?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
28 April 2008 @ 11:38 pm
Prison Break Slash Fiction: The Best Intentions (PG-13)  
Title: The Best Intentions
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Michael/Lincoln (Slash)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Pre-series, Lincoln struggles to end something he never should have let begin.
Author's Notes: Written for 60_minute_fics ("Betrayal), and also written for my fanfic100 challenge, this is "School."

x-x-x-x-x

When Michael went to college, it was supposed to stop. That was the plan.

It was a coward's decision, letting distance do the work when Lincoln could have put an end to it on his own. The problem was, he didn't want to.

It started when Michael was sixteen, all long-limbed and gangly. They'd been through so much together by then: foster care, Lincoln in prison, Lincoln getting Lisa pregnant when he still had a brother to raise. But after all of those failings, Michael still looked at Lincoln with wide eyes full of hero-worship and hope.

It unlocked yet another weakness Lincoln never knew he had.

Lincoln liked feeling so important to Michael, so powerful. He couldn't resist the thrill that came from being adored.

When he smiled at Michael, his brother got starstruck and bashful in response. When he pulled Michael over for a hug, Michael melted and laid his head on Lincoln's chest, eyes closed and smiling in pure happiness.

The night Lincoln came home late and found Michael waiting up, worried and hurt with the thought of being forgotten, the line they'd been hovering over dissolved. One minute, Lincoln was leaning his forehead into Michael's and stroking reassurances against his face. The next, Michael was gazing at him with parted lips and such naked need that it drew Lincoln in like the apple calling Eve. One kiss—so simple, so wrong—and the whole world changed. They were on the floor, touching everything, everywhere, the ache of 'almost' driving them closer until their bodies merged and innocence was lost.

Remorse could have saved them afterward, but it found no purchase. Michael kept kissing Lincoln so lovingly, so gratefully, that Lincoln's regrets faded into silence. As hard as he tried for the next few years, he couldn't keep from wanting that part of Michael again and again.

Sometimes he'd find himself wondering if Veronica knew. She was around so often, dropping in after school or hanging out on the sofa with them in the evening. Sometimes she'd sit on one side of Lincoln, like a satellite locked into the gravity of their binary system, but other times she'd wedge herself right in between them. There were days when Lincoln liked having her there to break up the claustrophobia, but Michael wasn't the only one who resented her forcing them apart. Still, how could she possibly know? What he and Michael did together was so incredibly wrong that he couldn't imagine anyone else would even think of it.

At first, Lincoln thought Veronica's presence would end it. He hoped his attraction to her would snap him out of the thing he had with Michael, but though he slept with her off and on, Michael was always waiting with his adoring eyes and his touch that reached to the center of Lincoln's soul.

When Michel graduates became instead a summer of passion that covered every corner of their apartment and nearly every moment of Lincoln's waking thoughts. When Michael goes to college was the answer Lincoln held onto next. He couldn't keep himself from wanting Michael, but the separation would make it harder to do anything about it. If they were lucky, Michael would find someone else at school.

But only three weeks into the term, Michael was begging Lincoln to visit. A couple of subway stops and a train, he said—it'd be easy.

He was right. It was.

The problem was that falling back into everything with Michael was just as easy, starting with the kiss Michael laid on him in the train station men's room and ending with the scatter of clothes across the dormitory floor as soon as Michael shut and locked the door behind them.

Every two to four weeks Lincoln would go see Michael, and the obsession only grew during the days off between. Thanksgiving and Christmas break were spent having nearly nonstop sex, and by the time Michael went back to college Lincoln was exhausted in body and spirit.

"I can't keep seeing you," Veronica announced one night. It was early January, and Lincoln had finally surfaced from being holed-up in the apartment all through Michael's holiday visit.

"What do you mean?" he asked. He'd neglected her lately, but she'd always come back before.

"I mean, either I'm important enough to spend time with or I'm not," Veronica answered. "You can't just ignore me for weeks on end and expect me to wait."

"Michael was here," Lincoln said. "Things got busy."

"That's exactly what I’m talking about, Linc. You have no sense of balance—it's all or nothing with you, and I'm tired of sitting through all the 'nothing' wondering if I'm ever going to see you again."

Lincoln thought for awhile after she left. The problem with Michael had actually gotten worse since college started, making both of them more desperate than they'd ever been before. If summer went the way the holidays had gone, Lincoln wasn't sure he'd manage to survive it.

The deeper issue, apart from the torture and wrongness of it all, was the direction of his future. With Veronica, a real future was possible. With Michael, it would be slow suffocation from a lifetime without change.

I have to end it, Lincoln thought. Just like he'd planned back in August, but he'd have to actually tell Michael this time instead of waiting for it to happen on its own.

In mid-January, Lincoln went to see Michael again. He didn't phone ahead in warning, just showed up at Michael's dorm room Saturday morning. "We have to talk," he said, when Michael opened the door.

"What is it? Is it Veronica? Is she pregnant?" Michael asked.

"No, she's fine," Lincoln answered. He wanted to sit down, but every surface in the room was tainted. Memories of everything he'd done with Michael crowded forward, all the places they'd used again and again and claimed as their own in just a few short months.

"Is it money?" Michael asked, like he'd been waiting for that other shoe to drop from the beginning

Lincoln shook his head as he leaned against Michael's closet, bracing himself to deliver the news. "It's about us."

"Us," Michael echoed blankly.

"This—Michael, this relationship we've had needs to stop. For both our sakes."

"Meaning what?"

"That we can't—" Lincoln paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "We can't sleep together anymore. We need to stick with just being brothers."

"Just like that," Michael said flatly.

Lincoln flinched under the heat of Michael's anger. "Yes. Like that." He walked over to the window, where the world outside lay covered in white. "It's not good for either one of us, in the long run. We never should have started."

"Kind of late for that now," Michael cut in.

"It's my fault." Lincoln struggled to look at him, laid bare by the truth in Michael's gaze. "I should have known better. For both of us. It's my fault," he said again.

"It wasn't just your choice." Michael stepped close to Lincoln, nearly touching him. "I wanted it too." He reached out tenderly to grasp Lincoln's arms.

"No." Lincoln backed away quickly.

Michael's expression was so hurt that Lincoln could hardly breathe. "Why?"

"You need more than this, something real. You'll never find it if we keep going this way."

"But this is real…"

Lincoln searched for something to focus on other than the pleading in Michael's face. "I never wanted to hurt you, but I did it anyway. Now I'm trying to fix it."

"Lincoln—"

"I mean it, Michael. This is it, we're not going back."

Michael sat down hard on the bed, looking as betrayed as he had back when their mother died and Lincoln broke the news. "You're hurting me now," he said tightly, "more than you ever have before."

"I'm really sorry," Lincoln whispered, "but this is how it has to be." This was for the best, and Michael had always trusted Lincoln to take care of him. Right now, he could only save Michael by pushing him away.

Lincoln hovered near the door, afraid to offer comfort that could easily go wrong. After a moment, Michael turned away and faced the wall, shoulders shaking in misery.

He was still huddled there, a reminder of treachery and anger, as Lincoln closed the door behind him on the way out.

It's for the best, Lincoln told himself again.

Michael would understand some day, Lincoln was sure of it.

He just hoped it would be soon.



-------- fin --------

 
 
dragontattdragontatt on April 29th, 2008 11:37 am (UTC)
Oh, I love this....it just seems so right. Well, and wrong too, for those who aren't into that sorta thing....lol.

Thanks for lovely little angsty fic to start my day.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on April 30th, 2008 12:05 am (UTC)
Well, and wrong too, for those who aren't into that sorta thing....lol.
It's so wrong it's right! At least, if M/L appeals to you, which it definitely does.

Glad you liked it-- a little angst always breaks my day out of the mundane, so I hope it did the same for you. :)
Clair de Lune: pb - brothersclair_de_lune on April 29th, 2008 02:55 pm (UTC)
I really liked this, especially the way you set up the begining of their relationship, very simple and natural - well, as natural as it can be... - and Lincoln's desperation to do the right thing. Would love to get Michael's POV. Thanks for sharing. I thing there may be a small typoy here: There were days when Lincoln liked having here there to break up the claustrophobia. -- Sorry for the edits, LJ won't let me start a new paragraph *frowns*

Edited at 2008-04-29 02:58 pm (UTC)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on April 30th, 2008 12:08 am (UTC)
very simple and natural - well, as natural as it can be...
That's always the trick with the brothercest that I find such a challenge: where does it begin? How do they cross that line? Though it's a challenge I always enjoy finding new answers to. :)

and Lincoln's desperation to do the right thing.
This seems so much like Lincoln to me-- always so remorseful and hell-bent on fixing something afterwards, but never at the beginning when he could keep it from starting.

Thanks for the poke re: the typo-- I fixed it. :)
Maz (or foxxy!): Hugging Brothers Season 3tuesdaeschild on April 29th, 2008 05:08 pm (UTC)
Wonderful!! So full of pain and angst and beautifully written.

Of course Lincoln would feel that way when Michael plainly adored him! And how easy it would be to cross the line when faced with a sixteen year old coltish Michael!

But ultimately Lincoln was always going to hurt his brother even while protesting he never wanted to. And that's perfectly expressed too.

Love it very much, sweetheart.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on April 30th, 2008 12:42 am (UTC)
Of course Lincoln would feel that way when Michael plainly adored him! And how easy it would be to cross the line when faced with a sixteen year old coltish Michael!
It's so tempting to be adored, and when it's someone you love already... you just might take one step too far.

But ultimately Lincoln was always going to hurt his brother even while protesting he never wanted to. And that's perfectly expressed too.
Once it began, there really was no way for it to end well. Either it goes on the way it has forever (which Lincoln is sure will deny Michael other relationships that would be healthier for him, and he could be entirely right), or he will break Michael's heart by ending it.

The pain is that Lincoln doesn't realize that neither choice is good! He handles it all more roughly than Michael would ever be ready to hear. :(

So glad you liked it-- thanks for reading!
Maz (or foxxy!): Hugging Brothers Season 3tuesdaeschild on May 4th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
Once it began, there really was no way for it to end well. Either it goes on the way it has forever (which Lincoln is sure will deny Michael other relationships that would be healthier for him, and he could be entirely right), or he will break Michael's heart by ending it.

That was the very crux of the heartbreak of this tale!

And it was my pleasure, as always, sweetheart.
*hugs*
(Anonymous) on April 29th, 2008 05:13 pm (UTC)
michael lincoln
so touching!! am so glad you are still writing other fics on our favourite brothers! Just love you for it!
thanks and please do keep writing, and I'll keep reading.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on April 30th, 2008 09:26 pm (UTC)
Re: michael lincoln
I haven't given up on the two of them yet, though it often seems as if the show has!

But I'll keep with it as long as I can, and thanks for reading. :)
happy is as happy does: Brothers hug (3x13) - Prison Breakhappywriter06 on April 29th, 2008 06:10 pm (UTC)
The way you write them it's like, "Of course, they do this. How could they not?" It always makes sense. And it seems right in the context of their relationship even if it's wrong even in the context of their relationship. That makes sense in my head.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 8th, 2008 06:50 am (UTC)
The way you write them it's like, "Of course, they do this. How could they not?" It always makes sense.
So nice to hear this, because with brothercest all the reasons for "Yes" have to be incredibly strong to outweigh the more obvious and automatic "Nos." Something so wrong, 99.9% of the time, is somehow incredibly right for them, at least in the here and now.

Glad you liked it, and I'm sorry I got sidetracked in responding. :)
anisapologist on April 29th, 2008 10:47 pm (UTC)
This is really, REALLY good. Very realistic. I love tortured!Linc and desperate!needy!Michael. Thanks for sharing this.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 8th, 2008 06:52 am (UTC)
Very realistic.
That's great feedback-- it's not an "era" of their relationship I usually write even for Gen, and fleshing it out is a challenge by itself without the added aspect of their relationship crossing all the wrong lines.

Though if it ever did, I could see it being just like a drug for one or both of them-- always thinking they can an should give it up, and then backsliding all over again.

I love tortured!Linc and desperate!needy!Michael.
:D Me too-- both individually AND in combination.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. :)
pizza queenace_of_spades6 on April 30th, 2008 03:20 am (UTC)
This is wonderfully painful, and also beautifully written :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB Final Hughalfshellvenus on June 8th, 2008 06:53 am (UTC)
"Wonderfully painful" is a great description-- painful for the two of them, but really intriguing to explore for readers and writers, especially for those who like the angst!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you!
PamalaX: Brotherspamalax on April 30th, 2008 08:52 pm (UTC)
Lovely sad fic!

What would we do without your loving attention to these two.

Its gonna be a rough season with the two of them APART - if they start in acting like the other doesn't matter I will hurt someone - again so thanks for this and be sure to keep it coming.

Thanks!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB Final Hughalfshellvenus on June 8th, 2008 06:56 am (UTC)
Lovely sad fic!
It's the most doomed of all love, and this was a great opportunity I thought to explore yet another way in which really-devoted-Michael and always-guilty-Lincoln get pushed farther apart before the point where Michael decides to sacrifice everything to save Lincoln.

Its gonna be a rough season with the two of them APART - if they start in acting like the other doesn't matter I will hurt someone
I'm having such a hard time not giving up on it before it even begins. *tries to cling to that feeling of brotherliness while it's still tangible*
Julesdarkwriter69 on May 2nd, 2008 05:31 am (UTC)
Oh I loved this. So angsty and delectable.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on June 8th, 2008 06:57 am (UTC)
Thank you, Sky! And I'm sorry for being so delinquent in getting back to your message-- May became just an awful month in RL. Please, feel free to flip this story if you wish!
tyrical: PB_Scofieldtyrical on May 3rd, 2008 07:48 pm (UTC)
This was all hurty.
I'm glad Lincoln did stop it but.
I understood why Michael didn't want it to stop.
I understand more than I'd like. Which makes this even more hurty.
They needed each other and as usual Michael needed Lincoln more.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB Final Hughalfshellvenus on June 8th, 2008 07:00 am (UTC)
I'm glad Lincoln did stop it but.
I understood why Michael didn't want it to stop.

Me too, on both accounts. Lincoln knew that he was keeping Michael from the possibility of finding anything "more" or (in his mind) "real" with someone else-- that he was crippling Michael in a sense.

But what he didn't realize is that it was already too late.

They needed each other and as usual Michael needed Lincoln more.
Exactly-- and that part of their relationship, even in canon, will never be different. Part of why it hurts so good, I think. :)