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06 February 2008 @ 11:11 am
Insider Humor ;)  
Well, Christopher is off on his field-trip until Friday now. There was an unexpected "I don't want to go— I'll get homesick!" explosion this morning, but ultimately he recovered and is on his way. *is nervous* *hopes everyone is driving safely*

My sister sent me this Pacific Northwest humor, much of which is still true for me and some of which is too recent or has been altered by living elsewhere the last 24 years. I can't believe Jeff Foxworthy is the source of this, though— because some of this isn't just quirkiness, it's true:

The Pacific Northwest According To Jeff Foxworthy

1. You know the state flower (Mildew).
Might as well be, at least on the Western side of the Cascades...
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
Worse yet, I pull OTHER people's cans/bottles/paper out of the trash for the recycling bin. Sometimes I take them home for recycling. *cringes*
3. Use the statement 'sun break' and know what it means.
I used it last week! It's been raining here a lot in California lately.
4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.
Nope— this is since I moved away.
5 You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
Ummm... depends on your demographic. If rural, then maybe yes. Boats are expensive unless you use them a lot.
6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.
7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'WALK' signal.
I've been able to get over this one, finally. Took many years!
8 You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.
Have had to revise since living in Calfornia, because there are no volcanoes in the Sierra Nevada, and they're mostly long ridges instead of peaks. Which means they're also sometimes snow-free in late summer. However... if it's not tall enough to MOSTLY have snow, it's basically a hill to me.
9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Veneto's.
See #4. After my time.
10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon.
Fail! Massive fail! However, I do know they're all tasty.
11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup , Issaquah, Oregon, Yakima and Willamette.
Sequim is a maybe, because it's in Washington. I'm from Oregon. Foxworthy should have put 'Yachats' on there to be extra-evil.
12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.
Yup. Still. Even in California, where the summer weather is always good, it seems to me that you should have indoor as a backup for the rest of the year. ;)
13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.
Probably true for most of the West Coast, at least for the bigger cities on the Western side of the Cascades/Sierra Nevada.
14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark while only working eight-hour days.
When I lived in Portland, that was definitely true. Sacramento is 10 hours south of there. See #26 below. ;)
15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
Of course not! That's crazy talk!
16. You are not fazed by 'Today's forecast: showers followed by rain,' and 'Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers.'
We usually don't get that kind of detail down in California, but those forecasts make sense to me.
17 You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
*Sigh* That was before living in Illinois for 3 years. Ignorance was bliss.
18. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind.
If you're IN Boring, it's possibly both. ;)
19. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.
This used to be true when I lived there. Oh how I miss my familiar mountains.
20. You notice, 'The mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.
Well, this depends on what city you live in. Alhough it's true for a lot of them— Portland, Vancouver, Seattle, Salem, Bend (multiples!), Roseburg, etc. Almost all the cities have at least one mountain, though in Eugene you're nested in a bunch of buttes that block the view of the "real" mountains. And though the buttes are over 2000 feet, we don't consider them mountains. ;)
21. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boots and parka.
Not with my legs, I don't...
22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.
This is more of a Teva/Birkenstock thing. I don't wear either.
23. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
I have philosophical objections to mountain-biking, so no to all parts of that.
24. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
Still somewhat true. Though for really BIG rain I'll break the umbrella out. Unless there's wind— nothing like an inverted umbrella.
25. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.
Boy, did that used to be true when I still lived there. But not now— I have light-sensitive eyes, and I always know where the sunglasses are. The real problem is days with clouds AND glare. I need sunglasses for the glare, but then everything's too dark.
26. You measure distance in hours.
Well, yes. Yes I do. Even now. I always thought that was because I hate being stuck in the car, but maybe it has to do with the fact that going to the Coast or over the Cascades is really about travel-time. Mileage is irrelevant! Really, once you've driven 70 miles to the coast and it's taken you 2 - 2 1/2 hours (AS IT ALWAYS DOES), you'll understand this mode of thinking.
27. You often switch from 'heat' to 'a/c' in the same day.
Hi, Dad!
28. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
I.e., costumes with wings are not usually a good plan.
29. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk Leaf season (Fall).
Those of us who do not hunt, which is most of the city folks, are less aware of Deer/Elk season. But those are the seasons all right.
30. You actually understood these jokes and will probably forward them.
That would be this post right here.

I want to know how gekitzetsu and unperfectwolf did on these now. ;)


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wrldpossibility: english majorwrldpossibility on February 6th, 2008 07:58 pm (UTC)
heehee...having lived all my life in CA (Sierras), WA, and OR, I completely agree with all of it. (But as you said, it's unnerving that Jeff Foxworthy called it, lol)

Hope your little guy is having a good trip! I have a 3rd grader, too.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 6th, 2008 08:13 pm (UTC)
I completely agree with all of it.

Some of it-- the mildew/culture things-- I'm not sure is as true for Medford (or even Bend, for crying out loud! And the eastern parts of Oregon and Washington are practically different states).

I mean, Medford has entirely different weather than everything from Grants' Pass north along I-5. And Roseburg, for instance, is a lumberjack zone. How much do people there really worry about yuppie-isms like coffee and such anyway?

Hope your little guy is having a good trip! I have a 3rd grader, too.
I think he'll have a great time, but I also think he's probably a little young for this. He was not the only worried child there, apparently-- lots of clingy kids, my husband said. *bites nails*
wrldpossibilitywrldpossibility on February 6th, 2008 09:00 pm (UTC)
Yeah, we seem to have rednecks and yuppies in equal measure here in Medford. But looking through the questions generally (having lived in all these areas--Seattle, Portland, Spokane, Medford, Tahoe, and LA) I'd say it's about right! Funny!
nocturnal08 on February 6th, 2008 08:08 pm (UTC)
Aw. You make me miss Portland (especially the mountains). My Dad, the gardener, is always saying things like "the sun came out, it's looking like spring" while I'm still totally buried in snow here in MN.

And *hugs* for the nervous mommy.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 6th, 2008 08:15 pm (UTC)
Aw. You make me miss Portland (especially the mountains).
Most of these are really, really true for Portland and Seattle. And I so envy my two sisters who live in the Portland area!

I miss my volcanoes. *sniffle* Sacramento is in a big, wide, flat valley, and sometimes it's like I never left Illinois.

Thank you for the hugs! I'm pretty sure he'll have a good time, but I worry about somebody else driving him so far away-- especially with a car full of boys, in his case. :0
nocturnal08 on February 6th, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC)
I would also kill for thai food... we ain't got much in the way of ethnic food here in the midwest :(
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 6th, 2008 10:02 pm (UTC)
we ain't got much in the way of ethnic food here in the midwest :(

*clings to you* I remember the horrors of Peoria-- some really good Chinese food, ONE Mexican restaurant (part of a chain), and a single "Italian" restaurant with the worst food ever ("Pizza bread" was tomato paste and melted mozarella on french bread. No italian seasonings of any kind in any of their food).

Oh, the horror. :(

On the flip side, I never knew there could BE so many Fried Chicken chains. We pretty much just have KFC in the West. :0
cindytsuki_no_bara on February 6th, 2008 08:14 pm (UTC)
8 the east coast doesn't have volcanoes and all the mountains out here do get snow, but yes, so much yes. they're hills, i tell you, hills!

11 how do you pronounce all those? i think i know yakima.... (YA-kima?) a friend of mine went to college in oregon and once spent ten minutes trying to get me to say it correctly and failed miserably, as i still have no idea what the correct pronounciation is.

21 i went to college in michigan and you could always tell the in-staters and people from wisconsin because when it suddenly got up to 50 in march - which it always did for a week - all those people broke out the shorts. and everyone else was going "it's still cold out! put on a coat!"

mmm, salmon....
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 6th, 2008 08:24 pm (UTC)
they're hills, i tell you, hills!
For places with taller mountains, which occur in spots all over the country, the smaller stuff doesn't register as a mountain at all! The mountains are easier to spot in the Northwest too, because they're volcanic and so they stick up like individual points. Except that St. Helens is more of a blob now. ;)

11 how do you pronounce all those? i think i know yakima
I don't know "Sequim" at all (local website says S'kwim). But the others are "puh-YAWL-up" (? Or maybe it's "pyoo-ALL-up." I can't parse Wikipedia's listing), "ISS-uh-qwah," "OR-ih-gun," "YAK-ih-maw," and "wil-LAM-it." And Yachats is pronounced YAW-hots.

It's all the Indian names that make it hard-- most of those are Indian names (including Willamette, which some idiot gave a French spelling to that doesn't match how it's pronounced at all).

21 i went to college in michigan and you could always tell the in-staters and people from wisconsin because when it suddenly got up to 50 in march - which it always did for a week - all those people broke out the shorts. and everyone else was going "it's still cold out! put on a coat!"
50 still seems cold to me! Though I did have a friend from Anchorage who wore shorts through the entire winter his first year in Eugene (because that was warm compared to Anchorage!). One year he didn't go home for the summer, and he acclimated and wore pants like a regular person. ;)

When I lived in Illinois, by the second year I'd take my coat off if the temperature got above 25 degrees. The daily high in Peoria is 5-degrees a LOT of the time in winter. :0


Edited at 2008-02-06 08:28 pm (UTC)
Deadbeat Nymph: dean indie rockdeadbeat_nymph on February 6th, 2008 08:32 pm (UTC)
You know, I live in a very different, very far away geographic area, but I still got - and laughed out loud - a bunch of these.

Distance? Totally measured in time. It would never even occur to me to think about distance in km. If I were asked distance in km, I wouldn't even be able to guesstimate. :P Of course, this becomes problematic because driving speeds vary... Some people will say that Montreal is 7-8 hours from Toronto, some say 6-7. But there are people who insist it's 5. (I think those people must have high insurance rates.)

A lot of the lifestyle ones apply to us here, too. (Eg. recycling, coffee, food.) I think that might be about the whole Guelph/Eugene thing - it's that sort of consciousness, and it goes far beyond the confines of Guelph, although that's probably the highest concentration of Pacific Northwestness.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 6th, 2008 08:47 pm (UTC)
Distance? Totally measured in time. It would never even occur to me to think about distance in km.
I COULD think in terms of mileage, but unless you're driving up I-5 that's pretty much meaningless. The winding roads (through the various mountains) or the multiple stops (only two interstate freeways in Oregon!) will slow you down every time.

Is Guelph where you are? Boy, that is way far East!

Most of the things here that are true of Eugene are probably also true of, say, Madison, Wisconsin (the cultural ones, not the geographical ones).
janissa11: Lancejanissa11 on February 7th, 2008 01:01 am (UTC)
I'm just proud that I pronounced all but one of those right! \o/ Score one for the Texan!!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 7th, 2008 01:18 am (UTC)
That's pretty darn good-- because the Indian names are the most unpredictable of all. Especially because of the tendency to spell them differently than they're pronounced (Wilammet and Pyuallup would be better spellings, for instance).

I mean really-- it's not as if the Indian languages had their own alphabet. So why wouldn't you do a better job spelling them phonetically?

Kudos to you!
janissa11janissa11 on February 7th, 2008 01:22 am (UTC)
Well, I spent a couple of weeks up in Eugene in I think 1990 doing a gig, and then I also wrote Sentinel fiction and set a couple of stories in Sequim, so that's part of it. I remember having "WilLAMmett" stressed quite vehemently to me. *g* I can sympathize, though; oh, the ire I feel in NYC, having to say "House-ton" Street. ::grinds teeth to powder::
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 7th, 2008 01:27 am (UTC)
and then I also wrote Sentinel fiction and set a couple of stories in Sequim, so that's part of it.
Ah, so you're familiar with that name already. I'd never heard of it.

remember having "WilLAMmett" stressed quite vehemently to me. *g*
The phrase, "It's wilLAMet, damnit" really gets that point across. Rhymes are great mnemonics.

oh, the ire I feel in NYC, having to say "House-ton" Street.
Ow! Ow, ow, ow!

I remember living in Illinois, where there was Cairo (pronounce "CAY-ro") and San Jose (pronounced "San JOEZ," which was worse. Why do you name a city after someplace else and then mispronounce it? Argh!
Princess Robot Bubblegum!astrothsknot on February 7th, 2008 01:03 am (UTC)
My God, it's like Scotland with American accents...

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 7th, 2008 01:20 am (UTC)
My God, it's like Scotland with American accents...

:D Possibly because the "Pacific Northwest" as people typically think of it is the part that's very rainy. I mean honestly, the weather probably drives half of these tidbits. :)
IDK, my BFF Jared Leto?gekizetsu on February 7th, 2008 01:57 am (UTC)
2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.
Worse yet, I pull OTHER people's cans/bottles/paper out of the trash -


OH GOD YES, I CAN'T TAKE IT. And if I'm in public and there's nowhere to recycle something, I pack it home with me. Yesterday they came to switch out the recycle bins at my complex, and I had a conniption thinking maybe they wouldn't replace them very very soon.

7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the 'WALK' signal.

O_O People here will run your ass right over. Did you see me in LA? I had a panic attack trying to cross. LOL

8 You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.

W00T \m/

20. You notice, 'The mountain is out' when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

Do you know what's horrible? I cross the Cascades and then proceed to tell all my agents that it's too bad they're 'looking at the wrong, ugly side' of Ranier.

22. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

ROFL The minute it gets into the 50s and above, I'm in sandals, no socks. And jackets are for weenies.

I love all my little regionalisms. <3<3




Edited at 2008-02-07 01:58 am (UTC)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphorshalfshellvenus on February 7th, 2008 02:08 am (UTC)
And if I'm in public and there's nowhere to recycle something, I pack it home with me.
I am SO glad I'm not alone in this. My mother instilled that environmentalism in me well. To this day, litter makes me clench!

O_O People here will run your ass right over. Did you see me in LA? I had a panic attack trying to cross. LOL
:D But do you still wait when there's NO-ONE around, because, well... it's not your turn yet? That's the part that was hard for me to shake off.

Do you know what's horrible? I cross the Cascades and then proceed to tell all my agents that it's too bad they're 'looking at the wrong, ugly side' of Ranier.
Hahaha! I tend to think of the backside of the South Sister that way-- the one that has the green glacier drop-off instead of the red lava and the green pool. :0

But how did you do on the salmon question, huh? I know that some of those are ocean salmon and some river salmon (maybe), but really... they're all good eating to me. :0