Michael has no father, lost his mother to illness; clung to his brother, then lost his brother to despair and addiction. Michael still holds on. Holds on the only family he has left. Then Michael realizes the depth of power his brother unknowingly has over him.

Knowing all that Michael still continues on. No one and nothing will ever stop him from securing the only family he has left. How can we be surprised when it turns into this desperate, all consuming, and powerful form of love. Then Michael does the impossible and accepts this realization completely. With this behind him and being gifted with a brilliant mind and I can see how these circumstances will give Michael the dedication and the willingness to do what ever it takes to get his brother back.

He wants Lincoln back in whatever form. All the while knowing that when he succeeds Lincoln will never bring him happiness. Michael seems to know that he may never get what he wants. The way he wants it. But being with/getting Lincoln would just ease the ache for a bit and that lessening seems to be worth everything to Michael.

I don't know if you could tell but I like this a lot. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on January 2nd, 2006 05:46 pm (UTC)
I don't know if you could tell but I like this a lot. :)

Not only that, but you clearly understood all the messages in this fic, which really makes me happy.
Bstrifechaos on January 6th, 2006 03:16 am (UTC)
*gasps* That. was. perfect.

I just don't know what to say, it was so memorizing. So full of emotion, bittersweet and yet ends with a note of hope. Beautiful. Utterly flawless.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on January 6th, 2006 05:18 am (UTC)
*gasps* That. was. perfect.

Thank you! I have such a fondness for this piece, and "Where It All Began" (which was actually written afterward). They sum up so clearly that ache, and why Michael is doomed to feel it.

And why he would risk so much for Lincoln, who appears so hopelessly, deeply flawed to everyone else.
search for jet pantsjetpants on March 10th, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC)
Keeping Lincoln safe and alive, and hoping for the eventual chance to be with him again… for Michael, it was a form of his own self-preservation.

This is great, but I really like that line in particular. I really get that from the show, that despite everything else Michael may seem to have, he's been so abandoned that he feels if he loses his brother too, he loses a lot of himself. I definitely think that in saving Lincoln he is also trying to save himself. So, yes, love where you've gone with this, and I hope this comment makes some kind of sense. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slash by tinamishihalfshellvenus on March 10th, 2006 09:55 pm (UTC)
I really get that from the show, that despite everything else Michael may seem to have, he's been so abandoned that he feels if he loses his brother too, he loses a lot of himself.
Yes, clearly I feel the same way.

I think a large part of Michael's identity, and what's important to him in life, is all wrapped up in his brother. Without that... where is Michael's motive to survive?
Maz (or foxxy!): Cuffed Michaeltuesdaeschild on May 11th, 2006 09:11 am (UTC)
The heart does not bend to logic or reason, no matter how compelling.
Ain't that the truth! I love the whole thing but that line really sums up the hopelessness of Michael's obsession. You really got in touch with what drives him with this piece.

Awesome!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: MichaelInBarshalfshellvenus on May 11th, 2006 07:21 pm (UTC)
I love the whole thing but that line really sums up the hopelessness of Michael's obsession.
So true for him, and for anyone really. Even when you know it's an AWFUL idea-- and you'd kill those feelings if you could-- it does not change that the heart knows what it wants and it will not let go for the sake of what the mind wishes instead.

Michael's love. So doomed, and yet so painfully understandable.
Maz (or foxxy!)tuesdaeschild on May 12th, 2006 08:43 am (UTC)
Michael's love. So doomed, and yet so painfully understandable.
No arguments from me on that!