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27 February 2008 @ 01:34 pm
Supernatural Gen Drabble: Desperation, Mirrored (PG)  
Title: Desperation, Mirrored
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Sam and Dean (Gen, Angst)
Rating: PG
Summary: Post "Mystery Spot" angst.
Author's Notes: For supernatural100, this is "Tolerance."

x-x-x-x-x

Dean wakes to the sound of wheezing, apparently his own. Sam's arms are wrapped around him, tight enough to bruise, and it's a damn good grip for someone who's still asleep.

A quick check of the other bed, and Dean can see it's Sam who moved during the night instead of him. Thank god—because he hasn't done it yet, no matter how much he wanted to that first week after bringing Sam back.

He eases Sam's hold, able to breathe now. Dean remembers that desperation like yesterday.

He wishes he'd known Sam would have understood that need to cling.


-------- fin --------

 
 
 
we're all mad hererelativity1953 on February 27th, 2008 09:42 pm (UTC)
no one does angst and painful and ouch like you!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC)
Aw, you're so sweet! Thank you. :D
Entendre? Make mine a double.: SN I support Deandeirdre_c on February 27th, 2008 09:57 pm (UTC)
N'aww, I love how this can be gen and yet still so tender and loving. JUST LIKE CANON!

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2008 10:12 pm (UTC)
JUST LIKE CANON!
Right down to the paaain underneath it all. *angsts*

Thank you, Dei!
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 27th, 2008 10:13 pm (UTC)
Re: but would sam have understood then?
or did he need to go through those tuesdays, and that first wednesday, to truly comprehend?
I don't think he would have. Knowing what happened-- and god, knowing what Dean sacrificed to bring him back even though Sam's still mad about it-- Sam would definitely have understood.

The problem of Dean being vulnerable in front of Sam lies mostly in Dean's mind-- he makes all of that so much harder than it has to be for both of them. :(
One Girl Revolution1grl_revolution on February 27th, 2008 10:31 pm (UTC)
I love it, I love it, I love it!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 01:37 am (UTC)
Yay! Oh, the Season 3 pain. It may very well kill me. *angsts*
Starrylizardstarrylizard on February 27th, 2008 10:39 pm (UTC)
aww! *pets them*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:20 am (UTC)
As if life wasn't hard enough for them already, huh? *angsts more*
deluweildeluweil on February 27th, 2008 10:45 pm (UTC)
That's beautiful :)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:20 am (UTC)
Thank you! :)
Nebula: spn ahbl end 'i got you'authoressnebula on February 27th, 2008 10:49 pm (UTC)
He wishes he'd known Sam would have understood that need to cling.

I feel you should know that you're responsible for breaking me with a single sentence. Please to be giving me duct tape to fix it.

Awesome drabble; I loved this. Absolutely loved this. Why wasn't this at the end of the episode? Kripke should be listening to you. *nods*

~Nebula
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:25 am (UTC)
Please to be giving me duct tape to fix it.

I wish I could. *sigh* Isn't that line so much like the Winchesters, never doing quite enough while they could and having nothing left afterward but empty regrets? So sad. :(

Why wasn't this at the end of the episode? Kripke should be listening to you. *nods*
Aw, that's sweet! These kinds of codas sure help me close off those dangling emotions left from the episodes, where there was a hug, yes, and Dean knows a little of what Sam went through but it was so much worse than he can imagine-- and Sam's last tearful look around that motel room tells us he's going to carry that fear and ache around for a long time still to come.
iamstealthyoneiamstealthyone on February 27th, 2008 11:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, boys.

Such lovely angst here. I ache for both of them, for the grief they experienced and their desperate to make sure the other is whole. And I love that Dean lets Sam maintain that closeness, albeit without the death grip. :)

Favorite lines:

A quick check of the other bed, and Dean can see it's Sam who moved during the night instead of him. Thank god—because he hasn't done it yet, no matter how much he wanted to that first week after bringing Sam back.

Oh, Dean.

Dean remembers that desperation like yesterday.

He wishes he'd known Sam would have understood that need to cling.


*hugs them both*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:28 am (UTC)
Oh, Dean.
Doesn't that just ache, one of so many needs Dean has denied himself-- and it was more desperate than most, more reasonable a thing than Dean even realized. :(

*hugs them both*
I swear that sometimes those two are doomed to arrive at almost every emotional conclusion after it's too late. *wibble*
(no subject) - iamstealthyone on February 28th, 2008 06:47 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:32 am (UTC)
More than cuddling-- it's true desperation, like Dean will be stolen again while Sam's sleeping. How ever the Trickster did it, that was three months without Dean for Sam. They must have seemed endless at the time.

And Dean, who sold his soul and walked back into that motel still not sure whether the demon would keep its half of the bargain... *angsts* Who's to say Sam couldn't be rendered dead again as soon as Dean's back was turned?

Never let go-- that's the answer!

nativestarnativestar on February 28th, 2008 12:31 am (UTC)
Oh boys!

A lovely dollop of angst here. It's so heartbreaking to see Dean allowing Sam to deal with what happened in ways he denied himself.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:34 am (UTC)
It's so heartbreaking to see Dean allowing Sam to deal with what happened in ways he denied himself.
Isn't it though? That part of Dean just about kills me-- because he's the one who's unforgiving of himself, and by projecting that onto other people he makes them AND himself miserable. *sighs*
i_speak_tongue: fingertipsi_speak_tongue on February 28th, 2008 01:16 am (UTC)
Ack! You were right. Thanks for the heads up re:cuddling!

Thank god—because he hasn't done it yet, no matter how much he wanted to that first week after bringing Sam back. Of course he wouldn't be able to bring himself to do it. Sam on the other hand is never embarrassed to make a total GIRL out of himself. Gotta love it.

Also... is there something in the air, or what? Cause I wrote 2 short fics with the boys snuggling this week. It was like, a really powerful urge, too! I might even write another one!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:38 am (UTC)
Sam on the other hand is never embarrassed to make a total GIRL out of himself. Gotta love it.
I don't even think Sam would worry about it quite that much, partly because they've already been through that when they were younger. We know Dean will always bend to what Sam needs, if not always (or even often) to what Sam wants. Life as the younger sibling...

Whereas Dean? Gah. He boxes himself into corners where only his own issues make him stay there. It's sad and frustrating both. :(

It was like, a really powerful urge, too! I might even write another one!
It's that episode-- it's trying to kill us, and then let us revive just long enough for the Finale to destroy us. I'm convinced of it!
brigid_tanner: boundbrigid_tanner on February 28th, 2008 01:18 am (UTC)
Lovely. Dean really needs to drop the pretense and hug Sam back.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:39 am (UTC)
Dean really needs to drop the pretense and hug Sam back.
And he won't have much longer to do it either, as far as he knows. *cries*
Killing threads since 2000 CEgwendolyngrace on February 28th, 2008 01:49 am (UTC)
Oh, nice. I love the throwback to being little boys and brothers and sleeping in the same bed like they are each other's teddy bears. Poor guys!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:40 am (UTC)
I love the throwback to being little boys and brothers and sleeping in the same bed like they are each other's teddy bears. Poor guys!
Or worse-- like the world is waiting to steal your teddy bear and burn it to the ground as soon as you stop guarding it. *flails*
Jen: girl!sam & deanjayneslilsis on February 28th, 2008 03:29 am (UTC)
Awww! I loved this so, so, so much.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
Oh, so glad you liked it! If only Dean were accepted his own needs and fears as well as he accepts Sam's. :(
Lady Macbeth: SPN - Epic Love Story Huglady_macbeth_13 on February 28th, 2008 04:17 am (UTC)
This is gorgeous.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on February 28th, 2008 09:14 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Gosh, but that episode was a heartbreaker-- it left all the viewers bleeding long after the credits rolled.