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11 March 2008 @ 11:30 am
The year in which the groundhog's prediction was right...  
Minor bitching: The cycling weather's getting good now, which means it's the end of the good running weather. Rats. Great cycling: 65-90F! Good running: 68F and below. Yesterday was 74F (a little warmer than expected), and I was lucky to finish the 4-mile run with the sweating and overheating. Over the next few months, though, 74F will be a godsend.

Last spring I had several days of biking that were around 68-70F, and then one day shot up to 92F and I kept pulling off to stand under trees and pour water on myself. 92F isn't bad mid-summer (we're grateful when it's not 105+!), but you need time to acclimate.

The dark side of Christopher: Most of you probably know that my son, Christopher, is smart and hilarious and very high-energy. Usually this is fun, but there IS a reason we used to say he was "delirious or furious" even as a baby. Everything he thinks or feels comes out of his mouth, and when he's in a snit he just never shuts up. Saturday was our annual trip to the snow, where we decided to go to a ski resort that has tubing for kids. He was very mad about that, because he wanted to saucer instead. So he didn't do tubing and it took him over an hour to even consider building snow forts and such. His sister had a great time, even though she only had a few tubing runs (! won't be going back there next year!). Christopher hated it and made the grownups miserable. But the thing is, with 2 kids... you cannot let the one pissy child spoil things for the other one (my parents used to do this when my little sister was the pissy child, and I really resented it). So Lauren had fun, the grownups and Christopher were Grrrr. We would have found someplace for him to saucer afterwards if he hadn't been a complete jerk about it. *sigh* This is not our easy child...

Funnies:
* A great satire piece from The Onion, on the great Kitchen Floor Conflict (cat detente).

* A very bizarre story involving a transit-savvy cat in the UK here.

* From the Washington Post (long-ish, but funny— "Bozone" should enter the lexicon now):

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. (Hmmm, not sure about this one. Where I live, most men are circumsized, so the "Jewish" part seems a little pointed or something.)


The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. (Hi, Dean!)

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. (Hi, Barb!)

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. (Ewwww!)


And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole


 
 
 
Kimberley: writinglampshade_days on March 11th, 2008 06:56 pm (UTC)
Bahaha.. the new words/definitions are hilarious. I can't decide which is my favourite.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2008 07:18 pm (UTC)
:D "Flabbergasted" is all too familiar after the two kids (argh). "Frisbeetarianism" cracks me the hell up. :D "Pokemon"... I should be more mature than that, but I'm not. ;)

And while I have personally lived through "Bozone," ALL the entries in that second list were really clever. :D
Entendre? Make mine a double.: SN brothers all your faultdeirdre_c on March 11th, 2008 07:36 pm (UTC)
Man, you are so right not to let Christopher ruin Lauren's fun. My brother used to get away with that ALL the time. (We try to do the same thing with the boys and the baby. It'd be easier for us as parents not to deal with tantrums and to let her dictate how we all get along-- just because the big kids are sophisticated enough to share and "know better" and accommodate-- but not at all fair.)

Decafalon = HEE!!! (all of them are great!)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: weechestershalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2008 07:43 pm (UTC)
Man, you are so right not to let Christopher ruin Lauren's fun. My brother used to get away with that ALL the time.
I hate that he makes us miserable, and the temptation is to make him stay in his room the whole day for being such an incredible jerk. But that punishes the other child if you don't do the planned event, and that really is NOT fair to the rest of the family. It's like a teacher punishing the whole class because one or two kids are acting up and she can't figure out which ones. Still the wrong decision!

Funny how it's always Christopher who puts us in this position. *is grumbly* *vows to share related birth-story on LJ some day*

Decafalon = HEE!!! (all of them are great!)
I'm sure that all of us have gone through at least ONE day like that, sometimes more. Eeek!

Princess Robot Bubblegum!astrothsknot on March 12th, 2008 10:46 am (UTC)
It's something to do with being the younger child. If Lauren thinks she's in bother, is she especially good? That's something to do with being an older child.

My parents, when my bro used to act up, one would stay with him and one would take me for whatever it was we were meant to do.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2008 03:21 pm (UTC)
The younger/older child things is true here, though I have to say that some of it is in their innate personalities. Lauren is much like I was as a child (though I was my mother's oldest!), and has a more quiet personality. Christopher is more like my sister (youngest), right down to the contrary nature and sassiness and digging his hole deeper when he's in trouble. But interestingly enough... my sister's oldest child got that from her. The youngest had her moments (screaming tantrums in the stroller), but as she got older she mellowed out. Christopher... has never mellowed. :(

The splitting up is something we'd consider, except that what he wants is to stay home anyway, and having a parent there all to himself (even if he's spending a lot of time in his room) would actually be a sort of reward for him. :(

It's tricky-- because that's the route I'd take if he had a slightly different personality. And given who he is, I do think he needs to "tough out" certain situations he doesn't like, because his penchant is always to 'avoid.' He needs to learn some coping and some graciousness. Urg.
Deadbeat Nymph: dean indie rockdeadbeat_nymph on March 11th, 2008 07:40 pm (UTC)
Oh! Those are too freaking awesome! I know at least nine people who have died from #7. ;D And #16 is being placed at the top of my fauxcabulary; I expect it will get plenty of use.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC)
Haha! "Fauxcabulary"-- speaking of new words for the lexicon! :D
Deadbeat Nymph: dean where's my cardeadbeat_nymph on March 11th, 2008 07:46 pm (UTC)
Oh, how I wish I could take credit for that one... I don't know where I first heard it, but it zinged in my brain, and I've been using it for months. :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Flirthalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2008 07:49 pm (UTC)
:D *commits it to memory* *hopes it stays there* ;)
eponin10 on March 11th, 2008 08:15 pm (UTC)
Hee! *laughs* Those new words are hilarious. Thanks for sharing!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2008 08:20 pm (UTC)
:D They're good, aren't they?

I've personally seen some of the "Giraffiti" and wondered "HOW does that get up there? Without bodies littering the sidewalk below afterward?" :0
thelimpshrimpthelimpshrimp on March 11th, 2008 08:41 pm (UTC)
Haha. *loves*

Thanks for posting these.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2008 08:44 pm (UTC)
XD You're welcome!

But has anyone checked out the two weird cat articles? Huh? Huh? ;)
mooyoo: FNL - Kick serious assmooyoo on March 11th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC)
Heh, it's just getting to be good running weather here (or at least, good for me. I'm not a fan of running in really cold temps). In fact, I'm about to go off for my first run in months, now that the weather has hit about 50 (if only I could find the armband for my iPod...grr.)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 11th, 2008 10:05 pm (UTC)
MMmmmm... 50-degrees...

I will run in the cold so long as there's no ice/snow. But the colder temperatures don't bother me since I overheat like blazes (stupid genes). Of course, practically speaking, the temperatures here in Sacramento range from about 30F-65F in the winter (daytime), so it doesn't get that cold.

I love running in the cold. :D In the winter, I compare my running times and hope for improvement. Once the warmer=>hotter weather starts up... I just hope to finish. :0
mooyoo: Baseball - Hoyay!mooyoo on March 11th, 2008 11:42 pm (UTC)
i>30F-65F in the winter (daytime), </i>

*jealous* It's not so bad, I usually like winter for a little while, but now I'm pretty ready for spring. But it's getting a bit warmer, so I can't complain too much.

I get way too overheated as well (hell, even when I'm not actually working out I tend to overheat, especially in the summertime), but my problem with cold weather running is just the cold air, it stings my throat too much and makes it really uncomfortable to breathe. Bleh. But then in the dead of summer it's also just impossible to go running during the daytime because of the heat. So nowabouts is really the best time out here for running - if only I were in better shape! By the time I get into shape it'll be August! :/
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2008 12:19 am (UTC)
Ack, your climate is worse than ours! Our winters are mild (but rainy), so while they suck for biking they're fine for running.

And the summers... while those endless daily highs of 95-110 are awful, you can usually manage something via acclimation and running earlier in the day. Humidity, though... no way to get around that. :(

Edited at 2008-03-12 12:19 am (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2008 03:48 am (UTC)
I think DEAN is pretty much the definition of "foreploy," but several others also sounded like him-- hipatitis and osteopornosis, definitely. :0
aeroport_art: tds yay!aeroport_art on March 12th, 2008 03:44 am (UTC)
Hahahaha, some of those made-up meanings totally cracked me up. Esplanade! Caterpallor (Ewwww indeed!!)! *clappy hands*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: heh-hehhalfshellvenus on March 12th, 2008 03:49 am (UTC)
Esplanade is especially good because the slurred speech is built right into the word. ;)

And the Caterpallor-- yick! I get an immediate visual from that one, and it's not good. :0