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26 January 2006 @ 10:18 pm
Supernatural Slash Drabbles: In Hiding ("Missing Scenes")  
Title: In Hiding
Author: HalfshellVenus
Category: Sam/Dean (Wincest. Angsty. Drabbles)
Rating: PG
Author’s Notes: These were for the supernatural100 challenge on “Missing Scenes.” These slash ones are unrelated to the Gen ones, or to each other. The four Gen drabbles for this challenge are here.

x-x-x-x-x


Lies of Omission (Bloody Mary)

If he hadn’t gotten away from those cops, it would be over. It was a close thing, rescuing Sam, and she’d almost taken them both.

It is cold out here in the car. Their faces are smeared, their shirts destroyed, and relief and horror make them shake.

“You okay?” Dean asks, like he owns that feeling.

Sam shrugs uneasily, barely seeing him in the dark. “Why did your eyes bleed, Dean? What was your secret?”

Dean stiffens, and tosses back, “Who did the Woman in White think you’d betrayed Jess for?”

Then it is silent. The important questions go unanswered.



Exposed (Skin. Dean’s POV)

Dean cleaned up their wounds at the motel, and he felt Sam’s question before it was asked.

“He must’ve liked you better than me. You’re not that beaten up.”

How can you possibly have those feelings for him? Do you feel all noble for keeping it all inside?

“Maybe because he was wearing my skin.”

He’d leave you if he knew. What would you do to keep me from telling him?

“Your mouth is kind of bruised. Did he hurt you?”

Make it good, or I’ll wonder if he could it do better. “Not much.”

But Dean’s eyes remained haunted.



Giving In (Faith, Dean’s POV)

He can’t help being sarcastic when Sam finally hears the news. He has only the energy to die; if he starts crying he’ll never stop.

He pushes away the hands that seek to help him. If Sam holds him, he can never let go.

He’s so very, very tired of fighting down his feelings… of this longing no man should ever have. And being gone would set Sam free, let him leave this all behind.

They’re not battling anything now, and Sammy’s back won’t be unguarded.

This is as good a time to exit as he’s likely to ever get.



The Words Beneath (Scarecrow, Dean’s POV)

It was all he could do to drive away, leaving Sam to his bad choices and all the danger along the way. But he could not let himself beg; it wouldn’t help. And then both of them would know.

On the phone, he keeps his voice from choking. The tears edge forward, but he fights them like he battles everything that tries to destroy him.

“I’m proud of you, Sam,” are the words he manages to say. But the pain below them speaks another language: How did you find the strength to leave me?

I will never have that choice.




Being Certain (Scarecrow)

Sam slapped away Dean’s sarcasm and they headed to the car, Dean’s eyes still dark and bleak. Sam guided him to the driver’s seat and over, slipping in beside him with gentle arms.

Dean looked up, protest ready, but Sam held him through resistance and denial. He stroked Dean’s forehead as those lips began trembling, and then he kissed them, soft and sure. Dean gasped, in relief or betrayal, but Sam’s mouth was sweet and firm.

“Don’t—”

“I’m hanging onto what I love now— not chasing after what I’ve lost.”

Then Dean believed him. And his kisses said, Yes.



-------- fin ---------


 
 
 
amaresu on January 27th, 2006 06:39 am (UTC)
As always these are fantastic.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 08:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!

Love your icon, BTW. And the snarky subtext to your username :-)
(no subject) - amaresu on January 27th, 2006 10:09 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 10:41 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - amaresu on January 28th, 2006 07:02 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - amaresu on January 28th, 2006 07:03 am (UTC) (Expand)
The Grammarian about whom your mother warned you.acostilow on January 27th, 2006 06:40 am (UTC)
I absolutely adore the way you say so much in these drabbles, and how well you spin the emotions without making it cheesy or chick-flicky. It's absolutely brilliant.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 08:29 pm (UTC)
Ahh, thank you :-)

how well you spin the emotions without making it cheesy or chick-flicky.

This is always the challenge-- be moving, or believeable without being goopy.

So glad you think it succeeds! I just cannot see Dean ever going for the goop. Tenderness, yes. Goop, no.
(no subject) - acostilow on January 28th, 2006 04:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
mooyoomooyoo on January 27th, 2006 06:43 am (UTC)
Oh, once again, love your drabbles. Especially the slashiness.

“Why did your eyes bleed, Dean? What was your secret?”

Yes! something I'd been wondering about. Wasn't sure if he was affected just because he was there, or if there was something he's hiding, some death he feels responsible for that caused that.

“I’m hanging onto what I love now-- not chasing after what I’ve lost.”

Mmmm. *shippery sigh* Loved that.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 08:32 pm (UTC)
Yes! something I'd been wondering about. Wasn't sure if he was affected just because he was there, or if there was something he's hiding, some death he feels responsible for that caused that.

I think everyone wonders. So I used that here to imply that everyone bleeds because of GUILT of some form, and the guilt Dean is hiding is how he feels about Sam. Similary, the Woman in White was only supposed to attack men who had betrayed their women. And if the guys stopped the car and flirted with her, she felt justified in attacking them. But for Sam, she put herself in his car, and he didn't reciprocate anything. So the only conclusion I can draw (aside from her being suddenly very inconsistent) is that he loves someone besides Jess. And you know who I want THAT to be ;-)

Mmmm. *shippery sigh* Loved that.

Music.To.My.Ears. :-D
ezgal on January 27th, 2006 11:20 am (UTC)
eee.

each one is like a hand on my heart,
squeezing,
squeezing.

I especially loved Exposed and Giving In.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 08:37 pm (UTC)
each one is like a hand on my heart, squeezing, squeezing.

Ooh, what lovely feedback. These aren't very fluffy, are they? :-(

I especially loved Exposed and Giving In.

Those are certainly the darkest ones here, but also very affecting, I think.

Aren't you glad I didn't write a slash one from the Scarecrow's perspective? :-0 Not that I'm that insane, mind you. :-)
(no subject) - ezgal on January 27th, 2006 08:42 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 08:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ezgal on January 27th, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 09:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - ezgal on January 27th, 2006 09:12 pm (UTC) (Expand)
mirichan on January 27th, 2006 12:46 pm (UTC)
Reading this barely awake?

Wow... I just got totally teary there... spare use of words never been so eloquent.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 08:39 pm (UTC)
Wow... I just got totally teary there... spare use of words never been so eloquent.

Oh... It pleases me no end to hear you say that. It's a real challenge to move readers so strongly with just 100-word pieces.

Thank you, mirichan.
la_folle_allure on January 27th, 2006 02:02 pm (UTC)
Beautiful *sniffles* Just fucking beautiful.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 09:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you, la_folle_allure. I've missed your comments lately :-) Too busy posting? I know I'm way behind on reading your most recent stuff :-(

Or just in mourning for the election results? That was where I found out that more people on my f-list than I had realized were Canadians. And not one of them was happy, either. :-(
(no subject) - la_folle_allure on January 28th, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 28th, 2006 11:26 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on February 4th, 2006 07:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on January 27th, 2006 03:53 pm (UTC)
Great as always. Favourite line?

This is as good a time to exit as he’s likely to ever get.

Chilling! The whole drabble. Perfect.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 09:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

Chilling! The whole drabble. Perfect.

There was so much that seemed "off" to me about Dean's behavior in that Episode, especially prior to the last 10 minutes. So this was an attempt to explain some of that bizarreness, to give it a believable motivation.
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 27th, 2006 09:06 pm (UTC)
Those last two just...they're so heart-breaking.

That episode was heart-breaking for me. Just... Sam leaving and Dean having to let him do it (again)... and then his obvious pain on the telephone. And the final apology, in some form or another, that should have happened and was so necessary-- and yet was totally missing.

So glad you enjoyed these :-)
ficlover: Deanficlover on January 28th, 2006 05:35 am (UTC)
I'm usually not a drabble lover, but these were just really really good!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 28th, 2006 06:01 am (UTC)
Glad you liked them!

I'm still trying to get used to the ficlover username instead of vengeanceangel, plus the picture is different. However, this icon you're using? I'm all over that :-)
(no subject) - ficlover on January 28th, 2006 05:03 pm (UTC) (Expand)
alazysod on February 3rd, 2006 07:49 pm (UTC)
Oh, wonderful, wonderful, wonderfulGiving In and Being Certain were my favorites.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on February 3rd, 2006 08:03 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

"Giving In" was partly written out of frustration with that episode, because Dean's behavior seemed so out-of-character. So I gave him some motivation that explained all that.

And "Being Certain" was to fix all the pain in that episode, and then the hanging-in-the-air ending that didn't compensate for the pain.

Dean deserved some real happiness at the end of that ordeal.
tyrical: SPN_Modernsecret_SD_arguingtyrical on February 10th, 2006 07:47 pm (UTC)
Ignorance is never kind.

Lies of Omission

Must say I never looked at that episode like that before. Certianly gives it a new twist.

Exposed

Oh my. The things Dean will do to protect his brother.

Giving In

Not so easy to walk away from something you've always wanted.

The Words Beneath

So much pain here. So much hurt. So much Dean keeps hidden.

Being Certain

Then Dean believed him.

Really, there's nothing else to say.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on February 10th, 2006 07:59 pm (UTC)
Lies of Omission: Must say I never looked at that episode like that before. Certianly gives it a new twist.
Both of those questions should have been asked, and I had to stick them in here. They balance each other with their implications, which makes that exchange perfect for what it stirs up but doesn't resolve.

Exposed: Oh my. The things Dean will do to protect his brother.
That was dark, wasn't it? But Dean had some bad alone time with the Shifter before Sam showed up, and I can so easily see it tormenting him like that. And it would be so like Dean to protect Sam from even knowing that had happened, and that it was in any way to keep him safe.

The Words Beneath: So much pain here. So much hurt. So much Dean keeps hidden.
That was such an emotional scene in the show, with Dean trying to reassure through his sadness and do the "right" thing for Sam even as it was killing him to say it. So this isn't a "Missing" Scene, per se-- what's missing is the internal thoughts Dean's having during that scene.

Then Dean believed him.
Really, there's nothing else to say.

*Sigh* Finally, some happiness for Dean. About time.




D: sam and dean; minequincykat on February 12th, 2006 04:42 am (UTC)
Having not seen the "Bloody Mary" episode yet...why did Dean's eyes bleed? What's his secret?!

The "Faith" one, just guh. And being gone would set Sam free, let him leave this all behind. That's what Dean thinks, but I think Sam would be forever haunted by Dean's death.

How did you find the strength to leave me?

I will never have that choice.

*wails at the angst*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on February 12th, 2006 06:14 am (UTC)
why did Dean's eyes bleed? What's his secret?!
They never said, which leaves it open to interpretation. They eyes seem to bleed from guilt. My implication here is that his guilt is over his feelings for Sam.

And being gone would set Sam free, let him leave this all behind. That's what Dean thinks, but I think Sam would be forever haunted by Dean's death.
I completely agree. Dean thinks Sam could finally leave guilt-free... but he doesn't realize that his dying would leave Sam broken.

*wails at the angst*
And it was all right there in that episode. The color was slightly different, but Dean's pain-- telling Sam to leave him while he's dying inside just saying those words-- was so wrenching and real.
j: adventurethelalaprincess on May 8th, 2006 05:12 pm (UTC)
I really, really love the first two. Dean's question in the first one...I never really thought of that before, but DAMN. Great point. And the second one...that hurts so good. I love these. :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slashhalfshellvenus on May 8th, 2006 06:13 pm (UTC)
Dean's question in the first one...I never really thought of that before, but DAMN. Great point.
That was a gaping hole left in the plot-- and it seemed like the perfect companion to why Dean's eyes bled (what was his hidden guilt?). When you put them together, you have something powerfully mutual and denied on both sides.

I love these. :)
Thank you so much. It's so nice to have people discover these older stories and drabbles. I never stop loving them. ;)
ivy_x3 on June 27th, 2006 11:37 pm (UTC)
i love that bloody mary one. a question that none of us know the answer to:

why did Dean's eyes bleed?

i mean, it could just be as simple as, all those demons Dean's killed. But what if there's more? What if Dean feels responsible for someone else? see, i wonder if this is like Dean's necklace which we'll get an answer for next season. (atleast thats what Eric K. said)

but anyhow, wonderfully done!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slashhalfshellvenus on June 29th, 2006 07:33 pm (UTC)
love that bloody mary one. a question that none of us know the answer to:
why did Dean's eyes bleed?

From what I could get out of the episode, it seemed to be that the bleeding came from ANY kind of guilt the person was carrying. Which in Dean's case, I like to think of as being guilt for loving Sam in entirely the wrong way.

I kind of want to know the secret behind Dean's amulet. Hope we'll get something interesting and not craptastic.

Glad you liked these Ivy! Thanks. :D
bluesister on July 4th, 2006 07:39 am (UTC)
Late to the party but so glad I caught this one. I didn't even know these scenes were missing!

You know Eloise? If I won the lottery, I'd buy the show and give it to you two. Just saying so you can plan accordingly.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slashhalfshellvenus on July 4th, 2006 07:51 pm (UTC)
I didn't even know these scenes were missing!
:D The missing scenes are invented takes on things. Some of them are not exactly that (I played fast and loose with the prompt, because the muse got ahead of me), but are instead actual scenes with an understory we don't see on the show.

In the first set (Gen) I wrote for this prompt, the first one that came to me was The Scarecrow itself from that episode. And after I'd written it, I realized it was not a missing scene-- it was a missing POV.

You know Eloise? If I won the lottery, I'd buy the show and give it to you two. Just saying so you can plan accordingly.
Hah-hah! So sweet! And I don't know Eloise, unless she's familiar to me by another name (like a username).

I tell you-- late feedback is ALWAYS wonderful. It makes it feel like the story still lives on. :D
(no subject) - bluesister on July 4th, 2006 11:11 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on July 5th, 2006 05:25 pm (UTC) (Expand)