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28 January 2008 @ 08:10 am
Prison Break Gen Fiction: Get Out Of My Mirror (Crack)  
Title: Get Out Of My Mirror
Author: HalfshellVenus
Characters: Lincoln and ?? (Gen, Crack, Humor)
Rating: PG
Summary: Lincoln finds that he and a certain man of mystery have a lot in common.
Author's Notes: It's Season 3—the crack just writes itself. Inspired by some online discourse at Television Without Pity, and for the wonderful rosie_spleen-- I hope this will cheer her up when she gets a chance to read it.

x-x-x-x-x

It's even hotter than yesterday outside the fence, but Lincoln still waits. He's come every day since Michael was sent here, first out of loyalty and worry, and now from the need to make sure Michael hasn't forgotten that L.J.'s life is on the line.

There's a commotion back inside the building—Lincoln can't quite hear exactly what—and then someone finally steps out and walks toward him. The problem is, it's not who he expects.

"Why are you here?" he asks as the figure approaches. "I came to see my brother."

"Sorry. Michael sent me, actually. He wasn't in the mood to come out just now, but he said we should meet, that we'd have a lot in common."

"Who the hell are you?" Lincoln is flummoxed.

"Ah," the man says, rubbing his hand across his hair. "That's the question, isn't it? Who am I really?"

"What?"

"I mean, I like to say I'm a fisherman, that's what I tell people. But am I more than that? What's my secret? Which side am I on?"

"So—"

"I'm the MacGuffin, that's it. I suppose that's all that really matters."

Oh. Lincoln has been there, done that, and lost a lot of sleep over it. "I see what Michael meant. I was the MacGuffin in Season One."

"Really. Is that what happened to your hair, then?"

"What do you mean? I did this myself." Lincoln checks, but it's still good—hardly any stubble.

"Oh, right," the man falters. "Never mind, then—carry on. You were saying?"

"You must be Whistler. Why exactly does the Company want you out?"

"Can't say really, not sure I know. Does anyone know, I mean has that part been decided? Was there a MacGuffin in Season Two?"

"Yeah." Lincoln rolls his eyes at the memory. "It was a bag of money— or a quest for exoneration, I was never quite sure."

"And how did it turn out?"

"Lost the money, got a pardon, and then Michael wound up here for no particular reason. Almost like a conspiracy was involved."

Whistler shudders. "Those are the worst." He looks like he's remembering something, or would be if there was anything to remember. "So, your brother's going to save us then?"

"He saved me, he'll save you, and then L.J.'ll be okay too. And then I can go back to being hot and drinking tequila."

"When were you actually hot?"

"All last year! The camera loved me!"

"And was that before all the sweating and the problem with the hair?"

What's with all the crap about the hair—the guy's starting to sound like Michael! "Just make sure you do your part to help Michael out, you hear me Whistler?" Lincoln stops suddenly, struck by uncertainty. "What is your part, exactly?"

"Trading barbs and mutual frustration, unresolved sexual tension…"

"That's my baby brother you're talking about!"

Whistler throws up his hands, takes a step backward. "It's not as if it's my idea. I can't even get a backstory!"

Lincoln thinks about that, remembers blueberry pancakes and a scene by the lake, remembers drug habits and a gun in a parking garage, and some long-ago baseball game seen with his father. "Yeah, I hear you."

"So, I'm sorry but I've told you all I can, at least for now. I'll do my best to help your brother, and I'll try not to let the sex thing cross the line. All right?"

It's the best Lincoln can hope for, when he's not in SONA himself and especially with the mood Michael's in right now. But he doesn't have to like it. "All right," he agrees finally. "Tell Michael I said hi."

"Will do." Whistler smiles with mystery and a certain rakish charm as he turns to go back to the building.

Whatever that look is all about, it sets Lincoln off. All right, that's it, he thinks. Kindred spirits or not, I've had it—I'll definitely be banging your girlfriend!

His step is lighter as he signs himself out and then walks to the car. He's got worries and stress and a lot of open questions, but a woman like Sofia is the kind of distraction he finds more than welcome at a time like this…


-------- fin --------



 
 
 
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: smilie priyankathelana on January 28th, 2008 08:55 am (UTC)
Kindred spirits or not, I've had it—I'll definitely be banging your girl.

Bwahahhahahahaha :) And also The camera loved me!</a> :D And I'll try not to let the sex thing cross the line.

Thanks for the laughs.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on January 28th, 2008 08:59 pm (UTC)
The camera loved me!
And so did we. Oh, how I miss Season Two open-shirt beard-stubble Lincoln!

And I'll try not to let the sex thing cross the line.
Or will he? ;)

Glad you liked it!
I'm for wine and the embrace of questionable womenmissyjack on January 28th, 2008 09:00 am (UTC)
Please take over writing PB IMMEDIATELY - then at least the crack will be hilarious!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Bladehalfshellvenus on January 28th, 2008 09:00 pm (UTC)
Hee-hee! The show practically IS crack at this point, only they don't realize it and keep trying to be serious about it!

Which is clearly a mistake... ;)
Shaitanah: gormenghastistne_pieklo on January 28th, 2008 02:09 pm (UTC)
Hahahahaha, even though I haven't seen Season 3 yet, I found that hilarious!!! ^_^ Linc rocks!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Bladehalfshellvenus on January 28th, 2008 09:01 pm (UTC)
It'll make even more sense when you DO see Season Three, in part because Season Three itself does NOT make much sense. ;)

I'm just impressed that I avoided the temptation to slash Lincoln and Whistler together. :D
shaitanah: michael/mahoneshaitanah on January 29th, 2008 08:03 am (UTC)
Well, it's not over yet, is it?))) Though it won't necessarily make more sense when it's complete)))

Ha-ha, I slash basically everyone)))) But with PB, it's weird: I have actually just 1 pairing I like + a soft spot for Lincoln/Michael)))
Deadbeat Nymph: lincoln scrapedeadbeat_nymph on January 28th, 2008 06:13 pm (UTC)
Bwahahaha! That's too good! I love the references to 'the sex thing', and the hint of its 'threat' with "Will do." Whistler smiles with mystery and a certain rakish charm as he turns to go back to the building. (And should be acknowledged despite the fact that I'm not into Michael/Whistler. I mean, how would that work? Who'd be the top? *boggles*)

All right, that's it, he thinks. Kindred spirits or not, I've had it—I'll definitely be banging your girl!

LMAO! Too funny. :D
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: MichaelInBarshalfshellvenus on January 28th, 2008 09:03 pm (UTC)
I see you caught the fact that Whistler's body language virtually undoes all the promises he just made to Lincoln about leaving Michael alone. ;)

Who'd be the top? *boggles*)
There doesn't have to always be a top. And with hatesex involved, it'd be more like angry groping and then denial and then groping all over again. Ngghhhhh~~~~

LMAO! Too funny. :D
The show utterly has it coming, I tell you! :D
Clair de Lune: pb - lincolnclair_de_lune on January 28th, 2008 06:31 pm (UTC)
lol, loved it - with a special mention for the MacGuffin thing *g*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Bladehalfshellvenus on January 28th, 2008 09:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you! And I'd though of Whistler as the MacGuffin before, but then I realized that there's one pretty much every season. :0

Whistler's just the worst one so far. :D
happy is as happy does: Fave pic of Went and Domhappywriter06 on January 28th, 2008 07:02 pm (UTC)
Too funny. And so true!!

I'm totally lost on the MacGriffin thing though.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Gen PB brothershalfshellvenus on January 28th, 2008 09:07 pm (UTC)
And so true!!
It totally is-- it deserves to be lampooned!

A MacGuffin is something used to drive the plot forward which is not necessarily important or well-established in and of itself. Now, doesn't that sound EXACTLY like certain people we know?

Hitchcock coined the term, though I think that the Maltese Falcon has to be one of the most well-known MacGuffins of all time, and that one isn't even his. ;)
happy is as happy does: sexy Domhappywriter06 on January 29th, 2008 03:36 pm (UTC)
Now, doesn't that sound EXACTLY like certain people we know?
Yes!! So they're doing this on purpose. Now I feel better and will no longer waste time trying to figure anything out. lol
The Good, The Bad and The Lana: smilie priyankathelana on January 28th, 2008 09:49 pm (UTC)
It's basically a plot device that motivates the characters and the plot, often something that all the characters want or consider important for no particularly deep reason, like all characters chasing after a briefcase with documents or a diamond that causes all characters to run around like crazy.

Wikipedia lists some famous MacGuffins like:

* The top secret plans in The 39 Steps (1935). [4]
* The eponymous statuette in The Maltese Falcon (1941).[5]
* The letters of transit in Casablanca (1942).[6]
* The uranium in Notorious (1946).
* The mysterious, dangerous contents in the trunk of the 1964 Chevrolet Malibu in Repo Man (1984).[7][8]
* The unknown contents of the briefcase in Pulp Fiction (1994). [9][10]
* The case in Ronin (1998). [11]
* The formula in David Mamet's The Spanish Prisoner (1998).[12]
The Rambaldi device in Alias [13]


I'm just all kinds of in love with the name for it :)
happy is as happy does: Linc smilehappywriter06 on January 29th, 2008 03:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Yeah, the name is pretty cool.
Pheebs1pheebs1 on January 28th, 2008 10:25 pm (UTC)
LOL! I am trying to be good and read more non spn stuff (cos I have a lot of shows I enjoy) and I am glad I clicked on this one.
Does anyone know, I mean has that part been decided? Was there a MacGuffin in Season Two?"


LOL! Oh show I love you, but so true!!! *runs away cracking up*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on January 29th, 2008 05:57 am (UTC)
Does anyone know, I mean has that part been decided?
Someone pointed out that strike or no strike, we'd be half way through the season (now, near the end!) and there are certain hugely gaping holes in the plot and background. At what point were the producers going to pin down Whistler's character, anyway? The finale?

LOL! Oh show I love you, but so true!!!
It so totally IS. :D \o/
bookstorejunkiebookstorejunkie on January 29th, 2008 12:48 am (UTC)
'm just impressed that I avoided the temptation to slash Lincoln and Whistler together. :D
Michael and Whistler on the other hand...

Love it. [The whole story, not just the above.]
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: wetMichaelhalfshellvenus on January 29th, 2008 05:57 am (UTC)
:D Thank you!

And Michael and Whistler have a certain compelling vibe together, definitely. It's not a happy vibe, but it's definitely there. Possibilities...
(Anonymous) on January 29th, 2008 10:57 pm (UTC)
I'm on the floor. Laughing.
Luckily I was on the couch to begin with.

Is it just me, or does this show keep setting up slash pairings (or hinting that they exist[ed]) and then not delivering? They obviously don't trust the american public (and by that, I mean the amazing straight women and horny gay men. Who else matters?) or the sex appeal of their actors.

I will second(/third/++) that you should take over writing Prison Break. After all, you're not a member of the Screen Writers Guild of America, so you can finish season 3 off! And maybe Michael and Lincoln in the process. A few times, if you're tricky. =)

~EF
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on January 30th, 2008 08:56 pm (UTC)
Re: I'm on the floor. Laughing.
Is it just me, or does this show keep setting up slash pairings (or hinting that they exist[ed]) and then not delivering?
I think the Michael/Lincoln pairing was unintentional, but given Michael's behavior and the fact that there really wasn't a clear-cut motivation for the willingness to risk himself so seriously... a person's mind wanders to other possibilities. And the whole T-Bag/Abruzzi, Mahone/Michael, Whistler/Michael vibes have this reluctant attraction vibe going all the time.

After all, you're not a member of the Screen Writers Guild of America, so you can finish season 3 off!
That's the part that starts to seem most tempting of all! Not to mention finding better ways to deal with things like killing a character offscreen. And gaping plotholes and motivations. ;)

Glad you liked this one, and it's been wonderful having your comments pop up on the older stories. I hope to get to answering them soon! :)
(Deleted comment)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB Final Hughalfshellvenus on January 31st, 2008 06:24 pm (UTC)
Haha! I hope this helped lift your spirits, not to mention giving that feeling of vindication about the larger plotting issues with the show in general. ;)
wrldpossibility: As if!wrldpossibility on February 6th, 2008 09:07 pm (UTC)
"It's not as if it's my idea. I can't even get a backstory!"

HAA!

Thanks for pointing this out. It's great! Whistler is such a damn waste on the show...he could have been so interesting!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: DominicSexyhalfshellvenus on February 6th, 2008 09:53 pm (UTC)
HAA!

I thought this would sound... familiar to you. It's most of your gripes about the S3 characterization, all in a cracktastic little nutshell. ;)

Whistler is such a damn waste on the show...he could have been so interesting!
Oh, I agree. More than a source of slashy tension for Michael, and more than a taller and slightly better-looking version of Harvey Keitel in general. ;)
Rosie: Linc Voguerosie_spleen on February 7th, 2008 01:39 am (UTC)
Hi Karen.

I totally missed this during the last few friends page visits, and i vaguely remember that email. Im sorry i didnt read it sooner, because it is a blast.

LOL

The entire MacGuffin interchange is very funny. The implied jealousy, the little jibes about Michael - love it. So very in character, yet amazingly funny. I dont know how you get the right balance, but you have done it so wonderfully well here.

Whatever that look is all about, it sets Lincoln off. All right, that's it, he thinks. Kindred spirits or not, I've had it—I'll definitely be banging your girlfriend!

And this *above* just brightened my day.

Thanks for this special birthday fic. Probably because it is so beautifully unexpected, I missed it initially. Thanks a lot for the heads up, and the lovely, heart-felt words and cyber gift you sent recently. Its been the worst of times - but in the words of classics - it has also been the 'best' of times in a very different, quite reflective and personal growing sense.

Hope you and your family are well.

Rosie x



Edited at 2008-02-07 01:40 am (UTC)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB Final Hughalfshellvenus on February 7th, 2008 04:51 am (UTC)
The implied jealousy, the little jibes about Michael - love it.
:D Just because they have something in common doesn't mean Lincoln and Whistler have to like each other. In fact, they've got certain areas of rivalry working against them. :)

And this *above* just brightened my day.
*glee* It even works with canon, which makes it doubly evil, I think.

Thanks for this special birthday fic. Probably because it is so beautifully unexpected, I missed it initially.
I don't think anyone expected you to take much notice of what was going on in the world outside yours just then, but we all wanted to make sure that you felt special should you happen to venture out. It can't be enough to make up for what you've gone through, but I hope it does help a little.

Its been the worst of times - but in the words of classics - it has also been the 'best' of times in a very different, quite reflective and personal growing sense.
You've had a lot of people thinking about you aside from your family, and wishing we could make any part of it better. I hope just knowing that sustains you even the slightest bit.

And somehow gives you a feeling of being special, despite a very difficult birthday this year. Because you ARE special, and we know you'll taunt us with it later. :)



Edited at 2008-02-07 04:51 am (UTC)