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14 November 2007 @ 08:10 am
Prison Break Gen Fiction: Facing The Truth  
Title: Facing The Truth
Author: HalfshellVenus
Character: Lincoln (Gen, Angst)
Rating: PG
Summary: When Lincoln looks back on what he's done, all his failures confront him.
Author's Notes: Set after 3x07, "Vamanos," this was the "drabble" entry for the pbficsurvivor three-part challenge #8. Also for my prisonbreak100 claim of the Gen pairing of Lincoln and Michael, this is # 47, "Crime."

x-x-x-x-x

Life is all a matter of facing up to who you are, not the person you wanted to be—could be—but the one defined by your deeds and flaws.

Lincoln looks back on what he's done, and the worst confronts him: repeat offender, absent father, a worthless excuse of a man other people died for without even choosing.

Michael never should have tried to save him. Lincoln can't repair the loss of Veronica, Lisa, the prison guard, their father, and so many people whose names and faces he doesn't even know.

Sara's face haunts him constantly—if only he hadn't botched that rescue mission. He's tried to remember how she looked before, her gentle sorrow as she held his hand at Fox River. But instead, all he sees is how she looked inside that box, no longer Sara.

All because of him.

His memories of LJ's features have been erased by the look of terror LJ wore outside that van, terror to match his voice on the phone and Lincoln's own panic at almost losing him twice in one day. God—it still isn't over yet.

And when Lincoln looks in the mirror, only a liar is there to answer him—the one who played his own brother for the sake of his son, who may have destroyed both Michael and the plan in a single instant once Michael knew.

The man in that mirror is the sum of Lincoln's endless failures.

Today, he added "killer" to that list.


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tyricaltyrical on November 16th, 2007 02:03 am (UTC)
Oh the angsty goodness!

I know he added killer to the list but is it because he failed? The last time he killed someone that person was actively trying to kill him in S1.

I know he feels guilty but then he wouldn't be Lincoln if he didn't feel guilty.

Linc may have lead a pathetic life but to drown one's self in the belief of it is worse than actually living a pathetic life.

I feel so much for Lincoln. Dealing with my own stuff has made be a bit more sensitive about this and it also makes me a bit more willing to work harder on my own shit. I know a little bit about wading and wallowing in 'it'.

Lovely work as always.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln (pensive)halfshellvenus on November 16th, 2007 05:14 am (UTC)
The last time he killed someone that person was actively trying to kill him in S1.
I'd forgotten that one, because it was an accident, really.

This time, in S3, he shot the person directly-- no way to pretend otherwise. He was protecting LJ at the time, but he didn't succeed in rescuing LJ, so killing the man didn't change anything. Plenty of room there to cause self-doubt. :(

I know a little bit about wading and wallowing in 'it'.
Sometimes it's hard to let go-- especially if, like Lincoln, you feel that you really don't deserve to be free of that guilt.

Glad you liked it, since I haven't done an angsty Lincoln story for a bit. :)
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on November 16th, 2007 07:40 am (UTC)
I don't get it. I'm supposed to get updates whenever you update. But I believe this is the second or third time I see you posted something and I KNOW I didn't get an update.

Did you backdate it or something? Because I know it didn't show up on my flist either.

Other than that, thanks, lovely. I feel so torn about Lincoln shooting that guy. Personally, I really hate it when my heroes are capable of killing people. I mean, I can usually deal with it when it's been established from the start (like Jack Bauer or Mick the neck snapper from Moonlight) and I also can see how people get annoyed at characters who act very moralistic about killing even though people are getting killed left and right around them, but it still bugs me.

I guess I'm moderately happy (well considering the circumstances) that the show at least actively went and portrayed it as a process/actively made it part of the story that this is a change for Lincoln, a change from before. Plus Lincoln/Dom was good in those scenes. And they, whoa were even something resembling real characterization for Lincoln.

(random: part of me was really happy that Michael wanted to call Lincoln before Lincoln called Michael; even if it was probably just to establish the Michael/Lechero phone situation)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Lincoln (pensive)halfshellvenus on November 16th, 2007 05:44 pm (UTC)
Did you backdate it or something? Because I know it didn't show up on my flist either.
! Maybe there are side-effects of what I'm doing that I hadn't considered.

I posted up "private" versions of several entries when I first posted them to pbficsurvivor. Then I go back later and make them non-private and edit the date to a "now." But that seems to bypass your email triggers (! didn't know that), and I thought these would show up in your f-list for the new date, but maybe not.

Personally, I'm getting a lot of latent and out-of-order comments from LJ these last couple of days. The "eating comments" thing just seems to come and go constantly!

Personally, I really hate it when my heroes are capable of killing people.
Me too. I think killing someone should be an immensely soul-destroying experience, even if it's in self-defense. That's part of the inhibitor that keeps us from randomly doing it everytime someone hacks us off. And the exact thing sociopaths lack.

that this is a change for Lincoln, a change from before.
I think I'm emphasizing that more than the show is. I think it would bother him, all innate aspects aside, given that it's the one thing he was accused of and knew he had never done-- was not the kind of man to do. He's thought all these years that he was fairly worthless, but at least he'd never gone that far into being a despicable human being. Now he has to reevaluate that issue. :(

(random: part of me was really happy that Michael wanted to call Lincoln before Lincoln called Michael; even if it was probably just to establish the Michael/Lechero phone situation)
Oh, me too-- because their last encounter was on that angry note of Lincoln having lied to Michael and Michael not forgiving him for it-- resenting that Lincoln thought he wouldn't fight to save LJ once he knew Sara was gone. The phone call says that even though Michael's still mad (deservedly so), his love for Lincoln outweighs his need to hold a grudge. And that, of course, makes me feel better about Michael and about the brothers' relationship.
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on November 16th, 2007 06:00 pm (UTC)
Personally, I'm getting a lot of latent and out-of-order comments from LJ these last couple of days. The "eating comments" thing just seems to come and go constantly!

Yeah, super annoying!

I guess this whole not seeing things (whatever the cause) is worse for me because I don't really subscribe to any prison break communities at the moment (if I did I would get the notifications you post there, but instead I only subscribe to you directly; so it's probably a rare case).

Me too. I think killing someone should be an immensely soul-destroying experience, even if it's in self-defense.

Heh, I think right after I read your slashy piece I just rewrote the whole situation in my mind that Lincoln was only able to kill after Michael was so disappointed in him for "betraying the trust" and his whole world got a lot colder or something. Ergh, it makes sense in my brain somewhere.

I think the whole thing about making them able to kill (I fear they might do the same thing to Michael eventually, just from various comments by the writers about how Sara's death was necessary to do), it would make a lot more sense if they could look forward to like 5 seasons of them all being all Jack Bauer like. But if this might be the last season or even the last half season with the writers strike, what's the point of making them capable of killing, like 5 minutes before the show is over?

I think I'm emphasizing that more than the show is.

I dunno. It felt fairly pronounced to me, making the whole "learned his lesson/was goaded into it" pretty much explicit. And DP did his part in making it feel meaningful. At least it felt a lot more like intentional Lincoln characterization to me. Because usually on the show 90% of the time Lincoln does anything interesting I wonder if this is really planned and wanted by the writers or purely incidental to whatever else they want to express.

BTW, in TWOP somebody claimed that aside from the riots guy Lincoln also potentially killed a company guy in the season 2 episode "Sona". Can you verify that?

his love for Lincoln outweighs his need to hold a grudge. And that, of course, makes me feel better about Michael and about the brothers' relationship.

Yeah, it made me feel roughly a ton better. Plus, whether intentional or not, they also drew the connection to back to their childhood with the whole "code" thing that they would use to protect each other back then.

It's almost sad. They can say and do stuff to hurt each other, but they'll fall back almost immediately into their old patterns. Awww, dysfunctional love.

Michael not forgiving him for it-- resenting that Lincoln thought he wouldn't fight to save LJ once he knew Sara was gone.

It was a rather odd confrontation. It almost came across like Michael's main source of upsetness was "I thought you trusted me more/I thought you knew me better" more than anything else. Which seems like a rather odd thing to focus on in a situation like this.