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11 January 2006 @ 11:18 pm
Supernatural100 "Rituals" Challenge: Secrets  
Title: Secrets
Author: HalfshellVenus
Category: Sam/Dean (Slash, drabble)
Rating: PG
For the supernatural100 drabble challenge on “Rituals.”

x-x-x-x-x

Dean has secrets Sam will never know, and formulas he practices to keep them.

When he’s aching inside and just missing Sam, he asks the motel clerk for a queen or a double. He tells Sam it’s all they had left.

He’ll stay on his half to start with, hoping to wake later and hold Sam close. He pretends that just happens when he’s asleep.

He collects expressions to quiet his face when he’s feeling too much. Boredom. Annoyance. Sarcasm. He does them in succession, a sequence of magic, and this hides the biggest secret of all:

Sam owns him.


-------- fin --------


 
 
 
Jain: tonguejain on January 12th, 2006 09:20 am (UTC)
Wow. I'm not much for drabbles usually, but this is amazing. I especially love the idea of Dean emoting as a mask for what he's really feeling; that's perfectly in character and just heartbreaking.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 12th, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you! This show is what got me into drabbles (whipper and witchofthedogs among others do an amazing job with them). Previously, I thought they were just too damn short-- no exceptions.

I especially love the idea of Dean emoting as a mask for what he's really feeling;

I thought I'd stretch into that concept a little bit, since I liked the idea. Sam distances in an obvious way. Dean does also, but I think he does it more than Sam realizes now (with Dean as an adult) because he's learned to do it indirectly.
jellicle on January 12th, 2006 01:53 pm (UTC)
All I can say is wow.

and this hides the biggest secret of all:

Sam owns him.

Perfect.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 12th, 2006 05:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

Poor Dean. So lonely inside, and trying so hard to always seem self-sufficient. But it comes at a cost.
B: red floor  (made by carmendove)sdl_uncommon on January 12th, 2006 05:59 pm (UTC)
Very nice. I'm not a big drabble fan, but this is a very good one.

He collects expressions to quiet his face when he’s feeling too much. Boredom. Annoyance. Sarcasm. He does them in succession, a sequence of magic, and this hides the biggest secret of all:

Sam owns him.


That was just perfect. I love it.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 12th, 2006 06:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!

And this was written before I had a chance to watch "Scarecrow," which just hurt me.
(no subject) - sdl_uncommon on January 12th, 2006 06:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Are we back to hos over bros?lissa_bear on January 12th, 2006 06:07 pm (UTC)
I love all of your little drabbles. I don't understand how you manage to capture the essence of the characters in so few words. You are a master at that!

Do you mind if I friend you?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 12th, 2006 06:33 pm (UTC)
I love all of your little drabbles.

Thank you! I don't know why I can't resist that supernatural100 weekly challenge, but it's working me good.

I bow to greater masters in this area. You should see what those authors (upthread) can do with 100-word drabbles. It's incredible.

Do you mind if I friend you?

Not at all! I'd been thinking about adding you myself, so I'll do that too :-)
aspensnowaspensnow on January 12th, 2006 09:54 pm (UTC)
I just loved this short little piece. I love all the ache and longing that was packed into the lines and that seems to hover between them.

He collects expressions to quiet his face when he’s feeling too much. Boredom. Annoyance. Sarcasm. He does them in succession, a sequence of magic, and this hides the biggest secret of all:

Sam owns him.


That was just....guh...I have no words for that. I love the idea that Dean has to actively search for something else to mask what he is really feeling, what he really wants.

I think, reading the pieces you've written about these brothers before, that you have great insight into their thoughts and a fantastic handle on their voices.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 12th, 2006 11:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you, aspensnow! I didn't know you were a Supernatural fan. I think the audience of mutual fans for this and PB is really growing-- built in angsty brother relationship dynamic. Who could say no? Plus, the prettiness.

That was just....guh...I have no words for that. I love the idea that Dean has to actively search for something else to mask what he is really feeling, what he really wants.

I'm glad that didn't seem too farfetched. I really think there is so much going on underneath what Dean shows. Particularly his fear of being hurt, and how much experience he's had with that already.

I think, reading the pieces you've written about these brothers before, that you have great insight into their thoughts and a fantastic handle on their voices.

I didn't know you'd read any of my other SN pieces. That's nice to hear! I find these two, and their thoughts/voices, particulary accessible. Other than Lincoln and (!)T-Bag, for some reason, they are the easiest for me to get inside of. As opposed to Abruzzi, who still eludes me :-(
(no subject) - aspensnow on January 13th, 2006 01:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 13th, 2006 01:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on January 12th, 2006 11:08 pm (UTC)
Very lovely. Short and always effective. And so very Dean.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 12th, 2006 11:30 pm (UTC)
Thank you. These all have to be short, because of the 100-word limit, and it's a challenge for me, I admit it.

And to think I wrote this before "Scarecrow", which was full of putting the hurt on Dean.

He has so much feeling. And he works so hard to hide it.

(You're never going to make it to my longer SN fics if I don't stop with the drabbles, I just know it :-P)
Me: Hero Tomslash_solace on January 13th, 2006 12:00 am (UTC)
The very last 3 words just gave me chills. Very short but very sweet.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 13th, 2006 12:03 am (UTC)
Poor Dean. At least his secret is safe with us.

The shortness is because of the 100-word limit, which can be hard to work with! But I enjoy a challenge.

This probably wasn't what the supernatural100 moderator was expecting for the "Rituals" challenge, but still-- gotta go where the story takes you. :-)
tyrical: SPN_Cappa8_D_against a walltyrical on January 13th, 2006 03:38 am (UTC)
Sam owns him.

This is one of the truest lines in this fandom.

How do you do that?

You know that thing that you do where you pack a K.O in one little itty bitty drabble.

The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 13th, 2006 06:42 am (UTC)
This is one of the truest lines in this fandom.

It really is just that simple, isn't it?

How do you do that? You know that thing that you do where you pack a K.O in one little itty bitty drabble.

It's hard. Usually I write what I intend to say, check how long it is, and either have to expand or whittle. I got luckier with this one (I, erm, wrote it in the car on the way to a haircut). When I got down all of the major lines I wanted, including that last one, I was at around 103 words. So after that, there's the polishing and refining. Some of my earlier drabbles ("Time" and "Shadows", for instance) reflect where, let's say, this does not work out so well. Those drabbles turned on me :-(

This icon above is beautiful, BTW. Slightly younger Jensen? But he looks pensive and slightly sad-- very fitting for this piece.
(no subject) - tyrical on January 15th, 2006 05:49 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 15th, 2006 05:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tyrical on January 15th, 2006 06:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Nevnevcolleil on January 13th, 2006 05:27 am (UTC)
Wow. Well done.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 13th, 2006 06:36 am (UTC)
Thank you!

And BTW, yet another nice icon. Still love this one I'm using here, and I saw someone else (strangecreature, I think) uses it too!
this was no chicken. this was evil manifest.: wincest for teh win! *THUMBS UP*darkeyedwolf on January 14th, 2006 12:01 am (UTC)
When he’s aching inside and just missing Sam, he asks the motel clerk for a queen or a double. He tells Sam it’s all they had left.

Oh, man. My heartstrings, they tug. ♥ ♥ ♥
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 14th, 2006 12:09 am (UTC)
Oh, man. My heartstrings, they tug.

*Comfort hug for both you and Dean*

Dean has more restraint than Sam will ever know.
mooyoomooyoo on January 14th, 2006 01:58 am (UTC)
Oh loved this. Perfect, just how I see Dean, especially He collects expressions to quiet his face when he’s feeling too much. Boredom. Annoyance. Sarcasm. Covering up hurt and pain and loneliness with annoyance and sarcasm and such, and creating situations to bring them closer becuase he can't say out loud that he's missing Sam.

I'm officialy in love with this show. Off to read more of yours and find some more angsty Dean stuff...
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on January 14th, 2006 02:47 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! I'm surprised actually at how much such a short piece is resonating with so many readers. I guess we all understand and feel Dean's pain. Now, if only Sam did. :-(

and creating situations to bring them closer becuase he can't say out loud that he's missing Sam.

The heartbreak of Sam leaving him, for so many years... and not being able to trust whether he's really back and for how long.... you can see why Dean can't say anything out loud. He's already been hurt so badly-- how could he rush back in and make himself vulnerable all over again.'

I'm officialy in love with this show. Off to read more of yours and find some more angsty Dean stuff...

*Cheers* We have another convert! Now if we could only draw some of the SN fans over to PrisonBreak (I know lissa_bear and a few others are trying with their friends).

Hope you enjoy the other fics, and as always I look forward to your comments :-D
(no subject) - mooyoo on January 14th, 2006 06:56 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 14th, 2006 07:00 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mooyoo on January 14th, 2006 07:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 14th, 2006 07:45 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mooyoo on January 14th, 2006 09:47 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on January 14th, 2006 05:58 pm (UTC) (Expand)
alazysod on February 3rd, 2006 07:36 pm (UTC)
Lovely. It's so full of ache and longing…Sam owns him. What a great last line. You're wonderful at drabbles.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on February 3rd, 2006 07:41 pm (UTC)
God, that House icon is killing me.

What a great last line. You're wonderful at drabbles.

Thank you! I didn't used to see the appeal, but then I got hooked on the supernatural100 challenges, and I can't resist them.

I only write them for SN, although I write some short PB pieces. But I need more words for PB, clearly.
(no subject) - alazysod on February 3rd, 2006 07:45 pm (UTC) (Expand)
la_folle_allure on February 6th, 2006 03:50 pm (UTC)
No!!! Dean totally ownz (with a Z) Sammy! But the image of Needy!Dean is so hot I shall forgive you *winks winks*
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on February 6th, 2006 04:37 pm (UTC)
But the image of Needy!Dean is so hot I shall forgive you *winks winks*

Thank you! This may be an area where we'll have to agree to disagree. I think the love is strong for both of them, but that Dean loves & needs Sam more than the reverse.

Check out those two Genfics, "Lost" and "Letting Go." (they're in that mammoth post of "What I Wrote in January"). You'll get both sides of things there. :-D
(no subject) - la_folle_allure on February 6th, 2006 05:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
D: sam and dean; minequincykat on February 12th, 2006 04:44 am (UTC)
Sam owns him.

Omigod, that is so true. So effing true.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean slash: icon by Nevcolleilhalfshellvenus on February 12th, 2006 06:16 am (UTC)
Omigod, that is so true. So effing true.
And so very, very sad. Any real happiness he's had in the last many years rests with one person, and that person clearly was able to do fine without him. *Sigh*