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23 May 2007 @ 10:53 am
Feeling a little drained..  
We're a week away from the end of May, and I'm madly doing Sweet Charity beta work on a J-squared BigBang story and have not yet started my Hell Quarterly fic-- both due end-of-month.

I'm enjoying the BigBang story a lot-- the beta work is just slow and takes a lot out of me-- and I do have an outline for the Hell Quarterly work. It's more the struggle to finish things that's driving me nuts.

Case in point: I'm several pages into two separate ideas for the Wincest Sweet Charity story that I owe to the lovely monotonygirl. It's getting one to take off that's more the problem-- probably because this needs to be a longer story, and those kill me. They're very daunting, especially when I know that's the goal.

My porn is struggling mightily. Other than a drabble set for girlmostlikely, my last porn was in April (another birthday fic), and getting the porn right now feels almost impossible. It's the plotty ones that are always harder, which is why there's been a lot of PWP SPN Slash lately. :(

Meanwhile, my Supernatural "Gen" muse has been going gangbusters, and I've written a lot of really good, angsty Gen lately... which not that many people are reading. *sigh*

I have 2 WIP SPN stories from 60_minute_fics, one of them Crackish, but they're a lower priority to finish due to those other deadlines.

And in the Prison Break world, very little is happening, and when it does... almost no-one is reading it. The Gen audience has shrunk so much that it's as if the fandom went all Michael/Sara since canon finally tilted that way. Now almost nobody wants to read anything but that. And the Michael and Lincoln muses have been very quiet (individually AND together) thanks to the evils of Season 2.

In Real Life, I want this wind storm to die down so I can bicycle outside again. Sacramento's springs, as I've said, are Wet or Windy or Scorch. :( I biked inside on Monday and watched more Season 4 Oz. Holy Luke Perry! What are you doing in Emerald City? And looking kind of hot with your long hair (I hate myself for even thinking that). The guest-stars are a never-ending surprise on this show. Randomly, Officer Claire Howell and her Borderline Personality Disorder give me stress.

Parents: Got a phone call last night. Seems my parents are bored at their medical conference, and are leaving early. So rather than visiting us Saturday, they're coming Thursday night at dinnertime, and my Dad says, "Just make sure you have something low-fat and low-sodium for me for dinner." After the weekly grocery-shopping has already been done. This is so typical... *sigh* It's better than the phone call some 15 years ago, which was "We're at the Donner Summit and we'll be at your place in two hours" left on the answering machine while we were in the shower. Because there's nothing like actually letting other people know your plans ahead of time, is there? I love my Dad, but his Narcicism makes me tired. Here's a conversation I had with my mom a few years back:

Mom: Your Dad's not so much self-centered as... self-focused.
Me: How is that actually different from self-centered, except that you like the sound of it better?

This gets even more ironic when you remember that my parents are both psychiatrists.

*

Another 24 ends, with explosions in the dark. \o/ The drama scenes at the end went surprisingly well for me. Now, who wonders if Chloe is pregnant? Or fated for major hospital time for a brain tumor or somesuch, in which case who will be Jack's mole? Because without Chloe, Jack couldn't break half the rules he does... ;

And on Lost tonight, I'd better be hearing good news about John Locke...



 
 
 
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on May 23rd, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
Awww, I hate to see you drained. *tries to send you the magical motivation fairy*

24, I haven't seen the last 4 or so episodes, but I have read some of the spoilers and damn, just damn. Then again, the whole season made you doubt where Jack would be going from now on with so much stuff being thrown at him. How much can one person take?
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on May 23rd, 2007 07:03 pm (UTC)
Awww, I hate to see you drained. *tries to send you the magical motivation fairy*
Some of it, honestly, is the "wanting to please too many people" problem. I.e., so much of the last two months have been either writing birthday fics for people or angsting because I wasn't able to. I feel like I'm letting people down. And meanwhile, I have deadlines for other stories that are struggling...

Then again, the whole season made you doubt where Jack would be going from now on with so much stuff being thrown at him. How much can one person take?
Exactly-- if you consider where this season started (Chinese prison), this makes for a very long day. Of course, we've previously had "family-kidnapped-and-wife-killed" day, "averting-nuclear-disaster-with-intermittant-torture-and-heart-attacks" day, "undercover-drug-whatever-whatever" day and... actually, they're pretty much all like this. Why hasn't Jack offed himself already? :0
The Good, The Bad and The Lanathelana on May 23rd, 2007 07:13 pm (UTC)
Yeah, even somebody as tough as Jack, it's really starting to get too much. I keep thinking that Jack is old when he isn't or rather that he feels old because he has been through enough drama to last 10 lifetimes.

Some of it, honestly, is the "wanting to please too many people" problem. I.e., so much of the last two months have been either writing birthday fics for people or angsting because I wasn't able to. I feel like I'm letting people down. And meanwhile, I have deadlines for other stories that are struggling...

*shrug* You shouldn't ask me. I'm always rooting for people to write these long ambitious conceptual fics that nobody will care about :( But you know me, I'm not really a creative person, so my idea of the creation process is probably all skewed. Like I still imagine this big earth shattinger *idea* behind every story when writing for actual writers is (I'm told) more like a craft that is exercised regularly. Or more like small dialogs with the characters in your head, sometimes possibly over rather mundane things.

I find it beyond awesome and sweet that you write so many birthday fics. Especially with an flist this huge it just feels insane :D

Let me still insert my standard "Let it be about the art first and only then about the fandom/don't work yourself to the bone for fandom and instead reach for inspiration and please in inner self" call to arms. You know. Just pro forma :D
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on May 24th, 2007 12:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on May 23rd, 2007 07:19 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on May 24th, 2007 01:05 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - thelana on May 24th, 2007 04:57 am (UTC) (Expand)
mercurybard on May 23rd, 2007 07:48 pm (UTC)
Too much on your plate!

Gah!

No wonder you're feeling a little drained. But then again, I think the whole SPN Big Bang thing is more than a little crazy.

*yawns*

That wasn't directed at you...I'm just utterly exhausted right now, and obviously sleeping for 17 hours straight wasn't enough.

Either that, or I should really, really take my meds.

*scrounges around in her backpack and pulls out her muse. Gives muse a good shake. Muse eeps and sheds something that might just be pixie dust*

Here, take this, and shake it until the porn falls out. I know there's some still in there somewhere, and I'm not going to be using it any time soon.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on May 26th, 2007 10:18 pm (UTC)
Too much is right! Too many colliding deadlines, for one thing. And birthdays. *sigh*

The Big-Bang thing I deliberately avoided, because as a microwriter I can't fathom writing something that size. I think it would kill me. But I didn't expect to get snagged into it anyway via Betaing one of them! On the other hand, I auctioned off my Beta services, and it makes absolute sense to me that the winner would want to apply them to the biggest thing possible. On the plus side, the overall level of writing is already high, so I'm not doing round after round of email battle over basics like tenses and so forth.

Either that, or I should really, really take my meds.
Always take the meds! And that trip sounded insane. But... being able to live a little-- to pick up and go like that-- is a really good thing in my book. I don't do enough of it, myself.

Here, take this, and shake it until the porn falls out. I know there's some still in there somewhere, and I'm not going to be using it any time soon.
Whee! Thank you-- I hope she'll behave for me, and kick my brain a little when it's not delivering on the goods. :D
mercurybard on May 27th, 2007 04:49 am (UTC)
But... being able to live a little-- to pick up and go like that-- is a really good thing in my book. I don't do enough of it, myself
It is insane, and it's how I lived for 2-3 years. Having settled like I am now...it feels very constraining. I needed that trip bad.

And yeah for beta-ing a person with talent.

P.S. The muse is male, though you can continue referring to him as a female if you want. (I try to aggrevate him at least as much as he aggrevates me.)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on May 27th, 2007 08:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
bluesister on May 23rd, 2007 07:52 pm (UTC)
Hey, our fathers should get together and think about themselves! I tell myself it's a generational thing and they've been shielded from gritty realities like grocery budgets but...grow up!
Gah.

I stopped watching PB, not far into season 2. I only cared about half the characters so it was tiring to wait through segments on others. And C-Note ditching his wife. And the conspiracy. It got to be like work.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Venushalfshellvenus on May 26th, 2007 10:24 pm (UTC)
Hey, our fathers should get together and think about themselves! I tell myself it's a generational thing and they've been shielded from gritty realities like grocery budgets but...grow up!
Gah.

Ah, I see you're familiar with this phenomenon too.

Half the problem is my mother, who is a big co-dependent enabler. She used to stick up for herself more, which tamped down that self-centered and controlling behavior a little. Her last stroke of genius on that was some twenty year ago, when my Dad had been bitching about how she bought the wrong things at the grocery storec and spent too much an blah-blah-blah. She told him that grocery-shopping was then his chore, which I think is the perfect response to a micro-controlling personality. They want to control everything? Fine-- given them the ultimate control, and all of the responsibility too. Sadly, she's totally forgotten why that was good, and now she caves on everything. The unreasonableness, in the meantime, grows. It's cheerful, but it's still self-centered. :(

Personally, I find myself starting to apply parenting techniques to my Dad. Limited choices, sticking to the topic, etc. I can't decide whether that's pathetic or inevitable.

I stopped watching PB, not far into season 2. I only cared about half the characters so it was tiring to wait through segments on others. And C-Note ditching his wife. And the conspiracy. It got to be like work.
*sigh* I hear you. If that hadn't been my first fandom-- and one where I was really well-known as a writer-- I'd have bailed out before the long hiatus. I totally understand why so many of my f-list people did. :(
(no subject) - bluesister on May 27th, 2007 02:01 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on May 27th, 2007 08:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - bluesister on May 28th, 2007 12:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
Deadbeat Nymph: brothers kissdeadbeat_nymph on May 23rd, 2007 08:25 pm (UTC)
I'm sad to hear that you're feeling drained, although it's not a huge surprise considering all that you do. Maybe you need a real vacation - vacations with kids are just another form of work. ;)

I know about PB, I know. :( Stupid MiSa, fucking up my fandom... *grumbles*

It saddens me because I'm still in love, despite the atrocities of S2. And there is an audience, although it might be small. I think there are a lot of new people about, but they're like I was at this time last year - just discovering the fandom, not commenting much, and only seeing fics posted to certain comms. But I have been seeing a lot of new names here and there.

The fandom does continue, though. MiMa is doing well enough - there's a lot of love for it, and even I've been convinced completely, which I thought was impossible.

I wanted to comment on the Nika fic you wrote - it was very interesting. I was particularly impressed by how you used her as a filter to express things about the brothers. I liked that a lot. I don't know why I didn't comment - I think I just got distracted. I get distracted very easily. :P

I'm still planning on writing that M/K (the one for Miss Mandy) just because I'd planned it out so thoroughly. I realy got into it by the end, too. I also have some M/L ones that I'm aiming to write.

Callmetofu's got a few M/L fics to post still, but she hasn't been around lately so I don't know when that will happen exactly.

Do you still read any PB fic?

I wish I could get into Supernatural. So many great people have moved to the fandom and I'd love to participate. :(
miss_mandy on May 23rd, 2007 10:56 pm (UTC)
I'm still planning on writing that M/K (the one for Miss Mandy)

:D

(no subject) - deadbeat_nymph on May 23rd, 2007 11:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - miss_mandy on May 24th, 2007 12:53 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on May 24th, 2007 12:50 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - miss_mandy on May 24th, 2007 12:52 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on May 26th, 2007 10:33 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - miss_mandy on May 26th, 2007 10:38 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - halfshellvenus on May 26th, 2007 10:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: PB slashhalfshellvenus on May 26th, 2007 10:32 pm (UTC)
Maybe you need a real vacation - vacations with kids are just another form of work. ;)
You're not kidding. My husband has owed me a vacation with just the two of us for ages-- which for us would be taking day trips when the kids are at school/daycare. We can't manage overnight stuff, mainly because 1)the kids fight, and 2)Christopher wears people out. He wears me out.

I got a comp-time vacation of 2 weeks about 5 years ago from the office, and it was great. I spent most of it gardening and painting like mad indoors and out, but it was still alone-time, and I felt like I'd accomplished a lot. It's hard to paint in little chunks of time-- just getting the equipment out and setup is a major pain.

The fandom does continue, though. MiMa is doing well enough - there's a lot of love for it, and even I've been convinced completely, which I thought was impossible.
*Sigh* Wish I could get into that pairing, but I just can't. Too much baggage in the way-- and I say that with a straight face, being a firm Michael/Lincoln 'shipper.

I wanted to comment on the Nika fic you wrote - it was very interesting. I was particularly impressed by how you used her as a filter to express things about the brothers. I liked that a lot. I don't know why I didn't comment - I think I just got distracted. I get distracted very easily. :P
I was really pleased with how that one turned out (started ages ago, and then stalling out after 5-6 paragraphs). Both for her character, and also because you see Lincoln and Michael very clearly through her eyes, even though Michael isn't there. I wound up using it for my Gen Lincoln & Michael challenge, simply because it is also about both of them. Wish you'd commented! It's nice to hear different viewpoints on stories like that, especially the kind I virtually never write (like Het, for instance).

Do you still read any PB fic?
Very little. :( So much of it is Michael/Sara, even as a background element, or Lincoln/Jane, and I don't really care for the couple stuff unless it's Michael/Lincoln. Some of the very new writers pain me with the grammar/spelling stuff, which always drives me crazy.

I really should read more of it, but it's more like a chore-- and I'm always behind on the Supernatural reading. I can't even keep up with my f-list's stories, let alone all the incredible things that are recc'd. Darn that Sentinal blackhole last weekend. I should have been reading the SPN stuff on my list. ;)
Princess Robot Bubblegum!astrothsknot on May 23rd, 2007 11:24 pm (UTC)
Hee to the parents.

And I read your gen! I comment!!
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Sam & Dean Genhalfshellvenus on May 26th, 2007 10:34 pm (UTC)
Ha! Yes, given your recent posts, I know that you're familiar with the frustrations of parents. :0

I love that you read and comment! Especially because so few people seem to read the Gen-- even those on my f-list read more of the Wincest. I love them both, obviously. :)
happy is as happy does: brotherly love - ?happywriter06 on May 24th, 2007 01:35 am (UTC)
And in the Prison Break world, very little is happening, and when it does... almost no-one is reading it. The Gen audience has shrunk so much that it's as if the fandom went all Michael/Sara since canon finally tilted that way. Now almost nobody wants to read anything but that. And the Michael and Lincoln muses have been very quiet (individually AND together) thanks to the evils of Season 2.
Well, they're missing out if they don't read Gen stuff. I love it all. As much as I do love M/S, I'm so glad when I see new fics dealing with other characters. I hope your Michael and Lincoln muses come back. And soon. Season 2 was...just...yeah. I still love the show and I thought S2 had a lot of good points yet it could have been so much better.
The Coalition For Disturbing Metaphors: Gen PB brothershalfshellvenus on May 26th, 2007 10:39 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad when I see new fics dealing with other characters. I hope your Michael and Lincoln muses come back.
Hee-- you're flashing the icon at me that I use for my Lincoln and Michael Gen stuff. :D

Season 2 was so frustrating for me. I feel as if I totally lost Lincoln and Michael there (Michael especially-- I don't really recognize the incredibly Sara-focused fuckup he's become). We gained Mahone and Kellerman in this season-- lots of depth on them-- and there was more Sara depth. I really like Sara individually, I just hate Michael/Sara together.

But on the other hand, we lost characters like Pope and Westmoreland, the whole in-prison setting, the drama of why Michael did what he did, and most of the emotional closeness between the brothers. What we got instead was Conspiracy! and peskyDisinterestedFather subplot (I hate that they did that), and boatloads of Michael/Sara. Plus a questionable character detour for T-Bag, although he eventually came around.

Grrrrr. More character-depth and less conspiracy/chase stuff is what I really need. All the things I loved about Season 1 and attracted me to the show were pretty much abandoned entirely in Season 2. Bleh.
(no subject) - happywriter06 on May 29th, 2007 01:54 pm (UTC) (Expand)