Category: Lincoln/Michael pre-slash
Rating: PG-13 (for subject matter)
Warnings: Michael has deeper feelings for Lincoln than he should. DO NOT READ IF THIS OFFENDS YOU.
Summary: There were always other possibilities, but never any so compelling.
It wasn’t Sucre Michael wanted.
The guy was nice enough, especially for a con, but he wasn’t Michael’s type. He was like a puppy, and though puppies were fun, they were just too bouncy, too needy and insistent. Michael liked Sucre, but all that constant energy wore him down. And it wasn’t like guys had ever done much for him anyway.
It hadn’t been the girls he’d dated in college or for the few years afterward. Several had been sweet and pretty, but he wasn’t looking for a long-term thing then. They always wanted too much from him: too many of his feelings, too much of his time.
And after Lincoln went to jail, it hadn’t been the occasional woman he fell into temptation with, either. He didn’t even try to date anymore at this point, knowing that he could never bring anyone home to his “psycho nest.” Yeah, he knew what it looked like—a whole wall covered with newspaper clippings and blueprints and diagrams. No sense in kidding himself that it would not seem totally nuts to someone else.
No, what he really wanted was something impossible and remote. He wanted Lincoln.
He knew that it was unfathomable, to want your brother in such a complete and intimate way. Probably sick, to be honest.
But Lincoln defined him. All completion of who he was lay in Lincoln’s eyes, his acknowledgement of Michael, his nearness. All of which had been so painfully absent for so very long, even before the incidents that led to Lincoln’s drug use and eventual murder conviction. Michael had been chronically soul-starved since his early teens, needing more of Lincoln, more of his attention, needing to know that Lincoln would not leave him as his father and mother had. Why that had turned into a deeper and more torturous love, he could not say, but Michael would have done anything to bind Lincoln to him forever, making sure neither of them ever needed anyone else.
He knew how painful it was to love Lincoln this way, and how useless to hope for anything in return. There was no happiness to be found on this path.
Yet he could not help it. The heart does not bend to logic or reason, no matter how compelling.
Lincoln held the key to Michael’s fulfillment, and that door would only ever open for him.
Keeping Lincoln safe and alive, and hoping for the eventual chance to be with him again… for Michael, it was a form of his own self-preservation.
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